Dargo and Kraytune: A Love Story

The following is a creative reconstruction of a night's roleplay. And let me assure you, all these things really did happen. Enjoy!


Dargo and Kraytune: A Love Story
Part One: True Love Meets

It was late in the evening, Kraytune was finishing up at the Tall Trunk Tavern, romantic animal fat candles burned upon the hide tables, their flames flickering gently. Kraytune stood at the counter, idly staring into the flame, her dreams and thoughts swirling about freely through her head. Just then, her dreams were shattered as she heard heavy footsteps approaching. Her eyes looked up and beheld a man of substantial girth. His clothes were quite colorful. He wore a scarlet vest which just barely seem to fit around His chest. His receding hairline bore greying locks of hair that hung down over the back of His neck.
"Well hello sweet lips!"
Kraytune greeted the man quietly, "Hello, can I get you something?"
The big man eyed her up and down. "Well, I am quite thirsty, how about a nice drink?"
She began pouring a whisky for the gentleman. Sliding it across the table, she averted her eyes from him, turning to clean something for the twelfth time. The man took the drink, sipping on it noisily, watching the barmaid without breaking his stare.
"Weren't you going to leave town?" Kraytune asked.
The man's eyebrows raised as he drank his whiskey. Setting it down he replied "Ah, yes, well I couldn't very well leave town without having another look at your wonderful... Uh... amenities so to say..."
Kraytune, not understanding him asked "Amenities? I'm not sure I understand you"
"Ah, yes well... The company of course!" He said to her, sweat beads welling up on his oily forehead. She rolled her eyes and turned her back to the tubby man. He eyed her beautifully ample rear as she moved some things on the shelf. Kraytune certainly looked like quite the woman, and she had a fire in her that he found quite attractive.
"Isn't your mother company enough for you?" She snidely shot at him.
The large man set his glass down. "Aye, me mama, Divines bless her soul, she was a capital woman indeed, right till the day she passed"
The large man began to sniffle, then turning into a small cry.
Kraytune turned, and seeing the man beginning to sob, apologized profusely. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I.. I didn't mean to offend you. I thought I was being sharp and witty making that jab but... I'm so sorry. I lost my mother too."
The man wiped his eye, straightening up. "Ah yes, terrible stuff... Uh.. How's about some more whiskey my girl?"
"Well, I suppose. Though this must be the last one. Company policy and all."
Kraytune poured the man a second drink which he quickly snatched up.
"I don't believe I know your name yet sir"
The man, taking a step back with glass still in hand, placed one foot forward in a fancy, if not rotund bow towards the young woman.
"Lord Dargo Tubius, at your service!"
"Oh, Lord?" Kraytune's interest in the ponderously proportioned man had been piqued. "And pray, where might you be from Lord? Are you from Daggerfall?" She asked, trying to gauge the man a little deeper than she had before.
"Aye! I am in fact!"
"High Rock?"
"Oh yes! Indeed! Capital place! No rock like the High Rock eh? that's what I always say!"
"Indeed... A Lord of High Rock... And pray, what are you Lord of?"
The corpulent man had by this time long finished that second drink, which at present sat on the counter, His fingers running over it.
"Why, the Tubius Estate I should say, as well as several smaller pieces of land and such I own. An estate in Colovia, a Winter house in Auridon, you know, things like that."
"Auridon? You own an estate in Auridon?" Kraytune's eyes had grown just slightly wider at hearing this.
Leaning forward on the counter, Dargo replied "Oh yes, just a little place for vacations. A dozen bedrooms or so, nothing much"
As he leaned forward Dargo was fixated on the drink rack towards the rear of the kitchen which he saw.
Kraytune, also leaning on the counter a bit now, though not too close, saw "$$ka-ching$$", "dolla dolla bill yo", "cash money", her ticket out so to say.
