That Awkward Conversation (Fedris/Styletta)

After talking to Hlor, Styletta cleaned up in the tavern and closed up for the night. She walked extra slow that night, taking time to think on her way home. She asked Hlor to tell Fedris to meet her so they could talk. She was nervous about it and when she got home, her anxiety only got worse and she just started packing a bag. She wasn't even paying attention to what she was packing, it was more about keeping herself busy until the Dunmer showed up. Basil the fox made himself a little bed on the floor from a blanket that Sty tossed on the floor.

Fedris wouldn't have to even knock, the door had been left open.

Fedris walked solemnly to Styletta's abode, his blood running thick with anxiety, dread, and embarrassment. Standing at the door, the pathetic dunmer gave a heavy sigh, slowly reaching to crack the door open. Deep bags hung under his normally vibrant eyes, his hair tied back, but frayed. He looked a dreadful, hot mess.

Sipping his head through the door before he would step inside, he spoke in a shrill, broken tongue. "S-Styletta...? Are you home?" His eyes searched the room before settling with fear on the bosmer packing. "Styletta...I.." He preceded to walk to her, trembling.

Styletta looked tired and defeated. Her hair had long since fallen from its normal side bun, her dress was wrinkled and a bit dirty on the bottom, she had bags under her puffy red eyes, and her hands were a little swollen and red. When she heard Fedris' voice, she froze. She wasn't sure why his voice had shocked her, she'd been expecting him after all but still....

When he spoke again and she heard him entering the room, the fire that had sparked inside her before seemed to come right back. She was now picking up everything she had packed and throwing it in the direction of the Dunmer. Sty was completely worn out from the day's dramatic events that her throws were not strong or accurate. He may have to dodge a book or shoe though.

"Liar!" She yelled at him while throwing a brush. Basil decided to take cover under the bed. "C-cheat!" She calls him after tossing a small bottle of perfume near where he was standing. "Coward!" She accused him before turning around to face him, hands on her hips. "I had to f-find out from Ali! At w-work....in front of customers! That w-was embarrassing and dangerous....I attacked h-him....I-I tried to break a b-bottle over his head! I was s-so enraged at the image of...." she shook her head before finally dropping, sitting on the edge of the bed. "You s-said you only w-wanted me."

The dunmer had little time to brace for the various things throw in his direction, a book nearly hitting him in his cheek. Frantically, he backed up, trying to cover himself from her onslaught. Bringing his hands down as she spoke, his face turned pale, her words piercing his heart. "S-s-Styletta...I wanted to tell you...I was so...afraid of loosing you..."

He tried to move closer to her, his ruby eyes already starting to well. "You...your right...I am a cheat...a coward..." He trembled, his voice heavy with regret. "I...should have been the one to tell you...to be man enough...you...shouldn't have...had to find out like that..." A deep sadness filled his voice. "But...I did not lie to you Styletta! I only want you!" She cried out as he fell to his knees, eyes soaked with tears. Kneeling at her feet, the pathetic creature looked deep into her eyes with sheer desperation. "I don't know...what happened....I didn't want that...I don't want that! I just....I just..." The dunmer began to sob uncontrollably at her feet. "I don't even like men...gods...what what have I done....what have I become!" He clutched his head, nearing hysterics.

Wide, frightened, wet eyes glared back up at her, his ears lowered submissively. "Styletta...please...you can hate me forever...but you have to believe me...I want you...I only ever wanted you since the day we met..."

Styletta didn't move at all while Fedris explained, sobbed and fell to his knees. She felt so incredibly sorry for him. He looked so hurt and confused. She wanted to hold him and tell him it would be alright.

But she also wanted...no, needed, answers. "You d-don't like men? But yet there were two men there with you. Who w-was the other one?" The bosmer looked calm again and wasn't trying to sound judgemental with her questions. "Do y-you think you have an addiction? T-that you truly cannot control y-your urges?" She frowned at him as she spoke. "I just ask b-because that's how Hlor explained it to me. S-so if that's the case and you r-really are being honest then m-maybe it can be fixed."

"I...I don't know..." He shook his head, his cheeks now flush with embarrassment. "No..he....I think I saw him with the cultists....Ali had taken him back to town...Y'ffre...I'm...I'm going to be sick..." Lowering his head once again, he clutched his forehead and sobbed hard.

"Gods...what did...she tell you?" Sheepishly, raised his head back up to meet her's halfway, his eyes quivering. "It....felt so good...I just couldn't stop. I wanted to...but Styletta, I couldn't!" Shaking his head, he clenched his red eyes shut. "Styletta, please help me, I don't want to end up...just like my father. I want meaningful love...this pleasure..." He grabbed the brush that rested on the floor, throwing it against the wall. "It's so hallow! Devoid of life! Of meaning!" His fiery eyes met hers, tears streamed weakly down his flush cheeks. With a weak, broken dunmeri tone, he begged to her. "Styletta...w-what can I do to make this right? I'll...I'll do anything..."

