Sty's Diary

Age 10

Mother gifted me this book to write down all of my studies and lessons. I am learning a lot about the Green Pact and Y'ffre. Angorn said that we are supposed to eat our dead....Gross! I could never do that. He has to be lying...right? There's no way mother would teach me something like that.



Mother sent me to speak to a Spinner. She says that Angorn needs to see them too. I learned a lot. He explained about the old traditions and what has changed since then. I think it makes more since now. He also explained in more detail about Y'ffre and why we only eat meat. I still think some of it is weird though.


Age 12

Mother got hurt. She came home bleeding from her arm. We tried to patch her up the best we could. I wanted to find a healer but she forbid me from finding one. I'm really scared. She got very sick. She stayed in bed for days. A healer finally came and said she had an infection. We thought she was going to die.


Age 15

I finally get to go to the festival! Mother says I'm old enough now! I'm so excited! I remember watching my brothers and sisters getting ready to go but I always had to stay home. I don't know why. Other children got to go...my siblings got to go when they were younger. Mother just says that I won't listen and will get into trouble. But today I get to go! Finally! A few of the other kids asked me to go with them. One of them is a boy that I thought didn't like me. I was surprised that he asked me. I hope this festival is everything I always thought it would be!



It was horrible. I wish I had just stayed home like I did every year. They didn't really want me to go with them. It was a joke. They thought I knew it was a joke. How was I suppose to know? I won't go again. The whole thing was stupid. The festival is stupid.


Mother's acting weird again. She yelled at me for cooking her dinner. She accused me of using herbs and locked me in the closet for...I don't know how long. Then she started throwing things at me when I brought home some books that I bought at the market. She threw them in the fire and said I was trying to convert her. Convert her to what? I don't understand! She whipped me! I had to run out of the house to get her to stop. That's another thing, she won't leave the house. She says the air outside hurts her and makes her cough. She's ordered me to stay indoors as well, to keep me from getting sick. I do this for her. But when she falls asleep I sneak out the window. I have to in order to get us food!


Age 20

She took away my diary. She caught me sneaking out and took nearly everything from me. I thought she had burned it she burned everything else...all my clothes and books and drawings. I found this while cleaning the attic. I really think she's lost it. She punishes me for nearly everything I do and blames it all on the Green Pact. I can't tell anymore what is the really rule of the green pact and what has she made up. She won't allow me to speak to anyone else. All I get to do is sit in this house and clean. And take care of her. I'm tired of taking care of her. All she does is yell at me. I hate the yelling! And there she goes again...more yelling.


She lied to me! She told me that we were broke but I found two locked chests filled with books, papers and coin. I wonder why she hid them. Why doesn't she spend it on food and clothes? Does she even remember having these here? I hid them in my room for now. I hope she doesn't find them.


She's making me get married! And to that awful Ronthil! too! I hate him! He's the one that was so terrible at the festival that one year I went. I'm not marrying him! I'll run away before I do that!

I did it! I can't believe I actually did it! I left home! I put all of the coin from one of the chests into a box and took a few of the books as well...they're really old and dusty. I haven't read them yet but maybe I will get to when I find a place to stay. I snuck out while Mother was sleeping. I left her a note. I told her not to worry about me, that I'll be better on my own. I just couldn't stay with her anymore. And I couldn't marry that horrible mer! I'd much rather be alone. I left the other chest on the table so she could take care of herself while I'm gone. I told her that I would not be returning. Ever. It's been scary out here on my own. I was able to get a room in a few places but I didn't care for the towns so I continued on. I'm in a town called Vulwasten now. I like it here so far. My first night here, the Tavern was busy and they seemed short staffed so I decided to help out. Mostly everyone was nice to me. I decided to stay a few more days and I got to meet a lot of different towns people. A dunmer named Malyne was one of the first to welcome me here. He works as a guard. He also helped me out when a Khajiit frightened me and then again when some old crazy mer shot an arrow at me and another bosmer! I met his girlfriend too, an Altmer named Ari. I never heard of an Altmer and a Dunmer couple...but then again I haven't known many Dunmer or Altmer. They are very cute together.

