Gentle Memories - Synhir's Diary

29 posts · started by Ganja on May 11, 2017 · 4803 views · in Active Journals & Diaries

DreamsMay 11, 2017

May 11, 2017 at 05:33 AM #1

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The diary can be found within in his pack.. The book really doesn't look like anything special. It's dull brown, with dull gold embellishments. The pages are a faded, almost dirty tan in color. A book clearly not from the Valenwood. There's a symbol for the Summerset Isles on the back of it. The front is decorated in stones, sunlight rays, stars and clouds. Though the most noticeable thing on it, is a large full moon circled with a bright golden trim circle. Above it, a smaller full moon. Inside the trim of the book, in the frame of the book's picture, is the words 'Stars Keep You Safe' in Altmeri.

The book is also warded. The center moon has a faint blue shimmer to it. If the book is tilted just right, it looks like sparks going over it. If one can pilfer the book off of his belongings, and manage to get past the ward... Without being zapped, they'll find inside, the writings of Synhir Timberwind. A storm mage. While the cover sports the embellished 'Stars Keep You Safe' in Altmeri, the writings inside are done is very neat Bosmeri. The ink is of a purple color.

The writings span a length of a couple years, and then of course, into present times. There's even very detailed, very well done drawings. Even mention of experiments he's worked on, alchemical recipes, ideas for new dishes of food, and a few enchanting recipes.

DreamsMay 11, 2017

May 11, 2017 at 06:01 AM #2

Mid Year - 5th - [ Date is there, but smudged. Not on purpose, but from nearly dropping the book.]

My mentor has suggested I learn from life. Saying her teaching has reached it's limits. I disagree.. However, I am curious as to what is out there. She gifted me with this diary. Says it will help keep my mind sharp while traveling. I will miss my mother. She has been good to me, when most in the village would have likely turned their back on me.

I'm seventeen today.. The world seems so big. I traveled out to Woodhearth, deciding to start my journey by going to Khenarthi's Roost. I've heard good things about it. I've spent my entire life here in the Valenwood. Traveling to another land would be good for me, I think. As we speak, I am sitting on the ship, waiting for it set sail. I'm below deck, still getting comfortable. Though I could not resist at least writing some. From what I've understood, they're taking on a few more passengers. We haven't even left, and already I miss my cousins and my mentor.

The sea air smells good though. I have spoken to a few of the others on board. There's one on board that is very nice. A cabin boy. I don't know his name yet. But he's a breton, very cute. And has the bluest eyes I've ever seen. I think he's married though.. I seen a ring on his hand. I won't hit on him, out of respect. But I see nothing wrong with being friends.

My favorite spot on the ship is the back of the ship. There's a platform there, I love standing on it. I can see out over the water. The shimmer on the waves is very pretty. There was a sailor up there earlier. I believe I annoyed her by feeding some gulls some bread. I did not mean to offend her.

I've only heard rumors of what Khenarthi's Roost is like, from my mentor. I cannot wait to see it with my own eyes. And to experience what waits there. I'm sure I'll have pleasant memories to the place when I leave from there. I don't intend to settle there. My intentions are to visit, stay awhile, learn and leave.

Edited May 11, 2017 at 06:02 AM by 0

DreamsMay 11, 2017

May 11, 2017 at 07:09 AM #3

Mid Year - 7th

We docked this morning in Khenarthi. It's beautiful here. My favorite thing is the beaches. The sand is so tempting.. Makes me want to curl up in it and read. Or maybe build a sand castle at best.. Still.. very tempting. I walked through it barefoot, before heading for the tavern to rent a room. I must have looked strange to those from here. But it was still a wonderful feeling.

My room isn't very big, but I like it. It's nice. A bed.. off the floor. That'll take some getting used to. But it's so soft.. I don't think it'll take me long at all to get used to that. There's also an enchanting table and enough room in here that my cat can move around as she pleases. I am glad for this. Once I got settled in, I left Fai there in the room. She was sleeping on the bed when I stepped out.

I've spent most of the day exploring the small village, where we docked. I think the ship's captain called this place Mistral. It's very peaceful here. I've decided to travel through the country side, and take in all there is to see. Though my focus so far has been Mistral itself. There is much beauty here and the Khajiiti people are very friendly. I think I've already made friends with a few of them. Even Fai seems to enjoy this place.

I waited until the sun was setting, before I went back to the beach. With the moons rising, I was able to swim in peace. I stripped to almost nothing, before getting in. I kept my skivvies on. Y'ffre only knows who might have decided to join me. Better safe than sorry. I swam for hours. And then fell asleep on the warm sand. I woke to a mudcrab staring at me. Silly thing. I gathered my things after that, and returned to my room.

As I write this, I am seated at a small desk. I hope tomorrow is just as calming.

Edited May 11, 2017 at 12:37 PM by 0

DreamsMay 11, 2017

May 11, 2017 at 12:48 PM #4

[ The next few entries are very detailed drawings. Some of the plant life, some of the beach and the locals in the area. Others are wildlife. There's actually a great deal of wildlife that he has drawn. One of the main ones to take up three pages, is harpies. As it was the first time he had ever seen them before. The drawings of the harpies, are their faces.

There's fifteen pages worth of drawings. Then it shifts focus, moving to food recipes and ideas for things to cook. There's drawings of specific runes for enchanting. More specifically, those of electrical based runes for shock damage and protection.

Though the journal entries pick up a year later, when he's eighteen. With a mixture of things that are going on for him.]

