Malynes Journal

Middas, 3nd of First Seed

I was going to use to this book for guard reports, but seeing as i'm stuck here for gods only know how long, until then i'm unable to grab my book from home so I suppose this book will do, I can always buy another one anyways.

I hate being stuck in bed, I truly do. I'm practically going mad knowing Cidius is still out there along with that Morag Tong assassin yet i'm here injured. How I a overgrown pile of rotten meat fell on me is beyond me. I'd be a liar if I said it didn't bother with how I fell in battle...out of all thing I was crushed. A man who could clear the decks of enemy ships, wrestle sea serpents in the ocean and win. A man who could destroy entire packs of Lycans and entire covens and clans of Vampires. Fell in battle and nearly died from a sack of flesh....it's a embarrassment and a disgrace and I can't be more frustrated and mad at myself because of it.

Because of this it has caused me to snap on people who in general I never would. I snapped at Eranor, I raised my tone towards him....just as I have to Ali, Ari, and Nel. Especially Ali, I never meant to show that side of me to him but if only knew I am far worse than some rapid animal.

I realized this years ago and i'm ashamed to say it but I do enjoy killing...I enjoy killing those who have done great wrongs too others. I don't mean your typical bandit leader either, I mean the monsters who raid villages killing and raping innocent men, women, and children. The monsters who who practice necromancy and don't let the dead rest. But what does that make me? A monster? Some sick and twisted hero? Just some fool succumbing to a form of madness?

I'm scared to confess this to anyone for despite how I see myself as one i'm scared to be looked at as one bye everyone. I'm scared to see the look disgust of disgust in Arimani's eyes, i'm terrified to see it in Eranor's and Mni's eyes along with the others.

Speaking of Arimani i'm admittedly starting to grow closer and really feel like I love her although I will probably wait to say such things. Last thing i'd want is to look like some idiot blabbering about emotions putting her in a awkward situation. Though that does lead me to wonder if I should wait to say it or not....I swear bye Lady Azura never before have I ever felt so nervous and cared about being rejected.

Aside from that there is some bright news, I received mail from my older brother, the only brother who I actually cherish. He's always treated me well and always wanted the best. I love him dearly despite how he treats me like a child in a sense. Aside from all of that I recently received Mail from him. I received a brand new set of armor, a unique black and gold set of Imperial armor bearing influences of other races that all blend in well together. He Also send me a set of white and gold clothes, along with a necklace of Azura he said he had blessed bye her priests. Hopefully one day be able to wear in the open, but until that day comes I must sadly hide it.

I should get some rest, I get a feeling that tomorrow may be a good day.

Frendas sixth of First Seed.


The nightmares never seem to leave me, nearly every night they haunt me and make me restless making sleep nearly impossible. Arimani helps but her help can only go so far sadly. I have no idea of what to do about it, I suffer from a set of reoccurring nightmares that seem to only repeat themselves, all a little different though.

I suppose I shouldn't dwell to on it, after doing so only tends to make them worse they what they currently are. Aside from all of this i'm finally healing well. My my ribs are nearly healed and I can finally train bye myself...granted it's on dummies but I don't see anyone willing to train in boxing or any other kinds of hand to hand combat anyways. Perhaps Eranor would be willing to spar with me sometime or one of the other guards. Either way it will be much better than a dummy who can't even punch back.

I'm a little worried, been weeks and still no sign Menelin, normally that little Bosmer is back at the tavern being teased and picked on bye Ali. Despite how much she has angered me I still can't help but worry, with her damned mood swings and how she comes back injured it's hard to tell if she's dead or not. She left only leaving me a letter of things that where too late to be said. Why in the name of Azura did she simply not speak to me about such things? Why? Is to damn hard to talk to me like a adult? How was I supposed to know such things? I could only assume her grieving over her lost husbands would last at least a few months if not a year. I suppose I should have suspected something with how much she wanted to go on about that racist Marine of hers. Either way....I'll be sure to have a word with her if she does return...if not smack some damn sense into that thick skull of hers.

