Niltsiel Flame's Assortment of Papers

(Used to do this a long time ago on Sugar Claw Clan, starting it up again here, just in case, I placed NSFW on this, if anything could be considered too demented, dark, or sexual, I will use spoilers, but probably will try to keep things relatively clean, but just in case, also this is really a journal but many different forms of writing are used, from notes to entries to poems(in red) and more !!! You are welcome to comment Ic or OOC, it is an assortment of papers she may have been given or picked up something as well !!!)


Written hastily "R-min-er: don-t m--tion the n-m- G--gle--x -ga-n"

then crossed out, and barely legible at this point

(( i feel both horrible and great that i know exactly what she's saying >_>

((red=poetry))

Something odd inside
Cuts me open wide
Not broken this time
Not done in a crime
Instead I speak now
A new voice endowed

written beneath the poetry- “Words come easily to my mouth now, but less so to my mind. When I could still think without saying I knew the answer to the question, and the reason for the statement. Now I feel as though I've been gifted a proper voice for lack of thought. Maybe I'm just not that good at multitasking. It is still far better than thinking for an eternity though”


On another page:

“Today I got naked with Reliza and talked. He is a peculiar person, but I like that. It makes every conversation more interesting. Though sometimes I doubt what he says. If he lies to others than why not to me? What makes me different?”

"Odd, how he followed, how he tried so hard. Nalwynn seemed persistent to make me feel good about myself. But he did it so.... predictably. Maybe I'm just getting good at getting things from people?. One thousand gold is still quite a bit to bet in a stranger's name." written neatly. Underneath is a small depiction of Lucian defeating Thorthil. Both were smiling, even though Thorthil was on the floor and in pain.

Written on a page of a journal is the following, relatively neat in small letters: "From offering my services I thought I'd meet new people. Turns out I won't have to, I have as much as I'd need with him." a smiling face is drawn beneath, shaded heavily from the bottom left corner, making it look rather dark and odd.

"Thorthil. Gods I don't know if it's right or wrong to say what I have. Am I helping him... or hurting him. Either way it's fun as Oblivion." the name thorthil was underlined multiple times.

"It could've been better. Still worth breaking Sty and him though."

!!! You are welcome to comment IC or OOC, it is an assortment of papers she may have been given or picked up something as well !!! ((I'll put this on the posts from time to time as a reminder))

"Hlor talked to me. Like, about personal things. I thought she didn't do that, like, with anyone. Maybe her predicament is getting to her, or she just really needed help with her brother and what he thinks about Relizard. I hope I helped, I'm not really sure but I think Sty may have as well." underneath the writing was a doodle of a woman of a stern face staring down at someone, but she held the hand of a giggling fool behind her, turned the other way. His face paint was drawn well, showing the lack of care for the moment at hand. There was a man staring at the scene from a distance, his arms crossed.

"I don't know why I didn't attend the wedding, I didn't have anything better to do. I guess I don't like watching people cry for no reason. Plenty of people get married, and plenty don't last. That is how it works, because love tends to lie." A picture of Alijham and Elsynia holding hands and staring at each other was beneath. At first glance it seemed perfect, but some of the details showed pain and anger. If you were to stare at it too hard they may even look mad at one another rather than happy.

"That Mok goblin guy is interesting. I can't stop thinking about the little fascinating things he does. Maybe I should start learning prices and selling his stuff. I'd love to watch him work his magic more as well." There was a doodle of a goblin sitting on the ground, some sort of box made of a gear pattern was in on hand, some sort of fictional tool she made up in another, all sorts of different ends, some sharp some with grooves, some blunt tipped, all different shapes sizes and lengths. he looked as though he was about to cast a spell with the tool upon the box (*coughworkinghismagiccoughcoughcough*)

!!! You are welcome to comment IC or OOC, it is an assortment of papers she may have been given or picked up something as well !!!

"I want to be friends, or at least not enemies, with Hloriella, but it is hard to do when all she does is sigh groan and joke with Relizard whenever I talk to, well, anyone really. I tried to help her, and I think I did, and I deserve the respect that any other guard gives me from her. I am not her entertainment, it does not matter if what I do or say bores her, I have money to make, and that is my first priority." There is a picture of a guard in her uniform, looking very dark and evil, leaning in close to a hooded masked bosmer, possibly whispering something. The bosmer looked slightly frightened.

On another page: "I may need to talk to Relizard about working his way into my business. I do not like his comments when I'm trying to get some work done. I don't think he gets that if i were to crack jokes about him that made him look bad, well, he'd be pretty annoyed as well. The only thing I think he loves other than himself is his money."

"Well, Hlor has promised to not torment me (her choice of words), in return for me trying to and hopefully successfully getting Fedris to think a little bit more of Reliza, who she pointed out to me I have been calling Relizard by accident. I am satisfied with that. And she said she will talk to him about the same thing, but we both understand that he did not ask for the help, and does not need to pay me any sort of reward. Though it would be nice if he was civil, one can only ask for so much."

"That cute khajiit, M'Alyia something, we kissed. This isn't the first time I have kissed someone because I was in an awkward situation, this is, however, the first time I kissed someone because they wanted 'to taste my pretty lips." I didn't know what to do. She's pretty, and she's nice, and she didn't try to bed me or pay me, but I don't, uh.... love. That would only get me hurt. So I kissed her to end the awkward silence. Which created more awkward silence. We talked about it later and she understands what I mean when I say that love hurts, because it does. Love turns people into worse versions of themselves, chained by whom they love without that person knowing. Or love seems so nice, until someone realizes they suddenly lost taste in the other, or when someone dies. I rather be left in my own sorrow than in someone else's. I couldn't stand being wept over, I haven't done anything worthy of tears in my entire life so far, and should only be wept for what i was about to do but failed. Chances are I will die in a ditch while I'm sleeping. I also, like, can get paid for things that I can't do if I date someone."

