They're His Thoughts - Glooras' Journal

92 posts · started by Ganja on Apr 29, 2017 · 12927 views · in Active Journals & Diaries

DreamsApr 29, 2017

Apr 29, 2017 at 03:44 AM #1

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The faded black, green and gold/tan journal lays in sight on his nightstand. An old looking book, but imprinted on the cover is various forest symbols. The main one being a tree like symbol. A doused candle sits beside it. This book is clearly from his days before finding himself in Vulkwasten, and before taking on working with the trading company. The book is shabby looking, having seen better days. Pages are loose, but not falling out. The corners are beaten up, some of the spine of the book broken in places. The early entries date back to his teen years and early twenties.

Going further in however, there are more.. recent.. entries. Some going back to just a few years ago, and some to current times. It's hard to say how many pages he's added to the book. But some of the pages were clearly stitched in with thin leather strips. His way of refusing to just get another book, to continue his writings.

The pages are stained. Some of it is hard to tell exactly from what, while other stains are clearly faded blood. The scent of the blood, to those keen to it, is faded with time, but it's unmistakably that of an animal. The ink used to write, is a strange greenish ink, with an odd glow to it. The glowing ink is easily read in the dim lighting of the elf's rented room. The pages made not of paper however.. but of a strange.. almost leathery type of parchment. Faint traces of deer hair can be seen on the edges of the parchement on some of the pages. Words are sprawled quickly, smearing in places, but all of it in semi-neat Bosmeri.

Edited Apr 29, 2017 at 03:46 AM by 0

DreamsApr 29, 2017

Apr 29, 2017 at 04:12 AM #2

12th of Sun's Height - [ The year is badly smudged and completely unreadable. There are drawings on the top of the page, along the edges. Drawings of a frightened, girl with dark hair. The girl is curled up against a tree. The drawing is rough, but it's still clear what it's supposed to be of. ]

Happy birthday to me... I turned Fifteen today. I was supposed to meet Kirsrin after her scholar let her go today. A secret meeting she said.. One away from everyone. I don't get to talk about her much.. I wish I could. But my family deeply disapproves of her. Especially my father. While he cannot speak, he is not exactly.. quiet.. about how he feels about her. He says Kir is trouble.. If only he knew what I've been up to.. I have to be careful what I write.. Prying eyes..

He'd probably label me the same. I'm done trying to win the favor of my parents. The jealousy I feel for my brother is also done. I understand now. In a way, I still hate him for it though.. For diverting their attention souly on him. It's fine though. I have other things to distract myself. Though I still try to hang out with my ten year old brother. Though lately he seems distracted with what my father has been teaching him. He's learning to use a sword and a shield.

Kirsrin is the biggest distraction for me, though. She's beautiful. She's.. my heart's one desire. Some day, I'll prove that I love her. She says it's just puppy love. But if she don't love me, then why does she return my kisses and practically squeeze the life out of me in hugs when I bring her sweet things? There's got to be something there.. I am sure of it.

I was on my way to meet her though.. And.. I found this girl.. She looked scared. Her hair is matted, and she's dirty. Her clothes torn.. I've lived here my entire life.. And I don't remember seeing her before. I can't help but to wonder if she's always been around, and just hidden in the shadows cast by the city.

I first laid eyes on her, when she was trying to catch a squirrel. She dove out of a tree after it. She's quick. But the moment she seen me, she ran. I found her later cowering near the tree line, that leads off into the forest to the south. She can't be much older than maybe eleven or twelve. I left a small satchel of dried deer meat for her. She wouldn't go near it until I started to leave.. I want to do something to help this girl.. Something.. Anything...

Hours after I met Kirsrin, I had returned home. My father was leaving, taking Callio on another hunt. Neither spared me a passing glance. My mother is deep in the bottle again. She won't set the rum down. She's also the only one that questioned where I had been. When I said I was just.. out, she slapped me. I can still feel the sting of her hit.

I was called for dinner hours ago. But.. I can't stop thinking about that frightened girl from earlier.. Seeing the way she snatched the little bit of snacks that I had left.. I'm just not hungry enough to go downstairs. I think I'll just sleep instead. And try to think of a way to help that girl.

Edited Apr 29, 2017 at 04:14 AM by 0

DreamsApr 29, 2017

Apr 29, 2017 at 04:34 AM #3

16th of Sun's Height - [There's a drawing of a clothes line, and a masked boy stealing clothes off the line. The mask looks to be of badly done deer skull. ]

Thief! I'm a thief! .... I don't feel bad about it though.. But I pinched some clothes off a neighbor's clothes line a few days ago.. I had Kir handle them after that. She knows people, and had them pushed through to be laundered and returned. No ill-ties to them, she said. I can appreciate that. It means no one will get in trouble. Those clothes returned today from Velyn Harbor.

I took them to the tree where I seen the frightened one. I wrote a simple note. It told her I wasn't the enemy.. That I wished to help. I stood back, and waited. The girl came down from the tree only after I was hidden. As if she was frightened I might pounce her or attack her. She sat at the bottom of the tree for the longest time just staring at them. She broke down in tears when she read the note.

I stepped out of the bushes after that. Started to tell her that she was safe. She immeditately started to try and climb. It took me hours to talk her down. It was actually dark by the time she seemed to gain enough trust in me to come down. But she only came down so far. Low enough that I could see her clearly but high enough that I also couldn't reach her. I talked to her for awhile.

Y'ffre... The girl is an orphan.. What have I walked into.. I know her name at least.. But only her first name. That's fine though.. She'll open more when she's ready. I won't pressure her. Her name is Nivrchel.

I will have to speak to my father about this when he gets home. Maybe I can convince him to help me with this girl. I don't dare ask my mother for anything. Last I seen her this morning, she was working on a blanket and well into her second bottle of rum. Sometimes I wonder if my mother would have been happier as a pirate...

Edited Apr 29, 2017 at 04:35 AM by 0

DreamsApr 29, 2017

Apr 29, 2017 at 05:46 AM #4

20th of Sun's Height - [ Drawn in the corner is Niv in the new clothes, shyly peeking around a corner. ]

I spoke to my father last night. He refused to help. He wrote down that he knew of her. Had seen her. Called her a street rat. Said that neither himself or my mother had time to deal with a third child. Said things would figure themselves out. Nature's way.

Bullshit. I've decided that I will step up. I can't adopt her.. Not in a parent way.. But I will take her under my wing and look out for her. My friends have a place just outside of the city.. A hollow. It's not much, but better than nothing. And I know that when I'm not there, my friends and Kirsrin will help me look out for her. Kir says I need to be careful.

Speaking of her.. Introduced Nivvy to Kirsrin today. Niv reacted by hiding against a wall into the hollow. She peeked around it, staring in at us. I can only imagine the things this girl must have gone through before I met her. She has taken to me though. If I'm present, she sticks close by. Though I know in time, she'll warm to the others as well. Kirsrin has given her a room within the hollow. I know Niv will be safe here. At least, she'll have food and people to make sure she's alright.

This is our secret. My parents know nothing of my involvement. My mother's too drunk usually to care, and my father seems more focused on Callio than anything else.

Speaking of Callio, when they returned from the hunting trip, he was sick again. Callio is once more bedridden. He quit breathing and collasped in the kitchen this morning. He came in, struggling for air and simply.. passed out. I've decided to spend the night in the hollow.. It's more peaceful there. When I left, my parents were arguing. My father in his silent way, and my mother screeching and accusing him of my brother's condition. The hollow is quiet.. It'll be easier to sleep tonight than have to listen to her screaming the way she was.

Niv has taken it upon herself to sleep in my chosen spot, on the small sofa. Gave her my blanket after she was asleep. The hollow is cold, I'm sure she'll appreciate the warmth.

Kirsrin called me to her room after that. Kir is older than I am.. Two years older. I spent my night with her. Here's to hoping that neither of us get into something we can't dig our way out of.

Edited Apr 30, 2017 at 03:45 AM by 0

DreamsApr 30, 2017

Apr 30, 2017 at 04:58 AM #5

[ The next several entries are mostly about hunts with his friends. And the different parts of Malabal Tor that he's been able to see while going for hunts with them. The pages of the entries are littered with drawings. Most of them having to do with the hunts. And the various things that were caught on the hunts. There's even some drawings of the Hollow where he and his friends have taken over and turned into a base of sorts. This is mostly the entries. Just drawings and little bits of his thoughts about how things are going. Though the most notable one is penned for three years later... When Glooras is eighteen..]

Edited Apr 30, 2017 at 05:29 AM by 0

DreamsApr 30, 2017

Apr 30, 2017 at 05:28 AM #6

4th of Rain's Hand - [ There are drawings along the edge of the page and along the top. Drawings of arrows flying along the top, and the targets along the edges. ]

I haven't written in awhile.. I actually forgot about this book until I was unpacking. I found it at the bottom of a small crate. I am glad to have found it. I thought I lost this old journal.

Been keeping busy. I discovered Nivrchel can't fight or use a weapon. No one ever taught her. I've decided to change that.

I'm not much of an archer.. But I know enough to use a bow. I started teaching Nivvy all I know. From bladed weapons and now to archery. She's... very skilled with a bow. I was not expecting it. I'm clumsy with it.. But she makes using a bow look easy. It definitely comes naturally for her. I can tell just by watching her. I am glad she is a fast learner though.. I feel I'm a terrible teacher.

She surprised me last night. She came into my room in the Hollow, and sat down beside me. She asked if she could call me her brother. I am not exactly a good role model. There's a reason my friends call me Trouble.. It's not for laughs. But I am honored to be called it. My own blood family seems to be falling apart. For this girl, I will do what I can to be a damn good brother. Or at least, I'll die trying to be a good brother.

I mentioned my family.. It's true.. My mother took a drunken swing at my father last night. He easily stepped out of the way. He didn't even bother to try and help her as she fell to the floor of the pod. My brother's health isn't good either. The thirteen year old is more active though. I've been spending time with him. Or at least trying.. He don't make it easy. I've accepted that I'm nothing in my parents' eyes. But he is still my brother.. Despite the bitterness I feel towards him.

Kirsrin has formed our group into something solid. A name has been picked for us.. I don't think I mentioned it before.. It was formed almost a year ago. But.. We're now The Shadows. Mercenaries. My parents frown upon it. I'm a killer they say. Bah.. I'm just a sellsword. Those that need my swordarm, I'll offer it. Kirsrin is the assassin of the group. So far anyway.. I predict that it won't last long that way though. I think others will start doing both mercenary and assassin work soon enough. Maybe even myself included. I've also found a certain.. joy in stealing. There's a thrill there that I can't explain. A rush.

Speaking of Kirsrin, I've won. I think.. She says she loves me. Our nights together prove that. I have my heart's one desire at last. I hope that never changes. Always and forever.. I hope that's what it becomes.

A new family moved into the area as well a month ago.. Khajiits. They seem decent though. My brother has become friends with the youngest to that family.. A ginger furred one. Callio's happy.. Though there's not much time now to spend with him, as he's often busy. It's alright though. I just worry for him... Even if I don't show it out right.. The worry is still there..

Edited May 07, 2017 at 07:50 AM by 0

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 07:58 AM #7

7th of Rain's Hand

I've gotten my own home now. It's small compared to where I just came from. But it's mine. I'm at least no longer waking to the fueding between my family. It's good to be on my own. No more wakijng to drunken rants.. Just.. peace. At long last. My father was against me leaving though. Though I still had to point out that I'm not far. I'm not leaving Silvenar.

Something is also different about Kir. Though she refuses to answer any of my questions relating to what is bothering her. I caught her eating raw meat. She said it was just a craving.. Is she pregnant? I've never heard of a craving like that before... If she's pregnant, I wish she'd come out and tell me. If it's not that, then... why would she eat that? After I started questioning her, she became angry and threw me out of our room in the Hollow.

There was also a big fight in the commons today. Two guys, fighting over a woman. It ended with them both injured, one more than the other. Niv forced them to stop fighting, by punching the more aggressive one hard enough to knock him out. Girl's got a strong left hook. I think training and sparring with her will continue to help her. She's got potential.

Edited May 07, 2017 at 07:58 AM by 0

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 08:06 AM #8

[ The next several entries span the length of two years. In that time, there's entries about Kir having been indeed pregnant, but having miscarried. There's mention of a bear cub having been found.. One he's affectionately named Anuk.

There's also more drawings, ranging from his bear, to the Hollow. Even to more doodles of Kir and even Niv. There's entries about his parents.. Especially his mother. The ones where his mother is mention, there's sometimes doodles of the various alcohol bottles that she had during that day/time frame.

However the next entry that really means something, is penned for when he is twenty years old.. It is here, where things pick up. Where things become hectic for him, and he becomes increasingly stressed and on edge. ]

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 08:22 AM #9

5th of Sun's Dusk - [ There's anger behind his words. The words written hastily, smearing and smudging where his fingers touched the wet ink while writing. There's drawings of a knife being held to his chest.. and Niv shoving what could only be his brother. Though his brother's face is smudged badly where he accidentally placed his thumb. ]

The fighting has become bad.. Callio won't see reason. The khajiits that my brother has made friends with.. I seen them.. Including that stupid ginger one.. DESTROYING the forest.. But he won't listen! So fucking stubborn.. Y'ffre's lady bits! I wish he'd listen to me.. To see reason.. But he won't. He may not be a drunk, but more and more everyday, he's becoming just as stubborn as our mother.. It's infurating! He sees only light shining out that ginger hairball's ass. I don't hate khajiits, but I hate those specific ones. They're disrespectful. Guests in the forest, and they destroy it. Bastards!

This is the third time I've attempted to confront my brother. Attempted to get him to see reason and to understand. But of course, the fifteen year old pain in the ass won't. His reaction to me telling him about what they khajiits were doing, was to pull a blade. He sliced me twice over my stomach before attempting to stab my chest. Calling me a liar. I had no choice. I put a blade to his throat, demanding he stand down. The fight would have ended differently I think.. But Nivrchel stepped in the middle of it. Pushed us apart. Demanded we both stand down. That girl's got balls, I'll give her that.

After the fight, Callio collasped. He was sick, and to make matters worse, he quit breathing again. I took him back to our mother, thinking it was for the best. He'll be fine. Our mother on the other hand, the moment she seen Callio, she tore him from my arms and proceeded to take care of him. When she finished and he was breathing, she turned her drunken fury on me.

When I protested, and told her of what was going on, she called me a liar. Called me a slew of names before bringing down a full bottle of rum on my head. It shattered and I wore it's contents.... I'm ashamed to say that I struck her for it. It was a natural response.. She responded by punching me in the mouth, split my lip open.. And she wonders why I rarely stop to visit..

When I returned to the Hollow, Niv tried to stop me. I know she was only concerned.. But I just didn't want to talk. Not to her.. Not to anyone. I just wanted to get cleaned up and in clean clothes.. And tend to my aching head. After I was cleaned up, I attempted to just relax in the main commons. I went to a portion that was dark and quiet.

I also think Kir is pregnant again. But cannot confirm it. She's bitter and snippy most days. Even towards me. I'm sure things will get better though.. So to speak.. It can't rain all the time..

Edited May 07, 2017 at 08:23 AM by 0

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 09:00 AM #10

10th of Sun's Dusk - [ There's drawings of leaves scattering around the page. And foot prints in mud. ]

Another fight. This time, he threatened to slit my throat. I told him to go home, before he regretted starting a fight. He turned over a table, I wore my drink and he left. I really don't care. The bartender, wasn't as relaxed about it. I had to pay for the minor destruction caused by my idiot of a brother and his temper.

I went to my parents' after that. I thought maybe I could talk to him.. Maybe.. But instead I was met with my mother's rage. Unsurprising.. given how she's been towards me lately. She had made dinner, but was angry to see me there. Says I bring nothing but dishonor. I was demanded to get my brother from his room. When I went to get him, I discovered his bedroom empty. Bed made, a good bit of clothes missing and no note. When I approached my mother with this, she rammed me into a wall.. My left shoulder popped out of socket from it. But I'll be fine.

I told her, he was gone. She demanded to know what I meant by that. When I said 'just gone', that's when she slammed me. I hate my brother right now for leaving.. His stupidity, I swear, is causing our mother to lose her twice damned mind.

I tried to cheer her up. She was silent for a bit, then hit me with a wine bottle. She got me in the eye. It still hurts to open that eye. That side of my face is badly swollen. Her bottle also hit my nose. Broke my nose and bloodied it.

This is my burden. I'm not going to complain to anyone, other than these pages. It's... better this way.

When I returned to the Hollow, Niv tried to once more stop me.. I think she wanted to ask me something.. But I was hurting and I wanted to get myself together. My mother's a bitch.. my father is scared of himself and my brother's an idiot.. Great family I got... And I must be the biggest damn fool to walk Nirn... I left after I got cleaned up, and traveled with a search effort, in an attempt to find my brother.

As we speak, everyone's settled in. Not for the night, just until the rain lets up. I doubt it'll happen though.

11th of Sun's Dusk - [ Written hours after the last entry. Likely after he got back, and out of wet clothes. Written before he called it a night. ]

It's nearly morning. We searched all night.. Got moving an hour after settling in that one area. When our leader realized the weather wasn't letting up, we started moving again. There's no damn sign anywhere of Callio. They're giving up. But I refuse. I'm angry with him, this is true. But that idiot is still my brother. I won't let that sick fool wander the forest in his condition.

I found Nivvy waiting for me on the hillside, just under the canopy of trees. She waited all night in the rain for me. The last thing I need is her sick. I was annoyed to see her there, not angry.. Just.. annoyed. I hope she don't end up with a cold for doing this.

Edited May 07, 2017 at 09:09 AM by 0

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 09:29 AM #11

11th of Sun's Dusk - [ This written several hours after that last entry.. Done later that evening. There's drawings of broken glass and blood. His drawings are also steadily becoming better and better, with each passing entry. ]

I made the trip back to my parents' place this morning after I got some rest. My parents deserve to know at least that we tried to find him. My father is away on a hunt.. Not surprised.. Honestly can't say I blame him either... Anything to get away from my mother, I'd guess. When I entered the pod, she whipped an empty bottle across the room at me the moment she realized it was me.. And that Callio wasn't with me. She was all smiles, until she realized he wasn't there..

I tried to talk to her.. I tried to explain the situation, and that everyone had done what they could. And that the search party would be going back out later tonight. She knocked me over a table, and started attacking me. She cut my chest and arms up multiple times.. Each cut, screaming how it was my fault that my idiot of a brother ran away. Striking her once was on impulse.. This time, I can't say it was purely that. I was defending myself. I kicked her off and into the side of a chair, just so I could stand.

She stood, smashed an empty rum bottle on my head and demanded I leave. But not before stopping me, to lecture and to tell me just how much of a disappointment I am. She even said that she was disappointed to have me as her son. There were plenty of other cruel things said. She spewed off that I was still a lowlife.. That it would be all I'd ever amount to. She went to take another swing, and I left. She missed and hit the wall. I don't feel sorry to learn that she's also broken her fingers by hitting the wall.. Serves the bitch right.

Part of me wants to scream that I don't care about Callio.. That I hate him. But it's a lie. I care about him... in my own way. I just wish he wasn't so damn stubborn. I wish he'd listen to reason.. And I wish he hadn't run away. Among my many, many other wishes. But... there's not much I can do, is there?

I got back to the Hollow to discover Nivvy in the medical ward of the Hollow. She had apparently struck someone too hard in a sparring match. I said it once, I'll say it again.. That girl's got a strong hit. I'm proud of just how far she's come and of how strong she's gotten... I'm also relieved that she didn't end up catching a nasty cold from sitting out all night.

Kir and I are also at odds now. After I had gotten cleaned up, and I wasn't hurting as bad as I had been... I decided to ask her something that has been gnawing me for a few years now.. I told her that I loved her very deeply. She said she loved me too. Though she wouldn't look me in the eye. I asked her to marry me.. She shoved the ring I had gotten for her, back to me and went to the dresser. She said she simply couldn't. When I asked why, she refused a straight answer. Now I'm back to sleeping in my own room. She said it was best.

Maybe she's angry with me for something... Although I doubt it.. I didn't nothing to her. Or maybe it's just pregnancy hormones and her being moody... Um.. If she's pregnant that is.. She won't tell me if she is or isn't. I seem to be good at pissing people off lately...