"So, you seem quite well off then?" Kraytune inquired, nonchalantly.
"Indeed! I should say so! You don't get to be Lord by being one of the whiny peasants eh? Ha!" Dargo laughed deeply, his distended belly jiggling from the laughter.
"Yes yes, In fact I own quite the extensive merchant business with several caravans under my employ." He leaned a little closer to Kraytune, his voice lowering "and just between you and me, it's not a bad living!"
Kraytune, temporarily blinded by her new found gold digger tendency, now got quite the close look at the man's face. Kraytune stood up, back from the counter a bit as if needing to get something or clean, or something.
As she turned, Dargo eyed her womanly figure, becoming somewhat distracted by her.
"Well, I must say, Auridon sounds absolutely beautiful. I have always fancied myself more akin to the High Elf ways, in fact, I'm the tallest in my family, always having to duck through the doors, and the men, they all seem so short around here, tis a tragedy indeed... "
Dargo did not hear much of what she said, being otherwise distracted.
"Yes, indeed... Auridon is alright. In fact I was supposed to be headed there shortly. I believe some things, came up though..." His voice trailed off as he watched Kraytune, a little drool beginning to form at his lower lip.
"Really?!" She exclaimed excitedly.
Shocked out of his daze he looked up to her as she wheeled around.
"Do you have business there? Shall you be there a long time?" She inquired at him, speaking quite rapidly.
"Oh well, you know, some annual caravan oversight thing. I like to travel along with the caravans at least once a year, get to see first hand the work, stay on top of those boys, you know. Its a real bore actually... Thankfully the scenery isn't too bad, and the carriage, yes the carriage is quite cushy indeed. That part helps" He began to yawn.
Kraytune was dreamy eyed. She mustn't let him escape, she thought to herself.
"I do say girl, how about another drink?"
"Oh, I uh, actually the bar is supposed to be closed. No more I'm afraid. Company policy"
Dargo scoffed, looking around. "Company policy, hrmph... Should buy up this place... " he began to hold up his hands, as if framing the tavern walls inside a little picture frame between his fingers.
"I'm sure you'd have no problem buying up a dingy little sinkhole like this... The water isn't even clear.. Brown... That probably lowers the price..."
"Oh yes, indeed. I've certainly got the funds. Might not be worth it though."
Kraytune, having finished with the bar, stood imaging herself as a lady of Auridon.
"I imagine you keep quite good care of your wife and children?" She asked in a pointed manner.
Dargo still framing the place between his fingers answered "Oh, no wife for me, haven't quite gotten there yet"
"I see... Girlfriend then?"
"No girlfriend"
"Boyfriend? I mean, I've heard the khajiit are certainly into that."
"Oh, I uh, no. I mean, I'm certainly the ladies man if you understand my meaning." He gave her a wink. Kraytune's stomach churned.
"Well," Kraytune started, "I suppose I should close up now, it was a pleasure to talk to you"
Dargos heart started beating faster, he wheeled his rotund rumpus round the rear of the bar, scooting close to Kraytune.
"How's about a squeeze for the road?"
The man held his arms out as if to embrace her. Kraytune became quite nervous.
"I, uh, you need to stay on that side of the bar" Kraytune told him.
Dargo's gave an awkward look "oh, yes, I see. Well..." He gave her a quick awkward side huggish thing.
Kraytune vomited in her mouth.
Dargo turned to walk out the bar.
Kraytune's eyes followed him out. She realized he was much uglier up close. She thought to herself "You know, if he lost a little weight, maybe colored his hair, he wouldn't look quite so bad. Maybe I could help him lose weight. Yeah. Auridon"
Dargo headed out the door, turning at the last to give a wave and another bodacious bow. She forced a wave and a smile in return.
And this my friends, is the tale of how true love began.