Her jaw dropped when he couldn't recall the name of the second man. Did he even bother to ask for a name? She wondered. But the more he described who he thought the man was, the more shocked she seemed. "L-lucian? The man that you all r-rescued from the werewolves?" She shook her head, laughing with disbelief at the pure ridiculousness of the entire situation. "So you r-risked this....us..." she pointed at the two of them, "for a few m-minutes of experimental sex with a smart mouth c-consort and a d-damaged to all oblivion werewolf?" She laughed even harder when she said it out loud, her eyes starting to water.

It took her several minutes to finally calm down again. The poor bosmer probably looked crazy laughing at such a serious and heartbreaking situation. "She told me a l-lot. What you told her about the t-two men and how you t-though it was over between us and how you f-felt about me. I wasnt sure if I s-should believe that but....I'll umm....I b-believe you. And I'll help you. But Fedris, y-you have to want this change. I need to trust you again. I w-wont be that girl that follows her b-boyfriend around, making sure he's not cheating. I w-wont do this again." She leaned down to gently kiss his forehead if he'd let her. "But our relationship is g-going to have to change....a lot. And you're not going to like it. B-but this is not up for compromise. You're either all in or n-not at all." her blue-white eyes looked right in his ruby red eyes, she was dead serious.

For a moment, Fedris sat speechless in front of her. "Styletta...I...I don't know what to..." He turned bright purple as she laughed, unable to defend himself, he just stared at her dumbfounded.

His broken, embarrassed eyes followed her as she spoke, "S-Styletta...please..." His soaked expression finally started to lift as she leaned to kiss his forehead, causing him to stammer to his knee. "I will do anything you ask...I promise...I..." He would attempt to wrap his arm around her leg, looking up at her. "I want to get better...to heal...and to heal you." He looked like a sad puppy into her eyes, obediently following her stare. "Please...let me prove myself to you!" He had no idea what she would ask of him.

She honestly felt terrible for laughing. She wasn't really laughing at him, more at the situation she had found herself in. The bosmer had only just started to experience relationships and now she was involved in one that was probably much more complicated than most. She didn't move away but it was obvious that she felt awkward about him holding onto her leg. Still, she let him have that one thing if it made him feel better.

"I uhh...t-think that maybe we just went t-too fast...with everything. W-we let ourselves get too...involved and m-maybe taking that step too fast caused you t-to lose control of your self control." it seemed like she was trying to convince them both. "S-so we need to start over. C-completely. Take it v-very slow. Nothing physical until you c-can learn to control it. One s-slow step at a time."

He nodded at her up until she said 'Nothing Physical', causing him to subconsciously grip harder onto her leg. "You...want me to not...not to touch you?" He blinked several times, letting what she said sink in. "But...but.." The dunmer looked floored.

In a heavy gulp, he sighed. "N-no....no...no if that is what you demand of me...I will...I will do it. For you Styletta...for us." He hesitantly, slowly, released her leg. "You have my word, we will..take it slow." He rose slowly to his feet, holding her soft eyes in his.

She watched him closely as he took in that news, knowing it would shock him, She was about to push him away and demand he leave when it seemed he was going to disagree but he finally agreed to her terms. She sighed when he let go of her leg.

"It's f-for the best. I p-promise it's not to punish you, I t-think it's good to help you t-try to find better ways to d-deal with your...feelings....when they become overwhelming. I uh, think l-light kissing and hand holding is f-fine for now...okay?" she finally, for the first time that night, looked to him for support on this.

He nodded to her, his eyes finally starting to dry. "I know...I know. This...may be good for us." He exhaled, clearly exhausted, "Hand holding is fine...yes...I...I won't let you down again Styletta...I promise." His eyes glared with intensity at her, determination clear in his soft voice. "I promise." It was clear he struggled a motion to not to hug her.

The room still in disarray, Fedris looked around with weary eyes. "Do...you want me to help you clean up, or should I...go?"

She finally smiled at him. It was a weak, small, tired smile but still a smile. She just simply nodded to his promises. She wanted to believe him and deep down she kind of did.

Her eyes glanced around the room at all of her stuff. The bosmer was a very tidy mer and a mess like this would normally have her in a fit but right now, she really didn't care. Instead, she pat her hand on the bed, right beside where she sat. She could tell he was struggling with something. "No, I'll c-clean it later. S-sit. I've made this all about m-me. I'm sorry. I've b-been selfish. I really do know t-that you didn't mean to hurt me. I can t-tell that you're struggling, possibly even hurting more than me. W-we can talk about it. I'll hear you out w-without judgement."

