Journal of Eranor Bluewisp

Journal Entry #1
Turdas, 19th of Sun's Dawn

With all that has happened to me in the last few months, and not always someone who I feel comfortable giving all my words to, I thought starting a journal would be a good way to organize my thoughts.

I'm quite surprised with where the last few weeks have brought me. From meeting that first kind Altmer, Elros, to taking up work as a chef in Sren-ja under another Altmer, Laltris, to meeting my sweetheart, Mnidhexa, and most recently being elected as the Guard Captain of Vulkwasten...this town, however hectic and Daedra infested it may be, has become the most important part of my life. It has changed me, no doubt. Albeit, I am still slightly nervous around Altmer, which I generally combat with mostly harmless jokes about height and stereotypes, but I've been hardstruck to find even one elitist Altmer here. I'm humored that it was a Khajiit to show me that pretentious attitude for the first time in months.

Despite everything that has improved, the moral injustice of my arrest by John Wolf still troubles me from time to time. As a guard, seeing the way that Thalmor son of a bitch treated us, assaulted Ainoath with the healers around him, I had to do something out of good moral. Yes, shooting him was an act of haste and frustration, but when Ji'ara started using his whip to attack Ainoath and put the others in danger, and I was arrested for trying to do good, that is a moral injustice. I hope to make lawful changes in my position as Guard Captain.

I've been conflicted with the influence of Daedra in the town. With how Tilano drove us from Sren-ja, Geon's lycanthropy (which wasn't all that bad, as it is what brought Mnidhexa and I together), and Ainoath's death, I've come to be cautious at the mention of the word. But, with Mni's practice of it as a teacher, Ahzriji's mention of her practice, and Malyne's request for approval to address the council on allowing the worship of Meridia and Azura, I'm going have to draw the line somewhere. I think I will talk to Mnidhexa about what she teaches to find out more of the dangers and benefits of it all given that she only practices in private. These people are my friends and one is my lover, but I have a duty to protect this town from danger.

Mnidhexa, my sweetheart. She is beautiful, intelligent, and very skilled. I always feel warmer and happier with her around, and the awkwardness between us is slowly fading as we find more and more time to talk and be with one another. We both care for one another deeply, and despite there still being much mystery revolving everything between us, I do believe that this relationship will be a successful one. She's here more often now than she has been in the past, but unfortunately, I still feel that there is an unexplainable void to be filled for when we can get a few days with one another. Truly, I've not felt as satisfied in the arms of anyone else as I have with her.

Until next time, mornië utúlië, mornië alantië.

Journal Entry #2
Loredas, 21st of Sun's Dawn

It has become apparent to me that the always present Daedric influence of Vulkwasten is of concern. Seeing what they did to Sren-ja, I have to be careful, especially in my position over the town and Guard. I know very little of magic. I should ask Mnidhexa to give me lessons as a new student, and surprisingly, hearing of the incident with her student has not turned me away. Still, seeing the destruction it has brought to the town, the people that have been killed, it's all very chilling. I wish to address Maedhros and Elsynia on the issue, especially in concern of Ahzriji's unfortunate encounter with Krynger, Gnarlus' familiar, Mnidhexa's clannfear, and Malyne's recent request to allow the worship of Meridia and Azura...all of which fall under the summoning and worship of Daedra, I believe.

Because of the above, my poor interaction with Ji'ara, and the realization that I should familiarize myself with Dominion law, military, and government, I've received word on a Thalmor organization, The Merethic Eye. It is bound to be a less than pleasant and certainly demeaning experience putting myself back within grasp of those pretentious Altmer and their associates, but it is for the best. Who better to familiarize myself with diplomacy than the Aldmeri diplomats themselves?

Obviously, I won't be in the same position I was there, so I will contribute how I can with what I still love: cooking.

Eranor leans himself against the trunk of a tree he was perched within, overlooking Vulkwasten. He removes his journal from the bag he had brought, also removing a bottle of rotmeth to which he uncorked, and then removes his writing utensil. He flips open to a new page, tapping his instrument against his chin thoughtfully, then taking a sip before starting to write.

Journal Entry #3

Morndas, 24th of Sun's Dawn

The wedding for my friend, John Wolf, was quite interesting today, but what I found to be more intriguing came after. I received advice in concern of my future pursuits with the Thalmor from John, Krynger, and Kade (an unfamiliar Khajiit). After that, I brought up my concerns of Daedric summoning and Ahzriji towards Krynger, who had made threat of assault towards the poor Khajiit for merely mentioning insignificant practice of summoning. I did my best to stay entirely diplomatic by keeping to a lawful perspective of the situation, but morals nearly got in the way, and it seemed that Krynger was letting his opinions on the matter stand in front of professional delivery of the law. I fear that I have made an enemy out of someone who was barely a friend, but this Khajiit was quite unpleasant, especially in comparison to Kade.

I've never like his aggressive ways of dealing with things, and I've learned from my mistakes of aggressive ways of dealing with things in the past.

He sighs, leaning his head back against the trunk, taking a few more sips of the drink before settling back into writing. He grimaced slightly as he wrote the first few letters, but then continued.

Mnidhexa is always on my mind, as per usual. Even after we had made up with our conversation on our fears, we still have such little time with one another. When Arimani, Malyne, and I were speaking, Arimani made the point, in response to my suggestion for their marriage to be next, she made the point that Mnidhexa and I had been together longer. This might be true, but all around me, I see others being able to spend so much more time with their lovers. It's harrowing to think that the most time I ever spend with Mni was when we first met, and were merely getting established. I still know so little about her, and in the few days that Arimani and Malyne have been together, they've gotten to know each other much better than Mni and I have.

