A tale consisting of two people (possibly NSFW)

Your mind can never settle, constant thinking even when you think you aren't thinking, but then again, isn't that thinking? Either way your mind never stops, it goes on and on, even when we sleep, it continues to think, it creates images, fake worlds called dreams, because you allow it to use more of your energy when you sleep. In the end, we all are just a walking thought.

But is this thought of our own or someone else's? Are we our own creation, a thought created by itself, or by someone who thought us up? Every inch of our bodies is devoted to this thought, though you may never have thought about that, well, you probably have thought about it at some point, whether you thought you did or not.

You probably think me mad for using the word thought so much, but it's got you thinking, and yes, I did it again, it's got you thinking about thinking, and the point I have yet to conclude to. If we are thought, and thought is a constant, yet we are not a constant, what is a constant? We think constantly, but we do not live constantly. We think of different things though, but is that really any different? In the end, we all have our own theme to our lives, a moral, for everyone's story. And mine is that some things counteract each other, such as thinking about thinking. It's a useless skill with it's own name, metacognition, that get's you nowhere but back to where you started.

An unsettled mind.




Why do I care for your ramblings, and why are you writing me? You don't even sign your name and I can still tell who it is. Additionally, your theory isn't true, because thinking about thinking got me thinking about other things and therefore was useful, unless... I could've just had already thought about those beforehand if I wasn't taking that time thinking about thinking- Okay, what do you want? To tell me my life's moral? To sum me down into a single sentence that tells someone else a little fact of life they should be aware of? Because I already know what it is. Sometimes, people are nothing. Have no use. A waste of space. I get it.

Love,
A soon to be cat murderer.


Smart one, and stupid. You think a moral is that simple, maybe you should look deeper, into the changes I've seen from you, maybe that is the moral to your story. The theme to your life. There are some things no one will understand, even I don't understand me, but it doesn't change that we have some sort of revelation to find before we die, you are still young, remember that.


Changes come from the heart, and I'm still not sure I have one. And trust me, I've tried filling it. Many times. It felt great, but, maybe I just don't understand love, even though I'm in love. But I can love with my mind, can't I? I'm sure you would if you felt the need to love. But you never had a heart, so I guess that's different. At least I started one, right before it was ripped away as a child. And there again, love, the heart, our bodies don't just think, we feel too, at least I think we feel... Oh, I think I see what you mean now. It's more a question to everything we think we are, and there we go again. Wow, that's uh, pretty interesting. But nonetheless, my moral is going to be negative, I'm going to be the dead, not-so-innocent person in the forest or out in the middle of a town one day and the only thing it's going to teach people is if your life get's screwed, there's no unscrewing it, you've been thrown away, incinerated, just ash, and ash can never become whole again


Maybe I'm here to help you with that, the not dying part. You know how to handle yourself physically, but you cannot handle yourself mentally. And as much as you wish it was true, love doesn't stabilize the mind, it just gets you thinking about love, not thinking about thinking, which is useless, but it gets you onto a vague topic, thinking, and thinking is a branching topic into other topics, an inspiration to the fallen mind, like yours. I'm sure if you let me help open your mind to the realm of ideas, complications, and the underlying reality below the surreal reality everyone lives in, you may find your place.


Fuck you. You screwed with Ali, pretended to love him just to see how he reacted, yeah you can fool him, but I know you better, for some reason. And your ramblings don''t even make sense anymore. I'm not going to become your plaything just so you can mess with the strings at the core of my mind that plays this song I call my life, even if they are all out of tune and breaking. I may soon be broken, but I'm not lost yet, and therefore I'm not grabbing the psycho's hand. No matter how smart you are, I still don't want to listen to your hollow rasp about how much of this world we can see and how much we can't touch or something like that. Your games sicken me.


I will admit you have a point, but I feel as though you need help, I can see it in your eyes.


You know what? Say it to my face, maybe your more convincing in person. Or maybe you'll realize I really don't want to deal with you and your lies, your pathetic lies. You are all lies.


We both know that in itself is a lie. I am made from both lies and truth, just like everyone else, and you should know what I say now is the truth, I have no reason to lie to you.


You had a reason to lie to Ali.


He needed to be fixed, so I fixed him, saved him, and then to make sure he was fixed, I tried one last time, gave it my everything, only because I knew the true, whole Ali would not be phased by it. He is with Elsy because he knows what real love is again, and I can now rest easy with that one. If I really want to fix you, I'm sure I will somehow, it's much easier this way, because unlike Ali, words actually work for you when it comes to help. Talking to him was always a waste of time, he can't remember almost a thing about me most of the time, after so long he got some of the more basic facts down in his head, but his list of known facts about me is practically a white sheet of paper.


But I don't know anything more than him, if at all what he knows, about you. So tell me, why do you want to help me anyways, deep down, why?



You haven't known me for ages like him. And as for the latter, because inside I know you are much smarter, much brighter, much more fiery than anything you show on the outside. You are a candle in a cast iron pot, and I don't want you to burn out all of that air and suffocate inside yourself.


I wouldn't want that either, much prefer suffocating inside of Aly. Though, knowing as much as you do, I might as well not get on your bad side... why don't we meet somewhere and talk about something for once?


Then come here, since you know where to send the letter, you should know where to meet me.




So they met one another.

“Wow such a uh, nice place, even a counter, in the like, middle of the forest. Should I even ask?”