Then I met the Threethane named Elsynia. A Dunmer named Hlor who I think jokes around a lot. She called me 'the mousey one' and was telling Malyne to take his shirt off when we were talking about his tattoos. And then there is a bosmer named Melane and her friend, a dunmer named...hmm, I can't think of her name at the moment but everyone seemed very surprised at her wearing a dress. I thought she looked nice. I also met a bosmer named Racuvar. He was getting attacked by the crazy old bosmer. I overheard the old one saying he had wanted to hire him to kill their guard captain but Racuvar refused. That's when all the fighting happened! The crazy one shot Racuvar on the side and I went t see if he was ok and then he shot at me and made me faint...that was embarrassing. Then Malyne tackled the crazy one to the ground and they tied him up. Then I decided to try drinking to calm my nerves and I think it was too much. I got very sick the next day. And I embarrassed myself. Yep, no more drinking for me. It might also be against the Green Pact...I can't remember if that's something my mother made up or not. Maybe I'll ask one of the other bosmer.

There was a lot of yelling again. This time it was Malyne. Hlor asked him to go upstairs with her and then there was all this yelling. I was talking to a man named Afer about drinks...I accidentally gave him liquor instead of water and he decided to help me tell the drink apart from one another. Then we both got worried about all of the yelling upstairs and decided to check on the people upstairs. It was really tense. I felt very uncomfortable so Afer and I went back downstairs. Elsy asked for some sweetrolls for a friend. I gave her another one to give to Malyne since he seemed upset. Finally the yelling stopped.

Then another bosmer named Kraytune joined us at the bar and a man with long blonde hair started hitting on us. First he was just complimenting us but then he said he wanted Kray and I to join him in his bed! Gross! Afer helped us out, trying to get the man to behave. But he kept on and then Kray threw him out. I can't believe how crazy it gets here sometimes. We're locked inside the building because of the Pact trying to take over. I've been sleeping in one of the hammocks upstairs. And one of the other bosmer said that she's pregnant and that's why she was vomiting everywhere. I wonder what happened to that crazy old mer, I haven't seen him around for a while.

There's always something crazy going on. First there was a poisoning and the altmer's body was dragged out of there. Then two males came into the tavern, hitting on Kraytune. Both were a bit pushy and one was really funny. I tried very hard not to laugh at his attempts to pick up my fellow barmaid. I took a trip to Woodhearth to see the market. I know it was a risk going there, someone could have seen me, but I was curious. I talked to Hlor for a while until someone starting hissing at her like an animal! Ali seemed to think it was Hlor's fault because she can be a bit stubborn and negative. Well, she's always been perfectly nice to me. I consider her a friend of mine, so I don't like it when people say negative things about her. I talked with Ali about it later but he was still firm on his impression of her. I changed the subject and asked him about clothes and relationships. It was a good talk, but a bit awkward at times. I confided in him a regret I had that's incredibly embarrassing for me and he promised to keep it to himself.

Then he made me an outfit...oh boy. It shows off....a lot....of me....too much of me....

I went back my regular clothes. That was a bit too much for right now. Perhaps I will try it again when I more comfortable around everyone here....baby steps.

There's a dunmer man looking for Hlor. Malyne questioned him. I don't blame him for being suspicious. He was wearing Pact armor. I sure hope he's not going to cause trouble here for Hlor or the town.

Hlor is in a coma! They said Krimmie fought with her and poor Hlor got the worse of it. Why were they fighting, I thought they were friendly towards eachother? And Krimmie is pregnant! Why would she risk harming the pregnancy over a fist fight?

Poor Fredis....he's a mess. He seems to really care about his sister even though he's only just met her. I think Hlor is staying in Ali's clinic until she wakes up. I'm going to try to visit her, bring Fredis food and drink to keep him feeling well. This is so horrible.

It's been another eventful evening at the Tavern. Poor Fedris has only just got here and already he's needing to get away. I told him about the Woodhearth Market that's happening today and he said he might go. He's just worried about leaving Hlor for too long. Then I told him there's a beach nearby that people like to go to. He seemed pretty interested in going there to get away from all the fighting.