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 09:46 AM #12

14th of Sun's Dusk - [ There's a drawing of an altmer, clothed head to toe in all black. The only thing visible is the man's intense eyes, and his gnarled hands. The man is clearly an older fellow. The man is drawn holding a bottle clearly labled 'skooma'. But hiding it so only the one he's looking at can see it. The picture is drawn along the top of the page. There's a lot of detail put into this drawing. It's not the best drawing, but it's still a fairly decent one.

The drawing is also not done on the same day as the entry itself. But rather the words are written around where he thought he'd need space to draw the person. The words to this entry however are difficult to read. Some are badly misspelled, others smeared.. Clearly done while drunk. ]

I mentioned Kir made me go back to my own space.. my room in the Hollow.. Well... I've been going back and forth between the Hollow and my own home. She has been steadily pushing me aside. I don't know what I did.. It really got out of control when she came to me one night, after kicking me out of her room. Demanded we start a family. I asked her to marry me again. She refused and started to leave.

I'm all for having kids.. Eventually.. But I'd rather be married to her if we're doing that. Also.. I won't lie.. The thought of being a parent, now, scares me. There's so much going on.. And there's a lot in life I want to do before I'm ready to begin a family.

I met a mysterious man tonight.. Such a strange fellow...

I hate drawing people.. Especially hands.. But.. I felt I needed to show the man that approached me tonight. I was drinking with some friends. A waitress in my lap.. All was good. Kir.. as I said, is pushing me away. So fuck it.. I had a lass in my lap.. She sat down on her own. I tried to tell her no, but she insisted. So I didn't argue.. Not until that altmer showed up.. He approached my table, asked to speak to me. So I sent the waitress on.

He gave me an opportunity to work. I demanded to know doing what.. He showed me skooma.. I'm to run skooma. So be it. It gets me out of Silvenar.. Away from my bitch of a mother, the stress... away from... Kir... I'll do it.

He promised pay. Half now, half when I make the delivery. I can handle that. I'm not going alone. I know someone that could benefit from getting out of here too.. Nivvy! My sissy! .. I'll take her with me and.. all will be good!.. You'll see, ya smeared parchment!..

Tomorrow I will set out... And things will look up.. At least.. for awhile. Hey.. a guy can hope, right?

Edited May 07, 2017 at 10:22 AM by 0

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 10:03 AM #13

15th of Sun's Dusk - [ There's a drawing of crates of skooma along the top of the page. ]

I woke up Nivv, bright and early so we could get out there before anyone raised questions. We found the crates exactly where the mer said they'd be last night. I'm surprised I remembered any of it.. She at first thought I was joking when I told her we had a job to do. But seemed eager to go after I gave her a big stack of clothes to figure out. I'm not picking that girl's clothes.. She can figure out what clothes she wants to wear and take with her, on her own.

Stupid hangover.. Ugh.... Kir's yelling this morning did not help.. After I woke Niv, Kir stopped me in the hall and proceeded to yell, demanding to know what we're up to.. Especially after she seen that we were carrying satchels of clothing and other things needed for the trip. I didn't help the pounding head either when I snapped back. I told her if I wanted her to know, I'd send her a carrier pigeon, before flatly leaving...

I waited until we were on the way to the docks, in the back of the carriage, to tell Nivvy what our job was. She looked so surprised. But let me talk, and explain our situation. She seemed eager to get started. Now we're at the docks, waiting. She went up a lamp post. I seen her writing earlier. Now she's off looking for a place to use the restroom while I stand guard. I'm hoping she comes back before the ship arrives. It's due any moment.

No one is getting near these crates.. Not without finding their fingers missing. I'll cut their fuckin' fingers off if they try anything. That man said to keep the guards and anyone stupid enough to get nosy out of the crates. I'll do just that. Even if it means becoming violent.

I've decided Kir will know nothing about this venture. She's slowly shutting me out.. I can feel it. So be it. I love her.. It's true. She's still my heart's desire. But I'm not going to bend to her either. She'll figure that out. She's the one that pushed me away.. Not the other way around.

Edited May 07, 2017 at 10:04 AM by 0

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 10:18 AM #14

21st of Sun's Dusk - [There's drawings of dead pirates, and some doodles of the ocean's waves. ]

Semi smooth boat ride over. First day, I spent sick.. Stupid hangover.. After that, was fine. We were maybe a day away from port when we got boarded however by pirates. Stupid fucks.. They're dead now. The captain has a pirate decorating the stern of the ship. He.... tied... the corpse to the rail.. Disgusting.. But.. He says it'll ward off future attempts.. I don't buy it. But whatever floats his boat.. Yes.. that was a boat pun.. Shut up. Don't judge me.

Some people don't like my puns.. Believe it or not, when things are looking bad, I use the puns to lighten the mood.. It don't always work for everyone.. But for me, it at least gives me something to laugh at mentally.. Anything to get my mind off of bad things. How does one think I tolerated living with my mother, until I was eighteen?

Today, I met the rest of the caravan. It's not just Niv and I that will be running this. There's a set of orc brothers, and a trio of nords.. that stick together. The nords act strange. I can't put my finger on why, though. And the orcs don't talk much to anyone else aside from each other. Not that it matters.. Half of what they say to one another, is in their own language. I don't speak orcish.

The one orc with a scar, he played in the water with my sister after meeting us. I kept a watchful eye.. Only because I don't know them.. And I'm leery of what might or might not happen.

We traveled for awhile until it got dark. Then made camp at the caravan driver's request. Niv has gone to bed, resting for her next shift. Now it's my turn to stay up.. I don't plan to write all night however. I'm not much good to anyone with my nose in a book. So let's stop here. At least for tonight.

Edited May 07, 2017 at 10:19 AM by 0

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 10:40 AM #15

[ The next entry does not happen until the 6th of Evening Star. He was unable to use his journal, too sick to do anything really. After a fight had gone south, he didn't have a say in this. ]

6th of Evening Star - [ There's a drawing of the clinic room, from his perspective.. From laying in bed. ]

I am uncertain of what today is... But Niv assures me it's the sixth.. I hope she's right.. I've missed so many days.. Spent out of it.. Too sick to do anything. The poison is still in my system. I can feel it still working it's 'magic' on me... Bleh... At least Niv is safe.. That's what matters. Nothing else.

We got paid for the job. From what I'm told, the two brothers handled it. I'm glad for that. They also looked after my sister.. I will have to buy them a round the next time I meet up with them... Whever that is. They did me a favor while I was unable to do anything.

Fuckin' bandits... I still can't believe the nords were vampires.. They went blood crazy after the carriage driver was killed. They attacked anything that moved. But they were put down before they managed to bite anyone. The last bandit alive, stuck me twice in the side with a poisoned dagger..

I sat outside today. The air tastes and smells better than that clinic. Too... medical-ee... Ick.. that scent.. The healer wasn't happy about it though. My sister calls him a cranky altmer. I wouldn't call him that, though. More like, just concerned...

Nivvy asked why I was so happy to be away.. I did not lie. I'm away from everything now.. At least, until we go back. My mother's abuse.. which I could definitely use a break from. My idiot brother missing.. And now Kir... One moment Kir is drawing me to her, whispering sweet nothings.. Then being a bitch...pushing me away. I tell her I love her, she says she loves me too.. Then turns against me.. It's a repeating cycle.. I thought she was pregnant, but she's not. She made it a point to tell me that she wasn't.

Days after she admitted that she wasn't, she pushed me away again. She claims she loves me though.. But she rejected my proposal of marriage. Yet, she's demanding kids.. I'm scared I won't be a good father. With all I've seen.. What kind of father would I be? ... And there's still plenty I want to do, before I settle.. She didn't seem exactly understanding about it...

Niv and I seen the brothers off. Part of me didn't want them to leave. I hugged them, I'm not ashamed to admit it. Good men. They looked after my sister as I said once. I count them as friends. I need to rest.. the healer is demanding it... Maybe I'll write more later... maybe...

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 10:44 AM #16

[ There's not many entries for the remainder of that month. What little is there, is scattered. Still too sick to really do much. But when he did have strength he'd write or draw. Though most of what is there, is just drawings. The clinic, of Niv looking out the window, even some of the altmer that was tending to him.

The next entries however that hold more to them, take place in late Evening Star / early Morning Star. Circling around their return journey.. Though the main focus is on their initial return to the city...]

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 11:42 AM #17

5th of Morning Star - [ The words are written in a fast, but angry fashion. ]

It's ... good to be back.. in it's own way. I decided to stop in to see my parents after I got back.. Mainly my father. Talk to him, see if Callio had returned. But no.. That kid is still missing. My mother didn't try anything tonight. But that's because my father is there. I'm not stupid. We were eating together when my brother suddenly entered the house. Though there was something off about him.. Different. I seen an eye-shine.. I was about to ask just what he got himself into, when he gently requested my parents to sit.. More or less ignoring me.

He then spilled that he was a werewolf. I was so shocked, I nearly spilled the rotmeth. He just stood there, his head bowed.. As if waiting for judgement from them. My mother stood, drunkenly swayed to him and hugged him. Proclaiming that she'd love him no matter what. She didn't care if he was a werewolf or an undead, she'd always love her.. as she put it.. 'baby boy'. I can remember just.. staring.. I thought my father might say something against it.. But he just nodded, before getting up and joining in on hugging him.

My mother declaired that she'd hide it from everyone. She'd ensure no one found out. She then turned, stared at me.. And told me that the only ones that knew the secret, were the ones present. She demanded I keep quiet.. I serve Y'ffre. I am not going to invite war with the forest just to appease them. I refuse.

I've never been so angry in my entire life. I can take abuse. I can take a lot of bullshit... But this.. UNACCEPTABLE! ... I didn't... exactly hide it... I knocked my food to the floor, my chair fell backwards and I left. I refuse to be involved with them. But I will see my brother face punishment for breaking The Green Pact. It's only right.

There are some good people here. I refuse to help them invite a war with the forest that could wipe out this entire village. Everyone knows, if you anger the forest, it will rise up against you. I can't believe they'd demand such a thing.. When it was those two that taught me to respect The Green, and Y'ffre. And to respect the forest...

I followed the khajiits after that. I thought maybe I could find answers from them. All I found was more things to add to my rage. Those that had moved into the area.. Those that my brother took to as friends.. And the one that he loved.. Werewolves! ...

This can't be left alone. Tonight, I will ensure that my brother faces punishment tomorrow. I will make sure that he cannot flee this. Something has to be done. But I can't face this alone.. There's just no way...

Edited May 07, 2017 at 11:43 AM by 0

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 12:04 PM #18

[ There are days missing. After the initial battle, and being badly wounded.. Plus still weak from the poison, he was hospitalized in the clinic of Silvenar. Because of this, there is a lack of entries yet again.]

10th of Morning Star - [ The words are difficult to read. Some kind of scribbled as he struggled to keep his eyes open while writing. Under the effects of the medicine that the healer there was using on him. ]

They.... they're all dead.. The ginger and his family.. Werewolves are gone.. Doctors are claiming Callio is missing. My mother came in this morning.. She spat on my chest.. Said she hoped I died before leaving.. My father confirmed my brother is gone. I'd wager he's probably dead.. Nivvy says town guards are now also involved in this mess.. But her, Kir and some others from The Shadows can confirm that they were werewolves.. Those that were killed.. I did what was right..

Kir hasn't come to see me.. Not that I remember. But I am told that everyone from the clan has stepped up.. Promising to.. to keep me safe. I appreciate it... I do...

The room is.. funny colors.. I.. I...

[ It trails off there.. Likely having passed out. ]

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 12:09 PM #19

[ There's another gap in entries. This one spreading to just past the middle of the month. ]

19th Of Morning Star - [ exact year is smeared. the ink done in that odd glowing, almost greenish ink.]

My family and the entire village have turned against me. My family is verbal about it. The village, less so. But the glares and odd looks speak loudly enough. I am no longer welcome in Silvenar. You can almost feel it. So be it. I have my freedom, and I have Nivvy and the others to thank. And so I have gone to the forests in Daggerfall. I oddly fit in here. Hard for me to admit honestly. I never thought in my wildest dreams that'd even be possible for me to call another forest home. I could grow to really enjoy being here, I think. The forests are teaming with wild game to hunt. And Anuk seems happy.

I hunted werewolves after I left.. But it got boring and dull.. So I started traveling again.. So much has happened since Silvenar.. My stained pages, I know you'll understand when I tell you, I've become a mercenary and an assassin for hire. The pay is tricky, but good when there are jobs. Though I also haven't fully given up tracking and hunting down werewolves. I fear there will never be a shortage of them.

That reminds me, I have put in word with a group of local werewolf hunters. They seem willing to accept me. But I have to complete a trial to prove I am not cursed. It won't be any problem to do so. I am clean, and I have no problem proving it.

The important thing is the traitors are silenced, back home. That stupid ginger khajiit is no more. My brother is no longer tortured mentally by that ginger hairball. I can rest easy knowing this. I can rest knowing that he is no longer influenced.

The Shadows still contact me occasionally. I worry for them, as they remain in Silvenar. The locals no longer approve of our... presence, as I said. I suppose slaughtering the khajiiti family had something to do with it. My parents are also missing. They went missing shortly after I was permitted to leave the clinic. No one knows what happened to them. But I have a rough idea.. Knowing my father, he likely took my mother and fled.

I wish things hadn't come full circle as they had.. But it had to be done. I couldn't sit idly by and watch, and do nothing. My brother..my parents.. All of it.. I wish it didn't have to happen the way it did..

Them harboring my brother, would have eventually lead to the forest becoming angry. I have no desire to anger the forest. To anger Y'ffre. I do not need the wrath of a divine being brought down on my head. I did what I did to protect people. Though.. no one will likely thank me for it. If anything, I wouldn't be surprised if I get labled a villian.

Callio is gone now too. I'm certain the bastard is dead. It serves him right. Traitor. That's all he'll ever be. A traitor to the forest. To our people. Enough! .. What's done is done. I have no regrets. I did what was right. What I know to be right. Curse the morons that disagree. I did what was good for the forest.. No matter what anyone else's thoughts are on the mess.

Anyway... I seen the head of the clan today. She seemed angry. She's also.. pretty.. in her own way. I couldn't tell you why she was angry, though. But she was carrying around a rolled up bit of parchment.. Pacing from one side of the room to the other.

I am still adjusting to everything here. While the forest, in a way, reminds me of home, it's still not the Valenwood. Mistress Vlinadael says that in time, I'll get used to this place. I trust her opinion. She is not from here either.. An altmer woman. I know very little about her, but that's fine. She is my leader. She is my boss. I look to her for guidance as I adjust.

I miss Nivrchel though. And I do wonder how she is doing. I shall sleep now.. And dream.. hopefully of better things to come. Tomorrow, my trial begins. I look forward to proving that I am clean, and that I can handle anything they throw at me. Y'ffre, guide me.

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 12:53 PM #20

24th of Morning Star - [ There's a drawing of a buff nord, with a rather thick beard, holding a cat. All drawn semi-neatly along the top of the page. ]

I've passed their trial.. Easy. And I've been partnered with a nord. No one knows his real name, as he won't tell anyone what it is. For all intents, whatever they may be, he goes by Ripper. I'm not sure what to make of him honestly.. He's strange, but in a good way.. If.. that makes any sense. I think in time, we'll be good friends. I hope anyway. It would blow to be partnered with someone I grew to hate rather than come to call friend.

Our first assignment, seems like something one would find a mercenary carrying out. We've been sent to the city of Daggerfall to talk to a noble there and track down their... problem. Werewolves have been killing innocent people and we're to go stop it.

Right now, we've set up camp for the night. He's already asleep. And snoring loudly. Another day, and we'll be at Daggerfall's gates. I can't sleep.. Not for lack of trying. I dreamed of the night I killed the ginger. I woke to my cheek stinging and my chest hurting where he sliced my cheek with his dagger and then stabbed me. I woke up as he started to shift. No sense in trying to sleep.

I've decided to spend the remainder of the night just watching the stars. They're all out tonight.. It's very pretty tonight..

[ There's a drawing of the night sky.. Though done in just the green ink, it doesn't look that good. But he did try. ]

Edited May 07, 2017 at 12:54 PM by 0

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 12:58 PM #21

[ The next several entries are all over the place, really. Lots of different stuff about different jobs. Lots of things about werewolves, random things that he's encountered. Becoming best friends with Ripper over the course of two years. There's mention of their mounts, Anuk trying to eat Ripper's horse at one point. And trying to figure out how to keep the two mounts apart.

There's details of the lands he's been to. And dozens of drawings. Most revolving around big things that have drawn his attention, or even simple things.. Like spring time and finding a patch of wild flowers. That sort of thing. There's drawings of his bear, his friend and even his friend's horse.

Though next main entry is aimed around just shortly after his 22nd birthday. A few days after it. And what comes next... ]

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 01:10 PM #22

19th of Morning Star - [ Date has been forgotten to be written.]

A letter from Nivrchel arrived today. She wants me to return to the Valenwood. Something is wrong. She wouldn't say what however. Her letter is vague, but I know her writing. This is her letter.. It has to be. I believe it to be. That is good enough. I have packed my things and left Glenumbra. I will miss my comrads, especially Ripper..

He's become one of my closest and most trusted friends here. He knows of what happened back home.. He knows why I left.. At first, I was leery about opening up to him.. But after a few months and getting to know him, I figured what do I have to lose? If he suddenly hates me and refuses to partner with me, then I know he can't stand me. But that didn't happen. He was surprisingly understanding. Though he also said that he don't understand the whole Green Pact thing.

I have said my farewells however. It is time that I be moving on. I must find out what has happened. And find out why she writes to me now. She hasn't bothered in a long time. But with how it is written, it looks like she's pleading me to return.. For my sister, I'll return.

As we speak, I am sitting on the edge of a crate.. Waiting for the ship to arrive. Shouldn't be too much longer. Anuk has been eating the rats around us. Not sure if she's anxious or just bored.

[ There's a drawing of the bear holding a mouse down with one of her paws. ]

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 01:22 PM #23

24th of Morning Star

Land! I see land! I've never been so exicted to see a piece of dirt before now! It's beautiful. I want to hug the trees! All of them! And maybe.. kiss the sand of the beach. I hate feeling so cooped up! I want to get Anuk off this thing.. She has been pacing and biting at everything that moves.. This includes people.. I worry she may actually take a bite out of someone if they too close. She's pacing all over. I am glad the gangplank was lowered. It is time to depart this. There's a black haired lass waiting for me.. I can see her faintly from here.. I know that is likely Nivrchel. I can't believe she came all the way to Woodhearth to meet me.

24th of Morning Star [ Written several hours after the last entry. ]

It was good to speak to Niv again, face to face. As opposed to written word.. We have made camp. I'm tired, but I will stay up tonight to watch over our camp.. And over her. She was wounded when we met up. I almost missed it.. So excited to be off that ship.. She collasped into my arms. I knew then something was wrong. She refused to admit it though and lead me out of the city.

She showed me the injury later.. It's.. not good. Her entire side is littered with jagged and angry wounds. She'll be lucky if they don't scar. They are the work of a bladed whip. She says it is from someone from within The Shadows. But wouldn't say who. I will see them pay.. Slowly.. I will see them suffer for what they have done. They will regret the day they put hands on her.

Niv has reassured me that it was self defense. Promises it was her fault and that she was deserving. I don't buy it.

She rests now, having gone to sleep after we ate together and she had her bandages changed. I cannot shake that something is wrong. I wish she'd tell me more. All she has told me is that The Shadows are moving from Silvenar. Going to a cave, I think she said.. south of it.. The only caves I remember from there, have crocodiles and hoarvor in them. A dangerous place to try and take over.. But.. if it is what she wants, I'll do my best to help.

She also told me that Kirsrin has been looking for me. I can't imagine why. The last time we seen one another, Kir said that she never wanted to see me again. I wasn't ready to be a father then. And she wanted a child. In truth, I still don't know if I'm ready. I love Kirsrin, it is true. Kirsrin is my heart's one desire. But she always seemed just out of my grasp. I wonder if she still has any feelings for me.. I will find out tomorrow.

