Lulie's Log

6 posts · started by Ebonwind on May 04, 2017 · 1583 views · in Active Journals & Diaries

EbonwindMay 04, 2017

May 04, 2017 at 04:01 PM #1

Second Seed, 4th

If someone told me ten years ago, I'd be happily married with a baby on the way, I would have told them they were absurd in their thinking. It is still difficult for me to believe that my life is in a place where I am comfortable and content. Each morning I wake with smile on my face, with my dear Ran'dall by my side. Sometimes his arms are wrapped around me and sometimes the opposite. I have never loved nor felt the love of someone as much as I do my husband. He works so hard in building a future for us, he's the unsung hero of the tavern and never desires acknowledgment for what he does. I may be the face of the tavern, but he is truly the brains of the operation.

Yet, there is still this nagging thought in my mind that I don't deserve this happiness. When one is cursed..shouldn't they experience some sort of suffering? Aye, at first this curse affected me in ways I couldn't possibly imagine..yet now I would not have it any other way. There's just this lingering thought that something is going to happen. Even with Ran'dall admitting his condition to me, I still feel safe by his side. He's the strongest man I ever met...not in physicality..but in his mind, determination and confidence.

Sweet Alijham confronted me about the pipe smoking earlier. Like Wren and the Inspector, he told me how bad it was for the baby. I had to give him a little lesson on how pipe smoking actually works and that you don't inhale any of the smoke. You just let the flavor linger in your mouth, before blowing it out. One would think the town medic would know how these things work. He and Wren are correct about one thing. While it may not be bad for the baby...it's bad for me. My Uncle Eldenor succumbed to some kind of malignant growth on his lips a few years back. We suspected it was his addiction to the pipe. Although he did smoke that thing constantly for over 100 years...I've been doing it on and off for only thirty.

It still comforts me to know that my friends are concerned for me. I'll quit once some of this stress dies down. Perhaps my new interest in magic will take up most of my time when I'm not caring for the baby.

Yes, I've decided to join the Mage's Guild. My mother will be proud of me. She always thought I had more of an affinity to magic than my brother, Lulan. I find alteration magic to be of special interest. To be able to manipulate the physical world fascinates me, although I don't plan on using it in actual combat. Perhaps it will be more of a hobby, to keep my mind off of the other things.

Work in the tavern is going well. It's always fun to meet the new customers and keep in touch with the old ones. That one mer, Theo, never ceases to entertain me. His constant flirting of whatever man that walks in to the tavern is quite humorous to watch. I do hope he's moving forward with his life. That god of a mer, Tory, was a handsome fellow, but vampires have no place in our society. Gods help them all.

It was unfortunate however to loose Vinny. He was such a good bartender who always brought a smile the customer's faces. Yet, he always seemed to be destined for greater things. I do hope he will be successful with his future ventures and I will pray for him.

I've been praying a lot recently and ever since my wedding to Randy, I've become more spiritual. A far cry from the young selfish soldier I used to be. All my important decisions are now made through the guidance of our town's spiritual leader. I'm hoping Randy will join me on this journey. Although, if he doesn't, I won't think any less of him. We all have our own paths and no one should force someone to take a certain one. I might just try to steer him in a certain direction. All I know is, personally it has brought me great contentment in my life.

I am truly fortunate to live in a town with decent folk and a loving husband. It brings considerable joy to me every morning when I arrive in the tavern and prep for the day. With the Divines good grace and the blessings of Y'ffre to guide me, I see a fruitful future. Now for the most important decision...what to name the baby?

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According to this image, Lulie has obviously written a lot previously in her journal.

Edited May 04, 2017 at 04:29 PM by 0

EbonwindJun 12, 2017

Jun 12, 2017 at 02:35 PM #2

Mid Year, 10th

I don't think I'll be working at the tavern for much longer. I need to focus on my baby and finding Ran'dall.

I've been spending a lot of my break time with Wraesha. She is one of the few that hasn't judged me for smoking grubs. Yet, part of me wishes she did as I desperately want to kick this habit. I accompanied her to her home the other night in search of some lively talk and a bit of the smoke. She seemed to be there for other reasons. She became incoherent and non attentive and I soon realized what was going on. She was high on skooma and is an addict. I was fighting emotions of concern and outrage. Never have i been disrespected by a friend as much as this. Was my company not enough and she had to enhance it with being high? She eventually passed out and I stayed there, keeping watch on her all night. She later apologized for what happened and I accepted it, but it is difficult to take an addict for their word. I know by personal experience as the use of skooma was prevalent in the army. I don't think I'll be smoking anymore with her. I'll start chewing mammoth fat instead. The doctor told me that often helps people wean from their ill habits.