“It has it's uses, mainly this one.” he says, leaning against the counter. “So, are you interested in learning how to take control of your life again, because the only thing you have going for you is Aly and that hood, which might I add looks amazing.” he smirked, but it receded soon after, back to a more serious look.

“Of course I do, I uh, feel hollow for some reason, like I have no point, and, um, unlike what most say, love isn't enough reason for me to feel like I have a uh, purpose.” she leans next to him

“I understand, but, you must open up first, I'm not talking to you like this.”

“I uh,What?”

“Don't try to play the fool, you know better.”

“I uh... Fine, alright, no more faking, the true, full me. Well, as full as I'll ever be it seems.” she adjusted herself, and pulled down her mask, leaving her hood on. She looked more serious than ever, close to a cold blooded killer's stare, just a little more hope in her eyes than a killer. “Now let's make me better.” Her um's and uh's were nonexistent

“It isn't that simple, You know that better than anyone. Your problem, you have no purpose, yes?”

“Yeah, just like you pretend you don't, only my lack of purpose feels so... real.”

Another quick smirk “You really are smart, now, that may be the key factor in solving your problem, you don't use your mind enough I believe.”

“Yes, but, I don't like being smart.”

“Try it in public sometime, pretend like you were struck with a wisp of a full sentence without uh's and um's, and say something that will help someone. Or maybe drink wine, and actually say what you know about it.”

“Okay I am not going to start being snooty, you should know better,” he shrugs and smiles as she continues to talk “But maybe the first one. But still, smart is who I am inside, but it doesn't give me purpose. And I don't like hunting, so don't even try.”

He shakes his head, “What if you tried something more artistic? Don't you draw?”

She sighs “Not that well, I write, but I'm no good at stories, just bad poems and songs, nothing worth anyone's time.”

“Hmm, what if you showed me some of your work?”

She shrugs, pulling a shiny, new looking notebook out of a fold in her shirt “Take a look, this one is just of my work, no thoughts. Well, thoughts, but not in the journaly way. I got too sick of that, I prefer the things with more cryptic meanings.”

He skims through once, and then goes through again, and then a third time. There were only a few pages filled in it, but nonetheless he studied every one of them multiple times. “Wow.”

“Wow?”

“Wow.”

“”Okay... well, is that a good wow or a bad wow?”

“Wow.”

she shrugs “You have to give me an answer at some point.”

“You don't give yourself enough credit, is all I will say. Also this drawing of Aly...”

her eyes open wide “I- so I'll take that back now...” she says, taking it from his paws

“Still, think about this, it could be your purpose, those with the most pain are the ones with the most words they just can't say, whether they write them or draw them, they are often more beautiful than any words ever spoken.”

And that was the end.



And then there was more.

The next day, she returned, he, of course, was leaning against the counter, as though he stayed in the same position through the entire night, he seemed to already be looking at her as she approached.

“Ah, back again I see. Why?”

“There was something that was agitating me, and I couldn't quite place it first, but then...” she takes another step up to him, a foot apart “I think I know now... Why are you helping me now, and not earlier? Do you want something from me? Is that it?” she pressed her index finger against his chest in an accusing way

He shakes his head “Maybe I should have tried earlier, but I believe that now is better, now that you are with someone, have a stabilizer, and also because I was busy doing other things, simply a matter of timing, that is all.”

She squinted at him, her hand slowly falling to her side, “We'll see in the future, but for now, I've got people to be and places to see... or, people to see and- you get the point.” she turned but lingered, standing still

“You came for something else, I can tell. What is it?”

“...You said you'd show me the underlying reality below the surreal one that we live in, or something...” she spoke, still facing away from him.

He smirks, and stands up straight for once “Now that, is a hard task.”

“Well, first you must understand desire, craving, and want, and the difference between.”

“They have no difference...”

“Sure they do, they're spelled differently, we already have one difference. But what is different is you can control your wants, and both wants and desires come from outside. But craving comes from within, it's the mental dependence for something. You can want more money, but you do not need it-”

“No I need more money”

“I'm sure you don't”

motions him to continue with a small sigh

“Now, do you grasp that simple concept? Yes or no, so we can move on to the actual beginnings and not the test of mind. You don't have to agree with what I say yet, just understand what I mean”

“Of course I do, who do ya' think I am? An idiot?”

he sighs “Alright. Now almost anyone would tell you that the universal question is why, why do the gods exist, why do they not, why do we live, why do we die, why would anyone create evil, why would evil create itself, why does anything happen or exist. But that isn't true. The question, is how.”

she nods, listening intently


“We don't need to know why something happens to understand it, that only gives us more questions, and is why, or rather how, our society continues to spin in a downward spiral. There isn't an answer to any problem if you never ask the right question. But how explains what is wrong, and then we can fix it. Or, if everything is right, we know how to break it, or how to prevent it from breaking. Think of the world, built on explanations, learning, knowing, that is true knowledge. From how you can learn what, why and when everything happens. You learn that foundation made from true knowledge.”

“What about who and where?”

he facepalms “They aren't relevant.”

“Why? No, wait, how are they not relevant?”

“Because they are answers that aren't constant. There is always a time for something, a reason for something, and an explanation for something. But not everything is living, given who will not apply for something like the air we breath.”

“Who breathes it?”

he sighs again, realizing he was beat in an explanation “The point is, the universal question one must ask is how.”

she nods “Tha's it or is there something else?”

“Trust me, there's a lot. But, we are going to practice this so you can truly get what I mean.”

“And how'r we gonna do that?”

chuckles “Seems we've already started.”