Feather's Journal

Day 1

I went to an auction and I made some new friends! Finally! It has been so lonely wandering around here. Sometimes I miss my old life in the Valenwood. Mama and Papa would be so proud if they knew about the things I've done, saving people, helping the dominion and stuff. But Mama always wanted me to fit in and be a part of a community, to have friends. That's hard when you're different like me but some of these new friends are a bit different too so maybe I will fit in. Serenja is not nearly as nice and forest as the Valenwood, but I think it is as good a place as any to be my new home base. Oh - there were amazing things for sale at the auction but I didn't have enough gold for anything. I never seem to have enough gold. And it was someone's birthday but we didn't have cake.

And the biggest news - my new friends have an adventurers group and I got to join. The ceremony was very official and I wasn't sure how to act but I can't wait to go adventuring with them! Well, I'm not totally a member. The Master said I have to earn my way and prove myself. I'm not afraid -- I'll show them! I will sneak up on things and help in any way I can!

Day 2

While in SJ I got invited into the Clan Mother's house for drinks with some of my new friends. One was a Khajiit whose name I can't remember. This one was very well traveled, and does research, and knew lots of things and reminded me of the Khajiit friends my parents had when I was growing up. Especially the one who gave me my name Feather. I was a little bit nervous and hope I didn't say the wrong things. Papa always told me I say the wrong things. Also, there was a great warrior there named Firiela! I wanted to ask if she would teach me but I was too afraid. She also played the lute but the music was a bit sad. I hope she is not sad about something! I almost asked if she was sad but didn't think that would be ok. When I am a great warrior I will never be sad!

There is going to be a festival! With a fashion show! I'm so excited! Maybe there will be cake!

Day 3

I overheard a lady in Evermore say "Deep waters make the least noise." Now what do you suppose that means? Maybe I can ask one of my new friends at the festival.

Day 4

I got to go adventuring today with the one they call IceEye! Several of us went to a place called Selene's Web. It was pretty spooky but I was not afraid -- but we did not get to see the giant spider web (oh how I wanted to see that!) because too many people in our group were killed. So IceEye said we had to leave.

And Master Jo'Zrijhi talked with me in the Clan Mother's house. She was very nice and said I can call her Zri. She said she had a husband once and a wife later. She said she likes solitude but it seems to me that someone who was married twice might be one who doesn't really want to be alone? But I've never been married or even had someone like me like that. Once there was a very handsome and strong warrior that I met in Wayrest Sewers. He fought well and I found myself wondering what it would be like to snuggle safely in his arms at night but I never saw him again. Anyway, Zri says she is happy traveling and teaching and learning. But then she also said her soul is "dark and ragged" but I hope that doesn't mean she is a bad person. I like her and now I have a friend!

She asked about my family, and I told her a little about them. I didn't tell her how much trouble I had with learning enchanting and how Mama used to get so angry with me. I don't want Zri to think I'm stupid. I also told her a little about the village getting wiped out, but not too much. Maybe someday I will tell her the whole truth.

One called Ly'Anna was also there but she wouldn't talk much. Zri called her "sketchy" but I don't know what that means. They didn't seem to like each other much or were angry or something. Or maybe I just couldn't figure it out - oh, it was so confusing! Why can't people just tell you what they really mean?

Another Day

Oh, I've lost track of which day it is, I've been so busy…

I went to the festival! I don't really wear dresses but decided to dress up so I made a new outfit to wear. It made me feel like I really am a grown up woman - maybe pretty? There was another Bosmer there, a man, and I wanted to talk to him but I didnt know how and then he left so maybe I didn't look as good in my new dress as I thought. I don't think he even noticed me. Anyway, everyone dressed up and they looked splendid! My friend Zri had a great new outfit, and Gata looked positively golden. There was a fashion show and I've never seen so many outfits of such splendor and so well crafted by talented people.

Next we made teams and went to fight a monster. My partner, a Telvanni, just disappeared before the fighting (maybe he was afraid?) so I got to team up with El and Jho (sp?) At first I was confused because I didn't know we had to fight with bare hands. Bare hands! But we killed that monster and we won! The prize was a lot of gold! I will use it to get new daggers i think.

Finally we had a drinking contest. I don't usually drink and I got so sleepy I just took a nap. Someone won but it wasn't me. Then there was drinking and dancing and jokes and riddles! The only thing missing was some cake.

