Under Wandering Stars - Callio's Journal

24 posts · started by Ganja on May 13, 2017 · 3924 views · in Active Journals & Diaries

DreamsMay 13, 2017

May 13, 2017 at 04:05 AM #1

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Secrets are a precious thing to some. There are thoughts and memories that are best written down, to make it easier to cope with them. Or to remember. This, dear reader, is a journal. A journal belonging to a bosmer by the name of Callio Matoto.. Brother to Glooras Matoto. These are his thoughts, his past experiences, his memories... Both good and bad.. These are also his present.

The book is kept within his pack. Not easily gotten, unless one pilfers it while he's asleep. Be warned however, if caught, he may attack. Now.. Say you got past him in whatever way, and managed to get your hands on this book..this journal... The book itself is black. White speckles splatter the cover in an array of stars. The entire cover however sports a blue and white image.. A fullmoon with a wolf over it, howling to it. The pages are crinkled in places, but everything is readable. The pages are paper, the book gotten outside of the Valenwood.

Some of the pages sport dried up speckles of mud. Others, show hits of dry blood. Both a mixture of animal and of his own from past battles and fights. Not everything in this book is pleasant. Not everything is bad. Like everyone, even he has his ups and downs.

The ink is done in a blue tinge. Where he got such an ink, is anyone's guess. If made from plants, it's nothing found in the Valenwood. The writing done in Bosmeri, though smearing in places where he either closed the book before the ink was dry, or accidentally bumped the wet ink.

The writings span from his teen years to his current life, having not started keeping a journal till he was thirteen. The early entries are angst ridden and bitter. Some of the pages from early entries are stained with what looks like water droplets.

These are his thoughts.. Penned down to ease his mind. Beware. You read at your own risk and own accord.

Edited May 13, 2017 at 04:20 AM by 0

DreamsMay 13, 2017

May 13, 2017 at 04:37 AM #2

12th of Rain's Hand

Home is a little quieter.. My brother moved out last week. Our mother spends less time screaming at him, and more time fussing over me. I keep telling her, I'm fine. She don't listen. The fever came again today though. I got so light headed, that I passed out in my father's study. I... I hate being so weak.. So sick. Always so... delicate.. Treated like I'll break if I move the wrong way. It's maddening at times. But I know my parents mean well.

I miss my brother. I miss the games we'd play before he left. Though he seems focused on spending time with that red haired woman.. K-something.. I know I don't like her. The woman seems like trouble. And he's also more intent on spending time with the orphan girl he found. I asked him if he'd teach me archery once. He said that's what we have parents for. He sounded.. angry when he said it. But.. when doesn't he?

There's a new family in the area too. Khajiits. I met them briefly, before my dad pulled me away. Said I needed to continue my practice with my shield, or go lay back down. So much laying around.. Sick of it. It's a wonder I'm not fat from eating and sleeping all the time..

I slipped out tonight though. My parents were napping after dinner. It seemed like the perfect chance to go say hello to our new neighbors. My parents would disagree if they knew.. But.. it's my secret. I'll keep that secret, no matter what. Anyway.. The family isn't very big.. There's the parents of course, and then their three boys. Twin boys are the oldests. They're around Gloo's age, I think. The youngest is my age. He's interesting. I like him already.

I showed him around the village. His name is Felix. He's taller than I am..But then again, everyone is taller than I am. Even my brother is taller than I am. Felix has ginger fur and red hair. And bright green eyes. He's small framed though.. I don't think he's a fighter or a hunter. His family are merchants. I think this will be the beginning of a good friendship.

I had to sneak back in after we parted ways. Back in through my bedroom window. I'll sleep now.. I feel weak and exhausted.

Edited May 13, 2017 at 04:48 AM by 0

DreamsMay 13, 2017

May 13, 2017 at 05:05 AM #3

15th of Rain's Hand

I woke up to screaming... My parents are at it again. When I stumbled out, trying to wake up, I found my father signing away. You could just see the anger rolling off of him as he spoke in his silent way. My mother on the other hand, she was swaying, screaming and lashing out with a rum bottle. When she spotted me, she stopped for a few minutes, looked at my father, and then started again. Only this time, screaming that it was his fault that Glooras has moved out.. Screaming that it was also my father's fault for waking me.. Referred to me as the 'baby'.

Y'ffre's knickers.. I wish she'd stop that. I'm not a baby. Not in good health, sure. But not a baby. I haven't had good health since I was little. I can't remember ever having it, to be honest. From what my father has told me, I'm lucky to even be alive. Said that both me and my mother came close to dying on the day I was born.

After things calmed down, I left.. I decided to seek out Felix. I found him alright, kneeled by a tree.. Talking to a squirrel. I approached as he gave the little creature a few peanuts. When the squirrel scurried off, I showed him more of the village. Showed him my favorite swimming spot too. We must be careful though. There are hoarvors there. If not careful, it's a good way to get swarmed. My father taught me a trick though. Taught me how to slip past them without drawing attention. So we took that way. I showed him a few of the more peaceful areas.

