Unfavoured

QUE SERA SERA

Sylva woke from a restless sleep, curled up close to his sleeping lover. Sumar's words had plagued him all night. He knew his council to be wise, it was just Sylva's stubbornness that warred against it. He slipped out from under the covers of their large luxurious bed stretching out stiff muscles for a moment before reaching for his dark satin robe. Throwing it over to cover his nakedness body from the early morning chill, and went into the secret room to be alone with his thoughts.

Casually he flicked through various journals, and records, meticulously kept on everything from clan business to his own enterprises. He pondered the choices before him, rolling them over and over in his mind, weighing up the pro's and cons of each. Lastly, he reached down into the lowest drawer opening a secret compartment and pulled from it a parchment. He studied it for an extreme length of time, it had taken so much for him to get that piece of paper and he found he hard to fathom that he was even contemplating what he was.

An hour or so passed before Sylvaswift arrived at his decision. He would do it, and do it with a loud bang. First he needed to call a meeting with the others and tell them of his decision, they needed to know and perhaps put forward their own council if they wished, although Sylvaswift's mind was made up, and once it was so there was little that could sway it. With a deep breath he stepped out of the secret room and into the large upper room, he looked for a moment at his sleeping lover, smiled briefly and walked over and onto the balcony and signaled to Khai.

Several moments later Sylvaswift met with his associates downstairs, he explained to them in detail what he was going to do and why and told them he understood if they no longer wished to be a part of his organisation, he would not hold it against them. However, he invited them to stay if they wished.

Kyora, as expected was angry, she called Sylvaswift many things, going so far to even spit on the floor as she left his home telling him to stick his clan where it fit best. Khai was a little more reserved but pledged to stay on, as was Kalistia although she preferred to remain at the Rawl'kha Mages Guild. Kyerra was overjoyed by the news, it meant she was free to return to her home, something she believed would never happen.

After everyone left Sylvaswift settled himself down to wait for Sumar to wake, he would then tell him he had made his decision to follow his advice and they would spend a few days in planning; besides Ri'sari needed time to recover before he could be confronted. It was risky to be sure, but well worth the risk if all went to plan. The dissolving of his associations was a side issue, something that had weighed on his chest for many months, more and more he had drifted toward clan life and away from his striving to build and maintain his empire. This part Sumar had not suggested, no, this was Sylva's little contribution, something to sweeten the deal with, perhaps helping to further their cause with the next step they planned to take.

He sighed a long uneasy sigh as he watched the Dunmer sleep, ever so soundly thanks to his drugs, he frowned slightly as he remembered the afternoon before, it weighted heavily upon his soul to watch him suffer so, he hoped perhaps this new direction would help lighten his mood in someway. In truth Sylva would not be considering such a brash move if it had not been for the feelings and trust he harboured for the man.

Many days later Sylvaswift gave up waiting for Ri'sari's recovery and approached the new Clan-Mother, Arisel. He first requested that he be stripped of his title until he could once again be honoured by it, believeing he had lost Ri'sari's trust and with it the respect of his Clan-Brothers and Clan-Sisters.

Secondly, as proof that Sylva desired full trust from the Leaders and the Clan, he came clean about his real reason behind joining the clan in the first place. He relayed his heart to her, and confessed in private his past transgressions against the clan and Ri'sari. Bethany was sent for and he was promptly arrested and placed him in a cell to await trial for treason against the clan, as he expected he would be.

Sylvaswift waited patiently for Sumar to come to him, he believed that he would not be far at all. A long time passed and he did not arrive, of all that what lay ahead for him this caused him more fear than anything. He feared that perhaps it would be too much for Sumar to bear alone and he would withdraw, maybe even leave, and Sylvaswift would face the ordeal alone. He knew Sumar hadnt expected his arrest, Sylvaswift had neglected to tell Sumar the extent of the path he had chosen to walk. In hindsight perhaps that would prove to be a mistake. He thought at the time, it prudent not to worry his lover. He regretted that deeply now.

Kade Thorkan was the first to come to view him like a captured exhibit. Sylvaswift examined him carefully, trying to determine if he gleaned any pleasure from his incarceration.

Bethany checked in, why Sylvaswift wasn't sure, whether she wanted to talk to Sylvaswift or was prevented due to Kade's presence.

Milo was next to arrive, his expression only conveyed true concern. Sylvaswift wished dearly everyone would leave him be. He barely maintained his self-control, and false bravado. Deeply distressed at Sumar's failure to show... after sometime he mentally blamed the presence of his visitors. Doing so gained him some comfort in that it meant perhaps Sumar had not abandoned him to his face his fate alone.