And speaking of fighting, that horrible altmer that had Krimie and Kraytune's brother on a leash came back and started trouble again. Kraytune was trying to blame us for not helping her brother and then said Hlor got what she deserved because Krimie's finger got bit off. I sort of snapped then and told Kraytune that her crazy family was the reason that Krimie's missing a finger, not Hlor. Fedris was also upset by her words. She apologized and then left with some guy. Then Krimie kicked her butt right outside the Tavern! I asked her if she was trying to miscarry because she won't stop fighting while she's pregnant. Afer talked to her and then Afer's girlfriend, Nel, healed Kraytune. Oh yeah, I finally got to meet Nel! She seems very nice. I didn't get to talk to her much because of all the crazy.

Will there ever be a calm day in Vulkwasten?

The Market was very nice. I was very nervous at first but then Fedris and Racuvar talked to me, and then I didn't feel so scared or nervous. Then Racuvar left, so Fedris and I walked over to sit with him. I don't think those two get along well. Fedris was joking around about werewolves and that got a stern response from Racuvar.

Then more people joined our circle, Afer, a lady named Beth and an Altmer named Elros with this white owl. It was very strange. But it was getting late so I had to leave. Fedris held my hand and did a little bow. It was....cute? Funny? I'm not quite sure. It made me feel really nervous again. I'm not sure what to think of Fedris. I don't know him well but he seems nice and cares a lot about his sister....who he just met. It's very strange to me how someone can feel so close to someone they just met, even if they are related. Relatives aren't always the best.

Also, Kraytune seems to have left. I'm not sure if or when she'll be back. Until then, Afer is helping out at the Tavern.....he's already started a small fire. Let's hope the Gods send Kraytune back before the Tavern burns down or someone else gets poisoned.

Somehow I messed up without meaning to. For the first time ever, I kissed someone. It was a quick little pop kiss and happened so fast I barely had time to realize that I had actually even done it. He left. I thought I had freaked him out but then he came back and kissed me. It was nice. I just couldn't believe that Mother was wrong. Boys don't just get what they want from you and then ignore you or leave. Another one of her crazy ramblings again.

But she should have warned me about other women. Krimie heard about the kiss and didn't like it. She picked on me about it, making it seem like I just kiss all my customers. Then she tossed money at me. Was she implying that I kissed him for money...like some sort of...companion? It was really embarrassing and I just burst out crying. I lied to the others, said it was nothing. But then I told him why later. I said that I was scared because of what she did to Hlor and I didn't want her to hurt me too, that she frightened me. I still feel really bad. I didn't know that she liked him. She's pregnant and has a leaf mate but I guess you can't stop yourself from liking another. But what am I suppose to do? I really had no idea or else I wouldn't have done it at all. Unlike what Krimie thinks, I do have self control. I haven't let Fedris know that I like him because he's Hlor's brother. How would she react to that? I don't know so I haven't been trying to find out but I imagine she would feel betrayed that her friend was making dreamy eyes at her brother while they bonded over their grief of her being in a coma.

I guess this guy stuff is always going to be complicated and confusing.

Fedris got me a fox! He remembered me telling him that i had never had a pet before so he got me one. So sweet! We named him Basil and he's very hyper and playful. When I whistle he follows me around. He keeps me company while I'm working so I hope no one minds him being in the tavern.

Ive been spending a lot more time with Fedris. We had a really nice time at the beach. He told me about his past and I told him some stuff about mine. Then somehow our friendly beach trip turned into a date. He said he liked me and I was surprised. I asked him if he thought Hlor would be mad if I started dating her brother, he said he didn't think so. I hope he's right. I wouldn't want her to be upset with me. And I've learned that Fedris is very protective. He pretty much yelled at Afer for sending this strange Khajiit to hug us. I told him it was just a joke and he apologized. He's also very affectionate, even in public. I hope people don't get completely sick of us.

Fedris and Afer are guards now....I have no idea how this is going to work out. Lets hope the make a good team. Also, Krimie is acting very strange. She stole meat from the tavern and ate it like a wild animal. It's very strange.

I sent a letter to my mother, telling her how happy I was here and that I wasn't coming back. I hope she's alright living by herself.