I also went to Velyn Harbor today and well, saw something interesting to say the least. I walked down to the docks and there I saw a young boy, a half breed to be exact. As I quietly watched play with a wooden sword I noticed a few things about him, he had hair nearly as dark as myn along with piercing red eyes like many Dunmer. His skin would be very dark and tanned like that of a Bosmer or some race of Man...I can only assume his mother was Bosmer since his ears where pointed like any other kind of Mer....seeing him made me wonder...is..is it possible I do have a child or two from events of my old life? A part of me knows this very well possible but what woman would there child's father to be someone like me, who is not even a member of there own race. While I suppose my race isn't much of a problem to those in port cities where it's fairly common to see half breeds but why would they not take a elxir before they got pregnant? Perhaps i'm just paranoid now....regardless i'm sure I don't have any...or so I hope.

Sundas, 15th of First Seed

Much has transpired since I last wrote or really thought about recent events, I confessed a dark secret, I met a unique child, dealt with a small Vampire problem, will be meeting a man in two days too get my friend, a five month old dog.

I suppose I should start with the more simple things, first being the child I met. He's a young Bosmer but with his black hair and red eyes I assume he may have more to him than the average Bosmer child. He is the son to our newest guard...Phydra I believe she said her name was? I question how she became a guard so fast with Eranors approval but I trust him. Anyways the child was very interesting and quite to say the least. He looks oddly familiar but I last I checked the woman never had children so i'm positive it's just in my head. Honestly i'd expect him to wan't nothing to with seeing as how i'm a Dunmer, was in full armor with my weapons on me not to mention I towered over the child. But none the less he wasn't and I found it comforting.....children have always looked at me in either two ways now that I think of it. Either scared....or very curious. Due to the lands I live in now most are scared to talk to me as hearing tales from there presents and others on the horrors my kind has done.

To my shock we almost had a incident in the tavern a few days ago...it would turn out that apparently Krimie, somone who from I see is very close to our Treethane is a Vampire. It all started when Krimie came into the tavern paler the snow that covers the streets the Windhelm. It didn't help with her talk of feeding either....once she mentioned she had to leave to feed our guests from the Sugar Claw Clan told her she take some action, with I could only imagine Elsy reluctantly did. She ordered me to take care of the situation and as soon as I put my armor on and returned to the tavern she came back. We had her surrounded but Krynger did not make the situation any better. I can understand he despises Vampires as most do...but he seems to struggle following orders and being a proper guest....I hope he simply had a bad day and that's all it was.

Speaking of the Gaurds and problems...I fear we be dealing with Skooma drug peddlers. We found a suspicious letter in the tavern which described a cave down bye the river near a burned down empty village. We found nothing but a odd numbers of empty crates and barrels...plus a empty keg that someone really took some time wash out...I highly doubt anyone would be making Balmorra blue, even more so seeing as how I don't know of it's standing in the Dominion lands...Me and Eranor are to inspect the cave thoroughly tomorrow to make sure we didn't miss anything. I'll be sure check every last crevice.

Not too long ago me and Arimani took a small and brief trip to Auridon, which I imagine she enjoyed far more than me. We spent time together which as always I cherish greatly and enjoy every last moment of it. As we talked we eventually got too how I snapped at Ali and my hatred for that necromancer and how there's more too it....Bye Azura i'm still unsure how I confessed it but I did confess my love for killing and torturing a certain kind of people...yet after I explained myself she still hugged me and kissed me and didn't even look at me as a monster....it felt as a dagger has been removed from my chest....now to remove the rest.

Arimani is truly too good for me, never before has someone spent there day off looking for me to simply see and not want my head on a pike. She even didn't go to the auction and stayed with me until my shift was over, I felt horrible for her staying and not enjoying herself but at the same time I felt happy, excited, and in a unique way relieved to know she would be keeping me company. We had a wonderful time simply talking though we got to a subject that made me wonder....what would our parents think of us being together? Knowing my parents I truly can't tell....my parents are so vile yet so surprisingly un-orthodox even to Dunmer standards. I could only imagine the possible looks on there face...or better yet her parents and families face. Think about it, what do you think a pair of noble Altmer parents think of seeing there daughter bring home a long deadlocked, heavily tattooed overgrown Dunmer? Not to mention they learn he was privateer and a scoundrel...........Actually...on second thought that does sound rather amusing.