He moved next no her on the bed, resting his arms on his thighs as his head tilted to the floor. "Hlor called me an animal. Said I was no better then...the dunmer we were running from." His face turned pale again before he rested his hands on his face, pulling his fingers down to his beard. "Maybe I am...I must be to give in like that..." He continued to gaze at the floor. "I wanted to stop...but my body wouldn't let me...I know that is no excuse..."

-He told Styletta all the things that happened that night with Rel and Luc that he could recall, sparing her of some details-

"I used to have a sugar problem in my youth...I never realized this could a problem too." He sighed, rubbing his eyebrow. "Not that my father running around made this any easier. I've...never been in a committed relationship, this is...this is very new to me. Gods...what will the town think of me...how am I going to show my face again..." He sunk downward, looking completely depressed. "And now I dragged your pure name through the mud..."

She sat silently and let him talk, occasionally nodding and giving him a sympathetic look. She went a little pale when he retold the events with himself, Reliza and Luke. Hlor had already told her some but it was quite different hearing it from Fedris himself. She couldn't even look at him so she just stared at her feet for a little while.

"You have t-to learn to overcome it Fedris. N-not just for me but for yourself as w-well. You s-said you didn't want to do it. T-that you really didn't want to but you couldn't s-stop. That makes you f-feel used and dirty, right? You c-can't be a slave t-to your...emotions."

She tilted her head and frowned when he spoke of his father and sister. "Fedris, I l-love Hlor to death but she's got n-no room to talk. I t-try not to listen to rumors but if they are t-true then she slept with Krimie's b-boyfriend. She d-did the same thing to Krimie that Reliza and Luke d-did to me. Only w-worse...Krimie's pregnant and she knew this. Everyone has done s-something they shouldn't. Even me...I'm n-no saint. I t-turned Racuvar away just because of Krimie. And I attacked R-reliza....I can't believe the t-things I said and did. I d-don't like what this has turned me into either, Fedris. I guess...t-they will whisper about us but w-we can't let it bother us. I'm going t-to try to be here for you but...it's going to be hard for us both." With a heavy sigh she would scoot a little closer to him and attempt to put her arms around him to bring him into a hug.

"I scrubbed my skin till I was raw...I still feel...ugh...I just want to burn my skin away." He shook his head, sighing to her. "Your right. I am sick of this nipping at my heels, forcing me to dark corners...I am more then this."

He winced as he mentioned Hlor. "I know...I didn't bring that up...yet...I've never seen so much rage in one woman before. I really should put her in line somehow before more harm is done...I can't let this go one. She needs a tether, at least...I have you."

He looked at her softly, almost broken. "I was so sure I lost you...she told me to just...let you go...stop torturing you like a plaything. Your...your not a plaything. I...your my partner...my Styletta..." He seemed to want to say more, but hesitated.

"I don't think she see's hope for our ways at all. Or maybe she just doesn't care." He lowered his head again, letting out a soft groan as he clutched his brow.

"You know...Styletta...let them talk. Why should we care. No one is dead, and we both have seen far worse things happen in town. No..." He shook his head, looking to her with a hopeful glare. "We will endure, and someday thrive."
He flinched as she hugged him, wanting desperately to hold her close. Instead, he raised his arms defensively. "Is...is hugging allowed? This isn't a trap...is it?" He looked to her with hope filled eyes and a raised brow.

"I'm g-glad that you're wanting to change. I can't imagine h-how you've had to deal with this f-for so long. B-but I also have to admit that I still don't quite und-derstand it." she glanced up at him, shrugging. "But I'll try t-to help."

"I d-don't want to make Hlor feel bad or b-bring up her own faults. You're right, she n-needs someone to help her. And t-that's only if she really wants to change this about herself. I d-don't know if she feels that it's a problem for her." She started twirling her hair around her finger, something she did when she was nervous or uncomfortable. She just listened to him as he talked about them being partners and not letting gossip get to them. She just kept thinking that it was easier said than done. She was really dreading facing everyone in the tavern.

When he flinched as she tried to hug him, she looked embarrassed and quickly pulled away. Shaking her head, she answered him. "N-no, it's not a trap, I swear. I j-just...you look so hurt and that m-makes me want to comfort you. I'm sorry." She wasn't sure why she was apologizing so much. "I d-don't mind a hug, it's...allowed, I guess. I've just had a r-really crappy day and just w-wanted someone to hold me."

Wrapping his arms around her almost instantly, he held her tightly in a warm embrace. Saying nothing, he simply cradled her in his arms for a few moments, blocking out the rest of the world. Slowly, he pulled away.