He needed so desperately to see him, if only to reassure him he could handle what lay ahead and not to worry for him. Knowing that Sumar would be waiting at the end of the tunnel was all Sylvaswift gird himself, for indeed Sylvaswift suspected what the penalty for treason would be. He knew death and banishment was reserved for murder.... although nothing had ever officially been drafted up by the guard captain regarding penalties for lesser crimes, he could not be sure the final outcome of the trial. Treason was very serious offense... he knew that much. In clan law he had wronged every member of the clan and penance would be exacted for each and every one of them judged wronged by his deceit.

Milo left and John turned up, joined shortly by Kath. An argument broke out between John and Kath, and by it Sylvaswift had words with Kath because he refused to remove his helmet in his presence. Sylvaswift relied heavily upon body language and expressions, even the minute movement conveyed a wealth of information. He trusted few outside of Sumar, and recent weeks had winnowed that down significantly.

In the end frustrated and anxious Sylvaswift dismissed himself and retired to his bed, a prickly pile of hay in one corner of his cell - at least it was clean. In his bed he found something that Sumar must have dropped down somehow to him. It scent told him it was a pipe and weed. Unable to open it and smoke it due to company he was only able to clutch it and draw it to himself quietly. He fell asleep waiting for the others to leave, hugging tightly. Restful, knowing that Sumar was close and he was not alone as he had feared.

Sylvaswift slept fitfully until early morning. He was woken by a passer-by, a Khajiit he did not recognize, the first of a string of many visitors. None of whom Sylva cared to see. Tired and grumpy, Sylva said little and did little except sit slumped in the corner of his cell atop his hay pile.

Finally Sumar appeared and Sylvaswift brightened immediately the moment he sighted him. Living up to his name he swept across the distance from his bed to his cage's bars. Sumar looked really terrible. Sylva's heart dropped to his guts at the sight of him. He needed hear no words for him to know his lover's night had been one of living hell.

Sylva reached through the bars to touch him. They kissed, there was love and pain, bitter and sweet in that reunion. Sumar was overburdened with painful memories. What transpired next was the very thing Sylvaswift had dreaded. He knew he could face anything as long as Sumar was beside him. Once they were alone again, Sumar related to him the story of how he had lost his first love. So similar it was to Sylva's predicament Sumar was struggling with having to face the ordeal yet again. He feared they would hurt Sylvaswift and he simply could not sit idly by and let them hurt him, he feared he would do something terrible to the clan. So Sylva told his dark angel to leave him. To leave Sren'ja, to go kill, drink, and f--- and do whatever it took to pass the time, and he would send someone to find him when the ordeal was done. Sylvaswift could not believe he was doing it, and yet he pushed through his own fears to reassure Sumar he would be fine. Either way Sylvaswift would suffer, so he decided that he would suffer less knowing that Sumar was suffering less. His guilt for putting Sumar in this position ate away at his insides and gave him the strength of conviction if only for the moment he needed to convince Sumar it was what he wanted. Always playing a role was Sylvaswift, never being his true self.

After much persuasion Sumar agreed to leave, they kissed and he left. Watching his lover leave was too much, fragile emotions shattered and Sylva's tears began to flow from a trickle to a torrent. Sylvaswift fled to the corner of his cell crashing into the wall in anguish. He sobbed and sunk to his knees, pressed against the wall he slid to the ground and fell apart. He hated himself for his weakness. He hated the guilt he felt. He hated love... and clans... and most of all he hated being alone. He fell into the hay pile and buried himself under it and cried - a lot, until a new visitor appeared at the cell door. Sylvaswift stilled himself to a quiet whimper. John had come to visit.

"Sylvaswift?" John asked quietly.
Sylva paused before answering. "Yes, what do you want. I was sleeping."
"I dont want anything. I am your friend. I've just come to visit and see if you needed anything."
Sylvaswift wiped his eyes, and as his composure returned he rose to a subdued kneel where he had been lying. He was thankful that his eyes would not be glowing red like a fur-less one from his crying. So ashamed was he that he should be caught crying.

WHEN DOVES CRY

John eventually left and Sylva returned to his pile of hay sinking to his knees. There were no more tears, he was however left with a dreadful ache within his chest. Like a broken record his mind replayed the conversation. Over, and over he watched Sumar's back as he walked away from him, left him. Sylvaswift felt trapped, captivity had him bordering on madness. He wanted to run, run away from this, the clan and the trouble that came with it. He could start new, he and Sumar... or...