When we returned to town, he took me to the tavern. We had lunch together. When lunch was finished, he had returned home. Said he needed to check in with his family. It's only been three days since I first met him. But I consider him my friend. He seems a decent sort. After he left, I went my favorite spot in the forest. It's quiet there. Peaceful.

I had an interesting encounter there.. A wolf came right up to me. Not even hostile. It's clearly a pregnant wolf. She sniffed my legs, licked my hands and left. I still am not sure what to think of that. I've never had that happen before. I wonder if she's someone's pet or maybe someone's mount that got loose.

When I got home, I was chased to my room and told to rest. I'm light headed, but I'm fine! ... So stupid.. She even attempted to tuck me.. Embarrassing..

DreamsMay 22, 2017

May 22, 2017 at 08:19 PM #4

[ The entries skip around. There's mention of the fighting between his parents.. And the growing wedge between him and his brother. Talk of the fights that have gotten out of control. Mention of his brother physically attacking him after things move from verbal fights.. Though the more happier entries, are talk of Felix and their growing friendship.

These are especially happy entries. The more he mentions him, the more it's likely easy to see how fond he is of the khajiit. The last entry however, there's uncertainty and mixed emotions... This taking place when he's fifteen.. ]

Edited May 22, 2017 at 08:35 PM by 0

DreamsMay 22, 2017

May 22, 2017 at 08:51 PM #5

13th of Frostfall

I have been busy as of late.. So much going on. My brother is convinced that the khajiiti family are bad news. He openly attacked Felix today.. Right in the middle of town. It ended with them both being separated and going their own ways.. My brother's friend.. I think she's his friend.. It's that orphan girl... She pulled Gloo back and demanded he stop, before helping him off to wherever it is they hang around.

I was the one to pull Felix back. He was angry... I understand that... I tried to talk to him. He shoved me away and walked off. Why do I have to be so damn awkward? He went home after that... And I left to find my brother. I found him at the tavern. When I attempted to talk to him, he became rude.. Asked if I was so damn blind that I couldn't see what the khajiits were doing. Asked if the sex was so damn good that I could just over look it... I.. Punched him.. with everything I had in me.

He knocked into a table for it. Again.. the orphan girl stepped in the middle of it. She's... not my favorite person.. But at least she's leveled headed.

Sex.. as if.. We're friends.. That's all Felix and I are.. Just.. friends. Do I have a crush on him? Yes. Honestly, I didn't expect it to go further than that.. For obvious reasons.. I'm weak and sickly most times.. He's a hunter.. What good would I be to him?...

But.. After things settled down... We went to my favorite spot in the forest. We sat together.. Just the two of us. We had decided to spend the Witches' Festival together.. I didn't think he meant in any other way, than as just friends. How did I miss the signs? He loves me. He made that very clear when he leaned in and kissed me.. I wanted to push him back at first.. Just.. in shock.. But...

Oh my cheeks are warm..

I returned that kiss... We're an item now. I couldn't ask for it any other way.. When the kiss ended, he laid in the grass.. And I laid beside him. We were quiet for the longest time before he sat up and just... stared at me.. intently.. He looked so worried.. I never had the chance to ask him why.. He started to speak before I could. He asked if I trusted him, asked if he could fully trust me with a very... delicate.. secret. I said yes....

He turned into a werewolf! ....I was so shocked, I fell off the boulder and down the hill. I wasn't hurt.. Just caught off guard. He stayed that way for a few minutes before shifting back. He was blushing and looking away.. Felix... also looked really scared. I came back up and stood beside him.. He asked if I still liked him.. I kissed him. I thought that answered it. He started to cry.. We stood together, just holding one another.

His secret is mine. I'll take it to my grave if I have to. I am conflicted though.. I know it's bad.. Really.. bad. If someone were to find out.. He'd be.... Gods.. I don't want to think about it. I love Felix. For him, I'll defend him.. With everything I got. I will also keep that secret.. No one will ever be able to pull it out of me.

DreamsMay 22, 2017

May 22, 2017 at 09:09 PM #6

5th of Sun's Dusk - [ The writing is angry and jittery. And in a few places, there's spots where he hesitated, causing droplets of ink to stain the page. ]

So much has happened since I last was able to write.. anything. The fighting between Gloo and myself is bad. I.. Every time he opens his mouth, all I want to do is put my fist in it. He is constantly accusing Felix and his family of horrible things. Then today, I find out he's been investigating them?! .... He's going too damn far!

