Afer's Journal

((eh i'll try my hand at this.))
A leather bound journal lays in Afer’s lock box in his home. The journal is brand new

A journal. My journal. Some where I can write my thoughts down and talk to my self. Some where I can express how I feel cause only I understand myself. After reading through Niltsiels journal I saw some secrets about her, secrets that no one should know off. Perhaps I shall do the same and put my secrets in one place and hide them from others. Maybe after I die my son and daughter can find this and find out how the hero of tamriel felt, or they can hate me forever after they realize how weak I actually am. This is a bad idea but Im gonna keep writing because I want to rid myself of the burden of not sharing my feelings

Love. Some many different meanings were giving to me. but does it really mean? I cant explain this answer but I can only feel it. I can only feel this warm..no burning feeling in my chest whenever I think of Nelliel. I can write for years about how I feel about her but there is not enough paper in this journal to do that. But does she love me the same why I love her? No. No she does not. If she loved me she would not do that.. thing she did. She should not have betrayed me the way she did… And she keeps putting me in this uncomfortable position to do something I don't want to do. I would do anything else for her but NOT that.. ever. But I probably won't have to worry about that anymore. My love for her is done… if she loves Niltsiel so much, fine then those 2 can all the disgusting things they want to eachother. Im done. But I will stay just for my children.. i will stay cause Nelliel is crazy and my children are in danger of her. Its sad that I now feel like this, its sad that I poured my heart out to her and she stomped on it and smashed it to a thousand pieces. And Niltsiel what of her? no she allowed this to happen… I seen what she does to mostly every other person in damn town, She wanted this and both were out to break my heart…well they succeeded. I see now those who are close to me love to betray me. Fine then no more heartbreaks then. No one is allowed to be close to me anymore… this pain in my chest is too much to bear, it hurts so bad yet there is nothing I can do about it. Its killing me.
But hey…. it was a nice birthday at least

I have not been able to write my personal thoughts down for a while, a very long while. Been busy with a lot of ... business. Lots of business. Probably not wise keeping a journal for both work and thoughts, not with Lucrezia possibly shoving her nose in my private business. Gonna get another one and keep this one very well hidden.
I'm starting to regret this ‘secrets’ deal I made with her. How can any get worst? I thought her telling me she was a thief was worst enough. Have a made a mistake? I left the arms or one just to fall in the arms of some… some… dog. Perhaps what she says is true and she has control and is seeking a cure. But what if she is lying? What if she accepted this affliction? I truly do love her but she is now another threat to me. I am unsure what I am suppose to do here. I only know of two cures to lycanthropy. One is some weird ritual that purges the filth from the soul. Must be rare and hard to perform. The other is…. Death. I’ll stay my hand and prevent from doing the latter, but I know she must be suffering if she has such a curse on her. I can be her hero and give her the ultimate cure. That is only when all else has failed. I kept the fancy silver dagger Niltsiel gave me. Has several jewels on it. Does not look like something you would use in combat. I can save that just for her… just in case. I doubt that time will come cause Lucrezia knows how to get out every situation.

I'm starting to think being friends with Hloriella is the same as holding a bloody too your neck. Everyone she talks to soon gets hurts cause of some stupid reason. This whole weird Sloane family she is in gets Lucrezia hurt. This Rilordis coward is getting Lucrezia hurt. She just had a daughter and I fear the child might get harmed soon. She was already kidnapped, from what Lucrezia said. I may have to save that child from her dangerous mother. She is not a bad woman, she just got the same luck Krimie have. And it was wise of me to stay away from Krimie.

And then there is the constant headaches and nightmares. My mind… every second i get visions from those daedra. They are trying to corrupt me, I can see it. I know how to counter it but soon my willpower won't be enough. I can't stay positive forever, luckily my methods has kept me calm so far. I fear the day I will crack and only death will save me. By simply accepting the ‘darkness’ as if its power that chosen me to be it’s Avatar it just keeps me from breaking down. Its simple since I use to act this way when I was younger. Its great, I forgot how fun it use to be me. But sadly I must keep a professional look in this town of hypocrites. It's fine, I prefer alone time anyway. I should keep this more updated with my ‘avatar’ talks. In case I can’t be somewhere alone.

Since I am laying down I should start writing something now. Too dark to see outside at this time.

The night was young but evil was just waking up. I spot seven abominations assuming the forms or mere mortals with iron weapons. I leap from out of darkness, I spring into action. Fear me! I am Afer Dark! I draw my chosen weapon, dragon’s fang. A tool crafted by the most talented of blacksmiths and touched by the gods themselves. Sent to the realm of mortal where is finds the most noble of souls whose path is being guided by the stars. I unleash its power upon these foes. I pounce cutting down the first one. He falls with ease and I swing the blade in a wide arc spilling the guts of the second and third foe. The fourth one foolishly charges and is met with a painful impale. The fifth and sixth try to flee. I toss Dragon’s fang making their escape futile. The seventh watches his friends, with their lives slowly draining away. I point Dragon’s fang at him allowing him to pray to any gods he worship…. But wait… this foe looks too familiar. By the blood of the eight it is none other than my traitorous old comrade who dare impale the back of the strongest woman to ever be born, the back of Cynthia. This foe is none other than a breton by the name of Alix. The sixth of the hundreds of traitors I swore to eradicate from nirn. I look down at him as if he is the lowest of peasants. Halt! I am Afer Dark – warrior chosen by the darkness. It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? It’s a shame that I will have to destroy you now, but justice is justice. If only you had stayed true to our glorious and noble kingdom…
Alix looks up to me “Spare me o mighty Afer Dark! I am but a backstabbing coward who makes his living from betraying those who once trusted me!” I hold up Dragon’s Fang No! Must…tame…the darkness… Let’s just get this over with! I can’t control my powers around you…
I unleash a eighth of my power on him Abysmal body blow! and his body explodes. Guts flying everywhere. I turn away from the explosion. I over did it, again. My shadow lifts from the ground and wraps around me pulling me into the ground where I disappear into the night searching for more fiends to unleash my power on.
By the mullet of Stendarr, I forgot how exhausting it was writing things like this. Perhaps I should stick to talking to myself.