Edited May 15, 2017 at 11:41 PM by 0

DreamsMay 11, 2017

May 11, 2017 at 02:35 PM #5

Sun's Height, 3rd - [ It's kind of... smeared in places and clearly written while drunk. ]

Many times I've been to the tavern since coming here. Tonight however, was the first night I have met a very sweet guy. He's.... He's very sweet and handsome. And those eyes! ... I'm blushing again.. I can feel it... He talked me into trying something, that I had been very ....uncertain about. Moonsugar-rum. It is.. It's so good! It reminds me a bit of Jagga.

His name is Jo'tesh. He's taller than I am, and yes.. He's a khajiit. We spent the night together. Not.. in that way. We drank all night together at the tavern. He helped me back to my room, and kissed my nose before leaving. I am hoping I see him again. I had a wonderful time just talking with him and drinking. To some, this may seem boring and dull.. But for me, it was the most fun I've had in awhile.

Going to the tavern tomorrow, will have to wait. I have my stand to tend to. I opened a small shop selling runes. I think others will appreciate this. I know there are plenty of travelers that come through Mistral. This is also to be able to continue to afford my room. It also gives me something to do aside from playing in the waves at the beach.

Sun's Height, 4th

I met up with Tesh today. He decided to show me around a little bit. So I closed up shop early. He took me up to the Temple Of Two Moon's Dance. That place is fascinating! I had fun watching the warriors there train. And also got to learn more about Khajiiti culture. After several hours, we returned to Mistral. We spent the day at the beach, just talking and getting to know one another.. As friends. And of course swimming.

He has many scars. But didn't go into great detail about them. He just said that he had made several enemies over the years. And wanted to leave it at that. I respect his wishes, and I won't bring it up. He asked about my past. I did not lie to him. I told him about my parents' sudden death at the hands of vampires. And being raised by my mentor, who became like my mother. Though he wouldn't tell me much about his own. Said his past was... bitter. I feel bad for having asked. I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable.

We played a few games and sat in the sand, by a small fire for a bit. After we swam for awhile, and rested, he left. Said he had to meet with a friend. Part of me didn't want him to go. But, I bid him farewell. It was good to be able to get to know him today at least. There's always tomorrow.

DreamsMay 13, 2017

May 13, 2017 at 08:54 AM #6

Sun's Height, 16th

The days have gone by.. I actually forgot to update this. I have been spending time with Tesh. We...shared a kiss a few nights ago. I can feel myself falling for him. I can't get him out of my mind. He smiles, and I feel weak. He looks at me, and my heart races. I often wonder if he feels the same.. Is this what love feels like? I've had a few dreams since that kiss... For my own reasons, I won't go into steamy details... And there I go.. Blushing again..

There's something sweet in the way he looks at me. And I can't get him out of my head. I've had customers come up to my stand and catch me completely lost in a day dream. I started traveling to learn and to see new places.. I didn't expect to find someone that makes me feel the way he does.. It's a good feeling. I haven't gotten a chance to tell him that my journey is for learning. Though some part of me, doesn't want to ever leave this island.

In my mind's eye, I see this going further. But I also don't know exactly how he feels towards me. I have seen him flirt with others. I've seen him kiss others. I don't know if he spends time with them though the way he does with me. But I do know I enjoy his company.. a great deal.

DreamsMay 13, 2017

May 13, 2017 at 08:56 AM #7

7th of Last Seed

I've been keeping busy these last few weeks.. Or has it only been days? So much going on, it's hard for me to keep up. The shop is doing wonderfully. I never expected there to be so many travelers this time of year. But it's not a complaint. It's a good thing. I'm happy to see that so many need the things I sell. That reminds me.. I need to go gather more runes..

Last night is a blur.. Drinks.. the tavern.. and of course, Tesh. I woke up to him in my bed. Our clothes scattered... One look, and I know what happened.. I just don't remember any of the things that lead to it. I didn't want to get up.. I wanted to stay there with him.. Snuggled into him... But... curse the damn hangover.. It set in.. and I had no choice but to get up in a hurry. I ran outside, and ended up very sick.

I must have been making quite a bit of racket. Tesh came out, and held my hair back. When it stopped, we went back inside together. He looked after me for the remainder of the day. Moonsugar-rum.. and Jagga... they don't mix.. This is something I know now. A mistake I won't be making again.

He left a little bit ago. Said he had to meet someone, that work called. I wished him safe travels. I kissed his cheek before he left. I can't get my mind off of him... I can still hear his voice echoing in my mind. Counting runes has become impossible for now.. So I've decided to go for a swim. I think the cool water will help me focus.

DreamsMay 15, 2017

May 15, 2017 at 10:02 PM #8

18th of Last Seed

It's been awhile since I had time to write. So much has happened. I have begun saving for a home here in Mistral. I found a promising spot. I have decided to stay. I like it here. There's several great things here.. I have a shop, the place is active and fun. The sea is beautiful, and I get to see it everyday.. But.. the biggest.. is Tesh.

My heart skips beats when he's near. He makes me feel... floaty and alive. His touches are...addicting. This has gone further than a crush. I've liked a great deal of people in my life.. But... meeting Tesh is something different. The first one I've ever slept with.. And the first one that's ever made me feel like this. His kisses are like fire, like going crazy. Everytime he kisses me, I just want more. I care for this man.

That realization hit me... very hard.. When it sunk in, that in a few months I'll be leaving, it hurt to think about. I know Tesh would never agree to go with me. I realized that I don't want to leave Mistral. I realized that it's not just the land that is keeping me here.. But it's him. It's in a good way though. I couldn't imagine being gone from here. I just couldn't.