How dare he?! Spying on Felix and his family?! Then accusing them of destroying the forest?! He's so stupid! What the fuck is his fucking problem?! Gloo is now going out of his way to piss me off! Trying so fucking hard to fucking prove the khajiits out to be monsters! They're not monsters! They're good people... Felix cares for me.. He'd never do anything to harm the forest! I don't care what that puffed up jackass has to say! I'm not listening!

This is the third time, he's come to me.. Spouting such bullshit! .... "They're destroying the forest! Listen to me!".. He says... Bah! Lies! LIES! I don't care what he says! They'd never do it. Never!.... There's... I.. I blacked out.. I don't remember everything. He shoved me. Said I was just like our mother.. The only thing lacking was a bottle in my hand.. I snapped.. I remember nothing after that.

When I came to, Nivrchel was standing between us, and Gloo was bleeding.. But so was I... That son of a bitch.. He nicked my throat.. Not enough to do a lot of damage.. But he still drew fucking blood! ... Fuck you, Glooras. I fucking hate you.. I FUCKING HATE YOU!...

I was so angry.. I went to speak.. And then.. I couldn't breathe.. I remember feeling my chest go tight.. And then.. nothing.. I must have passed out. I woke up back home. Carefully tucked in. I must have had another lapse.. Damn it... So tired of being weak and useless.. So pathetic... So... broken...

My parents... they're arguing again.. I can hear my mother screaming in her drunken way... I'm.. I'm nothing like her.. I can't do this anymore...

[ Tears stain the pages ]

I don't want to be like her... He says that's what I'll become.. I'll prove him wrong.. There's got to be a way to prove him wrong..

Edited May 22, 2017 at 09:10 PM by 0

DreamsMay 22, 2017

May 22, 2017 at 09:43 PM #7

7th of Sun's Dusk - [ The writing is shaky, but readable. ]

My parents are fighting more than ever. My mother slammed my father into a wall last night.. Before throwing an empty bottle at his head.. She missed, thankfully. While I hate Gloo... sometimes.. I miss having him at home.. At least.. before things fell apart, I had someone to talk to..

While they argued, I slipped out my window.. I made a promise to meet Felix in our spot.. I kept that promise. We went swimming after that, and took a walk through the forest. There was a cave.. We stopped to get out of the rain... I... I didn't expect us to do... things.. in there... though.. I don't regret it.. Felix.. I love you...

I have told Felix everything... I couldn't bring myself to hide it from him. Gods... Glooras is trying to break us apart. I just know it. He's trying to drive Felix and his family out of the village.. And away from Malabal Tor. I won't allow it. I told him all I know.. Then... I broke down.. I cried to the point, where I almost lapsed again.. Where it started to become difficult to breathe. He never left my side.

He told me that there is a way I can become stronger.. A way.. where... I won't be as prone to collapsing as I do.. He said he can't do it himself.. But suggested a shrine.. to Hircine. He kissed my neck, told me that no matter what option I take, he'll always love me.

There's so much going on in my head.. So much... I went home after that.. There's.. so much I need to think on. Hircine.. Gods.. that would mean I....

Edited May 22, 2017 at 09:45 PM by 0

DreamsMay 22, 2017

May 22, 2017 at 09:57 PM #8

10th of Sun's Dusk - [ The writing is jittery and difficult to read. There's tear stains all over the pages. ]

Felix came to me today... He and Gloo had fought.. Felix was taken by the throat in that mess. Nivrchel broke it up again.. Thankfully.. But I was so angry to hear it.. That I stormed into the tavern where my brother was. I... demanded he keep away from Felix and his family. He.... he... brushed me off! ... I snapped.. I drew a blade.. I'm not proud.. But I threatened to slit his throat. He told me to get lost.. Told me to go, before I regretted starting a fight with him... I flipped his table and left...

Felix went home.. He was frightened and just wanted to go back to his family.. So I went home.. For the best.. I was feeling very light headed after that. I stayed for a little bit.. I could hear my mother singing to herself in the front room...

I... I made up my mind.. I am going to Hircine's shrine.. Felix is right. I will see this through.. I won't be pushed any more. I'll come back stronger.. That's a promise.

I left after Gloo showed up. I could hear him and my mother arguing. She calls him a disgrace to the family.. Says he brings nothing but dishonor... So does her drinking... But... I don't have the heart to say it to her... I climbed out my bedroom window while they argued and bickered. I'll be gone long before they even realize it. Hopefully, they don't track me to the shrine.. That'd just be.... a disaster...

12th of Sun's Dusk

I covered my trail as best as possible.. I feel miserable. It hurts to breathe and I'm so light headed. I've spent all night, praying and pleading to Hircine.. There's.. still nothing... Am I doing this right? Felix said that if Hircine favors me, he'll appear or someone will appear... or... something.. like that.. Damn it.. I can't remember..

It can't be that hard to at least draw someone's attention... I'm going to keep going.. I won't stop.. I don't care how sick I get... The rain can pour for the rest of the month if it must.. But I won't stop..

