king_honeybadgerOct 22, 2015Oct 22, 2015 at 02:31 PM
#1
There is no one I feel I can really talk to about everything. I can tell another about the events that have happened, for I am not ashamed…but there is no one to tell how I feel. At least, not in light of recent events. No one I can really trust. So I tell you.
Where to start…
~sketch of his own damaged and bleeding head, at the time of the incident~
Where to start…
Krimie. Overwhelming familiarity, but at the same time, discomfort, every time I see Krimie. Her mannerisms, the way others respond to her…I am not like the others who turned against me without even asking me for my story. Am I right to feel resentment towards her? I honestly don't feel for her or those children. They may be mine, but that connection was severed in Cyrodiil with a long, ugly, twisted blade. When she approached Tziki and I in Greenhill…I couldn't handle the fucking tension. Her subtle pressure towards me. It's a wonder she hasn't tried to come onto me. There's an air about her that makes me sick to the stomach.
Hloriella. Bittersweet feeling lingering, but she was right in what she did. She was my only focus, and I was lost from the start. My hunt for her was a mere distraction from my greater issues, searching for a familiar pain to go and share…but there wasn't enough inside of me to be more than an empty shell. A bare and meatless mudcrab shell, willed to live by cursed magic, until reality hit hard and one could see a spark return in its fire. I hate her for dropping me, but I believe it's for the best.
This pack. Den of wolves? I don't know anymore. I don't feel right being led, despite Hloriella proving herself to know how to survive and fight more than once. Perhaps it is her darkness that drives me away. Is she truly dark, or am I just so unlike her?
I barely knew Malaki. Reluctantly, I can't say I feel much towards what happened.
I haven't seen Hloriella lately. I both wish for her back at my side and fear future interaction due to that frustration and…longing. Comfort. Fuck it.
I can't be led over. Not there, not as a wolt. It doesn't feel right.
Dunmer. Maybe it's a Dunmer thing, that they are so unlike me. Malyne is so different…but he still holds a darkness to him that, I believe, has always been there. Reserved and comatose when he was a drunk sitting in the shade under a tree, now thriving and madly burning as if to make up for time lost. I don't like him as he is right now, but I feel that pull of old friendship. I should make things right. Things have been resolved, but they don't feel right. They don't feel as they once did, but I suppose, as with another Dunmer I thought I could hold close to me, I need to grow and use what I have to move forward.
Wolves. Why do I keep this curse? I truly don't know. It saved me once…it has given me a second mind. A second will and power. Attachment? Probably. I don't like thinking about it.
Mnidhexa. I see her, twice, and she's gone. I can't explain how I truly felt. I'm not the same Mer she met, nor the same Mer she found when I returned…just days after Hloriella dropped me. A familiar magic, her magic, I felt with that dinner together. I was very frustrated that she walked away and avoided talking to me, thrust her frost covered shoulder into my hands, and spoke with venomous tone. But here is where the pieces fit together, and I rediscover some of that past. Y’ffre...that feeling of her hands in mine, my head and hair in her delicate fingers…I long for that again. What a simple time that was, merely cooking, joking, friend making...why? Why did you have to go, Mni-Mni?
The Guard. My first true purpose for greater good and bettering myself. I don't give a fuck what Hloriella and Malaki said to me, this is my town, and finding and protecting that good is important. It drives me forth, and gives me a voice and that command I need. Thank goodness Menelin came to senses with my reasoning, unlike when she ran off during my debate with Tigrus. Asshole. Who's he to pass judgement about me?
Aldalin. Your skin is veined and pale, and you smell of…death. Blood. Your armor doesn't fool me. Why did you seek me out, and for so brief? What the fuck happened? Gods damn you, I miss our musings in Elden Root. You still say I talk as a snake, and in light of recent events, I suppose that makes sense. Is it odd I find your calling of me endearing? Did you ever want more from me? It's unfortunate I wasn't around more…
Alas, I hope you come through on your promise of finding me again. I want to talk.
Tziki...you mysterious, cocky, sarcastic, but wonderfully insightful fur ball. Is that you purring around me? And these lingering glances…the thoughts of your words with your actions make me curious. I don't feel conflict and tension with you. You are so easy to talk to, and frankly, despite being the thieving and treacherous cat that you are, defying lawfulness and ignoring social order…you're a pleasure to talk with. Few people have I had as deep conversations with as I have had with you.