Underneath was a drawing of a woman in shining armor upon a senche. the senche had little detail, almost a silhouette. The armor, on the other hand, had a lot of detail, more than most of her drawings. The only odd thing was how shiny it was, almost unrealistic.

"What. Is. Wrong. With. Me. I work up a man and we start having some fun but the very second our lips touch I shut off. That has never happened. Not even when I think they look disgusting. I know why but I don't want to admit it. Love hurts, but as this man, Tel'something, told me, love hurts, but to rise you have to fall... I need to-" the writing stops abruptly and there is nothing beneath the words

!!! You are welcome to comment IC or OOC, it is an assortment of papers she may have been given or picked up something as well !!!

"Well. Aly and I are uh, dating, i think. I'm scared honestly. I don't know what, how to, i don't uh, I never loved anyone. Not my parents, may their bones continue to rot in oblivion. They would be the first thing to love me, but they NEVER did. This isn't just the first time I've loved... this will be the first time I've felt love." Two hands holding one another where drawn below. One had a gauntlet on, whilst the other had a fingerless glove on. An odd thing to wear, but nonetheless.

The page after was covered in small swirls and doodles, probably done while thinking, or daydreaming.

Written quickly was a rough draft:

When the day ends I see your face in the sun.
You say you have always been on the run.
Travelling because you don't fit in?
Running from your distant sins?
I do not care,
I want to hold you in my arms,
And protect you from all harm.
I never want to let you go.
I just want you to know,
you mean everything to me,
before I met you I couldn't see.
You are the light that shoos the night,
and all of my fright.
You give me might.
It may have been only a few days,
but I love you in every way.

"Notes: need to fix syllables"

written on the next page: "She is my everything I ever wanted, which is also everything I never knew I wanted. I want to give her the world in a glass case made from the sky and- I love her! I could say it over and over again, but i still can't quite wrap my head around it. I love her so much! I just worry though, I feel like if she sleeps with someone else, I feel like what we have isn't as special then, but I don't want to stop her, because I want her to be happy, I just, is she happy if I feel a little less happy?"

Underneath was a picture of the two of them, but what they were doing however, is something left between them and what the person who is looking at the description of it assumes ((*winks*))

written hastily "So it's been, well, a few days that Aly and I have been dating. And she proposed. And I said yes. I love her, and I don't have anything to lose. She said we could wait, but I think we are going to get married at some point anyways. Though not many married couples I know got married this early..."

the page had lots of open space, strange that she didn't use said space for anything.

"Well, I got my face wrecked in many a way by a combat dummy. Stupid thing probably fractured my nose, and made it bleed quite a bit. But all is well, I can't get back into Vulkwasten however, I'm just glad I left before it was closed off, I need to be able to make money still."
there was some blood on the page, most likely from her nose.

"Hah! All is well, sure... I almost died from blood loss. I breathed through my nose too hard and reopened it. Then, I see a murderer! My heart raced, I was already a bit light headed. I was close to death. Thanks the gods there was a healer to help. But, I realized that there are people who pray for me. Fadedella cares for than I thought she did. She really showed me today that I'm her best friend. And when I opened my eyes the first thing that came to my head was Aly. I thought she was standing over me for some odd reason when I woke up, but the healer, she was also khajiit, though like uh, that suthay-raht or uh, something. She herself showed a lot of care afterwords for what I had to offer her. How our paths crossing would affect her, and how I would like, rub off on her or something.. I dunno, but she did make me think about how I value people, and how they value me. If only she knew, if only she knew. But I don't mention that, even here."

beneath was a drawing of herself. She was laying down, shrouded by shadows, almost as if they were engulfing her, swallowing her. But a light remained. If you studied the picture very closely, you could see the light amidst the darkness had letters in it. A, A, A, T, F, R and H, but they were almost impossible to see.

!!! You are welcome to comment IC or OOC, it is an assortment of papers she may have been given or picked up something as well !!!

"Well I tried to not write but I found myself coming back here. I cheated on Aly, and I, like everything I do, don't regret it. I mean, she won't see this so I I felt so bad.a I don't know how I could do tha-I can't right anymore, this is a waste of time. I don't trust myself anymore, or my own things, love is hard, and I'm gonna have to get used to it, not that i can ever."

!!! You are welcome to comment IC or OOC, it is an assortment of papers she may have been given or picked up something as well !!!

"I couldn't resist. So weak, the cure for one sickness has me addicted to another. I knew it wasn't smart to leave what I had left behind. I thought I was strong enough, to not have to burn it. I was proud I could walk past it without having to take it. It was so nice not having to, uh, not have to deal with this pain in my head, this urge, this desire..."

The page was stained with a few droplets of hist sap, dried before the book was closed again

"I think Aly will help me from this horrid thing, throw the pain away. She's my true addiction though, I can't get enough of her... every living moment with her feels like a blessing. And she's going to be working in town as a blacksmith. I will see her almost every day... I can't wait." there was a drawing of Aly's armor, the details almost as good as the real thing.

"Oh. Gods. What have I done."