Edited May 22, 2017 at 10:05 PM by 0

DreamsMay 22, 2017

May 22, 2017 at 10:13 PM #9

13th of Sun's Dusk

I woke up in a woman's house.. It's an old bosmeri house.. It's definitely seen better days. I'd wager on the outside, it looks abandoned with how the inside looks. I feel so sick... Everything hurts.. This isn't like the usual... This is like... the flu..mixed with something else... Nothing is staying down..

I... I kind of remember... But not really... I was at the shrine.. I was praying.. A large.. furry creature appeared.. It was raining so hard.. I thought it was a troll... Then I got nothing..

She tells me that it was her.. In her werewolf form. She says she bit me. I believe her.. My shoulder is bandaged.. Says that she is not sorry. That she heard me praying to Hircine and so... she bit me to give me the gift. She thought it was what I wanted.. Says I have one day to make up my mind, before I turn... I told her I don't need a day.. That I gladly accept it.

After that, she got up and disappeared from my line of sight.. When she came back, she gave me pain medicine and something for the nausea. Says it'll help the change.. go smoother.. I'll trust her.. She seems to know what she's doing.. As do I... My mind is made up.. There's no going back. I'll sleep now.. The fever is bad..

Edited May 22, 2017 at 10:14 PM by 0

DreamsMay 22, 2017

May 22, 2017 at 10:24 PM #10

[ The next several entries span the coming months. His time spent with the orc woman.. Learning from her.. Some details of the change.. The pain endured.. Though not much.. A lot of the writings are more aimed at the various training exercises undergone while in her care. Mention of how he's come to greatly respect this woman.

There's also mention that he's come to view her as family.. Looking to her as more of a mother than his own mother. And regret for feeling that way. There's also mention of missing Felix greatly. But also being forbidden to write to him for the time being.

The journal picks back up however in early Morning Star.. Where things begin to...spiral... ]

Edited May 22, 2017 at 10:28 PM by 0

DreamsMay 22, 2017

May 22, 2017 at 10:41 PM #11

5th of Morning Star - [ There's anger and fear in the way the words are written.. And smear in places where he tried to keep it together. ]

It took me longer to get back to Silvenar than I thought it would... I seen Felix on the way in. We talked for a moment.. But only a moment.. It was the only bit of time he could spare, as he was getting ready to go hunting. I told him what we talked about, was done. I told him I loved him.. Apologized for being gone for so long. He kissed me.. Said it was fine. Then he had to hurry off. Though, he promised to see me later. I'll hold him to that.

I went home after that.. Only to find Gloo eating dinner with my father. I... I was stupid... I should have listened to my gut and waited until my idiot of a brother left.. But.. I was just so eager to get it off my chest, that I had my parents sit down.. So they could hear what I had to say to them... They were both looking at me as if I might pass out again... My brother didn't seem to care one way or the other...

...It... slipped out... I blurted to them that I was a werewolf. That I had willingly accepted Hircine's gift. As I wished to be stronger. My parents were understanding. My mother even said she'd keep it from our treethane and pulled me into a tight hug.. Sometimes she gets carried away.. That hug actually kind of hurt. My father added to it by hugging as well... Gloo.. was less understanding..

He threw his plate on the floor..among other things. Demanded I get cleansed. Immediately. Said I'd invite war with the forest.. Accused of me having no respect for the forest and Y'ffre before storming out. Why does he always have to be so damn difficult?

I went to my room after that. My parents are at least accepting.. I worry about my brother though... He seemed so... angry...

Edited May 22, 2017 at 10:42 PM by 0

DreamsMay 22, 2017

May 22, 2017 at 10:51 PM #12

6th of Morning Star - [ The words hard to read, smear in a lot of places and the page is heavily stained with tears. ]

Why did it have to come to this?! ... He... Kidnapped me in the middle of the night.. Tied me up in his house.. And started war with Felix's family! ..... Y'ffre... Why?! ..... Before he left, he said he'd see me face punishment from the treethane.... Told me to enjoy the dark before leaving....

[ There's mud stains here, making it hard to read what might have been in that spot. ]

He gave Felix a killing blow.. Felix broke into Gloo's house and untied me.. Only to die in my arms. He told me everything that had happened while he cut the bindings on me. When I was finally free, he sunk into my arms.. Kissed me one final time.. Said he'd always love me.. Then.. He died..

Glooras... If it's the last thing I do.. I'll never forgive you.. I wish you nothing but the worst.. Why... How.. How could you do this? ... MONSTER! YOU'RE A MONSTER!.... COLD BLOODED MURDERER!

I... I buried Felix in the forest..