I brought it up to him.. Me staying. He likes the idea. He held me tightly. Said he was glad that I have decided to stay. But when I told him that I'm falling in love with him, he let go. He just stared at me for the longest time before quietly saying that he cares for me, but he's not in love. That he wants this... to... remain open.. I want more.. I do.. But.. I won't force it on him. Though I'm still remaining here. It hurts.. in away..

He makes me happy. Even if it hurts that he'd rather an open relationship, I'll stay. I'll leave it as such and not pressure him. But... I also cannot lie to my heart. I can keep this quiet and to myself, but I won't lie to myself.

By next week, I'll have the funds to get that house. I just hope I'm not making a mistake..

DreamsMay 15, 2017

May 15, 2017 at 10:51 PM #9

[ There's several entries after this. More mention of how he feels towards Tesh. Times spent with the other man. Just little things. Lots of different romantic things. Even if it's just mention of sweet little tokens. From seashells given to him and various other things.

Drawings speckle the pages, lots of drawings. Ranging from wildlife, Tesh, the tavern, his new home, the beach and ocean - those of the ocean being his favorite spots to swim.

There's a drawing of a ship that had docked at one point, at the port. There's more entries talking about his little shop that he had opened earlier on. There's mention of how it's doing and even some about his customers. Mention of some of the odd encounters he's had while working.

This spans the length of two years. Making him twenty years old when the entries pick up again..]

Edited May 15, 2017 at 11:41 PM by 0

DreamsMay 15, 2017

May 15, 2017 at 11:04 PM #10

5th of Hearthfire

I don't know if he's serious about me or not.. He still seems to want to keep things.. open. I refuse to see anyone other than him. I think this annoys him to some level.. But my mind is made up. It feels... wrong.... to even touch another man.

He has moved in with me though. At first.. things were going great. But now.. I'm worried. Strange men and women frequent my house. Guards are watching it.. I've seen them. I'm not blind. I brought this up to Tesh, he merely laughed and said I was being paranoid. I'm not paranoid. When I asked who his friends were, he said just some people that he knows that he grew up around.. These people seem like thugs.. They just... there's something off about them.. Is all I'm saying.

But.. I let it go. Told them that any friends of Tesh's, are welcome. Y'ffre... I hope I didn't make a mistake agreeing to letting them come and go.. They're not fond of me.. It's in the way they speak and the way they look at me..

Tesh is... tense. Even after our evenings together.. just us two... He always seems so tense. There's something bothering him, but I don't know what it is.. I'm worried for him. Am I wrong for worrying? He just seems to brush it off. Says things are fine.. But.. I can't ignore my instincts and my gut feeling.... My gut is telling me something is wrong.. I wish he'd open up to me..

It's been a long day. My cat died this morning. An alit got her. There wasn't even anything to bury. Tesh hasn't left my side.. I appreciate his company.. He stepped outside for air. I think I'll sleep..

DreamsMay 15, 2017

May 15, 2017 at 11:37 PM #11

11th of Hearthfire - [Tears stain the page. The edges stained faintly with wine, where he had accidentally spilled it.]

Those people... bandits! Y'ffre.. what have I stepped in?

When I cornered Tesh about them, he told me to mind my own business.. Although.. not as politely. We... We argued. I begged him to leave it behind. To just.. leave those people behind. Bandits.. they're toxic people.. They bring nothing but trouble. When I pointed it out, he shoved me into a wall and stormed out. I have bruises forming on my back from hitting a shelf.. I can feel them..

I love him... I do... And after our fight.. I seen him later at the tavern. He was kissing a woman.. I am ashamed of myself. I felt so jealous. So invisible to him. I went home and decided to just work on the runes that I had harvested earlier today.. I thought it was better than just... pacing through the house.

At least... That's how it started out. I... stayed inside for a little while.. Before I went and bought a bottle of wine. I've been drinking by myself since.. My feelings are my own. I care deeply for him, but I don't think he's taking it seriously. I can't deny what I feel.

I am scared for him. Bandits... His friends are bandits.. Gods... what does that make him then? Is he a bandit too? Is he.... a.. criminal? I have prayed to Y'ffre at least a hundred times since coming home.. I don't want to think of what he might get involved in if something goes wrong for him..

[ The words become harder to understand as it goes on.. Becoming drunken scribbles. ]

DreamsMay 15, 2017

May 15, 2017 at 11:49 PM #12

13th of Hearthfire

We argue so much now. But in the end, it's always the same. Lots of ways to make it up to one another. Though I don't know what to think of what I found today.. I was cleaning up after a party from last night.. I found a satchel belonging to Tesh. Inside, were dozens of skooma bottles. All but three were full.

I cornered him about it. So scared for him.. Skooma is a highly addictive drug. I've read enough about it and heard the horror stories about it, to know enough to avoid it. I am worried. He started to open up to me.. Told me some of his past. He was born to that bandit group.. They're his family.. Not his friends.. Then he wouldn't speak any more about it. He refused to.... Am I wrong for cornering him about this?

He...stormed out after we spoke for a bit. He didn't lash out this time. He had his hands balled up.. Like he wanted to. There was a bitter look in his eyes. He started to say my name.. then said never mind. Then left.

Stars.. Protect Jo'tesh.. Please..protect him..

Edited May 15, 2017 at 11:54 PM by 0

DreamsMay 16, 2017

May 16, 2017 at 12:25 AM #13

[There's several entries after this. They span a few years length. Skipping to when he's twenty three. However, the entries between that, detail various things happening. One of the biggest is the constant threatening letters arriving. The fights between him and Tesh.

