Alijham's New Journal

I want to start again. I tore up my old journal and threw it out. Wyndhenir also elected that he would eat half of it, however that goes, I do hope his belly doesn't get upset. I'd like it if he'd ask me before eating my belongings. On the subject of Wyndhenir, I'm very proud of him. I've been teaching him a lot lately in the clinic of basic alchemy and whatnot. He's gone ahead himself and done some things I have not permitted, though, as he reads every book he can find. He is extremely intelligent, abnormally and almost freakishly so (thanks to that bitch that hated Eve enough to mess with my son's brain in the womb). I'm shocked he hasn't hurt himself yet, and I've made it so he cannot do alchemy without me around; there have been some close calls. His behavior is also improving. I think it's the alchemy, as my father used it for my behavioral termoil. It gives him something to focus on and relaxes his little nerves.

Ylir, on the other hand, has been focusing on learning to read. She's very bright as well and had taken an interest in dance (as many girls of her age group). She's surprisingly good at that, too, and she is growing to be slender and graceful for an orc. I'm staring to question if she's pure-blooded. I've been making her a number of dresses for her to dance in, and she simply can't get enough of them. Wyndhenir actually helps me design them sometimes.

I've been keeping to myself a lot in the clinic lately. Extreme, sticky situations are occurring in Baandari I hear. Lu came to the clinic and told me about it, with the addition of the death of Elros. That left a big mark. He was my friend, as he was Donvyn's husband and one of Elsynia's closest mates. I can't comprehend the pain Donvyn must be suffering, as this is his second husband taken by Oblivion, and it hurts me as well. It hurts me more than it probably should when I think about him. I miss him, and I want to hug him until he explodes. I don't think that Elsy knows yet, and I'm absolutely terrified to tell her. I don't want to just wait until she finds out, though. That's cruel. I haven't seen her since Lu told me the news, and I do hope she is okay. I'd think if she knew she'd come to me, so I conclude she doesn't. I'll take a bit to calm myself so I don't start hyperventilating if I have to tell her.

Elsynia and I have been spending a lot of time together. We went to Cormount last night and got absolutely wasted, then stumbled to one of the tree huts. We fooled around for hours. When the drink began to fade off, we snuggled and shared tender words. I can't see how I could ever be apart from her. She's the absolute grape to my vine (dear gods that was SO bad, I'll never forgive myself for that), and I fall in love with her more every time I see her. I can barely breathe when she looks at me. I told Lucrezia I might ask her to marry me soon, but I don't know if now's a good time. I'll wait for everything to calm in Baandari (if it does; hopefully it does) I think. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, absolutely, positively. She deserves nothing less than to be treated as a goddess, so I will do just that. I can't wait for the waters to settle around Malabal Tor so her and I can settle down, and maybe even have some children in a couple of years.

I need to hide this journal so Wyndhenir doesn't go through it and tell Elsy all of this. Or, better yet, eat it.

OOC Information

Could not find the proper forum

"Sitting on to of Alijham's dusty Journal is a crate containing a pair of fungus covered lungs.

Look at these. Also you bad at hiding journal...

Wow, would you look at that. A year in Vulkwasten and one page of this new book is full. I forgot about it, honestly, and that's how I know I'm happy. I only wrote when I was unsettled, and now, I don't need a journal to write down my feelings when I am upset. I have a wonderful wife to talk about it with. I think that's why I had one before, so it felt like I was telling someone. Maybe so.

I've been watching Bhidul's cubs. They're so sweet, and they've really made me miss a house full of children. Elsy and I are going to be having one soon, and I'm so excited it hurts.

Amongst all of the happiness, though, I'm very worried about Wyndhenir. I need to track down Bethany's crazy ass and see if she can herself, or get someone else to stop whatever is happening to his brain. The worst part is that I'm not even sure what it is, but I know that he won't live past ten if it's not stopped soon. I don't want to tell Elsy about it any more than I already have. I don't want her to worry, she has enough on her hands. I'll get it taken care of, and then I'll tell her.

I don't have to write about how much I love Elsynia, because I tell her. I never thought I could, or would, ever be this happy with anyone. Ever. I make her just as happy as she makes me, and that is the defining factor. We balance. There is a scrawled picture of wooden scales, a heart in each side. They are not heart shapes; but a blob with veins, more like a realistic heart. They are both drawn with bandages and stitches, but no open wounds.

I'm worried about Father aswell. He is so lonesome all the time.. maybe he deserves it, I keep telling myself. But nobody deserves that. I'm going to see if there are any like-minded to him in town and give him a nudge. He needs someone to share himself with, someone that's not me. Him and I still have a lot of things to work out. I used to think he could change, and I know that he can, because he has--but not the way I wanted him to, exactly. He can't ever become who I've wanted him to be. I've finally put myself at rest with the fact I'll never have a real father. Well, a fatherly figure. He is my real father by blood.

I think I'll start writing regularly again. Maybe.