Can't stay here... Won't stay here..... I don't want to be here... I can't look at this place the same.. Part of me wants to stay by Felix's grave.. But.. What would I be accomplishing by doing so? ... The Valenwood is no longer my home... I no longer feel like I belong.. I don't know where I'll go.. But anywhere has got to be better than here..

DreamsMay 22, 2017

May 22, 2017 at 11:05 PM #13

[ The entries are... all over the place after this. They cover the span of years. Mention of jobs.. Mention of having turned mercenary / bounty hunter.. But only helping those that honestly need it. There's mention of the various places he's been. There's heavy mention of the Summerset Isles, where he had a small romance with an Imperial woman when he was twenty. Though also mention of how they later broke up due to conflicting views.

There's mention if getting a wolf mount, gifted to him from a friend before he departed the Summerset Isles. A wolf he has affectionately named Oak. And later talk of a husky pup that he adopted, on a trip to Windhelm. A dog he named Razor.

There's descriptions of the places he's been. Bad drawings, mostly just doodles done in idle boredom. The most recent mention of places, was his time in Morrowind, traveling through Daven's Watch and around Stonefalls. Some talk of the jobs he's done. And even mention of where he was ordered to kill a khajiit and refused.. That khajiit refusal job being the latest job.

It skips around after that. Though picks up in current times...]

Edited May 24, 2017 at 08:41 PM by 0

DreamsMay 22, 2017

May 22, 2017 at 11:17 PM #14

22nd of Second Seed

It's been some time since I've actually had time to sit and write. I found the khajiit that I was told to bring back by that dunmer.. I refused. I warned him instead. He fled Velyn Harbor. I wished him safe travels.. I meant that too.. I sincerly hope he stays safe. I... would hate myself if I warned him, only for him to run straight into the waiting arms of slavers...

I still can't believe who I found along the road days ago... My own damn brother.... I don't know who the people were that were attacking.. But they were no mere bandits. They knew what they were doing. There was also more of them than there was of him... I haven't forgotten any of what he did to me in the past.. But.... We're also likely the only two left of our family... So against better judgement, I helped him. He's likely lucky to even be alive.. If I hadn't interfered... That man with the sword would have ended him.

I took him back to town, on the back of Oak. Oak wasn't happy and tried to throw him off a few times. That wolf has a temper.. But he's a good boy. I did what I could to help him... We got back around the 19th... I think... We were lucky.. There was a healer there. I don't know if there's always a healer or not.. I've not been out this way in a very long time. But Gloo seems to be in good hands.. So I've stepped out of the picture.. More or less...

For my own sake, I hope no one figures out the relation between us. I don't want connected to that asshole. As far as I'm concerned, we're not family.. I'll help.. But... That's only because I'm nice enough to do so.. Somehow.. I almost doubt he'd do the same..

I've taken to hunting in the forest during the day, and going to my room at night.. Try to stay out of the way as much as possible... And... away from him. When in town, I've decided it's best to keep my face hidden. If he sees me, and I'm covered, less chance for him to figure it out.

On the up side.... I met a pretty woman at the tavern... Ren... She's gorgeous.. I.. tried to flirt.... Y'ffre... I'm so awkward.. We talked for a bit.. So.. there's that... My face feels warm... Damn it.. Blushing need not apply.. Grr.. Curse being so shy...

Maybe.. I'll travel back out to Velyn Harbor.. I can't give her flowers... Not real ones.. But... the Green Pact doesn't say anything against fake crystalized ones, does it? Though... watch me fumble with it and drop it..

Edited May 22, 2017 at 11:20 PM by 0

DreamsMay 24, 2017

May 24, 2017 at 08:18 PM #15

24th of Second Seed

I seen my brother this morning.. He didn't look good. Pale.. Very pale. I know he didn't recognize me though.. I am thankful I had my helm on. I think it's time I start moving again. He's awake, up and moving... That's good enough. Gloo has friends there.. He's safe.. And he is getting better. I don't feel the need to worry now.

I think I may have worn out my welcome. Not from the locals, of course. No.. they're good people. And there is a lovely lass here.. But I think I should go.. For everyone's sake. Including my own.

It'll keep trouble from rearing it's head. Oak is restless anyway.. Maybe a hunting trip.. or something.. Anything is better than sticking around. If Gloo figures out who I am.. I...I don't want to think of just how many people he could turn against me. I don't know just how many friends he has in this area.. Best to go.

I found Razor digging at the ground when I came out of the tavern this morning. I think he's just as restless as Oak. I don't know if I'll fully leave Malabal Tor, to be truthful. I do have good memories of this place. Not many, but some. I think I'll pay Felix's grave a visit as well. I've already broken the Green Pact.. I don't think a few flowers will hurt to put on there. It has been awhile.

I've moved on.. This is true. But it's out of respect, that I wish to visit. He was a good guy. Didn't deserve the fate he was dealt. I had almost forgotten how beautiful the forest is.. Although it is a maze. Barely away from town, and I feel lost already. Maybe I'll return.. eventually.. The further I travel, the more I feel like a complete outsider to this forest.. I gotta wonder.. Did I ever really know this forest as much as I used to brag?