I will probe you soon, test some waters of comfort.
Curiosity drives me.
Where to start…
~sketch of his own damaged and bleeding head, at the time of the incident~
Where to start…
Krimie. Overwhelming familiarity, but at the same time, discomfort, every time I see Krimie. Her mannerisms, the way others respond to her…I am not like the others who turned against me without even asking me for my story. Am I right to feel resentment towards her? I honestly don't feel for her or those children. They may be mine, but that connection was severed in Cyrodiil with a long, ugly, twisted blade. When she approached Tziki and I in Greenhill…I couldn't handle the fucking tension. Her subtle pressure towards me. It's a wonder she hasn't tried to come onto me. There's an air about her that makes me sick to the stomach.
Hloriella. Bittersweet feeling lingering, but she was right in what she did. She was my only focus, and I was lost from the start. My hunt for her was a mere distraction from my greater issues, searching for a familiar pain to go and share…but there wasn't enough inside of me to be more than an empty shell. A bare and meatless mudcrab shell, willed to live by cursed magic, until reality hit hard and one could see a spark return in its fire. I hate her for dropping me, but I believe it's for the best.
This pack. Den of wolves? I don't know anymore. I don't feel right being led, despite Hloriella proving herself to know how to survive and fight more than once. Perhaps it is her darkness that drives me away. Is she truly dark, or am I just so unlike her?
I barely knew Malaki. Reluctantly, I can't say I feel much towards what happened.
I haven't seen Hloriella lately. I both wish for her back at my side and fear future interaction due to that frustration and…longing. Comfort. Fuck it.
I can't be led over. Not there, not as a wolt. It doesn't feel right.
Dunmer. Maybe it's a Dunmer thing, that they are so unlike me. Malyne is so different…but he still holds a darkness to him that, I believe, has always been there. Reserved and comatose when he was a drunk sitting in the shade under a tree, now thriving and madly burning as if to make up for time lost. I don't like him as he is right now, but I feel that pull of old friendship. I should make things right. Things have been resolved, but they don't feel right. They don't feel as they once did, but I suppose, as with another Dunmer I thought I could hold close to me, I need to grow and use what I have to move forward.
Wolves. Why do I keep this curse? I truly don't know. It saved me once…it has given me a second mind. A second will and power. Attachment? Probably. I don't like thinking about it.
Mnidhexa. I see her, twice, and she's gone. I can't explain how I truly felt. I'm not the same Mer she met, nor the same Mer she found when I returned…just days after Hloriella dropped me. A familiar magic, her magic, I felt with that dinner together. I was very frustrated that she walked away and avoided talking to me, thrust her frost covered shoulder into my hands, and spoke with venomous tone. But here is where the pieces fit together, and I rediscover some of that past. Y’ffre...that feeling of her hands in mine, my head and hair in her delicate fingers…I long for that again. What a simple time that was, merely cooking, joking, friend making...why? Why did you have to go, Mni-Mni?
The Guard. My first true purpose for greater good and bettering myself. I don't give a fuck what Hloriella and Malaki said to me, this is my town, and finding and protecting that good is important. It drives me forth, and gives me a voice and that command I need. Thank goodness Menelin came to senses with my reasoning, unlike when she ran off during my debate with Tigrus. Asshole. Who's he to pass judgement about me?
Aldalin. Your skin is veined and pale, and you smell of…death. Blood. Your armor doesn't fool me. Why did you seek me out, and for so brief? What the fuck happened? Gods damn you, I miss our musings in Elden Root. You still say I talk as a snake, and in light of recent events, I suppose that makes sense. Is it odd I find your calling of me endearing? Did you ever want more from me? It's unfortunate I wasn't around more…
Alas, I hope you come through on your promise of finding me again. I want to talk.
Tziki...you mysterious, cocky, sarcastic, but wonderfully insightful fur ball. Is that you purring around me? And these lingering glances…the thoughts of your words with your actions make me curious. I don't feel conflict and tension with you. You are so easy to talk to, and frankly, despite being the thieving and treacherous cat that you are, defying lawfulness and ignoring social order…you're a pleasure to talk with. Few people have I had as deep conversations with as I have had with you.
I will probe you soon, test some waters of comfort.
Curiosity drives me.