Anyways, my shift is over, and I should now return home to Ari, can't wait to get a good look at the cave.

Fredas, 3rd of Rain's Hand

Ever since the bite things have changed. Not only must I avoid Baandari now but I also now must wear this golden ring to contain it all. It helps me greatly but I still feel certain effects. One of which my patience isn't what it used to be, it runs short and I my anger rises quicker. I've also noticed i'm becoming more anti-social...i've been taking the long patrol routes in the forest and avoiding any patrols through town now. I can't help but feel like I shouldn't be dependent on a piece of jewelry to restrain myself. Because of this on occasions I go to the coast here in Malabal and swim to a tiny island and remove the ring to try and control it.....so far I struggle with not transforming but i'm slowly gaining better control of myself while transformed.

I've also noticed certain other things....my hearing seems to increase in small spells from time to time....for instance I could be in the tavern talking to whomever then i'm able to hear the conversation upstairs nearly as clear as day. Another side affect is I can't exactly rest well anymore, i'm practically always restless if not a bit energetic.

I worry greatly of what others must think about having there lieutenant of the guard being a Lycan now. I worry that that fear me now or worry of what I may do....which in hindsight I can't truly blame them. I worry deep down as well in all honesty. I could only imagine what the Sugar Claws would think of us all if they learned such things....for such reasons is why I intend to keep it hidden from any outsiders and kept on a need to know basis. Another reason why i wish to have a greater control of it........I should stop writing now all this stress is only aggravating it.

Sundas, 4th of Rain's hand.

Ancestors forgive for what I did to best friend, I fully regret forcing Eranor to drink my blood, not only have I made things more difficult for guards but I've also forced my friend to break the laws of his religion and passed on my curse to him. I....I just didn't know that Nell would be there to save me....if I knew I would have had him on the counter for her to get to him sooner. But instead I made another mistake and possibly ruined a life that did not deserve it. I was lucky enough to give himt he golden ring to help suppress it....He needs it more than me, not mention deserves it.

It's hard to think it all started bye some petty assassin, a horr-...now dead one at that. I have no regrets killing him after what he did to Eranor. I still take pride and some joy with my handy work of him. Every time I planted my dagger into his skull gave me some form of release...perhaps with all frustrations towards these skooma dealers and the Imperial...none the less once I found his writ of assassination and who hired him I had no problem disposing of his corpse, I only wish I could see the look on there faces of the lovely message I left him....hopefully it gets my point across.....I should also make sure no one from town learns of this either.

*The rest of the page would have a large rusty colored stain preventing the rest from being read*

Middas 15th of Rain's Hand.

Eranor is finally out of bed and well..though I still feel a great horrible guilt over what I did too despite he insists he's fine and forgives me. I know I shouldn't, but I still feel guilt despite everything for the most part is okay now...aside from Lady Nightwinds disappearance and the death of that boy and these letters from my brother....

The following paragraph's letters would get darker with each letter, as if Malyne rpessed down harder on the pages
I suppose I should start with the boy....I never intended for him to be killed....I just couldn't stand the damn disrespectful mouth and i'll be damned to coldharbor if i'm going to tolerate it from a kid who hasn't earned the right....i'll never understand Bosmer and others who those who stand up for thieves like him....to go as far as to....never mind it's all pointless and done now. While I administered a punishment it was found he had skooma...it figured. We made a attempt to arrest him but it all went south...Melane accidentally shot the boy through his neck and killed him...I..I don't know what to think other than this guard needs to be straightened up and at times I doubt I am right for this job at times.