Hlor is finally awake! I got her caught up on what happened while she was in a coma. Of course the first thing she wanted to do was go down to the bar and get some food and drink. I asked her to take it easy for a while and she promised that she would. She even hugged me, which was surprising. She seemed relieved that I wasn't freaked out by what Fedris told me about her. She seemed to think that I would be scared of her or something. But Fedris isn't even sure that what he thinks he knows about her past is even the truth. so I won't judge her by just rumors. She was a little weirded out by me seeing her brother but I'm hoping that's not going to be a problem. I promised not to bore her about it. She has enough to deal with anyway. Her and Krimie were in the tavern together and it was tense. Krimie left right before I turned in for the night so I hope everything stayed calm after I left.

Everything was not calm when I got home. Fedris was there and insisted on drinking until he passed out. He's acting very weird. He doesn't normally drink but now he's downing hard liquor. He was trying to talk to me last night but he wasn't making any sense at all. He was drunk and I was tired so the communication was just not there. He's probably going to be hung over all day so I decided to let him stay at my place undisturbed. Maybe he'll be able to sleep it off before the market today. If not, i guess I'll try talking to him again later. But this time I wont bring him any alcohol.

Everything is so confusing right now. I found out why Fedris was acting so weird. He cheated....with two other guys. One's a consort the other a werewolf that they rescued, who didn't even remember it at first. I was devastated. And even more so because Ali told me about it right in front of customers, who were joking about it like it didn't matter. Like it didn't hurt someone. I lost it. I confronted Reliza and got too angry about it. I tried to smash a bottle over his head! Luckily he dodged it. I hate to think what would have happened if he hadn't. I was acting like a crazy animal, slapping and kicking him while cursing and calling him names. I made him cry! It was so awful, now that I look back at it. I don't think he meant to hurt anyone. I should apologize to him.

Fedris finally showed his face later that night. And we've been fighting ever since. We've both said some awful things to each other. We tried to talk it out but we keep placing blame on each other. I want to forgive him but I keep throwing it back in his face when he says something that angers me. It's really been hard and we've both been trying but I think maybe it's too much for us both to handle right now.

And it seems like everyone is sticking their nose into my personal life. I've been spending a little time with Thorthil and now everyone has something to say about it. Ali accused him of trying to sleep with his fiance and then he took me outside and said I reeked of his smell! I was so shocked and offended, without thinking, I slapped him across the face and told him to stop sniffing me and that it was none of his business. Then Newlynn, I think that's his name, told me to talk to Fedris about what was going on. Then Fedris started in on me about it, asking how could I care about him if I like someone else. Oh he has some nerve asking me that. We got into a huge fight over it. I told him we should just cool down and give each other time and space to figure out what we both want. I'm just so tired of the fighting and jealousy and everything else. This has been such an exhausting couple of days.

I had hoped things would calm down after that fight with Fedris but I was so very wrong. Something is going on with the Treethane, Elsy. There was some type of magic done to make it seem like someone from her past had appeared to attack her. She was freaking out! Whatever...whoever that was, it really frightened her. All the guard are alert and guarding her. I hope this is handled before her wedding to Alijham. They deserve some peace.

Speaking of Alijham, I apologized to him for the other day. He was very understanding but he, again, used that smelling ability of his to find out something else about me. He knew about me and Thorthil. I didn't deny it but I asked him to keep it quiet. He seemed disappointed in me at first, like I was trying to avoid my problems with Fedris by seeing someone else. But it's not like that at all. I told him that Fedris and I were done and that Thorthil offered me an escape from all this drama so I took it. Then he told me what he knew about Thor, which was not all good. It seems like most people around here are trying to push me back to Fedris. I don't think most of them understand that I'm just enjoying not being in such an intense relationship right now. At this moment, everything is calm. Spending time with Thor is just fun and...easy. Every time I see Fedris now, one or both of us are in tears or angry. Like last night....I went to him to talk about what he and Ali spoke about earlier that day and it was just so...intense. There's still a lot of tension there and I don't think it's going to go away any time soon.