Edited May 24, 2017 at 08:22 PM by 0

DreamsJun 05, 2017

Jun 05, 2017 at 08:02 AM #16

4th of Mid Year

I can't believe it's a new month already.. Been so distracted lately... I found a nice area to hunt. My time has been spent between shifted forms, hunting and of course, spending time with Oak and Razor. Still though.... Has it really been this long since I last wrote? ..... It don't matter.... I feel so sick. I am glad to be far from the town... from my brother. I also still can't believe I actually found him after all these years.. At least Glooras has friends in that town and I know he'll be well there.

But it's mainly the town. It's a good thing to be this far away. I'm not well.. Not tonight...I am glad to be in the forest.. away from everyone and everything.. Oak and Razor are staying close to my side.. They probably sense something is off..

I had a dizzy spell today. Oak is the one that caught me, and pushed me up against a tree. To keep me from falling over. He's a good boy. Sometimes I wonder, what did becoming a werewolf honestly achieve.. Some days I feel strong.. Like I could take on the world. Other days... I feel just as I did all those years ago. Delicate.. Weak.. I hate feeling like that. I was fine today, until I had to kill a group of senche.

When the last senche fell, I was very winded. It hurt to breathe.. Oak pushed me against a tree and wouldn't move until I started petting his fur. I appreciate his help. I still hate my weak lungs though..

On the upside, I have enough food to pull us all through for awhile. I cooked it all down into meat bits. It'll be easier to handle this way. And I got some pelts that I'll eventually need to sell off. Or I could just try my hand at sewing... Maybe I'll make a nice blanket out of all those pelts. I hear senche fur is warm anyway. Will be nice to have on the cold nights.

Think I'll rest awhile. In the morning, I'll be fine. Usually how it goes. I've made camp under some roots of a tree, that's sitting up out of the ground. It's high enough up that it won't harm me. And the thunderbugs near by seem peaceful enough. They've mostly ignored me. Just as good. I tossed them some bits of meat earlier.. I hope it was enough of a truce with them that they won't attack in the middle of the night.

This area is nice.. Maybe I'll linger awhile longer. It's off the road, out of the way. There's water near by, good place to fish and there's also lots of game to hunt.

DreamsJun 10, 2017

Jun 10, 2017 at 11:22 AM #17

10th of Mid Year

I got woke up before daylight to a lot of racket... Growling mostly.. I've decided to pack up camp and move on. I feel uneasy here. Bummer too.. This area is really nice. Good place to set up to camp.. Or was.. Whatever changed, I do not wish to hang around to find out. Oak and Razor were both on edge before we left that area. I decided to move up further.

It'll take till likely night fall to get there.. Or at least early evening.. But I've decided to go back to Wilding Run. I haven't been up that way in a very long time. Not since I received my...erm... gift.. as it were... Razor is still on edge, but Oak seems to be relaxed now.. I'm sure in time, we'll be out of danger..or whatever is going on in this area. I hope anyway.. The last few days, the forest has felt... off.. If that's the right wording for it.. There's just an odd vibe in the air.

The shrine to Hircine should still be up that way. I think I'll camp close to it. For old time's sake. Maybe I'll even visit the woman that turned me all those years ago. I wonder if she's even still around. I haven't seen her since the night I left her home. If she's still there, it'll be nice to see an old friend.

DreamsJun 12, 2017

Jun 12, 2017 at 08:36 AM #18

12th of Mid Year

I traveled out to my fore-bearer's home after I settled into my chosen camp. I haven't been out this way in a very long time. It's peaceful here.. I love it. She's not here though. I do not suspect that she is harmed. I think she is likely very much alive. I found no signs of struggle. And there is hints of fresh kills around her home. Freshly skinned animals.. That sort of thing. I don't sense anything bad here.. Just very peaceful.

Oak seems right at home himself. He jumped up on her bed and went to sleep. Razor is laying by the door... I guess I'll stay awhile. I'm sure she'll turn up soon.

I never realized just how much I had missed being here. Her scent is all over this place. It is also why I believe that she is just fine and that she'll return. In a lot of ways, she was like a second mother to me.

The last time I seen her, was all those years ago. Back just before my brother ruined everything. There are many memories attached to this place. Including her teaching me how to control my beast side.. Well.. control it as much as is possible. No one ever has full control. That is something she taught me when I first was given the gift. But having some is better than none at all.

The beast blood has definitely given me reason to keep my temper on a shorter leash. The sun will be rising soon. Another few hours. Knowing her, she'll probably return after the sun begins to rise. Likely with another kill. The boys can stay inside.. I think I'll relax outside. I want to see the look on her face when she sees me. I lost contact with her so long ago.. The only thing I can hope for now, is for her not to be angry.