There's more mention of some minor violence, where Tesh has lashed out against him again. But still feeling love for the man. Talk of him trying to help Tesh to maybe leave behind the skooma addiction, trying to help work with him through it. And more talk of fights. Some where Tesh has either attacked, stormed out or broken down.

There's drawings of the courier that delivers the messages. There's even doodles of his long dead cat, mentions of missing her. But the more active entries are penned for just shortly after his 23rd birthday.. ]

DreamsMay 16, 2017

May 16, 2017 at 12:35 AM #14

10th of Mid Year

Tesh seems to be doing better. He still touches that horrible stuff, but it's less often. I am proud of him. He's slowly getting clean. But our relationship is... strained. We're no longer lovers. He won't touch me, and that's fine. I love him, but I'm not going to push him. It's what he wants and I won't argue. If he comes around, great! But... if not.. While it'll hurt, I'll accept it.

Last night, he spent the night. He slept on the couch. I had my bed. I woke up this morning to an empty house. I looked all over for him.. It was just me here.. I looked outside as well. I found nothing.. except signs of a struggle. And blood. There was clearly a fight here.

I tried to find him... I followed the trails and splotches of blood.. But found nothing. I've taken this to the town guards. In hopes they can find something. One of them looked like he wanted to laugh.. I... Wanted to slap him. I'm not a violent man.. But I can't help but admit that it crossed my mind. I left after I spoke to them. They promised they'd look into it..

I'm not giving up entirely. I plan to look as well. Maybe.. I can find something that they won't. The guards or myself... Whichever one of us finds him first, I just hope that Tesh is safe. Please... be safe. I've decided to pack a bag and set out.. Mistral isn't that big. If I cannot find him here, then I'll set out for the country side around the island.

DreamsJun 10, 2017

Jun 10, 2017 at 12:37 PM #15

20th of Mid Year - [ Tears stain the pages..]

I've looked everywhere.. The entire island. Top to bottom. It's... like he vanished into thin air. But people just can't up and vanish... There's always a trace... Somewhere in one form or another.. I kept telling myself this the entire time I searched... A few days ago, I found that trace... I... I almost wish I hadn't... So much blood...

I found his shirt... what was left of it.. And what I can only imagine to be his blood on it and around it... The guards won't do anything.. The one actually laughed in my face. Told me it was one less bandit and one less skooma addicted junkie. I... I snapped.. I'm not violent.. I'm not... But I called down a bolt of lightning and zapped the guard.. I was put in prison for it.. For three days.. Then they let me out..

Tesh.. Tesh is dead.. That's all the guard said.. So taunting.. As if he wanted me to attack again. All I could do was manage a subtle 'okay' before leaving... I broke down along the beach. I found where we used to spend our time by the water... And I simply lost it. I sat there crying for I don't know how long. My love.... I'm so sorry.. If I had maybe been quicker... Or.. searched harder...

I shouldn't blame myself.. But I wanted so much to help you get clean.. And to get away from those people..

Rest well my friend, my beloved.. I will never forget you. That is a promise I will take to my very grave. I swear it.

Edited Jun 10, 2017 at 12:39 PM by 0

DreamsJun 10, 2017

Jun 10, 2017 at 11:07 PM #16

25th of Mid Year

I spent a lot of time just... thinking.... I've decided I'm just going to run my stand in the market.. I've stopped going to the tavern.. There's just.. too many memories at that place. I'll just... stick to myself.. When I look at the outside of the tavern, I still can see him.. Just drinking and flirting with those there.. It's like he never left.. But when I blink, he's not there...

It's just my imagination... playing with my head.. and with my heart. I miss him more and more with each day. I burried his shirt.. It was the only thing I found.. I can't give him a proper burial... But this is as close as it'll get.

Learned a lot from this whole experience... Some of these lessons, were just cruel. Be careful who you trust... That's one of the things I learned.. You can't help those that don't want it... No matter how much you want to help them.. I hope that wherever he is, that he's at least found some form of peace.

There's not many customers today... I think I'll go home for the day.

DreamsJun 10, 2017

Jun 10, 2017 at 11:09 PM #17

[ The next several entries span the length of two years. Details of his time spent in Khenarthi's Roost, mention of severly missing Tesh.. The next entry however is penned for whe he's twenty five. ]

DreamsJun 10, 2017

Jun 10, 2017 at 11:11 PM #18

3rd of Rain's Hand

I've decided to say goodbye to Khenarthi's Roost. I will miss this place in ways... In other ways, I won't. The guards here are rude.. I've spent a few nights in jail since Tesh... Always in trouble it seems.. Even when all I've done is stand up for him. I've sold my stand, and my home. Currently, I'm on a boat.. Heading back to the Valenwood. Back home to Greenshade. My mentor does not know I'm returning... But I think this will be a pleasant surprise for her.

Spent so long away, but I haven't forgotten what she looks like. And I've certainly not forgotten what home looks like either.

The entire trip so far, has been spent below deck. I thought I'd feel... something... anything... when I left.. Honestly though, I just feel numb. Maybe going home is what's best for me. I haven't been practicing with my spells and things.. I'm sure my mentor will pick up on that right away. She's always had a nose for that sort of thing. But I look forward to seeing her again.

For now, I think I'll have a nap while I wait for the ship to arrive in Woodhearth. Napping helps to make time go by faster anyway.. Or... at least it seems to.