Edited May 07, 2017 at 01:23 PM by 0

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 01:33 PM #24

25th of Morning Star - [ There are blood stains, the drawing of a hoarvor near the top, and alcohol stains on this entry. Especially alcohol. Things are misspelled in places, other places there's bad smudges. All of it clearly written while drunk. ]

I awoke to Niv crying in her sleep. She must be in so much pain. I did what I could to ease it after she woke. Her wound is still open. I worry about taking over this cave she mentioned last night. But... She insists she is fine.. I won't argue.

We have traveled out to the cave. It is every bit just as dangerous as I remember it from my childhood. My brother and I used to sneak out here to play in the caves. Daring each other to go inside and explore the cave. Happy childhood memories, those. But that's the past.

I helped clear the place. But had to keep a watchful eye on Nivrchel. I do not think anyone else in the clan knows anything about her injury. If they did, they'd likely worry just as much as I am. And Kirsrin and I did have a moment alone. She's just as beautiful as I remember.. Kirsrin.. my heart.

There is corruption in the ranks. She is uncertain from where however. The scouts and hunters are at each other's throats.. Or so she says. But when I seen the two groups in the clan, they seemed to be getting along just fine. I can't say the same about her. She seems.. on edge. I wish I could ease it. But no amount of honeyed words are going to put her mind at ease. I also bet no amount of flirting and other forms of.... distraction... would be enough to get her mind off of it.

The cave is oddly well supplied already. I think Kirsrin had this planned all along.. Taking over it I mean. Niv is resting again. Kirsrin has requested alone time.. I can oblige. Maybe she wants to catch up. I'd like that. Finding out what she has been up to would be nice. I have missed speaking to her. Her letters stopped so long ago. It is good to be at her side again. Another rotmeth, and I will go see what she wants.

I have made my camp away from the cave. It's not because I feel unsafe there. I just feel it's in everyone's best interest if I camp alone. Less chance for shit to get started. And less chance for guards to find them. If the guards come looking for me, it's one thing.. They'll just find a camp that looks abandoned. I refuse to be the reason the cave is found. It is for them. Not me.

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 01:47 PM #25

28th of Morning Star

I've decided to start investigating the clan.. There is corruption. But I am uncertain of where. Niv being injured proves that much. Willing to hurt their own people.. That says a lot. I've decided to be.. quick and quiet about it. No one needs to know of it. Things are complicated enough. I doubt however, that it's the whole section.. At least.. I hope not. Kir and I worked very hard to make this werewolf hunting clan as strong as it is.. Granted, we're not completely law abiding.. But that's beside the point.

They hurt my sister.. Whoever it is, I want them to pay. I want them to suffer. This is a vow I'm making.. I will hunt the person down.. If I have to, I'll also make an example out of them. Consequences do not scare me. Nor does jail.

For now, I shall just watch.. and learn. Years ago, someone once told me, that a wise hunter waits their prey out. This is no different. Eventually the guilty bastard or bitch.. whichever.. will slip up. When it happens, I'll be waiting.

If there's one thing you learn, when you take up hunting, it's to be patient.

Edited May 07, 2017 at 01:49 PM by 0

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 02:01 PM #26

14th of First Seed - [Stained with a bit of food where he had dropped a piece of meat in the center of the page. ]

Niv has returned. She seems alright. Though not talkative. I asked her along to help clear out some trolls from the local swimming spot. Kir came to me seeking help... Shouldn't be too difficult. Trolls are easily rooted out if one knows how.

Though Kir seems.. different today. She can barely look me in the eye. It's also been days since she's allowed me to touch her. I wonder if she got her wish.. I will have to keep a close watch on her I think. If she's pregnant... It changes a lot.. If she got her wish, I will ask one more time, for her to marry me.. Though this will be the last time.

14th of First Seed - [ Written hours after that last entry.. Stained in tears and a mixing of his own blood and the blood of another elf - though the blood is faded and the scent faint from the fade of time. ]

I... I stumbled back to camp.. Everything hurts. I can barely breathe.. Every breath feels like my last..Kir... Why would you... A dream... A nightmare..

Betrayal! Bitch! I can't believe she would do this! WHY!? ... And..she admitted that she is the one to whip Nivvy..... Why.. Why...

Nivvy... Oh Nivvy... Why.. No.. This can't be real.. This can't be... I... Just can't... Nivvy... No no no no.. I seen you die.. I.. was present.. You took a hit meant for me and those bastards! They ... They took your body! My sister.. My friend...

Kirsrin... You bitch.. I swear by Y'ffre, I will end you! Your days are numbered... When I find you, I'll choke every last ounce of air from your lungs! I'll make you regret the day you ever harmed Nivrchel! I'll see you suffer.. That I swear. That I promise.... Traitor...

I write this.. In case I don't survive.. Someone.. if she lives.. Someone please, kill Ki....

[ The words fade into a scribble. A bloody, smeared handprint is at the bottom of the page where he had passed out. ]

Edited May 07, 2017 at 02:07 PM by 0

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 02:09 PM #27

19th of First Seed - [ It is almost impossible to read. Smudged, smeared and clearly written while drugged. Several things are also badly misspelled. ]

Clinic.. I woke in a clinic. A smelly man kneeled over me. He was praying.. I don't recognize the language of the prayer.. What is he? An elf.. Altmer? Maybe?.. But.. there's something.. odd about this one... His eyes... When he's in the room, it's hard to look away.. Like some.. spell pulling me...

He says, I'm lucky to be alive.. Says he found me in the forest.. Does this mean he knows where my camp is? .... The room's spinning.. faster and faster... Blurry... Kirsrin.... I must....He must let me go..

Kirsrin will.. She'll...

[ There's a thick green streak of ink where the book fell away from him. ]

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 02:26 PM #28

4th of Rain's Hand

The clinic is a dizzy day dream... That doctor.. He still creeps me out. But.. at least he was a decent healer. I am well enough that I no longer need to be there. My hunt for that traitorous bitch has resumed. I will not back down until I have justice. That cunt.. I'll make her pay.. I'll make her FUCKING PAY! ...... She'll regret the day she met me.

She set me up... Set us both up. Nivvy.. I'm so sorry I dragged you along.. I should have never asked you to come along.. It's my fault. I hate myself for what has happened.. But I hate Kirsrin more..

[ Tears speckle the pages after Nivrchel is mentioned.. ]

I loved Kirsrin and the whore betrayed me.. Why was I so blind?! So stupid... I trusted her. Nivrchel... You were right all along. She was up to something.. I was just too stupid and blind to see it... Perhaps you were the only one I should have trusted. You were right about her, and I was wrong. I'm so sorry my friend.

I will kill Kirsrin. I will avenge you. I will make her pay. Slowly. She said she needed help. That trolls had invaded the area we claimed for swimming and bathing, as I have said before. I asked Niv along, because I thought we'd need backup.

Instead, Kirsrin lead us into a damn trap. All of The Shadows.. baring down on us.. All of them ready to kill us. Kirsrin in the middle of the grotto, grinning at us.. She started to talk.. She even laughed in my face, bragging about how it was so easy to lead me into this trap.. That fucking bitch.. She even was bragging that I had made it easier on her.. As she not only got me, but she'd get rid of my... 'lost puppy'... Referring to Nivrchel.

She bragged about being the one to whip Nivrchel.. Only then did I understand why Niv wouldn't tell me.. I'm so stupid.. So blind...

I never had the chance to react. Someone stepped from the bushes after that, lunged... They would have buried a dagger into my chest, had it not been for Nivrchel. She screamed.. And suddenly, she was bleeding. It was all a blur.. She took a hit.. meant for me.. She sacrificed herself for me... She's dead... because of me.. I didn't' kill her.. But I feel responsible all the same...

I've killed... I've stolen.. There's more blood on my hands than I can account for. Even if it all was from taking down werewolves.. It's still blood on my hands. I've got a criminal past.. That past will follow me to my grave.. Kirsrin is the one that introduced me to the crime world.. I was young and naive. I could have walked away at any time.. But I got swallowed up in it.. Her world moved so fast.. And I fell in love.. I just wanted to be part of her world. Get lost in it...

I have no regrets about my crimes.. What's done is done. But.. I regret bringing Nivrchel into that mess.. I should have never... She'd still be alive... My fault... It's my fault..

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 02:38 PM #29

10th of Rain's Hand

Y'ffre, I ask that you guide and keep me safe. I have discovered Kirsrin's hiding place. Stalking her... Watching her. To think I once loved this bitch... I will see her pay. I will learn all there is to learn of her. Her routine, it will become mine. I will learn and I will follow in her footsteps.. Hidden by the shadows.. Always behind her, but always just out of her grasp..

I want to find and know the perfect place to end this. This has lead me, into following her into Grahtwood.. Into Elden Root.

Part of me wants to kill her in private. No prying eyes. Yet... Killing her in front of the rest of The Shadows would be a fitting justice. They deserve to see their revered leader suffer slowly before death takes her.

She has moved the hideout again, as well.. In Greenshade this time.. I heard her talking to another member earlier.. Interesting that she don't have the brain to look up. I hate gossip.. But hearing this... worth it. Completely worth it..

In your shadow bitch.. So close.. I could reach out and touch you.. If I wanted.. She sleeps now. So easily hidden in her rafters of her rented room. I could drop on her.. End her now.. But stalking her is more fun... Let's continue to play this game of cat and mouse.. And see where it goes...

You'll be the first non-werewolf that I've ever killed... And likely the only time I'll enjoy killing someone. This is personal. This is revenge. You'll pay for what you did, whore... You used me.. Then you murdered my sister..

Edited May 07, 2017 at 02:40 PM by 0

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 02:48 PM #30

16th of Rain's Hand - [There's doodles of spider webs in the corners of the pages. In one web, there's a fly being eaten by a spider. The fly having a flag beside it with his own name, the spider having Kirsrin etched into it's rear. ]

Another nightmare.. Much like this fly that I'm watching be eaten.. I dreamed Kirsrin found me in the rafters.. I dreamed she turned into a spider and cornered me... Ironic that I should wake to find a spider wrapping up a fly..

I heard her talking today. Heard her talking to another from the clan. The same one from the other night.. Hilarious.. They're leading me right to them.. I want to laugh, because it's funny that's she's leading me right to their new home.. But I will bite my tongue. She can't know I'm here.. Not yet.. Plans would be ruined...

I have decided to drag out her execution. I have decided to stalk her longer.. My plan is to slay her in front of everyone in The Shadows.. Teach them a valuable lesson. She is the main root of that clan.. If I kill her, I can almost promise that clan will fall apart.. It'd be suiting if it did.

She is angry right now... I have watched her pace all over the room. She has been ranting to herself for the last four hours. Amusing watching her. I am also shocked to realize just how disgusted I am. I once would have done everything to win her affections.. Now I can't even look at her without wanting to rip her throat out.

[ There's a doodle of a knife biting into a throat. And a 'JUSTICE!!' written beside it in a quick, yet faintly smeared fashion.]

I think I'll carve a spider into this bitch's corpse when the deed is done.. That is what she is. Nothing more than a spider waiting to pounce on anyone stupid enough to get close to her. That's what I am.. stupid.. Stupid for getting too close. Played for a fool.. Now I'll show her who the fool really is.

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 03:35 PM #31

1st of Mid Year

She traveled after meeting up with her group, stopping here and there.. I followed, close by, but out of sight. Anuk is anxious.. I can feel it in her movements. Twitchy.. very twitchy. We are being careful though. Don't need them seeing us before the right moment.

They stole horses.. I watched as Kirsrin sweet talked the high elf that runs the stables into a building behind the stables... And then rest of the group made off with the beasts. Not surprised in the least. She hasn't changed in that regard. Still the same as she was years ago when it comes to using charm. I watched her exit the building hours later, adjusting her clothing, carrying a satchel of gold. Easy to say what she did.. She likely ripped the idiot off. Fool's gold..

Anuk and I followed.. But stayed far enough back that we weren't seen. Surprising honestly, that she didn't take notice of the lumbering bear behind them. Whatever reason that caused them not to notice us, it's good for me.

They have stopped. I had to scout ahead a bit to see why they had stopped.. Now I think I understand why..

An old cave... A mine perhaps? ... They have begun setting up camp in the area.. The place is crawling with giant spiders. I'll stay out of the way until they clear them out. Less chance of being discovered. Let them figure out how to be rid of the bastards. Not my problem. I have set up camp on a hillside, out of sight. Anuk will alert me if anyone tries anything stupid. Though I still have a good view of where they are.

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 03:39 PM #32

5th of Mid Year - [ There's a doodle of a sun in the corner with an evil grin ]

The sun is so miserably hot... I've moved further along the hill. Further towards the shade. But there's a problem.. There's always a damned problem... Goblins.. I can see them on the other side of the hill.. I gotta give Kirsrin credit... She sure knows how to pick places to set up... I'm being sarcastic... Bitch wouldn't know a good place to call home if it bit her in the ass.

By the time I get out of here, I'll likely have a tan.. Come to think of... a tan might not be all bad...

The more I study her, and follow her, the more I see just how stupid I was for thinking that she was the best thing in my life. I need to reevaluate my life after this shit is over... Changes need to be made.

Clearing the spiders is nearly done. Two of the clan have died to being badly poisoned. I had a feeling it might happen. These spiders are more vicious than normal. Their deaths didn't seem to phase Kirsrin in the least. Not even a slight look of dismay. She looked more.. annoyed if anything.

I've decided to stay my hand.. For now. But my daggers are thirsty.. I will have to fix that soon.

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 03:53 PM #33

9th of Mid Year - [There are several sketches on a few pages. Of the spiders, the landscape, even a few of his camp. Including of his camp set up and a few of his bear. Especially his bear. A few smilie faces doodled beside the pictures of his bear. ]

Trouble.. Always trouble. There was a cave in. I heard it clear up here. Several are dead, several wounded.. Can't say I'm surprised. They likely don't know shit about this area.. And they just go digging into old mining tunnels that are over run... Fuck it.. Not my problem. Though at this rate, the bitch might get herself killed before I can take care of her myself.

The goblins are also proving to be an issue. Every now and then, a few stragglers will stumble upon my camp. Those that do find me, don't return to their tribe. Those I've killed, I'd kicked down the hill.. I don't care who finds them. As long as they're not in my camp, stinking up the place.

They smell bad even when they're alive....

The things with them, not fond of those either... Skeevers... Bigger than usual... And more spiders. I kill any that get too close. Anuk won't even touch what is killed. She buried one of the goblins last night. The look she gave me after it... I couldn't help but chuckle. She almost looked annoyed with me for killing them so close to camp.

I've taken to sleeping during the night, and being awake during the day. It seems to be the easiest time to watch them. At night, it's too difficult to see where they are in the distance. Another idea I had, was to snipe her with the bow that Niv had given me long ago.. I'll likely never part with this.. It'd be a fitting way to kill her rather than out right stabbing her. Just snipe the bitch... Though it takes away any of the fun of letting her know exactly who came calling for her..

[ The next several entries are just drawings. Lots of drawings.. ranging from more landscape, more drawings of his bear. Even several of the things that he's been killing. The rather large skeevers, the spiders, and the various goblins in the distance. ]

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 04:08 PM #34

12th of Sun's Height

Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Woooo... Today has gone smoothly so far. I've killed a handful of goblins. And the clearing and setting up of camp for the remaining Shadows is complete. Now I'm biding my time. Anuk is restless however. And I feel her pain. The time has come.

Kirsrin's time has come, I believe. And what a better birthday gift to myself, than to hunt the bitch down and end her? I can think of none better.

13th of Sun's Height - [page is smuged lightly with blood. The only page where the blood is not that of an animal or a werewolf, his finger prints mostly. ]

A day late.. But the deed is done. I slit the whore's throat. In front of her people. I am now no longer welcome among them.. Go me! Revenge has never felt so good. May the Green have mercy on her.. I have none to give.

Deed is done. Freedom has never tasted so sweet.

[ There's an earring stuck to a page with some kind of orange-ish dried goop. ]

I took a trinket. She was.. alive enough when I left. I doubt it'll last. In fact, I bet by sunset, she'll be very corpsey. That reminds me.. I did carve a spider.. Right into her spine. The screaming... Music to my ears. Hearing her plead.. I couldn't stop laughing. I may not have won the game with her, but I won the war. And now, I know Niv will rest in peace. And I can put this....mess...behind me..

I've decided to return to Glenumbra. I miss my friends there.

Woodhearth, here I come.. Anuk won't like being on the water. She'll be anxious again. But I don't want to remain here.. The Valenwood feels so... empty now. All I have now in this world, is Anuk. Everything that had once mattered to me, is gone.. I have no reason to stay here..

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 04:22 PM #35

15th of Sun's Height

Anuk is pacing and more than a little irritable. Being on open water really is no place for a bear... Land was spotted a few minutes ago, though. The pirates I bartered with have been more than understanding. And more than willing to work with me. They even understand that I have no desire to join their crew.. I would make a very poor pirate, I think.

That night still haunts me. The night Nivvy died.. Was I right to invite my friend to help me clear trolls? Neither of us knew it was a trap..but... the thoughts and memories won't leave me ... The worst of it is knowing that Nivrchel died because I invited her along. Invited her because I thought we were both safe.. Or as safe as one can be when heading out to kill trolls..

And I couldn't protect her. I did what I could. I tried... But I still failed her. Looking back on my past.. I haven't been a good friend. Many of those I know, have passed. But her death hurts the most. I suppose it'll never stop hurting. She was like a sister. She was my sister. Not by blood, but blood doesn't always make family.

Kirsrin's death doesn't hurt at all... I thought it would. But losing her was like, closing a book and moving onto the next. It's just another story for my life.. My luck never ceases to amaze.. But I miss Nivrchel.. More and more each day. The closest thing I had to family after everything went south. Now she's gone.. And.. if it wasn't for Anuk, I'd be truly alone.

No one in the village wanted her around when I first met Nivrchel. An orphan.. and, as my father had once called her, a street rat. But still.. I was close to her. She was younger than me.. I was fifteen when I met that girl. She was twelve. Her parents were killed on a hunting trip. Something about being over come by a massive spider.

I took her under my wing and introduced her to my friends.. And before I knew it, she was one of us. Back then, I was so certain I was doing what was best for her. As it gave her people to turn to. Especially in the condition that she was in.

Y'ffre... I hope she is resting well. I know when I'm wrong.. and when I'm at fault. This is one of those times. It's my fault you're gone, Nivvy. I'm so sorry.. Rest well, my friend. I will never forget you.

The boat has docked.. I should leave the ship.. I still have contacts here. I hope I can find them. The main one is my nord friend. Ripper. I may not know much about him still, but he's still my friend. He's at least reliable.. I haven't seen him since I bid everyone fairwell, back before the mess with Kirsrin. I think I'll try to find him...

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 04:27 PM #36

20th of Sun's Height - [There's drawings of the city of Daggerfall and some of the harbor, and even a few ships docked there. ]

I found him. I thought for sure he was going to crush my body when he suddenly hugged me. I don't believe my feet were even on the floor when he picked me up. When he sat me down, I could barely feel my upper body. I sometimes wonder if he knows just how strong he is. I had to remind him to put me down though.

I have also made contact with the werewolf hunters. I had hopes of possibly returning. But I cannot. That's fine. They have agreed to allow me to take minor jobs here and there. If they are in need of my help. As I am still counted among them. Just not completly. In the mean time, Ripper and I have decided to go into business as sellswords and of course kill any werewolves that we find that need taken care of. Travel as mercenaries.. It's all well and good. I know we'll make a good team. He's got the brute strength and a giant hammer, I got the arrows and daggers.

Our first job has us going to Aldcroft. It's maybe.. a day's ride up. Shouldn't take us too long. In fact, I'll bet we'll be back in Daggerfall's tavern come daylight tomorrow morning.

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 04:42 PM #37

21st of Sun's Height - [ There's a poorly drawn nord man with a thick beard, laughing. A smaller annoyed elven face behind him.. faintly in the appearance of Glooras himself.]

I made that stupid bet.. I should have kept it to myself! Ripper is laughing his ass off. He almost fell off his horse, as we sat the village gates. It took us until daylight to get there! Oh how he loves to tease about this... The ass..

We asked around.. She has already gone. She's gone up to Camlorn. Another day's ride at least. We got this though. She skipped town, but she's not going to get far. I gave her scent to Anuk. If there's anyone that'll find the woman, it's her.