I really wish Hlor would stop taking my side and be there for her brother. He's family! And he needs her. He needs someone. I can't be there for him right now. But something is going on with her too. Reliza blurted out to me that he slept with her so she must be in a good mood over that. She's been in a really good mood. I mean, she's still a bit rude and mean but just not as venomous as usual. And then there's Reliza, who was trying to get me into bed with him. Gross. He messed around with my boyfriend ex-boyfriend and then slept with Hlor. There's no way I'm falling for his charming act, and I told him so. Many times. He didn't seem to want to believe me and kept trying! Then he insulted me and I nearly hit him again. But I didn't. I calmed down and told him that I wished to get to know him, not his specialties. And then I left.

And it seems like Y'ffre doesn't think I have enough going on so he adds one more....my brother is in town. The youngest of my older siblings, Fin, is in Vulkwasten. I don't know why. He must have read my letter to mother and just showed up. He says he has news for me. Y'ffre, please don't let it be something bad. I was starting to freak out a little. Thor and Fedris were there and met him. Mother hates Dunmer but I don't know if Fin feels the same way. And would he tell mother about Fedris and I? I really don't know. I mean, he's the one sibling I'm closest to. But we've never been really close since he left when I was young...ten maybe. I really hope he just tells me why he's here and then goes back home. All this stress is going to cause me to have more attacks. I might have to visit Ali and ask for something for my nerves.

I'm starting to wonder if there's something about me that sends men running straight to consorts. I said something really mean to Niltsiel and Thorthil because I was a little jealous and feeling like the 'consort incident' was about to happen again. So long story short, he told me to take some time to think about what I wanted and then left with Niltsiel. No doubting what they were doing all night. I hope she got the amount of coin she was wanting and that he got his money's worth. I'll never understand paying for intimacy. Doesn't it feel cheap and dirty? Wouldn't you want there to be at least some feelings involved? Thor talked to me later in the clinic while I was giving him a potion for his stomach. He said he felt guilty for upsetting me and that he would miss me. Well, I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be his friend. I think hes just tired and hurting from the poisoning.

Oh my, the poisoning! Fedris, Fin, Afer and Thor all ate some tainted food that Avella served. It nearly killed them! They all seem to be recovering though. But poor Avella...someone killed her. And she wasn't the only one...a khajiit woman was found behind the tavern all cut up...it was horrible. Racuvar tried to save her but it was too late. I felt so bad for him, he looked so worn out and stressed. then poor Krimie went into labor! Ali was away from the clinic so i tried to remember everything mother taught me about delivering babies. I had never delivered one before but i didn't tell them that.....I didn't want anyone to panic. Everything went well and she had twins, a boy and a girl. I hope Ali isn't mad that I helped out while he was gone. Racuvar said I should offer to help out in the clinic more but I dont think Ali would think I'm qualified enough. Plus, who would serve the drinks in the tavern? Racuvar did a great job at keeping Krimie calm. They seem to have a close connection of some kind. I'm not sure how that works since she's with someone else. It would be nice to see the both of them happy because they've seemed so lonely lately.

Fedris and I are getting along again. I nearly lost him while I was still mad at him. That can't happen again. I wont hold those grudges anymore. We forgave each other and are on good terms but I asked him to keep it quiet until Fin leaves. I don't know how he would react or if he'd run and tell mother. She would come here and start trouble. No, it has to wait until he leaves. I hope that's soon....he still hasn't told me the news about our mother...

My friend Hlor is in quite a mess. I really feel for her. Fedris was putting all the blame on Reliza, which isn't fair. I told him to forgive Rel and just be there for Hlor. I was surprised to learn that it was the advice from the Spinner, Racuvar, which helped Fedris come to the decision to be a hypocritical ass to his sister and her lover. It's a good thing that Nilstiel and I spoke to Fedris before he did or said anything he may have regretted later.

But I'm still confused why Racuvar would tell Fedris to hold a grudge. Perhaps he misunderstood. He always seemed kind and forgiving to me. And he's one of the town leaders so he should be helping everyone to get along. Yes, my Fedris must have misunderstood.