Our last outing was a brief one of fishing. She told me about, reluctantly, about an incident with a student of hers where a spell went wrong. I felt absolutely terrible for her, and did all I could for her to not feel so guilty for the event. It wasn't her fault, and she did all that she could to help the poor soul. She would never want this on another. This is the first time she's been truly sad and I've been able to do little but hold to her and speak kindly. It was good to see her smile by the end of our time, with her falling asleep while I sang to her, but it is clear that there is much damage to her I am not yet familiar with.

Hearing of this certainly doesn't make me any less nervous about magic, but still, after that first night and my rare moments with Mni...I feel that I can trust her, and that she is under control of herself and these abilities. I don't look at what she did in the past with her previous lover, this apparent 'rampage' she went on. If there is one thing I can pride myself in within the social spectrum, it's my ability to read people.

With nothing left to write, he shuts his journal abruptly, casts it into his bag along with his writing instrument, and then closes up the sack. He relaxes into the tree, consuming from his drink a bit more vigorously now, and watches from above as Elsynia makes her way back to town alone.

Journal Entry #4
Tirdas, 3rd of First Seed

I left the clinic before Ali arrived in the morning. The environment was too tense after Malyne and I argued, and I'm shocked that neither Arimani not Mnidhexa awoke. The silence through the night, despite being no different than any other, was uncomfortable. I carried Mni to our usual spot.

I've never seen Malyne so angry, and I couldn't stand his negativity towards himself from the good he had done that night. I became frustrated by this both from the standpoint of him being my Lieutenant, and from being my friend. I know he's smart enough to see that he's not the fighter, the privateer, that he once was. Sense of respect, self control, and logical thinking seems to depart him when he's angry. He had done much to save the other guards, and the town, from danger, and he beat himself down for accidentally getting hurt in the process.

In retrospect, I shouldn't have bit back at him in the way I did, especially in his damaged state. I should not have put myself down to his level, but instead, been the bigger man and talk him down as a friend.

As always, it was nice to see Mni again. I'm going to go talk to Mal about this next time I see him, perhaps sit down for a drink, and do our best to set this behind us and look towards improving for the future.

Breaking away from Mnidhexa was difficult. That first amazing night we had, those few fun moments we had with one another, and feeling the the comfort of her embrace and her lips when we could find time was...wonderful. It was almost always a good escape from everything else in this hectic society I've become a part of. Now, we've broken that bond. It wasn't enough, and we both felt the relationship was forced.

Her tear filled face was the last thing I saw of her. I hope she's doing alright, and has found someone else to make her happy.

Being Captain of the Guard has been...exhausting. It's certainly one of the most meaningful and satisfying thing I've done with my life, but still mentally and physically exhausting. I see it within all my guards, but it is always motivating to see they have stayed faithful. Nothing would be possible without them.

I'm very worried about Malyne. I don't see him often anymore, and after he was turned, he's been...different. Reclusive. His aura feels darker, let alone his choice of attire...I don't know. Little has been done to get him changed back, but that could be my fault. Perhaps it's my fear that he will be hurt by whoever says they will help him, or perhaps he doesn't even want to be changed back. He speaks of how the power is...affecting him, but he could end up being just like Alijham, who truly is one of the kindest Mer I have ever met. Elsynia is very lucky to have him.

The Thalmor has been far from what I thought it would be. My days of training have been exhilarating, meaningful, and an honest escape from the stress of Vulkwasten. Sparring with Kuri-Do, cooking with M'arrin, learning politics and diplomacy with the various Altmer...I find myself happier there, but that's likely only because it's more simple in training. Doing what I'm told and learning new things instead of holding the lives and safety of a town in my hands. Along with that, Aldalin is a very interesting and unique pleasure to be around. I chuckle, thinking of the way she presented herself on the night we went out drinking.

Then we have Melane. I almost feel bad for how hard she is taking things, but for someone who wishes to act as a guard and is already a soldier in the Dominion, her emotional resiliency is pathetic. She couldn't take me yelling at her for her disruptive behavior during that incident, but somehow, she made it through the Dominion's training? I need to verify that she is even a soldier now.

Krimie. Wonderful, caring, lovely Krimie. If it wasn't for her over the last week, I certainly wouldn't be where I am right now. I never even considered being with her until she started showing interest. Retrospectively, that first night where we held hands and had that embrace was probably the most awkward thing I have done in my life. It's humorous, really. And then I was injured, and she cared for me as she could, just being there by my side and massaging my hands and feet, curling up next to me, and then allowing me to hold her. Just to have someone there...we've become close.

We kissed a few days ago, and slept outside under a tree. We talked, and shockingly similar to the one night with Mnidhexa, she was fearful of how I may think of her by knowing her past. I told her nearly the same thing I told Mnidhexa...it almost feels wrong to give the same words of sympathy and forgiveness of their pasts, but I truly mean what I say when I say it.

Things certainly didn't move as fast as they did with Mnidhexa, so I truly hope that us moving slower will lead to a much longer and more prosperous relationship. We are leafmates now, as she calls us.

*a mediocre sketch of Krimie and Eranor sits at the bottom, held in their awkward embrace within the tavern entrance*