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 04:44 PM #38

22nd of Sun's Height - [ There's another drawing of the nord. This time he's stuck in mud, with a smaller drawing of Gloo standing off to the side laughing at him.]

Dumb ox.. I told him not to run ahead. He got stuck in mud about an hour from Camlorn. Even his horse stood off to the side with his head bowed.. I'd like to imagine he was laughing at his nord master. Anuk and I pulled him out and then continued on our way up to Camlorn.. The city is.... massive!

22nd of Sun's Height - [Written hours after the previous entry. A doodle of some of the city is on the upper corner. ]

Giant city.... It's even bigger when you're built small. Ripper swears he seen the woman. We tracked where he claims to have seen her go. Only to get met by city watch. They didn't seem to care that we were there. But demanded we leave. We only got one warning. The bigger guard had drawn a blade. He wasn't going to ask twice.

We scaled the roof later. As I speak, we've made camp outside the city.. Safer here. Trust me when I say that. Ram stirred up a lot of trouble after we scaled the roof earlier.

It started out simple. But as you can guess, it didn't remain that way. He fell through the roof.. Having found a weak point. And pulled me with him. I landed on top of him... In the middle of a ballroom floor.. In the middle of a party. To make things more awkward, he decided to hug me tightly, refusing to let me up, all the while laughing hysterically... I am not ashamed to say that I punched him before going after our target.

Things went down hill after that. I still feel like hitting him again... Ass.

We got what needed in the end. She was taken down, knocked out. For his stupidity, he was the one that carried her out. I refused. I provided the cover instead with a hail storm of arrows.

He broke a rib on the way through the roof.. It is why we made camp. The woman is out cold still.. And he's asleep against a tree. I'll stand guard.

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 04:55 PM #39

[ Next several entries entail the various jobs, the traveling, details of the various lands he's been.. And of course, his worries for his bear when he had to board a ship. More drawings of some of the cities visited. The journal skips around on dates where entries were made. Though the writings pick back up one year later.. And even begin to mention some about nightmares...]

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 04:59 PM #40

3rd of Evening Star - [ There's a drawing of the camp fire near the top of the page, and a sleeping nord not far from it. Clearly his friend Ripper. ]

The nightmare came again.. Damn this nightmare! .... I know she's dead.. But.. it felt so real.. And.. terrifiying. Angry, sapphire eyes.. Peering down on me.. As if clawing into my mind. Black hair.. Nivrchel! ... But.. She's dead.. It's just a nightmare.. Just a nightmare.. She kept mouthing the words 'your fault'.

My thrashing did not wake Ripper.. I am thankful. I do not need to listen to him tease me. I've woken him once with my night terrors. He laughed. Said I was screaming like a woman.. Getting fucked.. In the ass.. He can be very vulgar.

I often wonder what his story is. Though he don't open up about it. I've asked a few times. He usually gives me a bullshit story.. One that's so out there, that one would have to be incredibly stupid not to see through.

The damned dreams.. It felt so real this time.. Like I could have reached up and touched her.. She was so angry looking.. She looked like she could have killed me with looks alone.... It's probably nothing though.. Probably just my guilt surfacing.. I can't sleep.. I'm ashamed to admit that I'm afraid to close my eyes..

[ There is a drawing of what he seen. A black haired bosmer woman. ]

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 05:05 PM #41

5th of Evening Star

This place... It reminds me of the Valenwood.. Only.. swamp. Anuk seems happy. Though I can understand why. She's been happily snacking on crocodiles and anything dumb enough to wander into our camp that's big enough to eat. We're in southern Black Marsh. Keeping her from attacking Ripper's horse has never been easier. It's... usually.. a chore to keep her from trying to take a bite out of that damned horse.

We've been tasked with killing an argonian that has apparently betrayed the Ebonheart Pact. I don't give two shits about the political nonsense. But... a job is a job. The man is supposed to be camped out near Percolating Mire. Should be an easy task. He should also be the only red scaled argonian there.. should be easy to find him.

Ripper.. disagrees however. He says all argonians look the same. I had to resist the urge to smack him upside the head.

For now, we've stopped in at a small backwater village for the night. Ripper is passed out, drunk. The air about this place is off. I'm not going to sleep. Even our mounts seem on edge.

[ There's drawings of the swamp and the trees. And of a few of the creatures they've seen. Mostly alits and a few other beasts. And there's even a drawing of some argonian farmers, done in idle boredom. ]

6th of Evening Star

Ripper is acting strangely. As if drunk. But we have ran out of alcohol, and have only water left to drink. There is something strange going on. But I cannot put my finger on what exactly. The air in this place is even off.. Worse than it was when we made camp.. It's sickly sweet.. I hate that scent.

I think it's time to move on. I'm uneasy, my partner is acting strange and the mounts are very skittish. So wrong.. so wrong.. wrong... But why?

I watched a farmer wade into the marsh earlier. He didn't come back. Just before that man wandered off from his duties, that's when that odd scent flooded the place.

Getting Ripper to move is difficult. He's intent on staying. Trying to force him to budge, only resulted in him attempting to blindly attacking. I had no choice but to knock him out. I had help from argonians to hoist him up onto his horse.

7th of Evening Star - [ Doodles of small snakes and oddly shaped flowers dot the corner of the page]

I can breathe and rest peacefully now. We're far from that... village. I never want to see that place again. Just.. something not right about it. Ripper appears to have no memories of the village. That worries me. That man's mind is like a steel trap on most things. But this.. very strange. The mounts also seem happier.. to a degree.

We've made camp along the shoreline going into a bog. I don't like it here. It don't have the strangeness of the last place, but something isn't right. There's small snakes everywhere. And some about knee high and quite thick around the body. On the other side, the scenery is at least pleasant to look at.

There's a rather large lake between where we are and where we need to be. I say we swim it. But Ripper refuses. The man apparently can't swim. The water looks very deep. Ripper and I lifted a good sized rock earlier today and threw it in the water.. The sound it made.. It almost makes me question if there's quicksand in that mess..

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 05:10 PM #42

9th of Evening Star - [There's doodles of the water and the surrounding area. More of the flowers. And more of the snakes.. One specific drawing is two snakes fighting over a meal.]

Ripper has an idea of how to get across. I do not approve.. More sailing... To hollow out a fallen tree.. No. I refuse. There's no way to get the mounts across on a tiny carved out boat.. I refuse to leave Anuk here. But there's got to be a way around this place. If that argonian got through, then we'll find away.

There's also something bothering me.. Anuk refuses to approach the water. She tried to take a bite out of my arm earlier when I approached the shoreline. Even Ripper's horse won't go near the water, the beast just stands under a weeping willow refusing to move. This can't be a good sign...

But at least area reminds me of the Valenwood.. to some extent. Just.. swamp.. Some part of me really misses the forests back home.. But I have to keep reminding myself.. I have nothing to go back to there.

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 05:15 PM #43

11th of Evening Star - [Giant snakes are drawn all over the page.. some hastily, clearly in fear, the others drawn going down the sides of the page. The biggest one looks like something from a nightmare. It's huge, and drawn in the way that he seen it. With an elf drawn beside it for size comparison. ]

I take back everything I ever said about this swamp! Nothing like home.. Nothing like the Valenwood!

Giant snake! Oh! Ripper... No no no! ... I seen him die.. Eaten! Eaten alive by that monster! That's the biggest damn snake I've ever seen! It came out of the bog, right out of the deepest part of the water. Ripper was gathering fire wood and... SNAP! Eaten! It bit my arm.. I managed to get away, but only because Ripper knocked me aside! .... HORRID CREATURES!

FUCK THIS CONTRACT!! No contract is worth this! I ran... Coward. I'm a coward! But.. giant.. MASSIVE...snake! ... Anuk... I rode away on Anuk... We're back in the first city we found when we arrived to this swamp nightmare.... Home.. I'm going home.. Valenwood..

Ship ride is worth it.. No giant serpents in the ocean... Right?.... Oh please be right... The locals are saying I met a spirit.. An angry spirit.. BULLSHIT! It was real.. No spirit.. IT.ATE. RIPPER.

Should have known something was off when the mounts were acting strange.. The whole area and the little snakes..... But.. they were easily killed.. Then.. that monster.. out of nowhere... Y'ffre protect me.. Never feared them before.. But now.. No no.. I want nothing to do with them!

[ There's more entries after this. Most ramblings.. Like that of a madman over the snakes. Nightmares about how they're going to devour him. Nightmares about Nivrchel somehow commanding the serpents. Complaints about the boat ride but also happy about being on board, but fears of the ship being over ran by possibly sea serpents. There's drawings all over the pages.. All of them depicting his nightmares. ]

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 05:19 PM #44

[ The next several entries span the length of a few years. Tales of hunting werewolves and various small contracts. Ther'es also mention of never taking a partner again. Fearful. There's mention of these fears. Some in great detail. Others are just mentioned once and seemingly forgotten. Of the biggest is his fear that the snake incident could repeat in one variation or another.

There's mention of all he's lost.. And it playing into his fears of getting close to anyone ever again. Afraid of the past. Afraid something will happen.

His snake fear is even talked about to some degree.. The trauma experienced from that night have deeply mentally scarred him. There's talk of his nightmares that still haunt him.

But not all the nightmares are centered around the monster serpent. Some are circled around Nivrchel.. And her angry eyes. There's fear and confusion in these writings. Concern and also repeatedly reminding himself of her death. When she is mentioned, sometimes there is even mention of his guilt and mention that it is still his fault. Some pages even mention that if not for him, she'd still be alive. He clearly blames himself.

Any mention of Nivrchel and her anger, is only mentioned when he's camping out in the open. Always the same type of dream. Her standing / leaning over him... Watching in anger.. Mouthing the same thing.. over and over.. 'Your Fault.'

The next entry is penned for things that have happened recently. As the ink is still semi fresh and an almost.. floral type scent can be picked up from the greenish ink. At least for those with a sensitive enough sense of smell. Even though it's not made of plants. ]

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 05:48 PM #45

23rd of Sun's Dawn - [ Year is not marked, but this is definitely among the most recent of events in his life. ]

No more snakes.. I never want to see another snake for as long as I live.. Not that fuckin' big.... But better things.. Things have been better.. Somewhat.

Three years ago, I tried to settle into Tangelhaven.. I remember Nivrchel once talking about it there. I didn't stay long.. But while there, a new friend and I found a small pup, abandoned in a trash pile. She was buried to her neck in it. Someone did this delibertly. The bastards.. We took her back to the tavern. He suggested Yeomay for her... I liked it.. So that became her name. I may not have anyone to completely turn to.. But I at least have Yeo and Anuk.

She's a very protective little watch dog. I don't get to talk about her much. But she's a good dog. I've met some in my travels that have bluntly told me that my affinity for the dog is strange. I say fuck em. They don't know anything.

I was a werewolf hunter up until recently.. I have found myself in Vulkwasten, in Malabal Tor.. I'm surprised to learn just short in distance this place is from my home village. I kind of like it here.

Maybe.. I'll hang around. I've rented a small room... Big enough for two people. I gave Yeo the bed on the floor and I took the hammock.

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 06:00 PM #46

28th of Sun's Dawn - [ There's drawings of the town.. Even of some of those there.. Those he's met mostly. ]

Quick hands were needed the other night. Quick fingers, ensure good things to be found. I didn't know if I still had it in me or not to steal. Not sure if I had possibly lost my touch. But it's just as I remember it. Such a thrill.. I have missed this. Pockets, things laying around.. So easy to swipe things without drawing much attention.

Tonight, I have joined up with a group known as The Magpies. After.. some.. persausive words. At first, I was reluctant. But.. I am glad I joined. I look forward to our adventures and to seeing what happens next.

Shortly after joining, a rather fat, drunken khajiit approached. I stuck around long enough to hear babble about 'obtaining' things.. And stumbling on himself.. I left after that.. His babbling was giving me a damn migraine. If partners are a thing in this.. Please... please. don't pair me with that fat khajiit... I swore off partners, but if insisted, I'll gladly partner with anyone, so long as it's not him..

Though Anuk is missing. I can't find her.. Which you'd think would be a breeze to do so.... Full grown, well fed bear.. Apparently she's better at hiding than I give her credit for.

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 06:07 PM #47

[ The next several entries span a few months. They're entries about his missing bear.. Growing steading worried for her. There's talk of various jobs he's ran. Even a few entries about feral werewolves that he cut down out of town.

There's drawings. Some of Wren, Wrae, Kazz and a few others. Some of these drawings take up whole pages by themselves. All drawn from his memory, from peaceful moments found while traveling with everyone. Clearly happy with everything that's going on. Content in his own way. Most of the entries though are a lot of drawings.

There's even some of the landscape in which they traveled to. There's mention of the trip to Black Marsh, and his unease about being there.. But somewhat.. content not to be in the southern area where his friend was killed. There's a drawing of the argonian woman that had approached them while they were there. ]

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 06:18 PM #48

4th of First Seed - [ There's a drawing of the drunken fat khajiit, holding a sweetroll in one hand and in the other, a bottle of unmarked booze. Behind him, an annoyed smaller mer, that looks very close to Gloo. ]

It was storming today. I felt bad for that fat oaf, and took him in. I almost wish I hadn't. He had taken Yeo's bed. Now I must put Yeo up in the hammock at night, before I can sleep. The fat one is named Nine-Lives. Though jokingly said I could call him Fats.... Fats fits him.. Fats it is.

He spends most of his time drunk, passed out on my floor. But he still gets under my skin. I spend most of my time away because of this. I don't have any desire to have to sit and try to get to know him. And I also still haven't found Anuk.

Because of Anuk's disappearance and this drunk's love of sleeping on my floor... I've decided to... borrow.... his lion. The large cat don't seem to mind, and the drunk is too ...well.. drunk.. to notice. Works out in the end, I think. Yeo however is not fond of the lion. And often tries to bite his tail.

I've also traveled with the Magpies to a few places. Each more interesting than the last. The last place.. I hope tapping that big tree in Black Marsh doesn't offend Y'ffre.. But.. it's also not from the Valenwood... So... I suppose all is well.

I like those I've been working with. Wrae is kind, and an excellent leader. Maybe we'll get to know one another some day. If not, fine too. Sometimes it's best not to get buddy buddy with the boss anyway. But she is a nice lady. Then there's Wren. She's the one that recruited me originally. I like her. Fun to be around. Though she certainly keeps me on my toes.. Like with how she got me to join..

[ There's a smilie beside this. A fond memory for him. ]

Wren is also.. pretty. No one heard that from me though..

Theo is another. I'm honestly afraid to get close to any of them... The past.. It has a way of repeating. My luck with things like that.. seems to always screw me up... But.. At the same time.. these are good people. Theo is a very nice mer. Honestly, I easily see a friend in him. It's the same with Kazz. Only time will tell what happens from here. I enjoy everyone's company though. And Yeo seems to like everyone too.

Edited May 07, 2017 at 06:20 PM by 0

DreamsMay 07, 2017

May 07, 2017 at 06:50 PM #49

6th of Second Seed - [ There's drawings of Horrors. Of how he views them.. The nightmarish creatures that they are. The words are written rapidly, smearing. And the ink is jittery looking, as if he were shaking while trying to write. It's also hard to understand in places.. Having started to get drunk after going back to Vulkwasten.]

I tried to get Nine out of bed this evening before leaving the little rented room.. He refused to budge. He snored, farted and rolled onto his side.. Bastard reeks of rum.. It's like sharing a room with a far less violent version of my mother.. Bah! I decided to just let the idiot sleep.. He gets fired, it's not on my head. Not my job to babysit the lush.

There was a job today.. I met with Wrae and the others. Met the new blood. Odd fellow. Very happy. I'll get used to him, I'm sure.. Likely even be friends. I'm not one to object to making friends. Was happy though to see Kazz, Theo, Wren and Wrae. And was a little surprised to see the young mer with us again. But all's well. Though I do worry for Wrae.. She seemed... distracted and distant.

After what happened tonight though, I don't think I'll be sleeping well again for a long time. I've never seen anything like that.. Horrors... At first, I thought.. deformed clanfear.. It nearly grabbed me in the dark. I barely escaped.. It missed me, but I still felt the wind from it's swipe... Just the memory of it, makes my mind flash back to it.. Like seeing it all over again. I just.. can't unsee it...

I was with Wrae for awhile. There was a bad storm.. One that lead everyone into taking shelter in a barn. The storm, to me at least, seems to have come from nowhere.. There wasn't a cloud in the sky before that.. Then.. suddenly.. rain..Then it got bad quickly. It was so windy, it was difficult to walk. And the rain made seeing anything near impossible. Wrae suggested we walk up to the small house just beyond the barn. I went with her. Going in a team is smarter than going alone. Especially in a storm like this. If one gets hurt, the other is there for backup and to help. The house was locked up tight.. While she knocked, I thought I seen a snake in the distance.. The rain made me think of something scaly, giant.... It was long and grey..

Honestly, looking back on what it was, I wish it had been a snake. Those... easily killed after the first reaction is over come.. But that... Y'ffre..

I found a vial of skooma before that.. I thought it might be.. But.. also doubted it. Until it was confirmed. I've never done that stuff before. I transported it once.. I have no desire to be tangled up in that stuff. I do lots of illegal things.. That.. isn't one of them.

The Horror... It spawned a panic attack. I'm not proud to say that I cowered in the barn after narrowly escaping. The eyes.. It reminded me so much of that monster snake that ate my friend so long ago.. I had a minor flash back..

After the Horror incident.. All I wanted was to go find Wrae. My fault.. My fault she was left alone. If I had refused orders, stuck with her.. I could have helped her. I'm just thankful that she's alright. Though we still lost someone.. The tall mer.. the new blood. Gone.. I didn't know him.. But it still hurts knowing we lost someone.

I offered a prayer for him, asking that Y'ffre, or whoever he worshipped, to keep him safe. I'm not one to pray..Not religious, but I felt it was the right thing to do.

When things calmed down.. I fell asleep in the barn. I woke a few hours later, panicking and looking around. I dreamed the snake and that... Horror... teamed up and were trying to kill me.. Trying to kill Yeo. With all that's happened.. Yeo is all I have left. Anuk is still missing.. I woke in near tears, thinking they got my dog.. Only to relax realizing everything was fine and it was just a nightmare.

I've decided to continue hunting werewolves.. Something I'm familiar with. Though I will stay on with the Magpies. I feel like I belong with them. But I also want to find something to do while I'm not doing work for them.. Anything to keep my mind active.. Anything.. So long as I'm not left to let my mind wander enough to find those nightmares... Or maybe a stealing spree is what I need...

This whole night has been.... nightmare fodder.. I'm not going back to sleep. This is something that will haunt me likely for the rest of my life.. More things to add to the fear list... Snakes.. and now.. those... things.. Y'ffre's lady bits... what moron tries to save their kid by going to a daedra? .... And then the death on top of that of one of our own over this mess.. and nearly losing Ali and Wrae... For fuck's sake...

And the kid... I was worried when he left.. Scared that something might happen to him. He just ran off.. I know he's trying to help.. But his lightning did shit against those... monsters.. those Horrors.. or whatever they were..

...Fuckin mages.. fuckin with shit they don't fuckin understand.. Setting loose those...things... I always never cared much for magic.. unless it's healing. Healing is good. Summoning shit like those.. not good...

When Wren left to go to the mill.. I wanted to beg her to stay. Scared of what could happen.. But all I could manage to say was 'promise you'll be careful' ...

I returned to Vulkwasten after the trip was complete. I stayed mostly to myself but tried to help out as best I could... Though I didn't go to bed.. I spent most of the remaining morning and day, drinking. I found a table by myself.. A strong drink is what it started with... I normally don't drink much.. Not after seeing what the alcohol did to my mother.. But.. this.. I needed a strong fuckin drink.. Cause fuck those fuckin' things...

When I close my eyes, I can still see that horrible face.. That... tongue... And the teeth.. Monster.. That's what they are.. Monsters! ... MONSTERS!.... Every time the branches of the tavern creek.. I can't help but to think....

I got shut off... Fine.. I'm in my room now.. Nine.. Fats.. whatever.. He's gone.. I don't know where he went. I don't care... He left his lion cub here though.. It and Yeo are playing together.. Hearing them is better than the silence.