Alijham and Elsy' s wedding was yesterday. I was able to make it to the reception. There was a few minor mishaps. I told Fin that I was dating Fedris and he seemed really angry at first but then later said he was alright with it. It's such a relief to finally be honest and not have to hide it anymore. Then a deadric Prince showed up for a moment with a gift. That was very odd. And then Malyne was there with his gift and his resignation. I found it sad, I thought he was a good guard. He saved my life and Racuvars once. But I hope he finds something else that makes him happy.

And speaking of happy, Fedris is starting to spoil me. He's been so supportive and understanding. And I can't thank him enough for giving me the time to be honest with Fin about my relationship with him. I'm going to plan something special for him.

The bar! It's a complete mess! I'm so upset and I don't know what to do. There was an earthquake and it destroyed so much. There's a big hole right outside the tavern! What if one of my customers are not paying attention and fall in it? That's not good for business at all. Do'Wadiq left me in charge of the Tavern and of course the minute his back is turned, the tavern is destroyed. So many of the drinks are gone...the food is ruined. I'm not sure about the stock upstairs yet but I'll have to check on them. I could just cry right now. But I'm going to try not to. I heard that mostly everyone is alright. I went to the clinic and saw Malyne in there talking to Ari. I wonder if one or both of them were injured during the earthquake...I sure hope not. They're both so nice. Then I saw the healer, Lucrezia, walking to the clinic...she looked like she had fallen into that big hole outside! Bruises on her face, a black eye and she was holding onto her side, walking slowly. I tried to help her up the ladder but she wouldn't let me, said she just tripped and would be fine. It looks like someone beat on her. I hope she gets better. We need our healers in good shape.

I was trying to spend a nice quiet day with my Fedris. We took Basil out for a long walk so he could run around and play in the woods and then just spent the day in my home, relaxing and talking. That's when the earthquake hit. I'm so glad he was there but it was very scary. I would have been a nervous wreck on my own. But he made sure Basil and I were safe. Poor Basil is still a nervous little fox after that. He just wants to curl up in my lap now. Oh this is all so very bad. I hope we're able to get the bar repaired. I'm just going to go rest now and stop stressing out over this.

Mother is not doing well...Fin said I should visit her. Is she sick? Or dying? Did I cause this by leaving? I feel so many things right now...guilt is the worse one though. I have to go back home.

I'll ask Fedris to go with me once the town is no longer under quarantine. I can't go back alone. Maybe after mother meets Fedris and sees how wonderful he is then she'll learn to accept him.

Fin is going to S'ren-ja for a week. I heard its dangerous there. I hope he'll be careful.

I can't believe this happened....Why did this happened to me? What did I do to deserve this? Is this punishment for breaking the Green Pact at times? Am I being punished for loving a dunmer and not being married before we...you know? Was leaving mother so bad that I needed to learn my lesson this way? Or was it really just an accident?

An accident? How can you accidentally bite someone?!?! She bit me! SHE BIT ME! I still cannot believe it! Why did she do this? Why to me?! She says that she'll teach me...train me...help me control it...Right...Hlor is the very definition of being out of control. So how can she help me? I told her to leave. I told them both to leave me alone. But they won't. I even locked myself away but they broke in. Why won't they just leave me be?!

I don't know what to do. I'm so scared now. What if I hurt someone?

I cannot believe this! I'm a monster now...

My mother is here. She tracked me down and dragged me out of my home. She slapped me right in front of Fedris and he lost it! He slapped her back and then arrested her. I was so worried...for both of them. Fedris calmed me down but the next day it only got worse. She had made an agreement for me to marry an old acquaintance of hers. I was suppose to wed the mer's son but I ran off to Vulkwasten instead and the young mer married someone else. Now his father wishes to take his place. This is awful! I learned that the money I took was from that arrangement. Now mother wants the money and a duel! And Fedris agreed! I don't want this. I told Fedris that we could just leave and he said no. I told him to just marry me so no one else could claim me and he brought up that I had took back my offer for us to move in together so he didn't want me to regret this. I understand but I'm heartbroken. I just want all of this to end.

I hope Fedris comes to his senses and backs out...I'm sure we can figure something else out...

So it's happened...Fedris asked me to be his wife.

Actually, he shouted it. It was so incredibly sweet and surprising. I never thought it would happen...Fedris has always had problems dealing with commitment. I thought us living together would be the biggest challenge for him. But...it looks like he wants it all now. And with me.