No? Sylva's mind whispered. Look where this has brought you. What is left of the great Sylvaswift? You have disassembled everything for ... what? To be left alone.
I sent him away. He argued. He was suffering so much, it was my fault. It was the right thing. There was a long pause.
Why is it you choose to suffer? You pay the price - again.
Sylvaswift thought on this. "I love him." He spoke out loud. "He loves me back."
Not as much as him. He leaves because of Rian, not you. You will always be second, you will always be in his shadow. You cant bear him to take other lovers, but he already has one.

Sylvaswift remembered then how Sumar had told him he would leave if he couldn't be what Sylvaswift needed. Just like that, he would walk away, could walk away. Sylva panicked at that thought. He could not bear the thought of being separated. What if he could never handle Sumar's ways. He promised Sumar he would love him as he was, and he had meant it. Although his love for him was being tested now..., because of another...

"No."
Yes... you would give him everything - anything.... you have... What have you got - right now? Nothing. Sumar has gone anyway.

If Sylvaswift had a close and trusted friend to talk to perhaps, they would have told him he was so very wrong. They would have told him Sumar left because he loved him. The pain his lover suffered proved that. One could not suffer for another unless they cared. If Sylvaswift wasn't such an emotional invalid he would not have been so very vulnerable emotionally and he would have seen more clearly. Sadly for Sylva & Sumar, the 'If Angels' were off duty that night, so there weren't any close friends present, and and he didn't see things more clearly.

Sylva's emotions jammed his GPS and his heart twisted and took an off-ramp... to a dead end where he crashed and lay in a crumpled heap. There he would stay unless someone thought to look for him there and nurse him back to health and direct him back to the freeway. Until then he would just be going through the motions, like the walking dead.

Over the next few days Sylvaswift had many people visit him: Leslie, Kade, Milo, Mazura and Dar'Atrabi. All helped in some way to buffer his mood but none were successful in lifting it. What wasn't helping was the endless hours in between he was left alone with just his own thoughts. The thought had even crossed his mind to escape, leave and never return. He hated captivity and the aching hollow feeling he carried in his chest. Hour by hour it wore on him, continually erasing any positive change that may have been procured from his various friends's words of wisdom. He didn't escape, he decided in the end to see things through, finish what he started. It was a good thing Sylvaswift was a fighter and allergic to failure. Those two things were the only things that anchored him in his current state. He simply refused to fail.

He drew on everything he had used in the past to try and strengthen his resolve to endure, despite the state of his emotions. He worked to pack them securely away in the deep dark place within himself where he used to store his feelings. The place was dusty from lack of use but there was loads of space these days. After shoving them all inside, the door was slammed shut, locked and bolted, and key tossed - Done!

IF I LAY HERE *

The morning of the trial came around. Sylvaswift did not fear it, the opposite, he welcomed it. He ached to be free of the cell and reunited with his lover. Despite the unresolved issues within his mind, his heart still yearned for Sumar. He was a disheveled mess. Unkempt, weary and lacking his usual tone physically and emotionally. He sat on his now well-used hay pile immersed in self-pity. Oblivious to the world around him he did hear the sound of hoof-beats as his lover's horse arrived at the front of his cage. Nor did he hear its rider dismount.

"What have I done to you?" A soft tenor voice asked.
Sylvaswift did not first respond to his lover's question, believing it not real.
"Sylva?" Sumar spoke again.
This time Sylva raised his head slowly blinking once. "Sumar? W-what..."
"I could not leave you to face this alone, love."
"But..."
Sumar leaned against the cell bars, heavy with emotion. "I should not have left you."
"I sent you away. I could not bear to watch you suffer." Sylvaswift's speech was dull and lifeless, despite his relief at seeing Sumar once more.
"I'm sorry." Sumar whispered.
"No." Sylva shook his head. "I understand." He did, it was true and yet he could not convince his heart in the same way.

Slowly Sylva rose and joined his lover at the cell bars. He saw Sumar's deep distress and intended to comfort him. The sight of Sumar alone was enough to shake the most stoic of hearts. Indeed the pair of them had suffered equally in their own way. Sylvaswift touched his lover's hands gently.