DreamsJun 10, 2017

Jun 10, 2017 at 11:31 PM #19

5th of Rain's Hand

Home at last. Took longer than expected. We were caught in a storm. Thankfully not a bad one. No one was hurt. It is good to be back home though. I seen my mentor today. Iriath is looking a little rough around the edges, but she's the same as I remember her to be. The moment she seen me, she pulled me into a tight embrace and wouldn't let go. She hung on for what felt like hours. When she finally let go, she took me by the face, careful not harm me but was staring intently at my face. When she released me, she said that I looked like I had been to oblivion and back.

I... I didn't have it in me to go into full details. But I told her of Tesh. I told her that he was dead, but I was unable to find his body. I left out the hardships with the guards. She once more embraced me before leading me inside. We talked for a long time.

It didn't take her long at all to notice I haven't been practicing with my magicka. My storm magic is rusty.. Or as she calls it electrical magic. I'm still not sure why she calls it that. But I trust her judgement.. It is because of this, that I call it the same. It.. usually gets met with odd reactions. I don't regret this. She has insisted I practice with it more before I go anywhere else. I'll humor her.

DreamsJun 11, 2017

Jun 11, 2017 at 12:15 AM #20

[ The next entries span the length of a few months.. Months spent with his mentor. After that, they span the time of two years before the journal is just.... forgotten. This skips it ahead to current day when the journal is finally picked back up. ]

10th of Mid Year

I can't believe I found my journal.. And still in tact! I returned to an old camping spot I had used years ago, and my journal was stuck under the root of a tree. I'm surprised the weather hasn't damaged it. It is good to have it back again. I've decided to start writing again too. It has been a long time since I bothered with such a thing.

Where to begin.... Well.. for starters.. I have another cat. Her name is Sugar. She's a very sweet and loving little kitty. She goes everywhere I go. My mentor gave her to me before I left that last time. When I got her, she was just a kitten. That's not the case now. My furry baby is three years old now.

I also met a guy in the forest. His name is Xavyn, though I do not know his last name. He seems like he's been through a lot. You can almost feel it from how he moves. He also wears the armor of a daedra and is... marked.. strangely. Still seems to be a decent sort. I like him. He's also very cute. I first met him in the forest, as I said. I was praying to Y'ffre when he stepped up behind me. We greeted one another, then.. he was just gone. I think he's likely shy.

I met him again, days later in Marbruk. I was standing outside the tavern, getting fresh air when he wandered over. We spoke a bit there.. Sugar don't like him. But I still went with him to visit him in his home. Sugar stayed outside. We talked until nearly daylight. Then I had to depart, so that I could find somewhere to rest.

I mentioned Sugar before.... My cat seems to be frightened of him. There is something different about this man, I just couldn't tell you what exactly. I will have to be cautious. Despite his odd markings though, he is still attractive. His voice is also very...um... Let's leave it there.

I returned to Malabal Tor after that. I traveled around for awhile and eventually found myself in a small town. A place called Vulkwasten. The place is very lovely and peaceful. The locals are also very kind. I found a nice area to camp as well that's not too far from the town. Just on the outskirts. A nice rocky outcropping with a little make shift cave. I was camping in the open when I visit, but that area is much more agreeable. It's sheltered.. And with a little bit of work, a tarp can even be strung up on the inside to keep any rain from getting in. My favorite thing is that the guards frequent the main road just a ways off.

I was around the area a few months. I traveled out with some to a... tomb.. I believe. A big place.. I met another bosmer while traveling with that group of people. I believe his name is Thelin, but I'm not sure. He is a cutie. ~~Cute butt too~~.. We didn't talk much though. Everyone was a bit more focused on surviving. Myself included.

Traveled back to my mentor after that. She's... not looking too good. She told me to find another mentor. But said she'd always love me as her son. I told her not to say her goodbyes. She still lives.. But insisted I go. I didn't want to.. But I didn't want to upset her, so I left. I returned to Vulkwasten. To my surprise, I found that the Mage's Guild was looking for new members. I took her advice... I joined them.

There's not much more for me to really say... I've done some traveling since then.. Nothing note worthy has happened though.

Edited Jun 11, 2017 at 12:18 AM by 0

DreamsAug 25, 2017

Aug 25, 2017 at 11:55 AM #21

25th of Last Seed

It has been a long time since I last picked this book up. I've been.. busy.. as of late. My mentor's health continues to decline. There's not much I can do about this. I'm no healer. But she has requested that I stay strong.. So for my adoptive mother, I will be strong. Though I left Sugar with her. She does not want me to linger. Wishes for me to enjoy life. But I refuse to just leave her alone. At least I know Sugar will keep her company.

I also traveled out to where Xavyn and I first met. In Morrowind. He isn't there. No one has seen him. So I've decided it is best to just let him go. He knows where to find me. I'd be lying though if I said I wasn't just a smidge disappointed however. I was hoping to see him. Hoping to at least share a few more drinks. Maybe catch up. Ah well. Such is life.

It feels different to be in a rented room, as opposed to my tent at the edge of town. But, it is for the best, perhaps. It's quiet and peaceful in here. And less chance of anything dangerous finding me while I was rest.

Last night was interesting. Traveled to the Alik'r with the guild. We have a new leader. She is very nice and very friendly. We went in search of crystals. Interesting things. I got to see them after they were removed from the ground. Though most of the trip, I was.. erm.. distracted? That's a good wording for it, I suppose... The land there is just beautiful and breath-taking. Dangerous, of course.. The scorpions and what not. But just lovely all the same. And the wild flowers only add to this.

I was.. also distracted by a jester that was with us. ~~He's very attractive~~, and seems very nice. Though I don't know his name.