((I LOST IT AT:

Kraytune, also leaning on the counter a bit now, though not too close, saw "$$ka-ching$$", "dolla dolla bill yo", "cash money", her ticket out so to say.

THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL))

^^^^^^ True Story! Dargo is such a capital guy. I have not laughed this hard in a long time.

rotund rumpus

*Gigglesnort*

It was seriously one of the funniest RP's I've had. And Kraytune really was emoting all that. I was going to try to save the chat log, but my computer crashed. Thank goodness for decent memory.

Dear Reader, by popular demand, Dargo is back in a new and exciting continuation of his tale. Enjoy!

Dargo and Kraytune: A Love Story
Part Two: Dargo Walks Into A Bar

Nay dear reader, not a joke, but a matter of happenstance, for that evening he did walk into a bar, the Vulkwasten tavern to be precise. He approached the counter as was Hus manner, wobbly. Styletta stood at the bar, serving and cleaning as was her manner.
"Well Hello Sweet cheeks!" She did not seem to notice him as she was otherwise engaged with a rowdy bar-goer at the time. Turning to his side, he looked upon a sullen looking mer who sat at the counter, munching on what looked like the world's best stew. Dargo's mouth began to water, but remembered that he had a mission and must stick to it. Greeting the mer, he asked him "Well good chap, I don't you've seen that Capital little barmaid around have you? I do say, splendid little firework she is!"
The Dunmer, or Fedris as he was so called, shrugged his shoulders. "I believe her name was Kry.... Kra... Something like that at least. Beautiful little thing, red hair and all"
Fedris looked up at that, not having have had good experience with the redheaded mer of this town so far. "You close with them or something?" He asked, as if asking about the patterns of hunted prey.
"Me? Well, ah, no. Not quite. Intact I've only just come to this Capital little town! No town like the little town eh?!"
The Dunmer's face fell back to his bowl at hearing nothing useful. "I just got here myself too. I had been... Had been looking for.." Tears welled up in the stony mers eyes. "I'd been looking for my sister. How about you? What brings you here?"
Dargo replied, "oh, business trip actually. Merchants money things, you know. Troublesome actually, but alas! The curses of wealth eh?!"
The mer sat silent. Dargo seeing his expression finally, spoke "I say old chap, you look a little down. Someone stole your guar?"
Fedris shook his head "My sister. She was beaten into a coma by some crazy..."
Just then a tiny old bosmer raced into the tavern with a fury that belonged to that of a timber mammoth. "Why on this good Nirn is my Krim-Krim in the bloomin' jail!!"
Fedris countenance become quite singularly focused "Y-your....Krimie is your daughter?"
The old mer nodded "Aye, me oldes' daughter...now..why the fetch is she in da jail?"
"Your daughter almost killed my sister!" He shouted at the old bosmer.
“who's yer sister?” The old mer asked callously.
With ears in his eyes, Fedris responded "HL-loriella. A dunmer."
Kramkoo’s eyes widened, he rushed the mer, standing up close to him, his face poking right up into Fedris’s. "Hlloriella? how do you spell dat?"
Fedris began trying to spell it, but shook his head, "Why?! Why does such a thing matter?!"
Dargo stood at the counter, watching this little inquisition by the tiny old mer, right till he heard a voice from behind him. A sweet heavenly voice. Kraytune, who had been hidden behind the bar, serving and taking care of things, looked to Kramkoo "Papa...Hloriella is the one that gave krimie her new voice"
Kramkoo narrowed his eyes. "Aye...yer sister is da one dat put dat gash in me daughter's neck...makes her sound all hoarse nowadays"
The two mer continued their discussion, mild shouting, tears flowing, the works basically. Dargo though was otherwise concerned. He quickly (ok, well sort of quickly) turned round to see Kraytune. "Ah, hello Sweetlips!"
Kraytune gulped with apprehension "oh...umm...hello Mr. Tubis..it is good to..umm see you again"
"Tubius" he corrected her "And I should say so, men of my being often brighten up such dreary places!"
"Yes...of course..." she said, not very assuringly.
Dargo stared at her awkardly for a moment, "Well, uh... How are things? It's been a while hasn't it?" though it had really only been a day, to the blossoming love in Dargo’s heart it seemed as though an eternity since looking upon her face… He crossed his arms, resting them both on his tubulent tummy. (yes, you heard me correctly dear reader, “Tubulent”)
Kraytune, not quite feeling the same replied "Yes...far far too long..In fact, I was wondering if you'd ever show your face around here again...but nontheless it is good to see you again Mr. Tubius"
"Yes” Dargo said in his charming accent “unfortunately my merchant thingy's have sort of been postponed for the momentium so to say. Sort of waiting to get some things negotiated before I make my trip to Auridon" He leaned on the counter towards her, adding "Oh, and uh... I could use a drink" with that he gave a wink, the fat of his cheek merging with his great eyebrow in a quick and emotive squish
Kraytune gulped "Yes...of course one Arathian Brandy coming right up" She turned around heading to the wine rack, unaware how perfectly her proportioned proportions swayed as she walked. Dargo gazed on at her beautiful… ameneties, so to say. As he eyed her, he lifted his hand to his mouth, taking a quick lick and then slicking it back over his balding pate.
Kraytune, bent over at her waist, was trying to find a bottle of brandy. As she searched she spoke back to Dargo.
"Soo..Auridon" Kraytune said as she looked though the rack "Say now...I bet those trips are tiring, are they not?"
"Oh yes, quite. travelling, sights, overseeing, you know,the curses of wealth so to say! But I do say, not a bad curse to have, eh? Haha!"
Finding the Brandy, she brought it back to the counter. “Here you go, lov… uhh...i mean Mr. Tubius”
Dargo’s heart twittered like the call of a woodland Lark within his chest
"Ah yes! Capital indeed! Thank you my girl"
Taking the glass, he lifted it to his pudgy lips, the liquid pouring into his mouth and flowing down his throat.
“Tell me Mr. Tubius...do you get a lot of exercise as you travel?” As she asked, she took an empty glass and poured some brandy in it for herself. Mumbling, she said to herself "I'm going to need this"
Dargo, placing the glass back down, raised his arm, wiping it across his mouth. "Oh, a fair amount I should say. Quite a lot of travelling to and fro across the place, climbing into carriages and out of carriages and such sort of many tiresome things... " He looked winded just having to think about it.
"Ah I see…” said Kraytune, “well. have you every tried walking more often? I hear it shapens your mind and makes you focues when making trade deals"
Dargo laughed heartily at that, "AH! Capital Idea. Well a ‘shapened’ mind is quite the asset. No mind like the ‘shapened’ mind I always say! Though I also feel that the presence of a good entourage elevates a man, puts him in a position of superiority to the opposition so to say, eh?"
Kraytune nodded "Yes Mr. Tubius..it is very umm.. capital to have a group by your side to display your position of wealth and power...but I read on a scroll somewhere that a fit man is more influential than one who is..not fit.. wouldn’t you say?... eh?”