DreamsMay 08, 2017

May 08, 2017 at 09:34 AM #50

8th of Second Seed - [ There's a drawing of a dead body, loaded with arrows.. ]

Went for a walk, bright and early this morning. I slept well enough, I guess... The alcohol dulled my dreams. I don't remember anything I dreamed of last night. It's all a hazy, blurry mess.. I woke to dry heaves and unable to even keep water down.. I've decided to just walk.. Walk off the hangover... Thought that maybe the fresh air would help... Maybe.. Just maybe... help to clear my head..

How can something like those.. monsters... haunt me so much? I've seen so much in my life.. Friends dying, betrayal, werewolves slaughtering small villages... How can this unnerve me so much? When it hit Ali.. I thought.. I thought that he was gone. He wasn't breathing when he was pulled away. And I was frozen in place, with my bow clutched to my chest... Frightened.... The fear completely froze me in a way that I've never felt before.. When he started to breathe after Wren had worked on him, I was so relieved.

People left after that.. Went to Wrae.. I wanted to run to help. But... still so frozen.. I helped Ali, got the wounds cleaned and bandaged with Kazz's help. I don't know what happened after that.. It was.... something snapped inside.. Hearing the screams, and Wren asking me to come stand with her... I can't even explain.... I just remember having my bow at the ready.. Ready to assault whatever was on the damned roof..

I brought my bow that night because of a dream.. I dreamed of the evening Nivvy had come to my bedroom in the Hollow. It was my birthday. She presented with the bow. It's a good memory.. One of the few I have left. I've always carried it with me as a backup weapon. Usually only relying on my fire-enchanted daggers.. The ones I.... er.... liberated... from a merchant in Velyn Harbor.. I've never been a very good archer.. Ironic when you realize I'm the one that taught Nivrchel how to fire a bow.

But I brought the weapon because of that dream.... Because of a memory. Nine picked at me to tell him what had happened out there. Said it'd help if I talked about it. No.. my nightmares are my own... No one else that wasn't there, don't need this burden... But.. He wouldn't leave me alone...I snapped. I screamed at him.. Then I threw up.. He cleaned it up and made me sit.. I told him some.. Not everything. I think he at least had an idea that I was holding back...

He must have thought I was making it up.. Or just recounting a past nightmare.. The look he was giving me.. I got up and left.. I told him I wanted to go for the walk.. Nine tried to go with me.. I refused him.. I wish I hadn't.. He annoys me... But.. the company wouldn't have been all bad.. If he had gone with me.. I...I wouldn't have....

It was still dark when I left.. There was a bandit kneeled over a corpse. In the faint light of the moon, I mistook him for that creature... And I filled the bandit with every arrow in my quiver. It wasn't until he was full of them, that I had approached... If that had been an innocent...

I'm back in my room.. A bottle of Qwarsh on the small desk in front of me.. I'll need to get more arrows eventually... I'll just stay in here.. Safer.. Nine is passed out again.. But he don't stink of alcohol.. He's... sober... I think... When I returned, he was sitting on the floor, a strange smile on his face, and looked very zoned out.. Torch was lit in his head but no-one in there..

Just one mug of this... Maybe.. I'll attempt sleep again...

DreamsMay 09, 2017

May 09, 2017 at 10:38 AM #51

~~8th~~ 9th of Second Seed - [ The date is scratched out in a spot, where he had messed up. Done in a slightly sloppy fashion. ]

Spoke to Wren tonight, after discovering that Yeo had run right to her and Theo. How Yeo even got out is a mystery to me. I woke to her gone.. I fell asleep with Yeo against my back, and woke to her gone. I am glad that she went running to them though. It means she's familiar with them and trusts them. A very smart pup.

.. She's right.. Wren is right.. It'll haunt me for awhile.. But there's nothing I can really do about the memories. I respect Wren greatly. Good person, that one. I don't know her that well.. But.. Maybe.. I could one day see her as a sister. Maybe.. I've always viewed my friends as family. Though I admit.. I haven't always been a good friend in the past.. This.. could also be my chance to show that I can be a good one.

I've decided to leave the booze alone.. Gods... How does Fats drink so damn much of this stuff? ... No more booze for awhile.. Water or grub tea will be fine.. At least, for now.. Until I can get myself straightened back around. What a mess...

I'm afraid I'll turn into a male version of my mother if I keep it up... It's a fear that semi hit after I snapped at Fats.. While he cleaned up the mess, I had racked my head.. Remembering all the times that my mother had snapped over little things.. Y'ffre... I don't want to be like her...

Honestly, I'm not even sure how my mother's drinking habit started.. Or why she took it up.. But I don't want to become like her... I'm not sure what I'd do with myself if I became like her.... Probably nothing good... Last thing I want is for someone to find me face down in my room or somewhere in the forest, too drunk to even say my own damn name...

It'll take time to shake the memories.. that decided to settle in. Easedroppers were in town tonight.. I'll keep quiet about my past.. Maybe..someday. Tonight is not the night.

I tried to sleep when I returned.. I couldn't. My mind is a jumble of thoughts. Fats.. scratching the side of the door did not help. He came in, laughing.. Like it was a joke. I punched him.. No regrets about it either.. Told him he can sleep outside for the night, after bloodying his nose. He took his lion cub and left.. Don't know where he went.. Don't care. He'll return later, I'm sure..

I stayed up most of the night, staring out the window. What remained of the alcohol I had, I dumped out side. It numbed the memories, it didn't take them away. And I don't need to turn into a slobbering lush. With my line of work, being a drunk would not be in my best interest. Too much risk of getting busted by the guards, by possibly getting careless. And there's also... that I plan on hunting werewolves again.. Once that starts, I won't have room for error. Too much risk for infection while drunk. I'm no good to anyone, laying face down in the mud somewhere. Or locked up.

I plead forgiveness however.. If I'm out of it at any given point.. I don't mean to be. I'm just putting my head back together.

I did sleep a little.. Not much. The dreams were still there. I woke to Yeo pulling on the collar of my shirt. I guess I was thrashing. At least the hangover is gone.. And I don't feel sick now. Fuckin hangovers.. One of the biggest down sides to drinking so much.. Tastes great going down.. Depending on the drink... But not so much in reverse...

It's not even daylight.. But I've decided to try and find Anuk.. I can't continue to rely on Fats. If he's pulling things like trying to scare me, after I told him what had happened with those.. monsters.. And while it's not everything..He still knew.. There's no promise that Fats will continue to share the rented space.

I'm also still worried for her. She's been gone since late Sun's Dawn. I'd say around the end of that month. I may travel out to Grahtwood if she don't turn up... But... would she travel across the Valenwood? She's never done anything like this before.

Did some thinking while I sat up awake.. And I did some cleaning when I got up from my nap.. Just to busy my mind. I discovered a satchel that belongs to Fats.. A vial of skooma fell out of it and smashed onto the floor.. I'm not sure how to feel about this.. Unsure if I should mention it to anyone. I think I'll have to talk to him the next time he does return...

I'm not much good to anyone however with my nose in this book. Anuk isn't going to find herself.. And I hate feeling so damn cooped up..I..sat in here long enough. Getting out last night, even after the incident with the bandit, it felt good to be outside. The air helped sober me up as well.. Soothed my stomach. I'll find my lumbering friend.. That I promise..

Edited May 09, 2017 at 10:39 AM by 0

DreamsMay 10, 2017

May 10, 2017 at 04:29 PM #52

10th of Second Seed

I made camp going towards Silvenar.. I'm maybe a mile or two off. Though I'm far from the main road. I found bear tracks! ... They're heading this direction... Sorta east-ish.. I can't just ignore it.. I pray they are her's. I also found part of a deer that had been eaten. I doubt this is the work of a bear however.. Definitely stopped to eat from it, but not a bear's kill. There are many canine prints around it.. I'd say wolves did this and the bear.... -maybe- Anuk.... took over the kill. Could be wrong..

Y'ffre, please hear me.. Let it be her. Let it be Anuk. And let her be unharmed. That's all I ask.. It's not much..

Sleeping last night was not easy. The nightmares came back.. It was a jumble of them this time.. Not just restrained to horrors.. No... It was Nivvy.. Dying repeatedly.. Over and over again. In one, a snake..merged.. with a horror... Gods.. And then, there was the one.... It was Fats coming in with a horror on a fuckin' leash.. Saying it was his pet. The worst one though... The horrors finding Vulkwasten and laying waste to everything.. Including the tavern... They turned blue in their attack, screaming.... The sound was... horrible.. I can still hear it in my mind. Stupid nightmares... Stupid mages unleashing bullshit...

I also had a dream.. no.. A nightmare.. of my brother reaching out to me. Grabbing for my hands. He was falling into a pit of werewolves. He was crying for help. Begging for help. He was mortal.. Not cursed in the dream. But I could do nothing to help him.. Powerless, watching him be torn apart.. I woke up, nearly puking. It took me hours to go back to sleep after that one. I have to remind myself.. He choose to be a cursed mutt.. There was nothing I could have done. He made his own bed, so to speak.

I woke this morning, just before daylight.. Woke to Yeo growling. Discovered there was a spider outside the tent... A big one.. Killed it, and shoved it off the small cliff outside the tent. The spider doesn't bother me. What bothers me is what it was doing outside my tent.. Clearly time to move camp locations.. Bastard was covering my tent in webs... I had to cut my way out of the tent.. Tent opened easily, but the webs were thick.

I didn't eat this morning.. My mind is on other things. Food's just not interesting to me right now.. I did make food for Yeo though. She's still happily eating beside me. Later tonight, I'll have to hunt again. Maybe I'll get something bigger than a small hare. There wasn't much meat on that.

There is a loud growling in the distance.. Sounds like something large fighting... And the sun is coming up. It is time to resume the hunt. Anuk, if this is you, stay put. For once, my luck just needs to change.. Please be you..

[ There's a drawing of the camp, and the dead spider that is laying at the bottom of the cliff. Along with the webs that are cut through. ]

Packing in the tent is going to be a real job... Spider webs... Ick. While Yeo eats, I think that's what I'll do. Maybe the next camping spot will be somewhere without spiders.

I also get the strange feeling, I'm being followed. I can't explain why. I didn't get the feeling of it, until I got near this area. It's.. probably nothing though. But I will be careful, and I will stay on guard. Better to be cautious than foolish.

DreamsMay 11, 2017

May 11, 2017 at 11:51 AM #53

10th of Second Seed - [ There's a drawing of a troll, full of arrows and deep gashes from daggers. The ink is shaky, jittery and in some places difficult to read from smears.]

I traveled all day yesterday, following the noises I was hearing. I did not find Anuk.. Instead, I found a bear that is smaller than her. The bear was dead, and standing over it, was a large troll.. It took one look at me, and charged.. I wasted almost all my arrows, trying to put it down. When I realized it wasn't going down easily, I resorted to out right attacking it. I buried both my blades into it's back multiple times, while straddled over it's hips. Too small to jump onto the beast's shoulders.

Just as I managed to bury one dagger into a hip, it knocked me off. Slammed me into the side of a cliff. It hurts to move in some ways.. I'm certain that damn thing broke a few of my ribs. I can handle the pain.. I'm not going to let this slow me down. Sleeping is going to be rough though. I put that bastard down after that. It went for Yeo... That was a mistake. A dagger to it's throat, and one to it's back. It finally went down.

Yeo is safe.. And it's dead.. I've made camp not far from where it happened. I'm tired, sore and just want to rest. Though I still feel like there's eyes on me. Not as bad as earlier, though still feel it. I have set up traps around the camp... If someone or something tries anything tonight, it will regret that decision. I am hoping all I am is just a bit paranoid however.

I caught a few rabbits tonight. Yeo and myself both are going to be going to bed full. I've also made some rabbit jerky for snacking. I think I'll rest while I can.

11th of Second Seed

It's so damn early.. And I can't sleep. So hot.. At least it's not nightmares waking me today.. That's not to say I didn't dream though... I did dream.. And there were nightmares.. I just can't remember them all. The main one I do remember was that monster snake finding me.. It ate Anuk... I woke up to Yeo nudging me. It took me a bit to convince my mind to go back to sleep. Then the heat woke me..

I've tried laying outside the tent. It doesn't help. It's like.. being in the kitchen of a tavern. Feeling all their cooking fires blazing at once.. Muggy... Also woke to sharp pain arching through my right side. I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood when I sat up from laying down. Anything to fight through the pain in my side.

Yeo hasn't left me since the fight with the troll. She stays right at my feet, but far enough off to where she won't trip me. I've packed up our camp in the dark and dismantled the traps. It's time we're moving on. It's hot now.. I can only imagine what today will be like. Best to go now. I've also returned to the main road. Or.. well.. Close to it. I'm still not on the road entirely. I'm more interested in being where tracks can be found.

If I make it out to the Trading Post, and she's not out that way, then I'll double back.. I'll head towards Velyn Harbor. With luck, she'll maybe be there. If not.. I'll be heading for Greenshade next. I'm determined to find her.

DreamsMay 14, 2017

May 14, 2017 at 07:27 PM #54

13th of Second Seed

I still haven't found her.. I traveled to almost the Valeguard. I found a trail of bear tracks leading into the forest.. So I followed them. It was dark by the time I made it to another spot to rest. I found an abandoned pod.. No sign of the mer that may have owned it. I took refuge inside from the heat. It wasn't much cooler inside, to be honest.. But I was able to at least light some lanterns to get a look at the place.

I discovered skeletons in the far side of the house. This place has been abandoned for a very long time. I buried them outside. Whoever these people were, they deserve to at least have proper graves. There were two of them, they were holding hands. I can only guess that they had probably at least known one another. I slept close to the door after that.

That was the 12th that I found that. Today, I'm doubling back. I got to the Trading Post this morning. No one has seen a bear matching Anuk's description. There's other roads that lead away. I followed the first one I found, and started back. Then I found another trail..

14th of Second Seed - [ There's a drawing of a mud covered bear. ]

Found her! I found her! She was eating a deer up by Wilding Run. Her saddle, reigns and everything look like they've seen better days. I'll have to replace those. I'll start on my way back in a few days. I think I need to make a visit back to the Trading Post. I want to look her over, make sure she's alright first. And also get her things fixed. I already know she had arrow wounds. She had arrows sticking from her shoulders. Who in their right mind would shoot at a bear that is clearly a mount?!

What is wrong with people..

We're not far from town. We'll be back before nightfall, I think. I've lead her down to the water first though, to give her a much deserved bath. She was covered in mud when I found her.

DreamsMay 17, 2017

May 17, 2017 at 03:07 AM #55

16th of Second Seed - [ There's drawings of bushes around his camp ]

There's something out there.. But it's dark now. Too dark to even attempt to investigate. I've set traps around the camp. The feeling of being followed started again when I got a little bit past Silvenar. As it stands, we're camped out near Chancel of Divine Entreaty. I don't like it here.. But I'm tired and rest is needed. Picking up on that vibe... I just can't shake feeling on edge.

Anuk is sleeping by the tent and Yeo is snuggled up beside her. They're not on edge.. So maybe.. it's.. nothing. Maybe I'm just paranoid.. So much shit happened out this way in my past.. Those old memories still tug even to this day. Maybe that's all it is.. Maybe it's just.. paranoia tugging.

My side still hurts from the fight with the troll. I'm certain that bastard broke something.. I will rest now.. It's late and I need to get rest. By tomorrow, I should be home.. I should be back in Vulkwasten..

Home... That's... also something I never thought I'd ever come to see somewhere as. After Silvenar, I had no desire to settle anywhere.. Always happy on the road and on the move... But.. maybe it's time I do settle into a home. I'll have to keep my eyes open for any available homes.

If I can find one, I'll give Fats that rented room. Though he'll be on his own on paying for it. He still annoys me.. Thinking about him, actually pisses me off.. to be bluntly honest.. The memory of what he pulled.. fuckin ass..

Vulkwasten is perhaps the only place, since.. all that happened, where I feel.. somewhat at home. It's peaceful.. And I have friends there. Or people I at least see as friend. I do not know how they view me. There's so much they don't know about me.. I often wonder what they'd honestly think of me if they knew the truth... Thoughts for another time I suppose..

For now, I should rest. Tomorrow is a busy day. And I want to get there early enough, to at least spend some time with everyone. It's been a long journey so far.. I'm kind of kicking myself for not just cutting over to Wilding Run to begin with.. Instead of taking the long way around.. What's done is done. I'll stay alert though..

[ There's a drawing of Anuk sleeping, with the small dog curled up against the bear's large frame. ]

DreamsMay 21, 2017

May 21, 2017 at 07:27 PM #56

21st of Second Seed

I woke up to Yeo licking my hands... Gods! Her leg! ....What in nirn happened?! ... I... I remember the fight.. The man in green charging over and deflecting an arrow with a shield.. After that.. I got nothing. I don't recognize the armor.. Green and brown leathers.. But.. that don't add up.. I say this because I seen Nine earlier this morning.. Despite how distracted he seemed, he described a man in heavy armor with a horned helm... Maybe the guy changed or something.. I don't know..

Nine stuck around only for a very short time.. All the better.. I'm still not fond of that idiot. He... gets under my skin.. Far more easily than anyone else that I've ever encountered. I said before that he was distracted.. I suppose that's an understatement. He was fiddling with a book in hands and eyeing outside the tavern with caution. Part of me wanted to ask what was up.. But... I thought better of it. Knowing him, it's probably something that won't make sense anyway.

He left after that, but suggested I go back to bed.. Bah! ...More laying around. I refuse. I can't stand just laying around... I don't know how anyone does it. My legs are undamaged. I see no reason to just lay around. I have to be careful though.. There's stitches on both my sides.. The stab wounds must have been deeper than I thought. I'll have to be careful not to blow those..

Anuk seems alright.. She's probably the only one out of us that didn't get hurt. Yeo's got a broken leg and bandages over her hips.. And I got a busted rib and stitches. Though, there are stitched wounds on her back, and missing patches of fur. She seems fine otherwise. Cranky..but fine. She is stubborn.. I was going to go for a walk, but she blocked the path.

I think i'll just relax in the tavern then. Yeo in my lap, a book and tea.. I haven't done anything like this in awhile. Not since I was a kid. Of course, back then, it was sitting around because of rain and being un-allowed outside. And I was minus Yeo. My mother always did hate animals.. I can't promise I'll stick to just drinking tea, though.

DreamsMay 22, 2017

May 22, 2017 at 07:42 AM #57

22nd of Second Seed

There's some things that I just can't put to words.. Some things are best left in memories.. Wrae brought up some things last night.. Things.. I wish I could forget.. We lost Ulu two weeks ago.. I.. I'm not a religion man.. I've said it before.. I prayed for him.. I said that before too.. I think...

But things were talked about.. a little of this was brought up.. And a little of that... Things I just can't write.. I won't write.. What if this were picked up by the wrong person? What if someone pried where they need not pry? .... No.. these must be kept secret.. They must.. I can talk to other Magpies about it.. But only those involved.. I can talk to Yeo... Just.. Not write it... No.. Not safe.. Don't trust enough to do so...

I'm not religious.. I'm not.. But....

[ The next bit is a prayer.. a very shakily written prayer ]

Y'ffre, protect and guide me... I'm walking in dangerous water again.. Y'ffre watch over my friends and over me as we carry out the things laid before us... Protect us as we do what must be done to keep ourselves alive and to keep things going as they should. I pray to you, Y'ffre... Please.. for what it's worth.. Hear my prayer... My plea.. I don't ask for much.. I never do.. Just please hear me.. Just this one time.. Please.. Keep us safe..

[ The prayer ends after that. ]

...I have stuck by the Magpies this long. I don't plan to turn tail now. I'm a stern believer that once you set out to become involved in something, and become involved.. You stay involved.. You see it through, no matter what.

Sure... with The Shadows.. Gods... that was different... The Shadows, in the end.. I had no choice.. No.. I had choice.. But they got what they deserved because they killed my sister.. This.. is nothing like then.. Nothing like that will happen..

I trust these people.. With my life. There's good people here. Good friends.. I may not agree with what must be done.. But if it must be done.. Then.. so be it... I'm not a cold monster though. I will pray to Y'ffre before this job is done and after.. I know the dreams will haunt more than they did last night..