We all left the Alik'r together after a sandstorm started to stir up. Honestly, I look forward to more trips like that. I feel I may not have been much use to anyone. But at least I got to see knew sights. And everyone seemed to be having fun as well. Which made it also fun and interesting.

DreamsOct 20, 2017

Oct 20, 2017 at 05:53 AM #22

Mild Spoilers

19th of Frostfall

The trip to and from Longhaven gets longer every time I make the journey. I'm exhausted, but grateful. Her health is stable. For now at least. She wasn't thrilled to see me there. Said I needed to stay in Malabal Tor. Said I'd be better off there, and not at her side, worrying. I wish she could see that I'll never stop worrying. She's my mother. Even if not by blood. My place is at her side. She insisted I return however.

Sugar has taken a strong attachment to her. So I left with Sugar's sister, Twilight. Both cats are marked identical. I know that Sugar will keep her company. And Twilight has taken a liking to me.

It almost feels strange to be back again. I've heard whisperings of strange things going on in Malabal Tor, during my absence. Fog, strange sounds.. That sort of thing. But there seems to be no fog now. Maybe it was just a one time thing? At any rate, I met up with the guild tonight. It's good to see everyone again. And to even meet the new people that have joined up. There's also those that I didn't meet last time. Always good company when among everyone there.

I think I've made some new friends tonight. Jorva is among them. He insists on calling me 'Grape'. Not that I can blame him. I've always dressed in a lot of purple. Can't fault him for it. Nor will I deny him calling me that. Actually.. I kind of like that nickname. It's different. Differnet is always good. Most of the time.

Tonight took us to Glenumbra again. Out to the Hagfen. Seems the area has bloodthorn cultists in the area. Those.. horrible.. vines are in the area. Those things still make me uneasy. Twisting, thorn covered abominations. They're not natural. Jorva mentioned lighting them on fire. I'd never burn a plant. But those.. I'd be more than willing to help burn.

Y'ffre forgive me, for even thinking about destroying something like that.

We met a witch there. The items she gave the others, have me concerned. Especially for the young khajiit, Jig. There's just something about that necklace.. I just can't put my finger on what it is.

But it is late. I should rest.

DreamsFeb 07, 2018

Feb 07, 2018 at 01:31 AM #23

6th of Sun's Dawn

The heart tree, and many other buildings and plants in Vulkwasten are sick it seems. So we've ventured to Cormount. The journey was pleasant and actually peaceful. And the town, it's just as beautiful as I remember it. Seems.. strangely larger to me though. But, maybe that's just because the place is fairly empty. I wonder why that is..

I spent the night just exploring the town. Helped unload a few things before going to explore. Then spent the rest of the evening in the new guild hall.

While I worry for Vulkwasten, I think I'm going to love it here. Grahtwood is peaceful, beautiful, and certainly doesn't seem to have the dangers that Malabal Tor has. I think I'll spend tonight exploring the ruins. Wonder if there are possibly books in there. If there are, I may just sit in there and read.

DreamsJan 20, 2019

Jan 20, 2019 at 06:47 AM #24

[ This has been written on a few loose pieces of paper. ]

20th of Morning Star

My journal is missing.. I suspect it's lost within the crates used to move from Longhaven.. I am also getting ahead of myself already. I'll start from the beginning.. It's easier that way.

This last year has been.. chaotic. I lost touch with the town. Had to travel back to Longhaven. I can hardly believe so much time has passed already. Auridon is beautiful, and she has settled in Skywatch. She has told me that when she was a small girl, Skywatch was where she grew up. The town is as beautiful as the area around it is. I can see why this is where she wished to return to.

I only wish this had been on happier terms for her desire to return. Her health is... it's not good. She cannot leave her bed now. She is delicate, and I worry for her greatly. I have also considered leaving the Mages Guild, to be able to continue to care for her. But she also has been urging me not to leave them. Haven't seen the guild in a very long time. Not since all this began.

She gave me a portal scroll, told me to head back to Cormount. To at least give an explanation. I did not want to leave, but listened. After arriving, discovered that the town had left. Did some digging, and it seems they've gone to Auridon. So came back. Not sure what area in Auridon everyone went however. So I went back to Skywatch.

The home that my mentor went to, while it is nice, and it is the home that was left to her, there isn't enough room for the both of us. So I've gotten a small inn room. It's close to the docks and the water. A very lovely view. I miss the Valenwood, but this view.. I could get used to it.

There's not much more to it than that. Her health continues to decline. My time is spent watching over her. I think tomorrow, I will take a walk. See if I can perhaps find where the town had went to. Maybe contact the Mages Guild as well. Return to them, so there's more to do than worrying. I fear I'm going to worry myself sick at this rate. I can't have that. If I get sick, then who will watch over her and tend our mounts?

It is late however. I should rest, and maybe I'll dream of something sweet.

Edited Jan 20, 2019 at 06:49 AM by 0

DreamsJan 22, 2019

Jan 22, 2019 at 11:31 AM #25

22nd of Morning Star

It's so early.. and I just can't sleep. I suppose the sounds of the city are still throwing me off. Though in time, I know I'll get used to them. Speaking of city.. I found where everyone went since Cormount! A place called Shattered Grove. Didn't have the energy to stay last night. The lack of sleep is really pushing me the last few days.. Or maybe I'm just pushing myself too far. I am just glad to have found everyone again.

In time, I'd like to return to the Mages Guild. I am most certain I have been kicked since my abrupt departure from them. But I had been so worried at the time for my mentor.. I'm sure they'll understand once I explain what had happened.