So, the festival was a LOT of fun. People here don't seem to like it much when I am excited so I will try to be more grown up even though I don't understand why they have to be serious all the time.

A few days later, I bought a bunch of old treasure maps at an auction and that's why I've been so busy. I've been out looking for treasure. So far I haven't found anything very valuable but you never know…

I haven't seen Zri much because I've been out searching for the treasure but I still worry about her dark and ragged soul. She seemed distant at the festival and I hope she is ok - and I wonder if i should tell her I worry that my soul is dark and ragged too? I never talk about it but I worry that because of what happened, before, that maybe my soul is dark and ragged too. If that is the case, will I go into the Ooze when i die?

Maybe I should write my story? I can't talk about it because I don't want to say it out loud and I worry that my new friends will send me away or that I will go into the Ooze. But if I write it, then maybe someday someone will find this and know what happened, before.

So, here goes, part one. "Papa" was a Khajiit! I don't know my birth father he died a long time ago. And Mama married Dro'Ba and brought him to the village. The villagers didn't like him much at all and he was an alchemist which some of them hated. He never once took plants from the Valenwood, only traded for plants from other places but the clan did not like even that. But he was kind to me and when I was supposed to be learning the Meh Ayledion I would sneak to see him and we would go into the woods and he would teach me about the plants there and their properties. Those were the best days, walking quietly with Dro-Ba, the thick forest floor under our feet, touching and smelling each and every plant there was. And Dro'Ba would tell me, "Remember this, little one, each plant has four properties, and just so, people have many properties. This one thinks you will need to know this someday."

Funny, I was always in trouble for not learning enchanting, and for not remembering the Meh Ayledion, but later, after the Bad Day, when I was all alone, even though I never actually made a potion with him, I was able to craft potions with ease! And that is my first secret.

Another Day

Today, a lady in Auridon said "For the dog that barks, the gate is never open, but the dog that digs runs free." I don't think I would want a dog that runs away. And if I had a dog that barks a lot I think I would open the gate so it could go and bark someplace else but I don't think that is what she meant.

So I've been thinking about Dro'Ba a lot since my last entry. If it weren't for his teaching, and our secret exploration of the forest, I might not have survived after the Bad Day. Seems confusing to me, that something that was founded in the deception of my Mama and the clan turned out to be a good thing. After what happened on the Bad Day, after what I saw, I didn't think I could ever eat meat again. I might have starved but for Dro'Ba's teaching. Thanks to him, I knew what plants were safe to eat and which ones would heal me -- and which ones would help me sleep at night while keeping away the screams in my head. Doing it violated the Green Pact, but I didn't really care anymore. And so, though he'll never know it, Dro'Ba saved me in a way.

Of course, what saved me ON the Bad Day, was due to my own deception. In order to get time to sneak away with Dro'Ba, I had to get permission, well orders actually, to go off and practice forest coupling while leaning the Meh Ayledion. I had to be very bad at hiding. It was a lie. I am very good at hiding. Very good. So I pretended I couldn't hide very well, and I pretended to not be able to remember the Meh Ayledion. Everyone thought I was dumb and so they made me practice a lot. Some even laughed at me but I didn't care. I already knew I was the best hider in the whole village. And that is my second secret.

Another Day

Found more treasure today in Craglorn! The maps I got at the auction haven't all paid off but this one did. I had to sneak very carefully around some giant wasps and dig quickly but there it was, a treasure chest! I got some armor that I will sell and a lot of gold. Afterward I saw Gata and several others at the Clan Mother's house. She had her cubs with her and they were so cute! Looked a lot like their parents. I told Gata that I will save some of my maps and maybe when they are bigger we can take them treasure hunting! That would be so fun!

Seeing them also made me think of how quickly I grew up. One day I was mostly a child still, sneaking out to learn alchemy with Dro'Ba and the next, well after the Bad Day I wasn't a child anymore. But sometimes I don't feel like an adult either. I mean, back in the village I'd be married by now I think. But when I saw Gata's cubs I wanted to take them and play, not be an adult to them. I wish my Mama was around to show me about being a woman but the last I saw of her was from my hiding place in the great tree.