Darnila's son, Lardnoas came to town today, looking for his father. I hadn't seen him since he was a baby, nestled in his mother's arms. As soon as I saw him enter the tavern, I knew it was him. It was difficult, lying to him that his father had died in battle. Why didn't his mother or agent Cale already tell him this? Did I actually lie to him though? On all accounts, Lulan is dead. Or at the least, can no longer walk on two feet. But, standing before me was my thirteen year old son, the spitting image of me when I was his age. I took him in and gave him room and board. Part of me wishes for him to stay and the other wants nothing to do with him. He is so young and far removed from prejudice. If he stayed here, it would only complicate his life and Vulkwasten isn't the ideal town to raise a family. Hence why I plan to move as far away from here when I save enough coin.

I miss Ran'dall so much. It hurts to lie in bed without someone to hold on to. I know Ran'dall needed to get away from everyone for his and our protection, but it's come to the point where I can't sleep at night, thinking about him. I'm going to ask Lucia to take over the finances of the tavern. It is overwhelming me with the responsibility of managing it and the more time I am confined to the tavern the less I have to search for my husband. I hope she'll find it in her heart to understand and accept me back when I return. During my research through mages guild books I have found multiple methods to cure him from his ailment. I plan on hiring a ranger to help me track Ran'dall. Perhaps I can get a hold of Find if he's not too busy with his family.

Edited Jun 12, 2017 at 08:10 PM by 0

EbonwindJun 19, 2017

Jun 19, 2017 at 06:25 PM #3

Mid Year, 18th

Ran'dall came home yesterday. At first I was too euphoric to notice his outward demeanor, but eventually I could tell he was damaged and afraid. He told me he had killed several people while in his wolf from. I didn't believe him, but there was truth in his eyes that I couldn't dismiss. He said that he was worried about what he might do to me and our friends if he were to remain in Vulkwasten. I begged him to stay and told him I have been researching volumes upon volumes of texts about curing his lycanthropy. He said he had to find the cure on his own and will return someday.

I fell apart. Never had I cried or pleaded with someone as I did with my husband. I wondered if this was part of the spell or curse the mage had placed on me years ago. There is nothing more vengeful than to have what you love the most taken away from you. Ran'dall left his wedding band with me and until the day he returns, I will wear it next to mine, never forgetting how he touched my life.

It is difficult for me to continue the monotony of the day to day tavern life, knowing that Ran'dall is out there, alone in the wilds. I try to power through it, but I know my stress is showing through to the employees and customers. Everything I touch or see in the tavern reminds me of him and even though I'm trying to maintain an outward appearance of kindheartedness, I am breaking down on the inside. I fear I will one day lash out and do something I will forever regret.

For now, the only solace I have is our child growing inside of me.

Edited Jun 19, 2017 at 08:22 PM by 0

EbonwindNov 30, 2017

Nov 30, 2017 at 03:51 PM #4

My baby is dead, my husband is dead and I handed over the stolen Argonian child to Wraesha to return to his father.

I am living in a horrid nightmare that I can not wake from. I have come to realize that my pain is the fruition of the spell a mage put upon me years ago. I was never a good person during the first fourty years of my life. I thought that spell had changed me for the better, but after the too brief exuberance with Ran'dall my life has fallen apart.

I was away from Vulkwasten for months, searching for my beloved husband. Many sleepless nights in dirty taverns with unsavory characters desiring to take advantage of a lone pregnant woman, financially and in other ways. But there were also those who I met that were kind and generous. People who took me in to their homes for a warm meal and a decent night's rest.

It was in a Marbruk boarding home where I gave birth to my stillborn child, Lalwynn. The tiny bosmer infant, as white as chalk and as lifeless as a dead tree limb. I demanded to the midwife that I hold the baby. As I looked upon his face, I saw in him the face of my Ran'dall. In my heart I knew that he too was gone, but I wouldn't accept it.

In a room next to mine, a traveling Argonian had just died giving birth. ((or laying an egg, someone help me with this argonian lore)) She was on her way East to the hist, but her carriage had broken down and she was forced to stay over night as it was being repaired. After little thought and under cover of night, I hastily took the newborn Argonian ((or egg)) and left the boarding home. The Argonian infant lost his birth mother and now I would be the one to raise him.

I returned to Vulkwasten with the newborn, Argonian, knowing little about what is involved to raise such a thing. I studied many books on argonian culture and soon realized that I was not fit to be a mother of such a creature. I shouldn't have named him, I became attached and felt incapable of giving him back to his people. I was foolish to think I could pass him off as a deformed bosmer. I even considered painting his green skin to a more fleshy tone. Wraesha and my caretaker, Timberweed convinced me to what i needed to do.

Now I feel alone again. Without my husband or my son. Wraesha has just left my home with the Argonian baby to bring back to his father. She kept telling me that everything will get better and that I am so loved, yet I the only thing I want to do is wake up from this nightmare.