There was also a meeting I had walked into. Something about dealing with werewolves. Part of me doesn't want to believe there could be such a problem here. The town is in an area that has gained Thalmor attention, and is in a more Dominion controled area. However, I also remember Vulkwasten and Cormount very clearly. I'll need to be careful in my nightly walks if there are indeed werewolves in the area.

Not sure if I want to try to sleep again, or to just sit outside. Maybe have some warm tea, while watching the sun rise over the ocean.

DreamsMar 31, 2019

Mar 31, 2019 at 09:35 AM #26

[ This entry lacks a date, but it's fairly recent. There are flowers pressed into the crease of the book. But the ink is also dry. Looks to be weeks, or possibly even slightly older. ]

Y'ffre, forgive me for picking these. But at this point, it's anything to keep my mind active. I have begun selling runes again. Took a small stall in the city. It's such a busy spot. People are bustling. The flowers though, they are calming. They remind me of the dress color my mentor was wearing today. Small things need to be noted. She is fading, and I feel helpless.

But the runes.. and, Y'ffre forgive me, the flowers, keep me distracted. I planted more. Please, please, be happy with that. They are planted outside the tavern, where my inn room is. The altmer that runs the place, gave me the strangest look when he found me planting. I don't care. Let him look at me strangely.

Mother says she has a place she wants to leave me. Says it was a family home of hers, before Skywatch. I know she wants what is best for me. But knowing what she's doing, hurts. I know she is preparing to say goodbye. I pray that day never comes. She adopted me when no one else wanted me. And I wasn't blind nor deaf.. I would often hear the villagers whispering about me, when I was a small boy. "He's strange" They'd say.

A month ago, I seen the town again. It is.. The plants were dying. They seem to be doing better now. But.. Damn it. Whatever force was killing the plants and ruining the food of Shattered Grove, this is why the town is forced to move so much. Why does it happen? It is like some force just rejects the town.. That sounds childish, I know. But damn it. How else should I see it? And maybe my sense of time is off.. It feels like it's only been a month since the town's plants were sick.. No.. It's probably been longer.

Better thoughts. Better thoughts. Twilight is doing well in this city. And with Sugar not far, the two are often together. It's good to see the sisters sitting together.

[ There's a very well drawn image in the middle of the page. The two cats, sitting side by side.. Sharing a fish. ]

I wonder how hard it is to grow roses. They really are beautiful plants. I've also been learning how to cook new things. Learned to fry a fish tonight. It's not as hard as I'd imagine it to be. The most difficult part I've found, is knowing when it's done so it doesn't burn. I'd like to learn more, I think.. It could be fun. And serve as a pleasant distraction. I worry that I'll make too much food however, as I have only Twilight and Sugar to share it with.

Also received word from an old friend. And fellow student. He also learned under my mentor. An orc named Orisk. The last time I heard from him, was just before the events with Tesh grew to a close. We lost contact. But hearing from him, reminded me that maybe what all I felt back then, wasn't just friendship. Too soon to say? Is it? I've known that man since I was fifteen years old. It's a long time.

Edited Mar 31, 2019 at 09:36 AM by 0

DreamsMar 31, 2019

Mar 31, 2019 at 09:38 AM #27

[ The writing smears and in places, can be difficult to read. It's hard to say if he were drunk when he wrote this, or just very tired. Though with mentions in the diary's entry, it's easy to assume the second option. There's also small flowers drawn down the outter edges of the pages. ]

31st of First Seed

Hard to believe the month is drawing to an end already. Sleep has been eluding me as of late. But I can't let that stop me. I feel as if I've read every book in the local clinic. There's a healer trying to help her. But at best, they just say they can only make her comfortable. I don't want to just accept that. My mother.. my.. mentor's health fades, and I feel helpless. I don't want to lose her. I don't. Y'ffre, haven't you taken enough?

I... I shouldn't blame you. I am sorry.

Happier thoughts. Happier thoughts.

The small stand in the city had been busy. So many people coming and going. I wish at times there were enough time in the day to draw them all. But they show and then are gone. Had a strange encounter today. I was found after I closed the shop, kneeled by the planted flowers outside the inn. A woman approached, and handed me a basket full of plants ready to be planted, and told me I was doing a fine job. When I asked of what, she simply said it was a fine job of making the area beautiful.

She is the first altmer to approach me and say that. Most have given me just odd looks. It is.. nice to see that not all will see me as just a strange mer. The woman also said that I had a light to me when she caught me looking at the flowers. She didn't ask why. In truth, my mind was on Orisk, as I was kneeled there, planting. Maybe that is where the light comes into play? Who's to say.

There's so many things I want to say to him whenever I am near him. So many things rush to my head, but when I try to say them, just.. I.. I trip on myself. My own tongue betrays me and I just get muddled. I can't believe it's taken me so long to realize just how I feel for this man. That reminds me..

Napped earlier. And I had a very sweet dream. Just a small nap, but the dream felt like it went on forever. It was a dream of just the two of us, sitting somewhere quiet. A sweet scent in the air, and a sunset. I think we were sharing a dinner on a blanket. The dream ended too soon though. Even though it felt like it went on forever, it still ended too soon.

Woke to the door being knocked on, and a courier waiting outside. He had a delicate looking package and seemed insistant that I hold it just so. I am glad I listened. The package was pretty, but what was inside it..