So why am I not happy?

Because I almost messed it up! I...my gods...I almost killed him...twice! This curse...it's taking over. My poor sweet Fedris, he was just trying to help. He was helping in the only way he knew how and it nearly costed him his life. I lost control. He tried to play it off like it wasn't a big deal but I know it was! I could feel that hunger in me getting out of hand. I told him to put that collar on me...the silver one that prevents you from turning. He finally agreed but it broke his heart. He put the little pink seashell on it, from out first date. He said he was going to take care of this. But...I think he's in over his head.

So I went looking for Hloriella. I found her out in the woods. She was wearing a horrible looking mask. We talked. I was crying and I told her what I did. She seemed very confused and angry at first. Then, she agreed to help me. To find a way to get rid of this curse. She said that maybe Malyne knew of a way. Then, she took my blood and put it in a vial. Perhaps she needs it for the cure?

I don't know...at this point, I don't care. I just want to be normal again!

It has too long since last wrote. Fedris spoke to Malyne about a cure for me and he agreed to help us. He, Lucrezia and Hloriella met us at this creepy tomb and Lucrezia did some sort of ritual that involved two witch heads...which Malyne brought to her so casually, actually swinging the bag like he was just carrying a bag of potatoes! Is this normal for those three? Actually, I prefer not to know.

They did the ritual and it brought forth a wolf spirit or something...it started attacking them! Hlor and Malyne fought it while Fedris held me. Lu was guarding us and then suddenly another wolf spirit appeared and attacked Lu! It hurt her bad...I feared she was dying. Hloriella tried to save her with her wolf's blood but it didn't work...Hlor had been cured somehow in the ritual! Hloriella freaked out and drank the blood she took from me! I thought she was going to give it to Lucrezia but she took it herself, turned and then ran off! Fedris scooped me up and ran off after her but we couldn't find her. Miss Lu did survive...I didn't ask how. I'm just glad everyone is alright. I still cannot believe Hlor just left her friend to die.

A child came into the Tavern one day looking for his father. He thought it was Fedris! I'm ashamed to say that I did not take it well. I fainted first, then demanded names of all the women Fedris had been with. He offered hair color. I nearly threw a pot at him. Then Sernderalin took me aside to check on me and asked me not to be so hard on Fedris. He said that he didn't remember every woman's name either. So it got me thinking...are all men just not able to control their urges? Fedris and Sern admitted to lust filled pasts...I was once warned about Thorthil...Malyne cheated on his former girlfriend...The bosmer Eranor cheated with Hlor...Reliza was with my Fedris and Hlor...I'm starting to wonder who has managed to stay faithful and/or not sleep around. Afer? Racuvar? Alijham? Maybe I don't want to know these things...

I forgave Fedris and then we decided to talk about everything...No secrets. He told me what exactly happened that day with Reliza. And then I told him that I was with Thorthil that one time while we were broke up. I thought he knew already! He said he suspected it but he never knew for sure. Then I admitted that I kissed him once right after Fedris and I got back together. That really upset him. He even yelled! I was really worried...I thought maybe that was it for us. But now he's fine. He said that he worked it out and still wants to get married! I'm still going to try to make this up to him somehow. Hlor thinks their father might be alive and asked Thorn to look into it. I hope they find something.

I'm worried about my family too. Mother has suddenly fell ill...deathly ill. I don't know how long she'll make it. She keeps refusing treatment. She just keeps asking to see Fin. Meanwhile Fin seems depressed. I think he's staying drunk all the time! I hear he's coming on to all the women in town too. I need to get him to sober up and speak to mother. Maybe she will feel better. Maybe they both will!

I also wrote to my father....He has not wrote back.

I can't believe all that's happened lately. Mother went home to Woodhearth and passed away there. Her orc friend, Bashzug brought a letter for me and Fin from her but it was ruined during the travel. I can't read any of it but I keep it in my drawer anyway. I wrote to my father, my real one, and told him of my mother's death. He only wrote back that he was sorry for my loss. I suppose that's all I'll ever hear from him.