I always worry this fancy spoiled noble who fancies Arimani may be a problem. I don't see it ending well...I just don't. If he is like the others I dealt with in my past it's gonna take some work to make him back off...which admittedly with my mood as of late I have no problem doing so. I've had enough taken from me and done to me and I refuse to lose one the last people in this world I trust with my life...either way I hope this noble knows to back off if he knows whats good for him...Azura only knows i'm in mood to tolerate this...Speaking of such matters I wonder, is bad I worry that Ari may leave me? I mean, when I think about it I realize that he has more money than I...and fuckin guarantee to the easy life....all I got are....well..Sable and myself really.....I just truly love...and really don't want to lose her at all...

Aside from all of this another thing has my concerned. My eldest brother has spoken Monroe lately..the other older brother. He told me he's still the same old Mer he's always been...silent...distant...violent, and still a top ranking Morag Tong assassin....I won't lie just thinking of him brings back memories of my childhood....all those times he beat me like a punching dummy...he always claimed it was for my own good. and that if I wanted to be a good assassin like him I needed to learn how to fight and that the earlier the better...I can even feel it now. Occasionally landing a punch on him only to be punched in my solar plexus gasping for air...or to have my arm suddenly snapped at the elbow with a dagger to my throat...we always sparred in the courtyard at our parents home and he always had a healer on stand bye. It's kinda funny in a way, he always told after every time we trained that I did a great job and that one day I could surpass him and be well known among the great houses as a master assassin who could slay kings with ease...odd now that I think of it. Perhaps it was his way of showing affection? He always did give me praise after he handed my ass to me on silver platter.

In hindsight though he did admittedly teach me a lot...he taught me how to fight, how to stalk, how to hide in plain sight, and how to leave no trace. Granted it took me to hit my teenage years to start besting him in duels but he still taught me how to prepare myself for pain and to deal with it. He taught me how to use poisons, and how to harvest them from plants, and how to even frame someone with murder....he taught me how to think like a assassin...a mindset and skill set i'm afraid I may have to use soon..........

Azura and Ancestors have mercy on me.

Sundas, 10th of Seconds Seed

Things has calmed down a lot of late, the skooma dealers have either been executed or fled far, with no worry of them in sight for the any possible near future. My only concern now is getting the guards trained more and prepared for whatever else may come our way, and getting Ari up to see Morrowind and and Skyrim. There should be no problems...at least I hope. As long as we keep our noses clean and stay away from the Ordinators everything should be fine.

I wonder, what will she think of Morrowind? Not many outlanders are fond of the ash gray landscape, hot dry weather of stonefalls....let alone it's wildlife. I wish I could show her Vvanderfell....thats where she could get a true of Morrowind but due how the war has tightened things....its best to avoid it for now. I have better for hopes for our time in Skyrim though, no extreme religious guard to harm us, no possible kidnapping from Ordinators.....just the fresh crisp air. I think she will enjoy our time the rift compared to everywhere else we will be, no extreme weather and beautiful birch tree forests, my only problem is the possible clansman of the reach and well....the Rift itself seems to attract bandits...plenty of places to hide in those woods...

Aside from that, I've been receiving a a few letters from the two brothers I still talk too....Delvus is almost done with his time in High Rock as his contract guarding a lord is almost up, he said as soon as he is done he would take his daughter and come see me for a few weeks. I just wish he would tell me when exactly his job is done. Anyways, as for my other brother he is still in the northern province of Cyrodill, he says he sees no end to this war or return tot he Empire anytime soon. I feel bad for him...he left one way of life to pursue another only to have it ripped from him.....I admire his optimism for the it's return though...I envy it really...with no end in sight I fear I won't ever be able to live there and live in peace for once in my life.

Sundas, 14 of Mid Year.

So much has happened in such a small amount of time, it only proves to show how you're live can change in matter of seconds. With the Ebonheart Pact's occupation here it's only a matter of time before it ends in a blood bath, I hope the scouts I talked too was able to get word to Dominion forces and they arrive soon. Rations are running low and things are tense to say the least. At least they are in a scramble, with there leader dead and a good handful of there soldiers as well I don't see them keeping there occupation up very successfully.