"Don't apologize...I'm the one who should be sorry. Even in the darkest of nights, dawn always comes. So to, will this pass." Softly he rested his hand on hers. "I'm here for you...I'm here even if you don't want me to be." He said softly before removing his hand. Giving her a small but warm smile, "Will...you be alright?" He glances at the mess with a sudden frown. 'Were...you packing?"

She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his waist, just sitting there with him. It was odd how he was the only one to be able to comfort her right now when he was also the very one that caused her this pain she was feeling. She sighed deeply and let him go after a few moments.

"I appreciate t-that. I really do." she smiled warmly at him until her attention was brought back to the mess she had made. She frowned. "Oh..y-yeah. I was going to go h-home. Back to Woodheath. Or m-maybe Bandaari or someplace...that w-wasn't here." She slowly looked up at him, a look of shame on her face. "I g-guess I have a habit of r-running from my problems."

He offered her a small smile, masking the great sadness her words caused him. "We...we all seem run. Don't we?"

"Your not...still planning on leaving, are you?" He looked up at her with a deep sadness. "I mean...I understand if you need time." His hands rubbed his knees, still looking around at the various items strewn across the room.

She shrugged, looking at all her possessions thrown about the tiny one room home. "I uh...I g-guess not. I really don't want to g-go. I just...panicked." She stood up and started picking things up from the floor and putting them away. The scared little fox, Basil, finally decided to come out from under the bed and sit near Fedris' feet.

"I'm s-still going to need some time, Fedris. But I t-think I have it in me to forgive you. It will just t-take some time."

"Hey little fella..." He attempted to scratch little Basil's head before turning to Styletta.
"I..understand. I will give you time...and space if you need it." He ran his finger through his braid. Standing up, he sighed. "Styletta...you know where I'll be." He smiled before turning his head, hiding any stray tears before giving her a small bow. "I will wait as long as it takes, you are worth it."

Basil rubbed his head against Fedris' leg while he got his head scratched, enjoying the attention.

She was quiet for a long time and when she finally spoke up, it was barely above a whisper. "Hlor told me w-what you said...about me." she bit her lip before continuing. "I s-said the same thing too about you. I...I don't know what t-that changes...or if it does change anything b-but I just thought you should know."

Looking to her startled, he blinked. "S-she...told you....oh." He realized what she ment, suddenly turning dark blue. "I um...would have rather you found out another way..." He sighed. "But...you...really feel that way?" He looked at his feet, running his hand across his face.

"I really screwed this up..." His eyes glittered with water. "I need to fix this...I won't hold you back." He turned to the doorway. He turned to look at her softly, speaking low. "I ment it."

She gave a little smile. "I m-meant it too. I really did." She shrugged a little, "I know...w-we'll fix it." she tried to sound hopeful but it broke her heart to see him so discouraged while walking to the door. "I t-thought when we said that to each other it would b-be under much better circumstances. You know...like a d-during a date or in bed or something. You know?

It's really l-late. If you want, you c-can stay here tonight."

"Can I?" He turned to look at her with life returning to his features. "But...are you sure? I'd rather not return to Hlor...but I don't want to make you uncomfortable." He took a deep breath. "I'll stay if you wish me to...I won't try anything." He raised his hand, "On my honor."

He looked at little basil, giving a small smile. "I can sleep on the floor with our little guy. Or...I could just go home."

She simply nodded and removed the clip from her hair to let it fall down her back in soft curls. "Y-yes. I think Hlor needs time to c-calm down." She pulled down the blankets on the bed to get under the covers. She turned her back to him to remove her dress and leave herself in her slip. "He sometimes s-sleeps on the end of the bed. You can s-sleep wherever you want. I d-do trust you in the bed though. I know you w-wouldn't try something. I'm just s-so tired and you look tired too."

She laid in the bed, trying to get comfortable. Basil the fox jumped on the bed to sleep at the end of it.

He turned his head away as she removed her dress and slipped under the covers. "No...no...I don't think that would be wise." Shaking his head, he looked around the room, before settling on a small cluster of pillows. Building it up against the wall, he sat down slowly. Folding is arms, he stretched out his legs, not bothering to remove his any of his attire.

He gazed at her softly, silently, before his ruby eyes closed.

She just laid there in silence for a long time. Even though she was so tired it was hard for her to fall asleep with so much tension in the room. She tossed and turned nearly all night until she finally started quietly sobbing into her pillow, the stress of that day taking over. She drifted off the sleep not long after and would sleep until late the next afternoon.

Sometime during the night, Basil jumped down to the floor and walked to where Fedris lay, curling up into a little ball next to him. Neither one would bother Fedris while he slept and Sty would probably not even wake up when he left unless he decided to wake her.