[ There's an already pressed rose in the crease of the book. Carefully tucked there, as if afraid that the petals night fall away if he moved it wrong. The writing continues on the next page. ]

Several things were in that parcel. A book on herbalism. It helps. I love it already and haven't once put it down. Well.. except for now. My mind is a jumble of thoughts as I write this. He sent a pressed rose.. But also.. a special rose on a small rock. Beautiful little bonsai plant. Maybe there's more to how he feels towards me? Am I reading too far in? I will cherish and take good care of this plant. Beautiful little thing. It shall be kept close. That is a promise.

But more so.. He mentioned us seeing one another soon. Already, I feel as if I'm walking on clouds. He also says Alan is safe and with.. a big nord. As well as some others. Knowing that she is also safe, is reassuring. And a relief.

The sun will be up soon. I need to sleep.. But I don't think I can. Maybe another walk? I suppose walking near Shattered Grove won't be a bad thing. It's not like Malabal Tor was. Malabal Tor always had risks when it came to walking at night. Werewolf encounters mostly. Always ran a risk of running into one of the monsters. But also vampires. They were less present than the hulking furry ones. But still.. A danger all the same. Auridon seems.. peaceful in comparison at times. Although I still need to be cautious. I haven't forgotten what was talked about during a meeting there.

Maybe I'll go back to that ruin again. The rats were mildly annoying, but reading in the massive library there.. Hard to resist.

Think I have something for Orisk. Wonder what he'd think of a book of poems. There I go again.. On my mind.

[ There's doodles at the bottom of the page. Mostly it's the beautiful plant he was given. But beside it, and under it, are just.. doodles. Flowers, butterflies.. And just a tusked smile. There also appears to be more written, but it becomes unreadable. Ink splotches dot the page. The ink well was knocked over. And there's a smudge of fingers on the pages where had dozed off. ]

Edited Mar 31, 2019 at 09:45 AM by 0

DreamsApr 08, 2019

Apr 08, 2019 at 04:12 AM #28

7th of Rain's Hand

Last night was an interesting one. Went to a dwarven ruin. At first, I wasn't going to go. I wanted to stay with my mentor. But she thinks I need to get out more. Thinks it'll do me good to continue learning through actions. Through experiencing the world. How can she say that.. when.. When her health fades? I wanted to stay. But she insisted I go.

Going wasn't all bad. Things did happen however. The entire experience, I did learn quite a bit. The Dwemer seemed like they would have been a fascinating, if not dangerous people. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

When we arrived, there was a centurion guarding the door into the ruin. And a ballista aimed at it. Varr pushed a button on the metal monster and I shot it with the ballista. I never used one before, put firing it wasn't that bad. The centurion was sent flying inside. Broke the door down. Then impaled on a fountain. When we went in, I was in awe. The place looks like it was once beautiful. And that fountain.. I wonder what it honestly looked like years ago.

We all thought it was dead.. And then it was suddenly up. It attacked. We fought it. So sore. My sides and stomach are bruised. Managed to twist myself when I was hit by it's massive arm and thrown, to keep from landing on my back. Twilight was in my pack, I didn't wish to risk harming her. We moved on. There was a blue orb. It was beautiful. Sparking as it was.. It reminded me of caged storm magic. I bet my Orisk and my mentor would have found it just as beautiful as I did.

Then there was another metal thing that came after us. The damned thing shot Volar. We managed to take it down and move on. Then there was this metal monster, so tall.. so massive.. I would hate to see the devistation it could have caused had it been fully assembled. It was both impressive, and yet.. I was terrified to see it. The centurion had been frightening.. then the other thing... But that monstous thing...

While learning from the Dwemer is definitely an interesting idea, I am thankful they are gone. The made such terrifying contraptions. Just picturing those things invading parts of the Tamerial.. That's.. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.

Speaking of the damned centurion, it somehow wasn't dead. It came back. Volar somehow got the arm cannon.. fire.. thing to work. And burned it and the door to almost cinders. The heat got to me in the end. I don't remember much after leaving, but I woke up outside the inn. Guess I passed out. Woke up to Twilight nudging me.

I would like to explore more ruins like that one day. But running into those contraptions also makes me leery of doing so. So many things can be learned from them. Dangerous, yes. But exploring places like that, there's always no telling what sort of things can be learned and seen. While I didn't want to go at first, maybe going was a good thing in the end.

Mentor Adal's health seems to be somewhat stable today. Said that if I continue to learn, that one day even I could become a mentor to someone. Not sure how I feel about that. Would I even make a good teacher? I feel like I'd be taking it from her. Some part of me misses the Valenwood. But.. I also do not see myself going back any time soon. But me.. a mentor? ..

Checked the fliers for a roommate today. Someone tore them down. It explains why no one has showed up about the ad. I've thought about saving to get a place here in Auridon somewhere. Something bigger than this little inn room. But honestly, what would be the point? It's just me and the cats. Maybe I should just let this nonsense for a roommate go.

DreamsApr 17, 2019

Apr 17, 2019 at 06:32 AM #29

[ This entry is missing a date. There's spots on the pages where the paper warps, small hints at tears shed having fallen to the book. The hand writing is also very shaky. ]

Her health dipped the other night. I.. I don't know if I can even write this.. There's so much I want to say. So much that needs said. But I look at her laying there, and all I can think is.. "What if it were me? Would she just sit here and write?"

She was feverish, I think it's finally broken. I wish she'd tell me what is wrong. I'm no healer, but I want to at least try to help. She can't walk, not on her own. I've seen her try time and time again, and reject help. Only to fall to the floor.

Offered a cure disease potion tonight. She gently pushed it away. Said it won't help her. There's got to be something I can do. Something.. Anything. I've never felt this scared and alone before. What do I do?