"I am glad to see you. But... what is ahead... I don't expect you to, endure it. It will be harder for you than it will be for me. Believe me when I tell you this. I will not suffer."
"Then I will suffer, I love you with everything I am. I will be there with you despite its cost to me."
Sylvaswift nodded. "I love you too." There was a tiny hint of disbelief behind those words."
Sumar swallowed hard, he saw Sylva's disbelief and it hurt him deeply.
"You... doubt me?"
Sylvaswift paused a very long time before answering. "I - am lost, confused... I don't know what it is I want... but... I do know I love you. Did Leslie find you?"
Sumar's head lifted."No. What.. ?"
"She came to visit me. She loves you, you know."
Sumar nodded and sighed. "No I didn't see her. I know she does, she has for a long time. I've never given her my heart back."
"I sent her to you. To comfort you. I would not deny her, you."
Sumar was confused by Sylva's words and look at him so.
"To have her, sleep with her."
"I - I... sex is the last thing on my mind right now."
"I know, I mean whenever...later. I..."
"If it will help you through this I will give myself to you alone."
Sylvaswift looked at him truly then. Sumar's words had reached through to his crumpled form. "I would not ask that of you." This was the truth of it. He wanted so badly to accept Sumar with no demands, but his heart craved the reassurance. "It is for me to Master, not you. I love you as you are."
"I am yours, truly."
"As you are my world."
Sumar's head lent against the bars and Sylva's pressed forward to meet it.

Sumar and Sylva stayed just like that for the longest time. Sylva's world realigned itself and restored him to the time before his detour. Yet he still carried the wounds with him. Sylvaswift pulled away without a word and returned to his hay pile. Bending down he retrieved the lock-pick Sumar had left with him. Moving to the cell door he quickly picked it and opened it for Sumar to enter. Once his lover had joined him he closed and locked the cell turning to embrace him fully for the first time in many days. The Black Khajiit led his lover to his use-flattened hay pile to sit pulling him down to join him. There they hugged, kissed and lay together until they both fell into restless sleep as the trials of the days prior caught up to them both.

They were not long later woken by the Clan Guard. Sylva's trial time had arrived. Sylvaswift noted with mild amusement that no one remarked or question him on finding Sumar in there with him. Sylvaswift rose up giving Sumar one last squeeze of reassurance and walked calmly out of cell to present himself to the Clan Council. Sylva knew he would not be the one to suffer through this and for that he was truly sorry that he had condemned Sumar to his fate of having to be a bystander for this. If Sylva took anything from that moment it was to never commit to anything without discussing it at least with his lover. It was no longer just himself he had to consider.

Bethany led the trial beginning with the announcement of the crimes he was accused of.

Crimes

1. Stealing Blue Skooma from Risari in order to obtain a recipe with intent to manufacture it, bringing ruin to Ri'sari's enterprise. A crime.
2. Possession of the recipe and two other samples of Blue Skooma from Ice_Eye, intended for Ri'sari, with equal intent.

Verdict

1. Guilty of treason against the Clan Leader and clan.

Punishment

1. Removal of Clan Title of Favoured. To be demonstrated by publicly stripping him of his Clan Armour and renouncement of the title.
2. Flogging - to the count of every Clan Member wronged. Each Clan Brother/Sister was given the right to administer their sum of penance to the accused or pass that right to the Guard Captain to administer if they chose.

Now a little known fact about Sylvaswift is long ago as a child he developed the ability to disappear within/without himself to a place where he was no longer connected with his body. At first this happened accidentally but over years of habitual torture by his Master/Keeper he learnt to control it. He knew this, and he tried to communicate this fact to Sumar that he would not suffer to prevent their worry and on the day of his trial and punishment he demonstrated this ability without trouble. Everything Sylvaswift did was calculated. Pro's and Con's were weighed up extensive and only when things came up in his favour would he pursue it, as was the case this time.

Sylvaswift felt nothing of the six lashes delivered him that day. He missed that every clan member passed up their right to deliver their allotted retribution, except Kade who in Sumar's opinion was way to eager to wield the whip. The black khajiit did not witness Sumar denounce the clan when his turn was offered him. Indeed Sylvaswift did not return to his normal conscious state until he was well-healed by the healers that accompanied him and Sumar back to the house when he was cut down from the Thinking Tree. What Sylvaswift did not realise was that unwittingly he had made many others suffer by his choice, Sumar of course, the most. Bethany resigned as guard captain and Kade Thorkan took over her position.

So the pendulum was set in motion, all that was left for Sylvaswift and Sumar to do now was wait, heal and watch.