RoseheadMar 26, 2016Mar 26, 2016 at 12:22 AM
#1
get it? Like a bad play? like in a sport or something? No? Not funny? Whatever.
So I had written these while RPing as bragdliin (you know, the little hairy bosmer with the beard of holding with the sword that was bigger than him) because he said like half of them at least. Of course, since he was a dirty little man, most of these are plays on words that mean dirty things just so ya'll are aware. In the case that I RP him again, I may possibly add a page two to this horrid book.
So I had written these while RPing as bragdliin (you know, the little hairy bosmer with the beard of holding with the sword that was bigger than him) because he said like half of them at least. Of course, since he was a dirty little man, most of these are plays on words that mean dirty things just so ya'll are aware. In the case that I RP him again, I may possibly add a page two to this horrid book.
Page 1
The trick is to make them feel like you want them as much as you want yourself.
“Well I must be a dwemer construct because a little elf just turned me on.”
(also add “And I think you need to fix me, because I'm smoking” for added effect)
When buying a drink, remember to say “One drink for the sexy beast at the counter.” and then when they hand you the drink look flattered and say “Oh thanks, but I meant you.”
Lick their face and then when they kiss you back because you have the tongue of the gods tell them “I just wanted a taste, I can finish licking you tonight.” It makes them go crazy
When in presence of a Redguard male: “I hear your curved swords are really big, I have yet to see it for myself though... but I bet yours is huge.”
When protecting damsels in distress from something: “Do not worry, I assure you my sword is very big, they will not get past it.”
When about to fight someone “I assure you that I do really want to shove my sword inside of you, but maybe not in front of the (other) ladies?”
When in contact with male or female orc: “Your kind are quite the disease. Must be, because I've been growing a tusk since I first saw you.”
Constantly tell them how awesome you are, and wink when you do. Also, always wink.
"Wow, you are quite a tall altmer, I feel a little taller just taking one look at you, if yah' know what I mean."
“Wow, you must be dirt, because I want to plant my seed in you.”
When talking to a male or female Khajiit: "Wow, my tail is almost as long as yours, if you know what I mean."
“Well I must be a dwemer construct because a little elf just turned me on.”
(also add “And I think you need to fix me, because I'm smoking” for added effect)
When buying a drink, remember to say “One drink for the sexy beast at the counter.” and then when they hand you the drink look flattered and say “Oh thanks, but I meant you.”
Lick their face and then when they kiss you back because you have the tongue of the gods tell them “I just wanted a taste, I can finish licking you tonight.” It makes them go crazy
When in presence of a Redguard male: “I hear your curved swords are really big, I have yet to see it for myself though... but I bet yours is huge.”
When protecting damsels in distress from something: “Do not worry, I assure you my sword is very big, they will not get past it.”
When about to fight someone “I assure you that I do really want to shove my sword inside of you, but maybe not in front of the (other) ladies?”
When in contact with male or female orc: “Your kind are quite the disease. Must be, because I've been growing a tusk since I first saw you.”
Constantly tell them how awesome you are, and wink when you do. Also, always wink.
"Wow, you are quite a tall altmer, I feel a little taller just taking one look at you, if yah' know what I mean."
“Wow, you must be dirt, because I want to plant my seed in you.”
When talking to a male or female Khajiit: "Wow, my tail is almost as long as yours, if you know what I mean."