Now while Dargo had been conversing with the alcohol serving angel Kraytune, a completely separate conversation had been continuing on simultaneously to theirs. Now I know this may seem strange to you reader, that two stories could be happening simultaneously, but I assure you it is possible. Now Dargo had been having to listen to this conversation


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Kramkoo and Fedris's Conversation

Kramkoo shouted, “She slit her throat! Ruined her beautiful voice!”
Fedris, unable to hide any tears rolling down his face, grimaced. "I-I don't know anything about that...I just got here a few days ago. I'm sorry for whatever she did...but she..she..she didn't deserve to be beaten half to death!"
“Wot did my Krim-krim do to her?” he questioned.
"She..she.." Fedris sniffled, looking up at the ceiling before casting broken, angry eyes to the old bosmer. "She put her in a coma."
Old Kramkoo Nightvale stared at the dunmer with his piercing beady little eyes "Well then...looks like yer sister 'ad it coming"
Fedris replied with a look of shock, "H-how can you even say that?! You horrible little man!" He shouted in his face. "I don't know how much Hloriella has changed, but she isn't the kind of person to do something... something that warrants death!"
“well...is the dark elf dead or not?”
Fedris, scowling with tears in his eyes, tensed his fists, "N-n-no...but she hasn't woken..." He gritted his teeth.
“Then she's in a better place than my Krimie” Kramkoo shot out.
Fedriscould not understand how he would say such a thing. "W-what are you talking about? Krimie is in jail! I would think that is better then a, a coma!"
Kramkoo scoffed, “Coma ain't so bad...ya get to dream...Jail is a nightmare…”
Looking at the man in shock, Fedris yelled "Are you insane?! She nearly died! She could still die!" Tears started rolling down his cheeks despite his best efforts to look tough. "...and for what?! I don't even know! I just, I just found her... I can't lose her!"
At that moment, Kramkoo took out a tissue, and raising it to his face, he blows his nose and put it back in his pocket. With a smirk he jabbed "oh...did you need that?" he places his hand on the Dunmer's shoulder "Now now...it will be aw'right...yer sister will be fine...they have the best doctors in all of this Tavern here...in this...uh..tavern...Seriously though, any medical building that has it's clinic on the top floor of a tree is alright with me. I suppose the medics can work on the injured as the hoist her up the ramp"
Fedris sighed, leaning back slowly nodding with a distant look. "Yeah...yeah...I'm just...so confused."
“Wot did ya say yer name is?” The old mer asked.
”F-Fedris, Fedris Timberscrub sir.”
"well then...F-Fedris, Fedris Timberscrub...care to join me in a drink? we can drink our sorrows away"
Fedris nodded, "Maybe... just one. Yes, if I may join you." He rubs his beard, "I never did finish my rotmeth last night."

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for the whole time he was trying to butter himself up (I get it, no need really?) for little miss Kraytune, and the whole bit of noise going on between them was quite a little distracting, thus he wheeled his whalish figure around towards the two, and addressing the smaller elf, he said "I say small chap, this man's had a terrible day. Mind keeping the noise down some? Some among us are trying to woo fair maidens if you know what I mean!" he said leaning in, whispering behind his hand so that Kraytune would not hear. “So ah, if you would... pipe down good chap."
At this Kramkoo poked the man in the belly...his finger going deeper than he thought it would. "please sir..I am having a polite discussion with the dunmer, here"
Dargo's bulging belly kept the little mer far enough back from him to avoid the little mer getting in Dargo’s face. "Oh yes, of course, just keep it down if you would" Dargo replied with the same calloused tone as Kramkoo, and under his breath muttering something about “Wild peasants”
Dargo, turned to face the counter. running his fingers over his glass, he stared absently into the flame of the nearby wax candle, letting his mind wander.

“Mr. Tubius…”
“Mr. Tubius…”

To Be Continued...