Rantings by Ran'dall

I guess it's about time to put some thoughts down on paper, now that I have the means to do so. Let's see, what can I write about?

I took up a few jobs since I stumbled into Vulkwasten. I'm in this group called The Black Gulls. They don't do much, but they pay well. I'm also in the Fighter's Guild. We don't do much, and I have no idea if I get paid. I'm also a tavern cook. It pays okay, but when no one buys my food, it pisses me off. Such a fucking waste.

I've got a girlfriend. She's pretty awesome. And I know I don't say it enough, but I think she knows how I feel about her. A great ass, too. I think I will try to write a poem for her at some point. I'm not good with that sorta shit, though. I wonder if she'd like it, anyway. Fuck if I know. Maybe.

What the fuck else do I write about? What do I need to remind myself about? Maybe I'll write down some recipes or something, I dunno.

I helped Find look for his lost friend along the riverbank last night. No luck. And that's a good thing, right? Well yeah, I think it is.

I'm glad Lulie is getting more comfortable wearing more feminine things. It's really nice to see her take a compliment, rather than brush it off. The way her cheeks flush when I call her beautiful makes my inner sissy wanna jump out and squish her until she can't be squished any more.

A lot of shit has been going on in town, apparently. Seriously. Disappearance after disappearance, murders, fucking magic shit. Bandits. The fuck is wrong with these people that they can't go about their normal fucking day without becoming some damsel in distress, or statistic? Really. I've seen less fucking trouble while tracking a senche through a field of wasp nests. maybe these people should lock themselves in their homes, or something if they can't NOT get fucked up.

I have an idea of what I wanna get for Lulie, but I'll need to either work in the kitchen a whole lot more, or get paid from my next job. Please let it be pay from my next job. With the luck of this town, I'll get abducted from the kitchen while people have their heads turned, or something.

I have no idea where Lul is. She's been gone for days, now. No one has seen her, and as far as I know, she hasn't gone out on a job. I need to go and look for her.

Oh look what I found. I thought I lost this thing.

I'm not big on writing shit, but I'm gonna say this. I just got back from a trip to Hew's Bane with Lul, and holy shit, I didn't wanna leave. The weather is so nice in comparison to Valenwood. Like really. Not to mention the spices they have over there. They have food so spicy it can melt a mer's face off, I swear.
And Lul in fucking barely anything at all? Yes, please.

Oh by the way, we're getting married. Yep, Ran'dall Bramblebough, finally tying the knot. That's something I didn't see happening ten, even five years ago. I'm happy. I found a great girl who likes me for who I am, and doesn't mind sharing a bed with a skeever.

Speaking of sharing a bed, it's been hard. So hard. She has her own tastes, and has been staying at the inn instead of my campsite. nights get lonely without someone to hold. Not that there's anything more than holding going on in that time, though. Not until after the wedding, anyway. Guess it's me and my imagination until we decide on a date.

I heard that there was a wereshark in the tavern last night. Yeah, I don't fucking know. Who in oblivion turns into a shark? Apparently they exploded? At least none of my stock got ruined. That'd piss me off. I think I'm going to take any losses out of pocket to keep myself from slacking. I only hope shit won't go downhill when I take time off.

I wonder if I should just let my hair grow. I know Lul likes it when I wear it down. And I think I might try to grow a beard. I dunno, it itches a whole lot. It could work to hide this rat-like face I have, though. Ehhh, she says she likes my rat face, but I can't help but think she's pulling my leg. That's okay, it's my face, and I can't change it. Maybe with an alteration spell. Could maybe make myself look more like my dad, and less like my mom. I wonder how that would work out. Would I get a pair of antlers?

When I'm not at work or hanging out with Lul, I've taken to working out, a little more. I don't really have the time to go on extended hunts anymore, and I don't wanna get soft and flabby. I need to keep the muscle I have, even though it doesn't look like much. Seriously, people. I do have muscle, it's just not compact. I'm naturally lean, I'll never be bulky. I can hold a bowstring just as well as any super-buff loser.

Let's see, what else?

Oh. Lul says she wants saplings. I wonder how that'll work out. She has her mutt, but I don't think that's enough. Maybe once we're married, we can try for a kid. Try, and try, and try, and try. I'm willing to try all day, every day. I wonder if they'll look like her, or like me. I feel bad for any kid stuck with a mug like mine. Nope, mind has returned to the thought of trying.
No more writing now, must take care of this.

So I had a fucked up dream last night. I was riding around in this little wagon propelled by these vines wound around the axels, but once they were loose, they wouldn't stop. It was weird. I had control, then I lost control, and the thing was riding me around on its own.
It stopped on its own in the middle of town, and then just flipped over and turned into mulch, I dunno. But then I was naked. I think it was me, at least. It was like I was looking at myself from another point of view. It looked like me, but it had no face. Every step I took would cause water to pour onto my head, which was bizarre. Who has weirdass dreams like that?

Worst part was, I woke up feeling frisky, and I have no fucking idea why. There were no tits in my dream, only water, a wagon, and- well, I guess there were trees around, too. Maybe those were the morning wood? Haha, I'm fucking hilarious. I need more sleep. I wonder if Lul will mind me sneaking in to catch a few z's next to her. I don't think there's any risk of back-poking, now.

I think I figured out what to do, and where to go. I have to find Emia and Lulan. I'll knock him the fuck out and drag him there if I have to. I haven't gotten a wink of sleep in three days. I feel like I'm drunk. I should pass out for a while or I might fuck something up.

I haven't been able to visit Vulkwasten since I went back to get my shit. Everything reminds me of her. And if I can't get her back, I don't know what I'm going to do. Most will probably tell me to move on, I have so much more to live for, blah blah blah. I couldn't do it in Vulkwasten. If I can't get her back, I'm moving to Hew's Bane. Live like I used to. Alone, and in-and-out of jail. I don't give a shit.

Maybe those cultists will accept homemade food. Or maybe I can buy them with all the shit I have. I don't fucking know.

We did it. We freed her. We got her back. Thank the gods we could still do it, even after Lulan died.
Now she's back, but with no memory of anything. That's okay, she's back. That's all I care about.
I owe Emia so much.

*The writing is badly done, by someone with a seemingly stiff wrist*
Too much time to sit and think. Way too much time. I haven't been able to do a fucking thing. Can't cook, can't shoot a bow, can barely write a fucking thing. My wrists should have been healed by now. I'm going insane. I'm going insane, and I don't know what to do. I haven't told Lulie that when she's out, I spend the day sleeping, and when she's asleep next to me, staring at the sky. Stepping into that tavern hurts so bad. I want to be there. I want to be cooking and cleaning, and glowering at the fucks that wander in. I want to be threatening to kick some shithead's teeth in for being an asshole. I'm stupid, and clumsy, and can't even heal properly. Fucking useless.

I know why she spends so much time away.

Hunting. Hunting, hunting. Or at least that's what I call it.
I can't stay in town, anymore. I'm frightened to even return with my hauls. It's not as easy as I thought it would be. I don't know what to do.

I can't bring myself to stay with Lul at night, anymore. All I can do is hunt. I need to preoccupy myself.

I killed a mer last night. Tore him apart. When I realized what I had done, I buried him under a tree. I don't know what to do.

Y'ffre, help me.

The sun is going down. Gods, I'm terrified. I thought I could handle everything. I can't. I can't do it. Fuck, I'm not strong enough.

I need to tell Lul that I love her, and then disappear.