Then, the most awful thing happened. Poor Kira and Find went missing and Fin confessed to murdering them! Miss Elsy spoke to me about his arrest. My gods, the things he confessed to were so awful! He was demanding a ransom and he also stole most of our inheritance. I don't even know how he got that! I don't know what to think. It makes me sick to think about it all. The guard, Nalwynn searched my brother's room. I did not ask what he found. I don't know if I want to know. I made food to distract myself and gave some to the guard, he seemed to enjoy it or was just being polite. He is a kind mer. I feel terrible for him. He was nice enough to pray with me in the guard barracks. It made me feel a tiny bit better. I hope the Nightvales find their sister alive. I hope Fin is just making this all up.

I wonder what is going to happen to him.

Hello again, diary. I had thought Ash Yams had destroyed this book but thankfully it was just misplaced.

Now, where to begin? Sadly, Fin was found guilty of everything he had admitted to and the guard sentenced him to death. I just couldn't watch. I still feel bad that I didn't ever tell him goodbye and that I forgave him. Fedris said it was quick and he felt no pain. I'm thankful for that, at least.

I was sad for a long while but eventually decided to move on. I left my job at the tavern and started working for my good friend, Afer, in the Fighter's Guild. They needed help filing papers and sorting contracts...things like that. I really enjoy my job! It gets a little quiet while everyone has a contract to complete but Basil keeps me company.

But the best news is that Fedris and I got married and are now trying to have a baby! It's very exciting for us both...though I may have gotten a little too obsessed with it for a while...

And now poor Ash Yams is missing. I hope it wasn't because I stopped him from eating everything in the housepod! I was running out of skirts to wear since the mischievous goat thought they were a midnight snack. I do hope he is found soon. Oh! Hloriella had a baby! Emelia is her name and she's so cute and little. She just clings to me now when I hold her. It's odd...Hlor is much more comfortable with me holding Emelia than her own brother! Perhaps she worries that Fedris may drop her, he can be clumsy at times but he wouldn't drop a baby! Well...I hope he wouldn't.

And speaking of family, I finally met my father. That was not a pleasant meeting. Fedris mistakenly let me believe that this mer wanted to meet me, but he actually wanted nothing to do with me. He only wanted a sword back that apparently Hloriella and Lucrezia stole from him. I still need to ask about that. Well, when he told me the truth of his visit, I got emotional and cried. Fedris overreacted a little and attacked my father! They were brawling in our yard! And then Fedris's senche jumped on my dad and tried to bite his hair! It was insane! I yelled at them to stop and for him to leave. I haven't seen or heard from him since. I hope he's on his way back to Morrowind.

Also...Afer left his wife. Fedris told me some things and it make me very sad for him. I had no idea their marriage was so troubled. It was a shock to Fedris and I both when we returned from our honeymoon to learn that Afer and Lucrezia were a couple. I...may have been a bit too judgmental. Fedris says they are a good couple so I am happy for them. I will say, though...he sure does like the loud mouthy ones.

And probably the most surprising thing that's happened is that Menelin and Thorn got married! I sadly missed the wedding, wasn't feeling well enough to travel but I heard it was beautiful. Fedris forgot our gift, a huge basket of homemade goods. I will simply have to make them another one. I wonder what type of homemade snacks Argonians like.

He won't eat or sleep. And now he's even stopped drinking water. I'm so worried! Fedris told me to tell him if Basil stopped drinking water and so I did. I thought he was out looking for a way to help Basil but then he came back with scratches on himself. He said that he got tangled in a thorn bush but then I got this note from Reliza that said the scratches actually came from a lady!

He's doing it again! I can't believe it! I went to find him and Hlor said he was out by the ocean or something...I didn't understand, I was so angry. I locked him out of our home and said he could sleep in the Guild Hall for all I care. But he didn't. Fedris and his father slept outside! I could hear them talking. I wanted to throw a pot of water on them both! But Mr. Timberscrub hasn't done anything wrong so he shouldn't be punished for Fedris's crimes.

I just can't believe this is happening again. And while our poor Basil is so sick! Will he die? I hope not! I'd be lost without my little fox. Oh, I think he may be feeling a bit better, he's trying to crawl to me.