I can't believe how I acted tonight...as I sit here at the barricade in the empty now dark tavern peeking out the barricade at the pact I still can't help but think about being called a slaver...The very thing I hate, the thing Daro'Fanita...the one who ic all my mother would hate to see become...and to accused of her being my slave it just...hurt. I normally don't let names, or accusations bother me much but this time it was if my chest collapsed and was impaled on a jagged rusty spear. I thought Hlor, and Bhi would know me better than that. Perhaps I should stick to myself now...and just do my job.

But that is not the only thing to bother me, I wonder if Ari has found anything regarding her p[possibly getting pregnant. Not that I have a problem with it's just...would I even make good father? Would I even be wanted? What of the child? Would he or she be able to live a happy full grown life? Okay so perhaps I may have a problem or two.

Azura help me....

The date would be all blurred with ink, the only thing readable would be the month of Sun's Height.


Much has transpired since I last wrote. We have saved the town what seems like forever go. Taking advantage of the peace I took Ari too morrowind and Skyrim for a small vacation that I greatly enjoyed only too...well...have to send her home bye herself while I take on a new contract. I took on the contract from a antonymous organization hat managed to hear of me and my exploits and apparently was in desperate enough to hire they practically payed out there ass.

The contract took me too Vvanderfell....a place I haven't been in so many years. I only wish I could have sat and enjoyed my home honestly, but sadly I had work too do. I went straight to Vivvec bye boat and waited in the sewers as instructed waiting for my contact. If the smell wasn't bad enough I had bash a thugs head in for trying too rob me...hope the Ordinators don't mind all brain matter everywhere....

Aside from that I met my contact, went tot he inn as I was told and received the armor and weapons I needed. I met a canal worker and bye dusk during a great storm I made it too the Telvani home. The storm helped me a lot really, made my job much easier. It wouldn't take long for to find my first victim, as soon as I steppe don the dock I could see a man rounding up slaves. Considering he was a damn blind fool I drew my bow and waited for a loud crack of thunder and flash of lightning before I let go sending the arrow into his damn eye straight to his brain.

I managed to liberate the slaves and get oen to show me where her so called "master" was hiding. I must confess the guards they hire are piss poor at best...all fell to there own demise with pure ease. I took each ones life...one bye one...and I don't regret a thing. After all those who dare think they have right to force another into there bidding deserve only death.

After I killed there captain the slave...a Argonain named Imp took me down too there basement and showed me the true monster he was...my clients failed to mention he was a necromancer...but none the less he fell just not bye my hand. Before I did anything I gave Imp my dagger encase she was attacked. I tried to shoot the monster down but I missed and only cut his cheek. I'll give it too him he is resourceful....raised a corpse then a flesh atronach. The corpse was no problem but the Atronach however...well I had to strip myself of my armor and transform.....I swear bye the gods nothing tasted more foul but I needed too in order to destroy it.

I can't exactly recall but I do remember coming back and seeing her holding a dagger and his body now a corpse...I was rather impressed with her. Anyways after that she guided me back up and I took her and the other slaves onto a boat while I ran back into the manor and got a highly flammable oil to burn down the whole plantation...I almost killed his mistress but I figured i'd give her and there rest alive a chance to escape alive...so I left her be and set the crops and manor itself on fire with roughly twenty minutes for everyone to escape before they could burn alive.

I ran back and got back on the boat as soon as it was time too leave,t he storm still raging on sadly. As Is at int he boat I was dealt with discussing the slaves future with some of them, it all lead too the point of Imp asking too come back with me to which I was reluctant too but...I couldn't say no...I knew at least in Vulk she would have a home.

As soon as I returned home however I realized it was gone for far too long and that what I did....was far better than anything I did as a guard. I'm done being one and finally decided to quit the damned job and pursue a career more suited to my skill set.....just wish I didn't do it on Elsy's wedding day....let alone without the gift I originally bought her...none the less I hope she enjoyed my note and thank the gods she actually played along!

I now have a chance to start things over, to not be bound bye some form petty set of rules of nobility, i'm going to be what my brother made me and what this worlds needs...a monster to fight the other monsters.