Right on the edge of my village was a huge, very old tree. It had a small hollow place at its base that we used to play in as children. What no one knew is that one day, I found a small piece of lose bark on the back side of it - almost like a very small natural door. I crawled inside there and found a very small tunnel that wound up and up inside that great tree. I'm very small, even for a Bosmer and so I fit but I don't think an adult could fit in there and I don't know who or what made that tunnel. I never told anyone about it because I wasn't sure if going inside there was a violation of the Green Pact and i didn't want to get in trouble. Anyway, that tunnel ended with a small area, not really big enough to be a room, but big enough to sit in with an opening like a window through which I could view everything going on below me in the village. It was my own little fort and I used to go up there and just watch everyone below me. No one ever suspected that I was there watching them. And that is my third secret -- and that is where I was on the Bad Day. I was hiding in my secret spy hole…

Another Day

I went to a wedding! My friend Gata got married and many other friends were there too, including Zri! Gata looked very beautiful dressed in all gold and white. I wore my festival dress and there was music and I danced while we waited for it to start. It made me think about my Mama and the village. I would probably be married now if things had been different. Who would I have married I wonder. I don't know anyone to marry now.

Another Day

I can’t stop thinking about Zri’s dark and ragged soul and I almost asked her about it at the wedding. How would one know if one’s soul is dark and ragged? I’m afraid mine might be. If that is the case, maybe it is better for me not to marry someone. I don’t think I’m pretty and who would want me if my soul is dark and ragged and I’m just going into the Ooze someday? I can just be a warrior and I am pretty good at killing things. Nibbles keeps me warm at night.

I’ve been putting off writing about the Bad Day but now it is time. It started out like any other day. The forest smelled like the forest and the rays of sunshine through the trees felt warm. I was a child, on the verge of womanhood, but not there yet. I just wanted to wander the forest and explore. But Dro’Ba had things to do and couldn’t sneak away to teach me so I went to my hiding place in the great tree. I got comfortable and settled in to enjoy of the view of village life below me. And I must have fallen asleep because strange noises woke me up and I had no idea what part of the day it was.

At first I was confused because nothing sounded right. And as I looked down I realized it sounded like fighting on the outskirts of our village. I could see my Grandmother Radia in the center of the village surrounded by the council of elders, including my Mama. Though I couldn’t hear their words I could tell this was a serious discussion – and not too surprising that as village Shaman my Grandmother would be in the center of it. I could also tell from the way she stood, her very essence really, that she was up to something very important.

But the fighting! Why wasn’t there a warning? I’ll never understand that part. There were always scouts everywhere in the forest and unless you were one of us you would never know they were there, watching you. Usually we knew long before visitors arrived that they were coming. If we were being attacked, why wasn’t the alarm given? What was happening???

A motion just belong me caught my attention as Grandmother started making strange gestures. Just at that moment, what seemed like an entire Imperial army swarmed into the village center and at that exact same time, a huge flash of light and it happened. It was the Wild Hunt. Grandmother Radia and the council of elders had called forth the Wild Hunt!

Every Bosmer child grows up with stories of the wild hunt but I never really believed it could be real. But it is. Before my very eyes, Mama and everyone I ever knew or loved, except for Dro-Ba, turned into a horrible monster! And in an instant they attacked the invaders and began to eat them! Now, I grew up with the Green Pact but this was nothing like reverently eating the dead. And as a Bosmer child, I could hunt and skin a rabbit as soon as I learned to walk. This was nothing like that either.

The screams of the dying imperials mixed with the roar of the beasts attacking them to make the most horrible sounds. The carnage was unbearable. And when there were no more imperials to consume, they turned on each other. And then I saw Dro’Ba. He came out of our home and tried to run but they were on him in an instant, tearing him to pieces and consuming him. I’ll never forget his screams but at least they didn’t last long. That’s when I realized that if they knew I was there, they would eat me too. And so I stayed in my hiding place, small and silent, till the unbearable sounds were done -- till all that was left was the stench of blood in the air.

And that is my fourth and last secret. I stayed hidden in that tree. I did not go down and fight the imperials. I did not fight the beasts of the Wild Hunt. I don’t know why I didn’t transform with the rest of them, maybe because I was hiding in the tree. I don’t know. I do know that I just hid. And so maybe my soul is dark and ragged like Zri’s?

Afterward, I have never heard such silence in the forest. I stayed there, hiding, for a very long time, just in case there were some of them left. And then I heard a small, soft crunching sound deeper in the tree tunnel below me..