Edited Nov 30, 2017 at 05:05 PM by 0

EbonwindOct 31, 2018

Oct 31, 2018 at 08:09 PM #5

I'll never fully 'move on' from my attachment to my dear beloved Ran'dall, but I will go forward with my life knowing that is what he would have wanted. I and many of the others of my company of friends have experienced great changes. The people of Vulkwasten became the people of Cormount after the local Vulkwasten citizens banished them from town due to their disregard for green pact traditions. I kept cautioning them to respect the forest, but many ignored my warnings.

I was fortunate to not be banished, since being a native of the area, I was in the clear. Unfortunately however, I had to decide whether to move with my friends or stay in Vulkwasten with my people and family. I chose the latter, and while they all moved to Cormount, I stayed in Vulkwasten, visiting them from time to time.

Vulkwasten became lonely. Even with the support of my family encouraging me, I couldn't get past how everything remind me of Ran'dall. And yet, it wasn't the same. There was no Wraesha, Theo, Reliza, Mavos, Hlor, Lucrezia, Lucia, Elsy. There was no Afer to cheer me up or Tsala to put me down. And so I left Vulkwasten to search for my friends.

They were nowhere to be found. Cormount was almost empty. I assumed they had again been banished from a Valenwood town. I wondered what they did to offend the Bosmeri this time. Perhaps a province that has strict rules against harming the indigenous plants is ill-suited for my non-Bosmeri friends. I talked to the locals and they told me what had happened and so I ventured out to Auridon, where they told me my friends had moved to Skywatch.

There I found myself low in funds and without a home. I ended up living in a crowded boarding house in Skywatch where I had little privacy.

I am blessed to have parents that will support me with my endeavors. My father found a town home for me to live in, under the condition that I paid for half of the rent. Well, even half of the rent for a home in Auridon is beyond my means and I didn't know anyone in Skywatch to ask to be my roommate. However, I heard that a band of foreigners recently moved to the nearby village of Shattered Grove. I wondered if these were the same people that I had known in Vulkwasten.

To my delight, many of my friends were there in Shattered Grove and I was able to find three people to assist me with paying rent. One of them is my dear friend Wraesha. I miss my deep conversations with her. She is so wise beyond her years and I think of her as an older sister, even though I think she's half my age.

I've been able to secure a position as bartender at the small tavern in Shattered Grove. By small, I mean no bigger than the closet in my town home. But it pays enough and I get to do what I know. Not necessarily what I love, but at least I know how to serve a drink.

I even worked with Afer, helping with some of his blacksmithing. I don't think I'll make a career out of it, but I've always enjoyed his company and blacksmithing does strengthen my arms. It is a shame about his ladyfriend, Giselle. She doesn't seem to be doing well health wise and Afer is struggling both emotionally and financially. I offered to help him out, but in typical Afer fashion, his pride outweighed his best interests. I may send him some coin anonymously. Maybe I'll write to him as a long lost aunt who gave him some inheritance.

On a brighter note, I've developed a friendship with the sweetest of Argonians. His name is Taps and he works with me in the Tavern. He's very shy and quiet, but has an innocent purity about him that I admire. He follows me like a lost puppy, which is adorable. I'd like to get to know him better, figure out what makes him tick. He seems more complex than he would lead one to believe.

It seems my life has finally hit a crossroads. I can either wallow in despair or take advantage of this new opportunity. I may not have Ran'dall to support me anymore, but I have his memory and what he taught me. Every day is a renewed challenge to begin again.

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Lulie in her blacksmith attire.

Edited Oct 31, 2018 at 08:16 PM by 0

EbonwindDec 08, 2018

Dec 08, 2018 at 04:36 AM #6

I am flooded with thoughts as I write this entry. Less than two months ago, I made a promise to myself that I would move on with my life as Ran’dall would have wanted me to. Soon after, I met a pregnant Breton woman named, Akari. I was astonished to see how small she was. Shorter than me even. We began talking to each other about our various personal issues and we bonded. I learned that she is a healer, and so I asked her to be my personal physician, as I do not trust the bedside manners of our town clinic operator, Estre.

I invited Akari to my home where she introduced me to the art of meditation. I practiced her techniques and was able to find myself in a state of calm relaxation, the troubles of my days were fading and I could move forward through my life. By chance, a day later someone came in to the tavern, a man who would change my life.

Rey’lias Kelevra, a strapping young Breton man with long brown locks and a chiseled chin entered my life on Mordas 12, Sun’s Dusk. As soon as I saw him enter the tavern I knew there was something unique about him. Smart, funny, a bit quirky and astonishingly handsome, I was immediately drawn to him. He had everything going for him, but I had to play it slow, didn’t want to seem too eager. It’s been over a year since I had any interest in anyone besides my dear Ran’dall. But here he was, standing in front of the bar counter asking for a drink and I played my routine of sweet Lulie, the barmaid, but for him, every smile, every wink, every flirtatious gesture was sincere, real and I meant them all for him alone.

Everything in my life seems to be working. I have a good job again, my love life is on fire and I have renewed hope of what the future holds for this world.

Lulie takes off her wedding band and puts it in a drawer for safe keeping

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