Edited Jun 12, 2017 at 08:37 AM by 0

DreamsJun 12, 2017

Jun 12, 2017 at 10:26 PM #19

12th of Mid Year - [ This is written hours after the previous entry.]

It is as I thought. She was just fine. She came back with a small deer slung over her shoulder, and a lit pipe hanging from her lips. Just as I remember her. The moment she seen me, she put the deer down on a table, grabbed a bucket of water and doused herself. I think it was to be rid of the blood that was on her from the kill. She then hugged me so tight, that I thought she was going to break my ribs. She was very happy to see me. Though she did scold me for not keeping in contact.

I told her everything that had happened after I last seen her. Her tone changed after that. I didn't expect her to change her opinions. But she instead just held me.. It reminded me a lot of how my mother used to hold me so long ago. I'm ashamed of myself.. I broke down like a little kid. When the tears finally stopped, she held me out at arms length and then told me that I was welcome to stay with her again.

Honestly, I don't know if I can. I don't want to be a burden to her. She was once of the Drublog clan.. They kicked her out when she became a werewolf. I remember the tales she told me. But still...

On the other side, she told me that she's had a peaceful existence in the forest. No one has bothered her. The worst trouble she's had is the occasional bad storms. She told me something though that has been gnawing at me. She said out towards Vulkwasten is dangerous. Daedra, vampires and werewolves are scattered out that way apparently. And worse yet, they're attacking anyone that they spot. Vulkwasten..... I think that's the place where my brother is. Though she also said it was just a rumor she heard when she went into the Trading Post. Said she had stopped for a drink and heard the rumors there, from passing travelers.

I shouldn't care though that he's there. He made it clear he wished for me dead all those years ago. I doubt he's changed that view. Part of me is concerned, the other side, is saying who gives a shit. Telling me to just... stay. He's not my family.. I need to keep telling myself this. He'd only cause trouble.. When I mentioned it to Sharurz, Sharurz told me to stay clear of that place. She also asked if I had been out that way. I have.. I told her that. I also told her that I had found my brother badly wounded and took him to Vulkwasten before leaving again.

She does not want me to return. She is worried that the werewolves stalking innocent people, will have a negative impact if anyone there were to find out.. my secret. I disagree in a way.. But... I think I'll do as asked and stay put. I get the feeling, Gloo is likely just fine. Because of this, I'll stay.

Sharurz has stepped outside. She said she wished to clean the deer and get it ready to be cooked. I offered to help. She told me, I am a guest. And that she could do it. I won't argue with her.

DreamsJul 07, 2017

Jul 07, 2017 at 03:56 AM #20

6th of Sun's Height

I left my fore-bearer's home a few days ago.. I.. forgot to write after the last entry until now. Nothing of really any note has happened since the last time I bothered. I left though after we argued. It's nothing severe. She brought home a bosmer that don't have the gift.. To me, he reminded me too much of Gloo.. So I left. Told her I didn't wish to know the one she had brought back.. Maybe she's right.. Maybe I am still bitter.. But who wouldn't be? He did try to kill me all those years ago.. Things like that.. you don't forget.

Tempers will cool though.. Maybe I'll go back after our tempers both cool. I've returned to camping near Hircine's shrine. It's just as peaceful here, as it is there. Eventually, I'd like to return to the town.. I'm sure by now their troubles with the daedra and other things have faded. Or at least.. I hope. Not that I'm worried for my idiot of a brother. He can handle himself.

There's so much I want to do. Including find an area to fish and hunt. But the road beyond the shrine has proven dangerous. There's an increased amount of very large spiders out that way. I don't wish to become a spider snack. A few, I can take on. No problem. But there's enough out there to be overwhelmed. No thank you.

Oak is restless and Razor has been digging at the ground around the shrine. I'm sure it's nothing.. It's just the boys being the boys. Think this is where I'll wrap things up. I'll be fine here. But I need to rest. It's late and I'm exhausted.

Edited Jul 07, 2017 at 03:57 AM by 0

DreamsJul 08, 2017

Jul 08, 2017 at 01:03 AM #21

7th of Sun's Height

There seems to be a lot of traffic around Hircine's shrine lately. I've seen at least ten people come up here since I set up camp. A few have questioned what I'm doing out here.. I've told them I'm just a passing through and needed a place to camp.. Not a lie. It's what I've become over the years.. A vagabond.. a drifter.. Nomad.. Whatever you want to call me.. I'll probably never settle anywhere. I'm to the point now that I feel like it's where I belong.. on the road, on the move. There's not a reason I can think of to settle anywhere for any extended period of time.

Took down a deer earlier. It lead me through the valley. Surprisingly, the spiders are gone. I don't know where they went, and I don't care. They're gone, that's what matters. I followed the deer through part of the forest before bringing it down. It'll make a good meal for the boys and myself.