I woke up sick.. It's the dreams..I think... Stupid sour stomach.. It'll pass.. Or could be what I was told.. Fuck it.. Pain aside, I'll be fine. I've decided to obey the doctor for once. I just....hate laying around.. But.. He's right. I need to rest.. I need to stick to what he says.. I blew stitches last night.. Just by yanking the pack off of Anuk.. She was admittedly, half on the damn thing.. But in the end, I still got it..

All for a prank.. One that only served to piss off two.. That wasn't the intention.. Just a bit of fun was all.. Everyone seemed on edge last night though. Even before the... talks... I thought.. a bit of fun wouldn't hurt. Besides, it's not like we were trying to do harm to anyone.

I had the nightmares again last night.. I thought I locked those fuckers away.. No.. Not locked away.. Just stubbornly sitting in the back of my mind.. Waiting for me to remember.. Bastards.. Hate nightmares.. Bah! ..... They were of two weeks ago.. But worse.. You'd think these dreams would just.. leave me already.. Two weeks is gone.. As is the distant past.. Time to shake them.. I want to shake them.. I want the memories to just.. fade...

In the nightmare.. We made camp.. I think in the Rift somewhere.. We were near water. Our camp was invaded.. By horrors and snakes. This time, a snake appeared behind...me.... just as it did Ripper all those years ago.. I couldn't even scream.. I tried.. I tried.... I punched at it.. I stabbed at it's eyes... In the distance... I could hear screaming.. Everyone being set upon by horrors.... leading more of these monster snakes.. There was so much blood in the dream..

I woke up, sick after that.. I regret moving the way I did.. I rushed to the balcony.. And.. well.. I said I was sick.. No need for details.. When it stopped, I went back to bed.. My sides are screaming... It hurts to move my upper body.. I think I'll just go back to sleep.. Or try.. I am surprised I didn't disturb Yeo though with my movements.. She is still asleep.. Kind of snoring.. I've never heard her snore before.. It's.. adorable..

Sleep... I should do it... My stomach is knots.. I still feel sick.. But.. I think I'll just.. sleep it off.. I can hear birds chirping.. It's probably close to daylight..

[ There are drawings at the bottom.. Poorly done drawings - unlike most of what he does put in his journal. The drawings are of the room he's in.. Some of the nightmares.. Some of Yeo.. The next couple pages are of Wren, Wrae, Theo and Terath.. And a few others. Those that are pictures of people, are fond memories. And drawn from memory. Though they're not drawn that well due to laying down. There's a drawing of the waterfall too where they had stopped to talk... But only of the waterfall and nothing else about that area.

There's a streak of charcole on the last page, where the book fell from him.. After dozing off. The book having fallen to the floor. Landing closed.]

Edited May 22, 2017 at 07:47 AM by 0

DreamsMay 23, 2017

May 23, 2017 at 06:11 PM #58

23rd of Second Seed

Last night was.. insanity. What in oblivion was that all about? A man... Covenant... decided to try and throw his weight around.. In Dominion territory... Such an idiot... And then... he tried to arrest Lulie! ... Then.. Then he thought -I- .. was her husband... I'm... Not her husband! ... She's a friend. That's all. Everyone came to protect her, myself included. I didn't back down. No one did. I am glad for that.

Then the town guard arrested him. Octato wanted to light him on fire and kill him.. Normally, I'm against such things. Sure I served as a mercenary and under an assassin clan, but still.. But... this was different.. That Covenant ass-biscuit caused a pregnant woman.. to faint.. Then planned to make her walk.... to Wayrest.. I almost wish Octato had lit the bastard on fire.

When the guard left for a smoke break, and I knew Lulie was alright, I decided to pelt that bastard in mud. Not allowed to lay hands on him.. Fine... Mud isn't hands. Though.. I was tempted to roll rocks up in that mud. But I was a good boy... I behaved myself.... Mostly....

After things calmed down, and he went to the cells, I waited awhile.. When no one was down there, I went and visited... Hid, and threw more mud.. Then I went back up to the clinic, and I went to bed. Or tried.. Couldn't sleep.. too much going on in my head.. I slept an hour or two.. Then was awake. I found Wrae outside and, I talked with her for awhile..

I made a promise, standing by that waterfall.. No secrets. That I would tell Wrae...everything. I kept that promise last night. There's... still some things I couldn't bring myself to say though.. But she knows..mostly.. everything. I wonder if that was a good idea, now that I'm reflecting on it.. Meh... It's done. Regrets are pointless. My life has not been kind.. It's definitely been a rough ride.

I would have paid mister Covenant ass-biscuit another visit after talking to Wrae, but Anuk found us and nudged me back to the tavern.. Literally... The entire way, she was nudging my backside.. Bear's like a mother hen, I swear...

After I came back up, I stayed up until nearly daylight.. Still...couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I seen Ulu.. His body laying in the hay from that night.. I wish I knew where he was buried.. I's pay him some respects. I didn't know him well.. But he seemed a decent fellow. And he was one of us... When I did doze off, I had a dream that he was pointing a finger at me.. Is he haunting me for what I said I'd do?

I'm not trying to do entirely bad things... I admit, I've done some pretty cruel things in the past... But.. I'm not a heartless monster.. I'm not. I just want to help.. That's all. Y'ffre, I hope I'm not just making things worse.

Seen Fats today. He... There's something wrong with that man.. He was babbling.. And I couldn't understand a word that he was saying. He was talking too fast.. His laughing was not helping. I... I told him to leave, to let me rest.. But not before Yeo bit him... in the..nethers. He tried to sit on my bed.. That's when Yeo launched herself. I never had a chance to even stop her. Whatever is going on with that man, Yeo don't like it.. She normally would never bite anyone. He left the room, practically howling in pain. I... don't know what to think of this..

She drew blood.. I know she did. The front of his dress was speckled with it.. After he left, she calmed back down and returned to her usual self.

I tried to go down to the tavern today.. I didn't get far. I sat up, and my sides went crazy with pain. So, I've decided to just rest for today.. Maybe it's for the best anyway.. I didn't sleep last night.. At least.. not that well. I did pay for last night's meal though after I came back.

Edited May 23, 2017 at 06:21 PM by 0

DreamsMay 24, 2017

May 24, 2017 at 09:05 PM #59

24th of Second Seed

Woke up, to a splitting migraine.. Not even sure what brought it on.. don't care to be honest... But...on the upside... At least I was able to get some sleep. The nightmares came and went.. Had some strange dreams about Fats too. Wrae is right... That man is more than strange.. I can't even remember all that was in that dream... And somehow.. I'm also thankful for that. Normally my dreams are very vivid.. Not this time.. Thank Y'ffre for small favors..

I went down for some fresh air.. Regretted it immediately. It's cold outside. I forgot my blanket. I stood there shivering for a few minutes before Anuk nudged me back inside. Cold, sure, but the air felt good.. I almost wanted to resist.. To go sit by the tree in town. But.. I also don't need to risk getting sick.. So I went back to the clinic.

Slept all day yesterday... Mostly.. I'm still concerned about what happened yesterday with Fats. I'm sure it'll be fine.. But it don't stop the worry. Last thing I need is someone trying to put Yeo down due to her taking a bite out of someone that was acting strange. I think I'll have to keep an eye on her. She's not rabid. That much I do know.

DreamsMay 25, 2017

May 25, 2017 at 08:02 AM #60

25th of Second Seed - [ There's drawings of the burned out landscape, the house, and even some of the things found scattered around the page. There's also drawings of Wrae on a separate page. And some of Ulu behind her.. In a ghost-like fashion. ]

There was a lot that happened last night.... I'm not even sure where to begin, as I write these words. There's.. a lot going through my head right now.. Last night, I didn't sleep.. So I'll likely also make mistakes as I write.. But... shit happens, right?

I can't see ghosts.. I won't pretend that I can... But after the talk with Wren, and finding out what a soul gem is capable of, the dreams became very... persistent. After our initial talk, I said I'd rest.. I couldn't.. I slept.. an hour.. maybe? ... Then the dreams came.. I dreamed of Ulu again. That same finger pointing at me.. I think Wren was right.. Maybe deep down.. I knew all along. After I woke up, I got my gear together.. I was saying a small prayer when Wren came back... Saying a prayer and putting my bracers on.

Some part of me, hopes she didn't hear that prayer. I'm not a religious man.. But lately, I've found myself praying more and more... Not sure what that means.. But... whatever..

At any rate, I kept my promise..I lead Wren and Ter to one of my family's old homesteads. It was a place my father helped my uncle to grow when I was a small boy. I barely remember all the things that went into making that place grow.. But I remember my father gloating about how nice it'd look when he was done. There are many memories attached to my uncle's home.. Most of them are good.

After finding nothing, except for old papers and ashes... and a skeleton... We left.. I tried to distract Wraesha as best as I could. But... it didn't work too well. I tried. The biggest distraction for both of us however, I think, was Fats.. Fucking weirdo.. What the literal fuck?! ..... I believe that man is insane...

He ran out of the tavern... naked.. Ran into the forest.. and was just.. gone. I was so surprised and grossed out, that I covered my eyes..

And Wrae didn't even seem phased.. When I uncovered my eyes, she was walking away. She was gone before I could think of anything further to say to her.

After everything, Wren came back. I was so relieved to see her. She seemed..mostly unharmed. She was limping.. Kicked a wall.. At least she got out safe. Her and Ter. I know, I'm a worry-wart... Don't judge me... - Feel like I've said that in another entry.. - ....

Well.. we talked after she came back. She couldn't open the lock, but she got the entire chest out.. I'm... surprised she took the whole chest. This also means that Wrae is likely having a spaz fit right now. Best to stand clear. I won't seek her out.. If she comes to me in the clinic.. That's different..

The other night, when I talked to Wrae.. I told her almost... everything.. But not everything... If that makes sense.. That necromancer... that was friends with my family? .... Not a friend. He was family.. My father's brother... The man was my uncle. Uncle Trien.. I didn't tell her, because I didn't want that... vile.. magic... linked to my family.. Trying to protect my family's honor.. Or what tiny bit of it is left... Besides that.. After I had that dream.. about Ulu... I just..couldn't...

I did open up to Wren and Ter however... It's probably one of the few things that they do know about me.. My father being dead, as well as what my uncle really was. But they also know some things about my family... Like... some of my family being corrupted.. I didn't even expect to learn that.. I suppose we all learn something new everyday..

I thought my father slit his throat. That is not the case.. When things calmed down, and Wren left again... I left again. I went to investigate the burned out place by myself. There's notes that should have blown away ages ago.. But they're still mostly in tact.. I brought them back. I also gave Uncle Trien a proper burial.. Or what was left of him.. I only found his arm and his skull.. He was a bad man.. It's true.. But at least be can rest peacefully... He did bad things.. But.. I'm learning, that apparently, so did my entire family..

Just how corrupt is my damn family anyway? ..

As it turns out, my uncle's throat was never slit. His final moments, he felt all of it. My father burned the house to the ground, with my uncle still inside... very much alive. I can't believe just how... cruel my father could have been.. So when my father lost his ability to speak that night, I wonder if that was actually from my uncle trying to defend himself... Just how deep do these closets of secrets go? ..... I'm afraid to dig.. I really am.. I know my father did it for my brother.. But.. what if that's a lie too?

My father burning it.. That would also explain why he smelled of fire that night... But.. that also means that my father broke the Green Pact that night too. This would account for why he didn't care that Callio had broken it.. Damn it.. I'm left questioning how my parents could raise me to respect Y'ffre and the pact, when they themselves didn't respect it?

I came back with a few things.. Notes, mostly.. There was a note balled up in my uncle's hand. How it didn't burn, is beyond me.. But it was charred.. I was able to make out some words on it... "I'm sorry." Written in bosmeri... What was he apologizing for? For trying to sacrifice my brother? .... I wish I knew the damn truth. I suppose there's only one way to find it out.. And that's to go back to Silvenar.. I.. I don't want to go back though.. So many memories are tied to that place..

My uncle's notes are necromantic.. And most of it, I don't understand... Just.. magic...jumbled.. garbage... Maybe a mage could read them. But.. to me it just don't make sense. I tried to read it.. It made my hurt more than it did when I came back. Bah! .... Damn it! ..... Magic always made me uneasy. It still does.. And it don't help in trying to read this shit... The only thing I understood was 'Callio, sick, heal'.

The sun is coming up.... I can hear the birds chirping again... Another day of sleeping all day...

Another time, I will need to venture out to Silvenar and do some exploring. Preferably, when I'm not all banged up. With these injuries, it's too risky to return right now. I don't know what I'll run into there. Better safe than sorry..

Edited May 25, 2017 at 08:05 AM by 0

DreamsMay 26, 2017

May 26, 2017 at 06:59 AM #61

25th of Second Seed - [ This is done in annoyance. The writing is jerky and quick, smearing here and there. ]

I got up and went for a walk.. I've done nothing but sleep today. I feel like shit.. There's a fever.. I know there's a fever.. Think I've come down with something... Joy. After all that's been happening.. and then I found my uncle... and learned what I learned.. I just needed to clear my head.. So I went for a walk to clear my damn head..

Things were peaceful. I had stopped to admire the stars.. Fats came out of nowhere.. I didn't mind. Not at first. He started asking questions.. I could barely understand him.. He was very drunk this time.. More so than usual I think. Or... Maybe I'm just too tired and just not feeling well enough to actually keep up.. Whatever the case, he quickly got on my nerves.

I was polite.. I kept my temper.. Right up until he jabbed his finger into my side.. With the busted rib. He missed the stab wound and stitches, but hit that damn rib. I... I nearly threw up from pain before punching him.. In the nose.. He was bleeding when he walked off... I am not ashamed of myself..More so.. angry that he would even do that! ... He knew I've been in the clinic recovering.. Not there for the scenery, that's for damn sure!

Went back to the tavern and to the clinic after I calmed myself... I spent hours trying to read the damn notes.. I still got nothing.. Damn it. This whole thing gives me a damn headache. My father was clearly corrupt. I see that now. How could I have been so damn blind when I was a kid?! .... I've had enough for one day.. I'm going to bed.

DreamsMay 29, 2017

May 29, 2017 at 04:19 AM #62

28th of Second Seed

I'm feeling a little better. Think the fever broke this morning. Spoke to Fats earlier. He kept his distance from me. Probably still remembers the other night. He apologized before telling me some about the job I missed last night. Though wouldn't go into details. For the better, I think. He left after that. Still not entirely happy with him, to be honest..

After the whole soul gem business, I've been doing a lot of thinking. She was willing to sell Ulu, even after learning that he could feel and was aware in that thing... Before I knew that he was aware in there, I didn't think much of it. It's why I had agreed. But.. after learning he could feel things in there and was aware.. I just couldn't. Maybe getting sick wasn't all bad after all...

I'm no mage. I know nothing on magical based...things. My uncle's notes are still confusing to me. I'm seeing him mention healing multiple times in there. Do necromancers heal people? .... I know they play with death.. I almost wish I had paid some attention when he was trying to teach me things. I don't have any magical talents, but if I had learned, maybe I'd be able to make heads and tails of this stuff. I'm nothing more than a hired sword.. My skills are stabbing things and tracking.

When this began, it was fun. Stealing... finding mischief. I wonder what the next job will be. I know I was supposed to go along with them all yesterday. But I wouldn't have been any good to anyone in my condition. I wasn't keeping anything down. Yeo is doing better though. She can move by herself. And isn't yiping when she moves. It won't be long, and she'll be running around again.

I wonder if maybe Shen can make sense of the notes I found.. Though.. I have my doubts on who I can open up to entirely. There's still some things I haven't even told Wrae... Damn.. Think I'll just... sleep for now...

DreamsJun 03, 2017

Jun 03, 2017 at 04:40 AM #63

3rd of Mid Year

I haven't written in awhile.. I've been distracted. I feel bad though... I fell asleep while talking to Ren the other night. I barely know the lass, but it don't make me feel any better about it. The medicine kicked in and.. I woke up, everyone was gone. I hope I see her again, to at least apologize.

The last few days, I've spent working on getting over this cold. I think I finally shook it. I spent today down by the beach near the river. It's peaceful there. Good place to sit and reflect. I feel a lot better today actually. Not as sore, but I still have to be careful. And Yeo is looking better. She was moving around by herself earlier. She tried to chase Fats out of the clinic. I had to stop myself from laughing. That...probably...makes me sound cruel.. But it was funny..

He kneeled down, tried to kiss her nose... And she went after him. She almost got him too. The last thing I heard was him yell something along the lines of 'Grass please be soft!'. I'm guessing he jumped off the ramp. Yeo came in, looking proud after that. I tried to scold her for being hostile, but.. It was hard to keep a straight face. He did after all just get in Yeo's face.. And... I was also happy to see her be able to move again. Though she whimpered after she laid back down.

After all that's happened, reflecting actually helped a little. I thought about a lot of things while sitting in the grass. At first, I wasn't sure if I should approach the mages for help with the notes.. But now, I think I've made up my mind. It needs done.

I scratched out my brother's name from the paper. I will tell whoever looks these over, that too. I only did it as no one needs know his name. He's dead. He was a traitor, but he should be let rest in peace. It's one of the few kind things I can do for him. Right now, my focus is finding out what these notes mean.

There's so much mention of healing.. But over it, there looks to be some kind of spell.. I don't know.. Healers help people... Necromancers kill people... Is there a middle ground in this? ... I feel stupid just asking that damn question. Necromancer... but.. why would he write about healing.. I don't understand any of this.

I tried to talk to Fats.. He is a healer. Not a good one, but I've seen him try. That didn't get me anywhere. He laughed.. Then that's when he tried to get in Yeo's face. I'm not so sure he was drunk this time.. It don't matter..

[ It trails off after this. A faint streak of ink is left on the page, where the book fell away. Gloo likely having fallen asleep again. ]

DreamsJun 13, 2017

Jun 13, 2017 at 04:04 AM #64

12th of Mid Year

Woke feeling better today. Actually feel really good.. The cold is gone and I'm not nearly as sore. I hope that's a sign for good things. The ribs don't hurt at least.. Not nearly as bad. And if I'm lucky, maybe soon, the stitches will be taken out. And Yeo is looking much better. Though she still has issues here and there.

It's been so hot lately.. I'm hoping that maybe in time, I can slip away to go for a swim somewhere. I remember the beach near the ocean.. Maybe if I can, I'll go there for a bit. Though, from what I've heard, it's apparently not safe.. Somehow I'm not surprised. This town is wonderful.. I like it here.. But it sure does seem to have it's share of trouble.

Personally, I haven't seen anything outside of town. At least, not when I go for my walks. Maybe I should count my lucky stars for that, however. In my condition, I probably wouldn't be able to fight back that well if I did run into something. But my walks have provided me with a few things. One of the biggest is time to just clear my head when sleeping is near impossible. I've been having a lot of those nights.. Sometimes going to sleep just doesn't happen. I've also been scouting for a place to maybe settle.

Ironic.. I swore I'd never settle anywhere.. Yet.. I've found myself looking for possible spots for a home to be grown. I found an area I like.. Though it'll have to wait for awhile. After the events of Silvenar, and the Hollow that was moved far from Silvenar and being transported back to Silvenar all those years ago, I just never had the desire to settle anywhere. But I said it once before, this town is growing on me..

It's... in a way... becoming the home, that I never realized I even needed. I have friends here. At least, I think I have friends. I trust Wren a bit more than I do anyone else though. After the soul gem incident, I don't know if I fully trust Wrae anymore. I'd be lying if I said that leaving the Magpies hasn't crossed my mind.. I'm uncertain of what I wish to do just yet. I'd rather not make brash decisions though... I make enough of those as it is.

I'm not tired tonight... Maybe.. I'll go sit in the tavern for a bit... Anything is probably better than staring at the walls and the ceiling. On the upside, I've been able to go back to my room. I still make trips to the clinic though to have my wounds looked at. But I'm able to be back in my own space. I can't get up on the hammock, but at least there's the bedroll on the floor. I had to clean it before I could even use it. It stunk of alcohol and was jumping with fleas. Not the case anymore, thankfully.

DreamsJun 15, 2017

Jun 15, 2017 at 10:40 AM #65

15th of Mid Year - [ There's a drawing of a sad Wren on one page. Complete with background images of the town square where they had spoken. On the other page, is where he has written. There are spots where the ink is badly smeared, having written quickly..Clearly upset from learning of the events.. Even if he don't know of everything. ]

Tonight was an odd one.. Since the threat outside the village, I've been spending less time roaming to the near by villages.. Once I started to feel better, I started to roam again. I wanted to get back into my... swing.. of things.. Stealing sprees mostly. Tonight, I choose to rest along the rocky cliff that over looks the south road. I sat there most of the night.. Just Yeo and myself. Peaceful.. but boring.

I went back into town a few hours before daylight.. I found Wren drunk and a man I didn't recognize. He was having issues with an elk. Silly creature. And Wren was trying to pet it.. I admit, it was comical at first. It was nice to see her again. I had missed seeing her. Good to see a friend. I left Yeo in the grass to go talk to her. She wandered out of town after the man and the elf. I decided follow. More silliness happened. Of which was Wren getting her hair.. nommed. Then she wanted to eat the elk's hair.

We found a woman who had gotten injured and fell behind some mushrooms. Poor lass. She was helped by the man that had been walking with the elk. He let Wren fall.. Wasn't happy with him about that. He seems to really hate being touched. Strange fellow.

Wren's.. mood seemed to shift suddenly. She headed back for town so I again followed. Y'ffre's garter belt.. Just what have I missed during the time that I've been down? So much has happened.

She told me that a town had been attacked by vampires and daedra alike. They killed everyone. Children included. Fucking monsters. This is why I used to hunt supernaturals.. I really need to get back into that. Hearing how she sounded when she mentioned the fighting being in a way.. pointless.. As she had asked what point was there.. I wanted so much to touch her shoulders, to ask her what of her friends and those she's close to... But I couldn't bring myself to do it.. I was worried I'd anger her.

Terath.. Theo.. the others.. What about them?

In my past, there has been enough death. My idiot of a brother, my uncle, my parents.. Nivrchel.. Kirsrin.. There's been far too much death.. I don't want to lose what little friends I have here... They are my friends.. right?... I am not just imagining that I have friendship with these people? Or am I fooling myself? Fooling myself into thinking that's what's there and it not be?... ~~World's greatest fool, right here~~......

I survived so much back then.. Including attempts on my life from other people.. Hasn't there been enough? ... I can't imagine losing more people.. Not when I've come to see them as friend. Not when I've finally started to let my guard down. My stitches don't come out for awhile.. My rib is still healing.. But I've made up my mind.

Come oblivion to high water.. I don't care. If death and Y'ffre wish to have me that badly, then fine. Even if all that awaits me is the Ooze, so be it. But I'm not going down without a fucking fight. I'm not going to just duck and run. I'll fight for these people. I'll fight for those that I call friend. I've been a shitty friend in the past.. And a worse sibling... If I'm to die, I'll at least go down knowing I gave my everything to defend those here.

With luck, it won't come to down to everyone dying though. Maybe we'll win this fight yet. I don't know just how many we've lost.. I'm not sure I want to know. But I have seen people coming and going to the clinic a lot lately. Now I understand why..

Repeated tragedies, repeated pain, the wishes of man are so strong and yet so frail and weak. To live, to stay alive, who would have known survival was this hard...this painful? The daedra and the vampires.. and whatever else is out there, being a threat.. I want to believe that we can take it down.. But.. is it also too much ask that my friends survive this?

The sun is coming up... I can see the faint rays peeking in through the window... I should attempt sleep, but I don't know if I can get my mind to be quiet long enough to even try it..

Edited Jun 15, 2017 at 11:11 AM by 0

DreamsJun 17, 2017

Jun 17, 2017 at 06:35 AM #66

17th?... of Mid Year

I'm not sure how late it is.. Is it the 16th still or the 17th? ... But fuck it... A lot happened tonight. Including Wren and Theo getting zapped pretty badly. Both say they're alright.. But... I can't help to worry. The worst however was that a kid was involved in this mess. She got abducted and held as a hostage. I fucking hate assholes that insist on harming children!

It is true, I've done a lot of bad things in my life. But never would I personally harm a kid. I am glad to see that she is unharmed.. But there were still those few moments of awkward silence when she got elecrocuted.. Where I thought.. That's it for the kid.. That poor girl. And then she started to move, and I relaxed. I froze.. I froze when she got hurt.

Why did that flash back have to hit right then? .. I pictured Nivrchel face down... It's why I froze.. I wouldn't be surprised if the others thought me to be useless. I am just glad to see everyone walk away from that.. And that woman that took the kid, necromancer? .... Damn it.

I've spent more time pouring over the notes from my uncle's home. I scratched out my brother's name again.. I didn't need to.. His name is already unreadable... But... It was like an urge I couldn't ignore.. Doing so actually calmed my damn nerves.. I feel the need for a drink, but I also do not wish to turn to the drink.. No.. Too risky.. All the stress lately.. Too easy to give in and start drinking heavily. I don't want to end up like my poor excuse of a mother..

All in all, things could have ended much different tonight.. I am glad to see things resolved..mostly.. peacefully. One less necromancer is a good thing. And everyone seems alright. Though.. what of the woman that the other was talking about? The one that was to die? May... no.. Mei.. I think... That's horrible that she will die.. And the woman in the cell.. I wonder what will happen to her. Though she did keep telling everyone to leave her.

I think I'll just.. sleep.. I don't feel so good anyway.. It's.. probably just the heat..

DreamsJun 23, 2017

Jun 23, 2017 at 07:01 AM #67

22nd of Mid Year

The days are blurring together.. I need to pull myself out of this.. Random depression is just.. garbage. Seems all I do lately is sleep.. It's the surroundings lately.. Just so much going on. Since what happened when I was jumped last month, I've been out of it. Then the added on pressure that we all could die.. That.. worries me greatly. I don't want to lose the little bit of friends that I have in this place. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared.

Tonight, things happened.. Half of it, I'm still not sure on what in the nine hells happened. Y'ffre's stockings...

We returned to the Gold Coast.. I swore I'd never go back to that place.. after... what happened. I was terrified just being there.. I'm sure it showed that I was on edge. I wasn't hiding it.. I seen no point. Anyway.. We went there, I thought all was going fairly smoothly.. for a change..

As it turns out, the merchant there attempted to stiff us all with an absolutely ridiculous bill for goods that'll help save the town. Bastard. A pretty lass left with him.. I don't know her name. That's the first time I've ever worked with her, I think... Anyway, I was asked to follow, and I did. Honestly, I was thinking about doing it anyway.. I didn't trust the man. The whole 'I'm not shady' bit... Eh... In the end, she sweet talked him into giving us a nice discount.

I'll have to remember to buy that lady a drink sometime. What she did was very clever.

We got back, and things went to shit. Wrae apparently shot Wren and shot the kid that was with us. I think her name is Keys.. I'm not sure though. Seemed like a good kid. Then she punched Wren.. Things came out after that. Wrae was peddling skooma... Why am I not surprised? The night of the attack near Kvatch, over on that farm, I found a vial of skooma. Ali smashed it on the ground. I would have never connected it to Wrae though. I thought better of her than that..

I... I can over look skooma use. I don't approve of it.. People that do it, yes, I will openly call stupid. People can die from doing that junk. No.. what angers me about this whole mess, is the fact that there was a girl, clearly a kid, involved. Helping her to sell it. I want to believe the kid is innocent.. But.. she was with Wrae.. How could she not know?

But still, the fact that the kid was with her, that don't put my mind at ease. Kids shouldn't be dragged into shit like this. Ever. Period.

After tonight, I may just leave the Magpies. Return to solely hunting werewolves like I used to do. And of course.. plying my.. other.. trade along the road. Won't write it.. People are nosy.. Best to leave people in the dark. Although I haven't entirely decided just yet.. So many things going through my head..

My faith in people is weak right now. I trusted Wrae, and despite everything, was willing to follow... But.. this is the final straw. Involving a kid in a skooma deal is just plain stupidity.

Sleep is clearly out tonight.. I was tired when I came up. But my mind is far from being silent. Think I'll go lay outside. Stare up at the stars for awhile.. Who knows when I may next get the chance.. If we're as fucked as everyone seems to think, I think I'll just enjoy what time I have alive.

Edited Jun 23, 2017 at 12:25 PM by 0

DreamsJun 24, 2017

Jun 24, 2017 at 10:28 AM #68

23rd of Mid Year

There's fighting outside.. and what sounds like wings.. I was going to join in. But Yeo won't let me out of the room. She actually bit me! Drew blood on my ankle before darting in front of the door. She was showing teeth and growling. If I even approach the door, she'll try to launch at me. I've given up trying to get outside. So long as I didn't go near the door, she's content to lay down.. And be calm.

Guess I'm sitting this fight out. Been sitting in my armor since the sounds of wings started... trying to get out. Dog is clever. She even got the back of my leg when I went for a window. I'll have to have this bite looked at in the morning.. I know she got me good. The first bite is not bleeding, and is fine. The second one, she did damage. The bleeding hasn't stopped. I know she was only protecting me though, so I won't hold it against her.

She's a stubborn little thing.

Since I can't leave without the dog attacking, I've decided to read the new book I got today. It's the newest one in the series.. It's difficult to read though when all I can hear is the fighting outside. The sounds of what seems to be a very big battle. I hope everyone is alright..

Edited Jun 24, 2017 at 10:30 AM by 0

DreamsJul 13, 2017

Jul 13, 2017 at 10:26 AM #69

12th of Sun's Height - [ The writing is difficult to read. Smearing in several places, in a drunken fashion. Other places, there's small amounts of ink spilled. ]]

I have avoided writing in here for a long time.. There's really not much worth talking about these days. Wrae's in jail.. And there hasn't been many jobs. I've been all over looking for work. I spoke to.. Shit.. I can't remember her name.. But she's a kid.. No matter that she don't want to admit that she's still a kid.. A red haired bosmer. She prodded me for my thoughts the other day.. And wasn't happy when she finally got them.. go figure.

Today is my birthday though... I can't believe it.. I made through another year.. An attempt on my life aside, I'm doing pretty damn good! I was going to buy the tavern some rounds.. Celebrate.. But there was no one there when I showed up. So I left some coins on the bar and got a few bottles of rotmeth.

Better to drink in my room anyway.. If I'm to drink alone, I'd rather do so somewhere comfortable..

Seen the note on the notice board.. Maybe tomorrow, if I'm not too hung over, I'll travel out to S'renja.. I've never been out that way before.

Hopefully my streak of staying alive continues. With the life I live, staying as such, isn't always promised. Too many werewolf hunters have been cut down while still young. As have thieves. Here's to staying alive and not getting busted while doing other things.

DreamsJul 19, 2017

Jul 19, 2017 at 04:13 AM #70

18th of Sun's Height

I came down earlier tonight.. The ramp is very slippery. Actually fell on my ass and slid the entire way down. I'd be lying if I said I didn't laugh the entire time. Hitting the sandbags hurt, but not that bad. Better to slam into them than to be washed completely off the side of the ramp. The last time I seen a storm like this was when I was in my early twenties. Even back then it wasn't good. This storm seems just as bad as it was then. Perhaps worse.. No definitely worse.

My rented room and the tavern.. That's where I'll remain. It's safer than outside. Working right now just isn't worth it.

DreamsJul 24, 2017

Jul 24, 2017 at 03:06 PM #71

24th of Sun's Height

Was supposed to help the Mages the other day. I didn't get the chance. I heard of what it entailed and planned to help them. I was to be one of those to help defend them. Just when we were about to leave however, Yeo decided to run away. I had to chase after her. Found her near Tanglehaven, growling into the darkness. It was raining too hard to see what was out there. So I picked her up and retreated back to town. By the time I got back, everyone had already gone on ahead. I wasn't sure where they went. So I returned to my room, after getting some tea.

I need work.. Sitting around doing nothing, is driving me nuts. I can't remember the last time I sat around this long, staring at the walls.. Down time is great.. But.. I'm beyond bored. Because of this, I think I'll travel out to Velyn Harbor.. Maybe see if there's anything to do.. Maybe guarding a caravan, mercenary.. or even thieving.. Something is better than nothing. Around here, it seems they are looking for guards. I don't want to be a guard. Not that sort of guard anyway.. I avoid the damn guards for a reason. Town guards always spell trouble for someone like me.

Ironic when you realize I know two people that are guards.. One I don't know that well, the other I know a little. I see them as friend.. But I don't know how they view me.

I've started packing my things to make the trip. Should be half way there by lunch time. If not already there. I don't know how long I'll be gone. Or what will happen while on the road. The only thing I can ask for now as I get ready to put this away with my other things, is a safe trip.

Time to put this with the rest of my things.

DreamsAug 07, 2017

Aug 07, 2017 at 10:58 AM #72

7th of Last Seed

It's too damn early to be awake... Only awake because Fats burst into my room this morning. He was singing loudly, and was so drunk, I was certain he was going to fall on his face. I told him to leave.. He's passed out on my floor. Skooma rolled out of his pan. He's... lucky I don't like guards.. Otherwise I may have called for them. When he wakes, I really need to have a chat with him.. Assuming I can gain his attention for more than a few moments.

Seen the notice board earlier.. Theo.. a vampire.. I would have never guessed that's what he was. It goes to show you, you never really know someone. I swore years ago, I'd hunt down supernaturals.. Werewolves and vampires alike. I've stood by that promise all these years. I don't like harming friends.. But.. a vampire is still a vampire.

I checked in with Velyn Harbor again. Still no available contracts. So I've taken to doing something that I never pictured myself doing.. Hunting for a living. Just like my father used to.... That's.. not something I thought I'd ever be doing. I swore I'd never be like him. And here I am, getting ready to go hunt. Selling pelts brings in money. I remember from watching him when I was young. First chance I get, I'm ditching this though.

Went on a... spree... while in Velyn Harbor. It felt good to flex old muscles again. What I gathered paid off nicely. The fences there are more than willing to bargain.. Makes my job so much easier. I sent a few things to an old contact as well. I'm sure he can use them. I'm not sure what type of work he's doing now, but I am hopeful he is still alive. It seems most of those that I knew from years ago are gone. I'll know in a few days. I told the courier to come find me if he was unable to find him.

Think I'll start out in the valley beyond the thunderbugs. I'm sure there's game down there to hunt. Never cared much to hunt.. But with luck, maybe there'll be deer. Y'ffre, I'm bored...

DreamsSep 21, 2017

Sep 21, 2017 at 05:53 AM #73

[Date's missing]

Being back in Vulkwasten almost feels weird. I've been gone for awhile. Spent my time roaming. Took on a few jobs while I was gone. And what a time for me to come back... Now there's slavers in the area..

Siege of daedra, mangy wolves and leeches the last time I was around.. And now.. Slavers. Honestly.... Is this town cursed?

The Magpies are gone. I need to find more stable work than just mercenary related. I'd join the Fighter's Guild, but that'd feel weird to be officially one of them. I don't mind helping out, but.. I'd feel too awkward. Maybe.. Then again.. maybe not.

I've heard a bit from listening around town about the Rose Garden. I wonder if they need more bouncers. Maybe.. I could do something there. Though.. if they're connected to the slave thing... Not interested. Smuggling skooma, stealing.. that's all different.. Slave shit, not my thing.

If I stick around town. Part of me wants to go again. Another part of me just wants to get that patch of land in the jungle, contact a green priest and get a pod grown.

That's.. another thing entirely. I've never been one to settle.. Wonder how long it'd last if I did try.

Edited Sep 21, 2017 at 06:00 AM by 0

DreamsOct 01, 2017

Oct 01, 2017 at 06:55 PM #74

1st of Frostfall

I went to the Rose Garden the other night. Promised myself I wouldn't.. But a costume party was just too much to pass up. It was fun. A little strange.. some of the dares I mean.. But all that aside, I had fun. Maybe I'll swing by again sometime.

Spoke to a Green Priest this morning. He's agreed to help me set up land to call home. What in the nine hells is wrong with me? .. Swore I'd never settle anywhere.. And yet.. this strange town, I just can't leave it alone. I don't know if it's the town in general or if it's the people I've met. I.. I'm not really close to any of them. At least.. I don't believe I am. Maybe I'm wrong on that.

Few of them have been on my mind lately. Wren especially. I haven't seen her in a long time. Kind of wonder how she's doing. Also wonder how Wrae and her young friend are doing.

Ran a job with a tiger-marked khajiit tonight. He kept his face hidden during the entire job. When I asked his name, he wouldn't even respond to me. I'm hoping that is the last time I'll have to work with him. He's.. strange.. That's something, coming from me.. I used to keep company with a guy that wore a pink dress and drank continously.. That should say something..

That reminds me.. The few times I have returned to town, I have yet to see Fats. I have to be crazy.. But I wonder how he's doing.

Even if this town is cursed, it's ~~hom... It's a place to rest~~... It's.. I don't know.. What is this place to me, honestly?.. I wish I had the answer..

I'll be leaving again tonight. Off to the Alikr for another contract. Another one to bring down another problematic werewolf.I haven't been to the Alikr in a very long time. Doubt it's changed any.

DreamsOct 04, 2017

Oct 04, 2017 at 09:24 AM #75

4th of Frostfall

This contract... It's becoming a pain in the ass.. Killed the damn wolf, only for Yeo to go missing. I don't know where she could have gone either. With her coloration, I thought she'd be easy to spot. She's dark colored, the sand isn't.. Yet, it's like she..just.. vanished. I hate this. I miss her. She's more than just my dog. She's like a kid. But she's also my friend.

Damn this desert!

DreamsOct 05, 2017

Oct 05, 2017 at 01:07 PM #76

5th of Frostfall - [ There's drawings of the desert. Several of dune rippers. ]

I've been on the move all night. Yeo has to be around. She's just a dog. There's no way she could just up and vanish. Anuk has killed a few dune rippers.. I think that's what the locals call them. She made meals of them. I'm glad that she can at least eat them. She won't starve while we're in this place.

There is still no sign of Yeo. I found a small village. When I mentioned my missing dog, an elderly redguard mentioned that I should keep watch. Something about packs of jackals in the area. I don't even know the name of this village. I feel very out of place here.. But there's no way in the nine hells that I'm returning to Malabal Tor without Yeo.

Where are you, girl? The last time I seen her, I was fighting the werewolf. I killed him.. When his body hit the sand, Yeo ran off. Barking and howling. I don't know where she went after that.

Evening can't come fast enough. It's too hot to travel right now. I was actually warned against traveling during the day. The sun can cause problems. Though I'm not worried about the damn sun. The sandstorms are more alarming. They come in out of nowhere. Two have hit since I've arrived here. Makes me worry all the more. Every moment spent in this tiny village, is another moment that I should be on the move. Should be looking.

Took a sleeping potion. It's the only way I'll get any sleep. My mind is racing, and I just can't get it to quiet down.

DreamsOct 12, 2017

Oct 12, 2017 at 08:16 AM #77

12th of Frostfall

Yeo is safe. I found her with a pack of others, of her own kind. She came right to me when she spotted me. I'll be going back in the morning. I cannot wait to see the Valenwood again. It's only been a few weeks, but to me, it feels like it's been a year.

DreamsOct 26, 2017

Oct 26, 2017 at 07:11 PM #78

26th of Frostfall

Been back from the Alikr for awhile now. Spent my time just hanging around the heart tree.. Well..mostly. The outlaw refuge seems to be better lately. Found a few jobs here and there, just from being around the place. I won't bother going into details on my jobs. It's not because I don't want to, but more so because I just don't feel like it. It's that feeling when depression sets in.. Just falling into another slump. I'll pull myself out of it. I always do.

Last night was interesting. Falling asleep in the outlaw refuge was both the dumbest thing I've ever done, and maybe.. one of the most clever things. I heard about the meeting that was supposed to go on there. Falling asleep, let me get woken by the people talking. Good thing too. Interesting bunch. I kept my hood and mask up. I think it's for the best.

Mostly just.. listened to those there. And my turn came up, I tried to show some stealth skills. I don't know if the silver furred khajiit noticed, however. It was done only to show him the skills. If he didn't notice, I can also understand why.

Here's to hoping I don't get myself into too much trouble.

DreamsDec 30, 2017

Dec 30, 2017 at 04:29 AM #79

29th of Evening Star

The year is drawing to an end.. So much time has passed since I bothered to lift this book.. Nothing really worth writing has happened since the last time I bothered.