I don't know what I want to do.. Part of me wants to go back to my fore-bearer's home. Part of me wishes to remain here at the shrine.. And yet.. Returning to town.. That wouldn't be entirely too bad.. would it? One one hand, the jagga is good and the people around the tavern are good people. They seem to be at least. So there's that.. The downside.. Gloo is there. And I have no way of knowing when he'll decide to appear. There's always a risk when he's involved.

For the time being, I think it's best I just.. stay out here. If I'm truly needed, I'm sure someone will come looking for me. Though it's also doubtful that anyone will. Not many know me really. It's.. better that way.. though.. Maybe.

While I was at my fore-bearer's home, I did try my hand at sewing the senche hides together. It.. didn't work out too well. Not for a decent blanket anyway. But Razor and Oak seem fond of the twisted fabric it created. So I've given it to them for when we make camp. They don't seem to mind sharing it.

Edited Jul 08, 2017 at 01:16 AM by 0

DreamsJul 19, 2017

Jul 19, 2017 at 03:29 PM #22

18th of Sun's Height - [ The page is water stained and several things smeared / warped so badly that they're already no longer ledgable.

I have to be insane... Y'ffre's bones.. I've returned to my fore-bearer's home. The storm is horrible. It blew away my tent. I'll have to get a new one. The trip back, I huddled close to Oak and Razor to keep from being blown away. Even clothed in metal, the wind still nearly lifted me. I don't feel like being a ragdoll..

She was less than thrilled to see me after the way we had parted a few weeks ago. But it don't matter. She took me in. Told me she forgave me. She was more concerned about my well being last night than she was about old grudges. I was having breathing problems when I got back. The other elf is still there... I still don't much care for him.

He reminds me so much of Glooras, back when I was younger, it's unreal... He's nicer.. But.. it's his attitude. I said that before I think.

With the storm, I've decided to just.. suck it up and stay here. At least it's safe where we are. I'll be glad when this is over.. I'll be able to return to the forest. Maybe I'll even visit town.

DreamsNov 26, 2017

Nov 26, 2017 at 11:53 AM #23

26th of Sun's Dusk

It's been a long time since I had the time to pick this book up again. I've been busy. Life has kept me on my toes. Kept me on the go. No time to rest, means more time spent on the road. Once, I would have said just how much I enjoy that. But.. the last few months have proven that there always a surprise to be found.

Found a cave during a job.. It's more than I could ever hope for. It's....

I found work again. I'm surprised anyone in the Trading Post would even speak to me. But I was approached by a hooded figure. His job took me to Greenshade, out to the moors. His sister had gone missing and I was tasked with finding her. Sadly, I did not find her in time. Wild creatures had killed her. I took her back to her brother. Then I had to return to the moors to get Razor. Dog ran off into the marsh.

Looking for him, lead me to a clearing, surrounded by steep cliffs and thick forest. I found a cave there. I mentioned the cave already... Sort of.. It's.. I can't explain it. But I want to remain. I swore I'd never settle anywhere.. But this place, it's peaceful and quiet. Plenty of space for myself and the boys. And Oak took to one of the smaller rooms of the cave. If he is content here, than I will be too. I trust the judgement of the boys. Their instincts are probably better than my own.

Home. I never thought I could call anywhere that ever again. After what happened with my brother.. But this is different here. It's far from prying eyes of those that might attack, simply because of what I am. There's plenty of places to fish and hunt. Being so deep in the moors, the seclusion of it.. I feel safe here. I can make something of this place.. I just know it. I can't explain why I know it.. I.. I just do.

There's an old saying my father used to tell me, when I was a young boy. He used to tell me that I'd know home when I found it. Even though he really didn't want me to ever leave. My health was always a constricting factor. But.. life has a sense of humor.. Despite it being usually a twisted humor. This time it gave me a home. A place to rest. I knew this would be home the moment I laid eyes on it.

Bought some portal scrolls from a merchant in town. I should be able to travel to Malabal Tor anytime I desire. And still be able to return home. I'll probably still travel though. I don't think I'll ever fully give that up. For now, I should rest. Still have hides to sew in the morning, to finish making bedding. And also deer to hunt.

DreamsJan 13, 2019

Jan 13, 2019 at 03:13 AM #24

[ There's no date here.. There's an attempt at writing. But it's smeared and hard to read.. Perhaps the one thing that can be read is simply.. ]

I'm sorry.. Someone.. anyone.. please.. watch over Oak and Razor.. they don't deserve death... Happiness.. They need happiness..

[ The rest of the entry, and the majority of the book is soaked with blood. Left to lay next to his bedroll, at his camp. There's also likely footprints around his camp.. Ones that do not belong to him. But from the bounty hunter that would later find him. ]