There was a gathering tonight, to honor those fallen. I didn't go. Not because I didn't want to, but because I just don't know if I could open up to everyone. Think I'll travel out to where I last seen Niv all those years ago. Not a day that goes by where I don't remind myself, that is my fault she died that night. If I had just denied her coming with me.. If I had just.. told her to stay at the Hollow.. She'd be alive..

I know it's my fault she's gone. But.. she also gave her life defending me.

I love you, Nivrchel. You were the closest I had to a sister. And it's my fault you're gone. I wish you were here. It'd be just like the old days. The two of us hunting werewolves and the like. Finding trouble.. I often wonder, just what you would have been like had you lived. You were just a teenager when it happened. You had so much life to live yet.

Found myself also thinking about my brother.. Callio. He too had a life ahead. But a traitor.. With the things I'm learning about my past.. learning how corrupt our father was.. I'm left to wonder if maybe.. What I did was wrong. Not that I'd ever tell anyone else that. No. My brother was a mongrel that died a mutt's death.

It's too late to say I'm sorry. They're gone. My brother's birthday was this month. Maybe on some level, I didn't entirely hate him. Maybe..

DreamsJan 27, 2018

Jan 27, 2018 at 07:50 AM #80

27th of Morning Star

I kept my word.. I traveled to where she was last seen. Place looks just as abandoned as it did years ago. If I close my eyes though, I can still see Kirsrin waiting for us.. Still see the people emerging from bushes, from that damned ambush... At least with my eyes open, the place looks somewhat peaceful.

Spent the night camped not far from the place, before leaving again. That was earlier this month. Been working around Velyn Harbor since. I guess.. just passing my time. Nothing else to really do. Almost forgot how calming it is to just sit and fish off the docks. Anuk is restless though. She tried to take a bite out of someone that had arrived on a ship. Poor sap. All he did was walk past her. Think that's my cue that it's time to leave this town.

I haven't forgotten about Vulkwasten though. That place always seems to have something going on. Though I've been away for awhile now. Maybe it's time to go back.. Maybe..

DreamsFeb 07, 2018

Feb 07, 2018 at 01:14 AM #81

5th of Sun's Dawn

Finally returned tonight. Only to find everyone packing up and leaving. The trees look horrible. I followed everyone to Cormount. Nice little town. I've been here before a few times. Being here, reminds me of Wren. I wonder how she's doing. Haven't seen her in a long time.

Think I'll camp outside tonight. Maybe on that little hillside I seen overlooking the heart tree. It's too warm to bother trying to take up a room in the inn. Besides, lots of others need that space. I don't mind sleeping in a tent, to give others a place to rest.

DreamsMar 29, 2018

Mar 29, 2018 at 07:18 AM #82

29th of First Seed

[ The pages from here out are warped with water damage.. And this new entry, the writing is a little sloppy and uneven. ]

So the journal is still intact.. Even after that job in Reaper's March.. Thought I had lost this thing after falling in the river near Arenthia. Glad to see it survived..

So much has happened since I've last had the chance to sit and write anything. Been so busy lately. I've joined a mercenary company. It feels good to be back in the saddle so to speak. Hunting werewolves on my own, and practicing my other.. talents.. was only going to last me so long. They seem like a decent lot. And some are familiar already, having seen some of them around Vulkwasten before everyone got kicked out.

Maybe I can call these people friend.

Tonight's job however.. Where do I even start? Fuck it.. A fucking trap. A bitch of a mage cast illusions on us all. I've always hated and mistrusted magic.. This isn't helping my opinions on it. Healing magic really is the only magic that can be trusted. And people wonder why there's mistrust towards mages..

I'm more angry about hurting one of those from the group however. I was paired up with Bhidul. Damned illusions.. They made everyone fight one another. There was undead. Then there wasn't.. Then he was hurt. I was hurt.. Everyone was hurt. I hope everyone's alright..

Fucking illusions.. And of course, there was talk of a necromancer.. Why am I not surprised? Necromancer filth.. It would be one of them to fuck with everyone's heads.

Part of me wants a drink... The other half.. Fuck it. Not worth it. I'm going to sleep.

Edited Mar 29, 2018 at 07:21 AM by 0

DreamsMay 23, 2018

May 23, 2018 at 07:45 PM #83

[ This is written in an entirely new journal. And the writing is done in what looks to be in a rush. Smearing here and there. Smudging in other spots. Dust and sand grains line the creases of the book and the pages.

The entry ahead, also seems to be mostly him complaining to himself in aggravation at his current situation. There's also no date on this entry.]

I have no idea how long I've been out here.. My other journal is now missing.. Shit has happened. Shit that has cost me my pack, my way home.. And almost my dog and bear. Don't even know where to begin. I took the Alikr job because I've been here before.. Shouldn't have been so quick to take it.. In an area I've never seen before..

There was a sandstorm almost immediately after leaving the portal. Anuk, Yeo and myself got caught in it. The only thing that kept us together, was Yeo in her saddle, and myself huddled close to Anuk. We're all safe, thank Y'ffre. Feels like by only a strand of our teeth however. When we took shelter up against a rocky outcropping, my pack got snagged on a low hanging branch. It tore the damn thing to ribbons. When the storm ended, everything was buried. I was lucky to even find the food pouches and the water canteens. And a very small pouch of coins. Everything else is gone.

Camping supplies are among the things that are gone. Those got knocked from Anuk. So I've been sleeping in the sand. Had completely forgotten how itchy sand is.... I feel as if I'm covered in fleas... Anuk is itching on anything that'll support her. Yeo don't seem to mind it though.

I miss the trees, the jungle.. The.. everything. Especially the rain. I miss the rain. Dry.. so dry here.. What I wouldn't give right now to jump into a river..

Was lucky enough to stumble onto a traveling caravan. They were nice enough to refill my water containers. Paid for the first two, last one, they said was on the house. Got this journal from them and even traveled for a bit with them. But they don't have any portal scrolls. How much longer will I be here? One of them mentioned seeking out one of the larger cities, as the mages often have the scrolls that'll help.

They pointed the direction. But I have no map. My map was among the things that got lost. So I followed them around for awhile. They didn't seem to mind. Eventually though, I lost them. That's fine.. I suppose.

Think I'm going east.. Or is that west..?

ARGH! ...

[ There's a lot of stuff scribbled out.. Ink blotches, part of the page is torn, a gaping hole where he had pressed the quill too hard in mild rage ]

...... Why does everything have to look the same? No moss to help.. No moss to point the way... Damn it..

Feel as if I'm walking in circles..

Edited Jun 05, 2018 at 06:02 AM by 0

DreamsJun 05, 2018

Jun 05, 2018 at 06:05 AM #84

[ There's no date here.. although there are several numbers scratched out.. Gloo's attempt to add up his time since the last entry. ]

The days have completely blurred together.. I'm not even sure what today is. Or how long I've been walking for. If I get out of this, I will never take the forest and the water there for granted again. Living in a jungle your entire life, you never realize how used to it you get, until you end up in the ass end of a desert..

Hallucinated a lake today.. Got sand in places I didn't even know I had places, from trying to jump in. Damn it.. Almost certain if Yeo and Anuk could laugh, they probably would have.

Also growing a beard.. Didn't even know I could do that... But there it is.. Going to end up looking like some ratty hermit when this is over.. Just watch..

If there's one bit of solace in all of this.. It's having Yeo and Anuk with me.. At least I won't go completely insane from isolation.. At least have them to talk to. We've taken to traveling at night. It's not so bad during the night hours. The sunlight is just.. horrible.

Edited Jun 05, 2018 at 06:06 AM by 0

DreamsJul 10, 2018

Jul 10, 2018 at 08:13 AM #85

[ The entries following that last one, are just drawings. Ranging from the layout of the desert, where he's currently roaming. To the local wildlife. One of the main things to take up two full pages is that of a duneripper. ]

These things really are a pain in the ass to kill. Though, Anuk seems to enjoy them well enough. She even let Yeo eat some of it. I am glad the girls are adjusting. Can't say the same for myself however. Miss the forest more and more with each passing day.

I've decided to try and find somewhere to settle. Not to live here. But maybe to make it easier to be found. In case others are looking for me. Continually moving about this.. sand pit.. isn't likely helping..

[ The date to the above entry is entirely lacking. And the following pages are just more drawings. This eventually leads to another, more recent entry. Which also lacks a date. The ink is smeared badly in places. Other areas seems to have sand stuck to the ink itself. And the corners and the center of the pages, near the spine of the book are stained with water damage. This entry is lined with drawings of snakes. And the writing under the serpents is.. shaky.. at best. There's also droplets of blood along the edges of the pages ]

I don't know how long it's been since I last bothered to write.. But.. I found a place to stay. It's not much. Just a small cave.. an old mining tunnel from the look of things. This is one place I wish I hadn't found.. It's both a curse and a blessing. I don't know if I want to destroy it or stay.. On the up side, we're out of the sun... And there's water in here. It's not as hot in here, as it is out there...

But of course, I did say there was a downside.. Always a damn downside.. Fuck! FUCK! ... Snakes.. just had to be fucking snakes! Would have settled for a nest of those sand..dunerippers.. over these.. Fucking bastards.. Or even spiders.. Would have been better, honestly...

Snakes.. always fucking snakes..

If I ever see another damn snake, it'll be too damn soon.. On the upside, I might be able to make at least something out of their scaly hides to sleep on. It'd beat sleeping in the sand..

Edited Jul 10, 2018 at 08:14 AM by 0

DreamsOct 05, 2018

Oct 05, 2018 at 08:00 AM #86

[ The next several entries consist of nothing more than drawings. There's at least twenty, if not more, spaning the many pages. The desert is mostly what is seen. Cactuses and other plants. There's towering rocks and hints of mountains in some of the drawings. Further in, there's some of the wildlife. More specifically, a group of small dogs, much like the dog he has. The ones he drew, are jackal pups.. Playing in the sand.

There's drawings of his bear. The lump of fluff sitting at the mouth of the cave, looking back at him, from over her shoulder. As if to say "well dad, let's go".

However the most drawn image, that appears multiple times, is that of a pair of serpent eyes. In many of the drawings that do with the cave, there are these eyes always somewhere in the picture. Things he's seen while drawing.. And likely later had to dispatch.

All the drawings and the pages, not one of them are labled with a date. So there's no telling when he sat and drew them. On the last two pages, there's doodles of those he's met from town. Those he misses. Afer, Lulie, and a few others dot the pages. The final page, simply says 'never forget', in badly smudged bosmeri. A small patch of drawings, making a small bit of the Valenwood, sprawl the width of the bottom of the page. ]

DreamsOct 15, 2018

Oct 15, 2018 at 03:25 PM #87

[ Once more, the next entry is without a date. But the writing is quick and smudges in various places. Perhaps done in excitement or even fear. ]

Something is in these mining tunnels.. I can hear it at night. I have searched everywhere though and cannot find it.. The scraping is.. almost unbareable to listen to. Some nights it's so loud that it echos into the cave portion that I've made camp in. Not the only one hearing it.. Anuk keeps trying to go further into the tunnels when the noises begin. It's no easy task stopping a full grown bear, however... And Yeo, found the pup cowering behind a rock this morning.

The look on the dog's face.. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she seen a ghost.

Nothing can be so big that it can make these sounds.. That is what I want to tell myself. But I know that's bullshit.. I've seen giant snakes, and I've dealt with giant spiders in the past. Don't recall them being so loud however.. What is here? Don't have the answer.. That makes me uneasy.

But it's safer in here than out there. Woke to another sandstorm. There's at least ankle deep sand at the mouth of the cave now. But at least we're not being buried alive. And at least I got my bow and my daggers. Just need to figure out how to keep Anuk from wandering the tunnel system beyond the camp.

[ The pages, especially the creases of the pages, are littered with grains of sand. At the bottom, is a drawing of a frightened Yeo, drawn from memory. ]

DreamsNov 01, 2018

Nov 01, 2018 at 12:02 AM #88

[ Once more, the entry is without a date. This one, the pages are speckled with fresh blood.. His own blood. It's not a lot, but it's still there. And of course, grains of sand still speckle the creases of the pages. ]

Fuck.. Looking for that sound was a rotten idea.. I found where the sound is coming from. Or at least, roughly where it is. There's something big in there. But it's boarded up. Many of the nails are bent, as if it were done in a hurry. And some of the support beams have bent outwards away from the cavern beyond. Whatever the miners that once occupied these tunnels baracaded in there, it has to be big if it can do that. Or perhaps the beams have simply begun to rot and bend on their own accord. But the latter is likely wishful thinking. Something was moving in there.

I tried to get a closer look. To peek through the gaps, but I misjugded the wooden planks on the floor. Thought they were solid. If not for Anuk, I don't think I'd be alive. She bit my arm and pulled out of the hole after the planks gave. It hurts to speak. I must have screamed louder than I thought. So many injuries from that. I tried to bandages most of them. But some are bleeding through the damned bandages. I'm all out of shirt to use.

If I'm lucky, the thing that's in there, will stay in there. Have a rough idea of what it is, but I don't want to think too much on it. Don't want to be right. Need to not be right.

The bleeding is slowing down. She didn't mean to bite so hard.. But we're safe. At least for now. So think it's time to rest.. When it's daylight, if I can walk, think it's time to leave this place. There's got to be other caves around to camp in. Somewhere not inhabited by something massive.

[ Bottom of the page, there's a sloppily drawn, picture that also smudges and smears. Done in a hurry and while half awake. The blood that was on the pages above, has faded out, becoming non-existant. On the next page, there's more writing howeve. It's not much, just something he scribbled before going to sleep. ]

Need to remember. Need to always remember these people. I miss them so much.

Afer - Need to tell him no more desert jobs.
Lullie - Sweet lady. Wonder how she's doing.
Wraesha - Not sure why she's on my mind. Is it strange to miss her too?

[ There's other names, but they're badly smudged. To the point of being completely unreadable. ]

DreamsJan 14, 2019

Jan 14, 2019 at 08:34 PM #89

[ While not a new journal, this new entry has more sand littering the creases of the pages.. But there's something different here. There's still no date however. The top of the page has drawings of a sand dune, and palm trees. Still the desert, but the scenery is changing. No longer the camp inside a cave. ]

The Alikr feels like a nightmare. I'm finally free though. I just wish I knew where I was. Still feel like shit, but on the upside, I can walk. And I'm not as sick as I was. I hope I never see another snake for as long as I live. I could go my entire life without seeing another snake, and die a happy man. I thought I was going to be a goner for sure. The snakes had started to escape that boarded up area. That last fight, the bastard tried to kill Anuk. Saved her, and got bit.

Thought it was all over, then a stranger came. Theran. I really need to visit him when I'm feeling up to it. He saved my life. Don't need anyone to point it out to me. Good man. He wouldn't take down his mask however. But I'm sure it's because of the desert. Got me food, water and helped with the poison. Got me sent on my way come morning.

When I get back, and I'm feeling up to it, I fully intend to return to visit him. Maybe visit a tavern somewhere with him. Buy the man a drink. He deserves it.

If I'm reading this right, Hew's Bane isn't far. Should be there by nightfall. Anuk's leg is wounded. So had to stop to rest. At least this area seems to have wild game. Seen plenty of deer since leaving the Alikr. And rabbits. It's good to see them again.

If..[if has been scribbled out a few times] ...When I get there, I'll need to look for work. Not really up for it, but something's better than nothing. Need to get coin. I don't intend to swim to Malabal Tor. I doubt any ship would give a free ride there.

[ There's a stain from food. Having been eating what he had been given. And splitting the food between himself, his dog and his bear. There's also a drool spot on the upper corner and teeth marks, where his bear had tried to take the journal. ]

Need to keep moving...

Edited Jan 14, 2019 at 08:36 PM by 0

DreamsJan 16, 2019

Jan 16, 2019 at 09:31 PM #90

[ Once more, there is no date. But there are drawings of the ocean and palm trees. As well as as an angle of a busy street from where he had decided to rest. All of which spans two pages before the actual entry itself begins. ]

I've heard stories about Hews Bane. This place matches all of them. It's beautiful here. Spent the last few days just letting myself get well. Though I can't sit idle. I have to make money somewhere, if I plan to be able to return to the Valenwood. So I've started looking around. I'm in no condition to practice my usual. Thought about maybe trying my hand at bartending for awhile. I'm sure that a place as busy as this, could use more hands in one of the taverns. Never tended a bar before, but honestly, it can't be that difficult.

After everything, I think it's time I get serious about maybe settling somewhere. I thought about this before. But never fully acted on it. Haven't really had a home since Silvenar. Always been on the move. Always set up camp wherever felt the safest. Maybe it's honestly time to change that. Still take a work, but have a place to go back to. Who knows, maybe if I actually enjoy tending bar, maybe I'll just take to doing that. Wouldn't that be something..

But I feel like there's also a lot yet to do. My entire life has been about killing afflicted. Some part of me would honestly enjoy settling down.. But.. remembering everything from all those years ago.. Remembering the trouble werewolves had brought, and that my brother willingly became one.. I don't know if I could fully let go of that life. Of hunting the afflicted.

Guess we'll see. At this point in my life, I think all I have is just time.

DreamsFeb 20, 2019

Feb 20, 2019 at 02:20 AM #91

19th of Sun's Dawn

Finally got the coin up to leave. Some part of me really didn't want to leave Hews Bane. It's a nice place. It's always busy and always something going on. Heard rumors of the Thieves Guild as well. But I don't think I'd be cut out for it. Always done things my own way. Caught the first boat out of Hews Bane this morning.

Made a new friend too on the way over. A blind altmer woman. A bard.. I think. She's pretty, but I'm not interested in her. Not that way. Her name is Eri. I can't spell the rest of it. Though having a new friend is always a nice thing. Said she was going to Auridon. Asked if I would travel with her, be her guide. Guess her sister is sending her out there. Can't hurt to help her.

It feels strange to be back in the Valenwood. Got back to Cormount, and it seems everyone has left. Not sure what caused everyone to leave town this time. Last time it had something to do with the Dominion. Also not sure where everyone has gone.

Think Eri said she was going to Skywatch. Help her get there.. then maybe I'll explore Auridon for awhile. Haven't been out that way in years. Wonder if anything's changed.

Edited Feb 20, 2019 at 02:21 AM by 0

DreamsMar 07, 2019

Mar 07, 2019 at 11:11 AM #92

7th of First Seed

Finally reached Auridon. It's.. nice here. Eri went her own way. She's somewhere in Skywatch. And I thought I'd explore this land a bit. I.. I never thought I'd stumble onto something like this. I'm not even sure what part of Auridon I'm in right now. I thought I seen a small village while roaming.. But I walked on, ended up in the forest. And.. How do I even begin? I've never been this confused before.

Alive.. My brother had been alive all these years. When I thought he died, he must have found a way to survive it all. I found his corpse in a makeshift camp, under a rocky outcropping. His head nearly cut from his body. Gave him a burial.

I may have hated what he had become.. And maybe even slightly hated him for it, but not even he deserved a fate like that. But I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. It was just a matter of time before he was caught. One can only hide being afflicted for so long before it's found out. He knew the risks. Yet, part of me, regrets all I ever did to him. Is that strange? Is it weird to feel this way? To feel sadness for a brother that made it clear that he despised me? That he wanted nothing to do with me? Is it strange to feel sadness and remorse for all that's happened over the years?

It's over though, isn't it? Maybe he can rest now. Nature had already begun to work it's will on his body. Burying him though, I think that was the best kindness I could give him. Far better than leaving him to rot. Whoever killed him, had no respect for the dead. Even a hunter knows when to give a burial to the deceased. Or a pyre. It's done. Supposed to burn the afflicted. His body was left to lay. Hopefully no one else found that before I did.

I am uncertain if I want to stay in Auridon. Or to go back to Valenwood. Maybe it's time to go back. What I've thought about doing lately, maybe actually doing it and not just thinking of it. Finding somewhere to call home. Or maybe I can talk to a Green Priest and get a home started. Doubt the Altmer would agree to me growing a pod in their lands. I can return with a portal scroll, if I ever find where everyone went.

My brother is officially dead. I nearly died on the last job. It's all very eye opening. Y'ffre, Stendarr, forgive me. I've not been a good man..