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Shy Thoughts - Cirlin's Diary

64 posts · started by Ganja on May 21, 2017 · 7990 views · in Active Journals & Diaries
DreamsMay 21, 2017
May 21, 2017 at 08:00 PM #1
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A lady can hold so many secrets.... But even then, sometimes, one just needs to write down her thoughts.. To clear her head. Or to at least have 'someone' to talk to.. Even if it's just pages.. Perhaps it should come as no surprise then, to find this diary, tucked away in a beat up pack.

It's a pretty thing.. A purple diary with a unicorn embossed into it. Celtic designs decorate the edges. The same celtic pattern can also be found on the edges of the pages inside the book. The book is clearly not from Valenwood.

A gift from her mother before she had left home. It's become the girl's friend, in a manner of speaking. These are the writtings of a shy girl, by the name of Cirlin Duskrock.

You read at your own risk. If caught with her book, she won't be happy with the person holding it. You've been warned.

Edited May 24, 2017 at 09:27 PM by 0

DreamsMay 21, 2017
May 21, 2017 at 08:17 PM #2
21st of Second Seed

I forgot I even had this book. I was cleaning my pack after Cog went crazy last night.. It was laying at the bottom. I do miss my mom. But it's nice to be on my own. I left last year because... Well.. I just wanted to see the world. So far, I've seen a great deal of Malabal Tor. It's beautiful here. I love the forest. I learned to fight and care for myself more than I knew how to do when I was still at home.

In my travels, I found a dwarven construct. He.. she... Wait.. do machines have genders? .. I have taken to calling it Cog. Because when I found it.. er.. it found me.. It chased me... Parts were just dropping off of him. I put it back together and the skittering thing has been constant at my side. Though it does have issues sometimes.

My travels have taken me to Baandari Trade post and in recent times, to Vulkwasten. I like it here. I don't know if I'll ever call it home.. But I enjoy being in this area. The people are really friendly.

I've done a few things since arriving. Most of it is just hunting. But the other day, I did something really interesting.. And.. to be honest.. Terrifying! I helped to fight against a pack of werewolves. So many flashing teeth and claws.. A few of the group got bitten and I think some clawed.. It all happened so quickly, I lost track a few times. But they all seemed alright after it. We all drank a cure disease potion after it. I wasn't bit, but the one with us.. I don't know her name.... She had a strong point. Better safe than sorry.

The next day, I met an alter woman that was pregnant. I helped her to the tavern. Then I had to leave. I had left my pack in the forest.. I didn't want anyone getting their hands on it. There's some important things in there.. Like pieces that help me care for Cog and also some things from home.

Last night, I met a few others at the tavern. The one that really sticks to my memory though is a mer named Annor. He's.. kind of cute, to be completely truthful. But... shh.. My secret. We talked for a bit. Then I had to leave. Cog zapped me and ran off. I found my dwarven friend sparking in a corner near my room. I think the rain may have damaged it.

I tried to fix Cog.. I think i got it..mostly. He still sparks sometimes. But it's not as bad as it was. I think tonight I'll visit the tavern again. I've never tried mead.. Maybe I'll try that tonight.

Edited May 21, 2017 at 08:20 PM by 0

DreamsMay 22, 2017
May 22, 2017 at 07:51 PM #3
22nd of Second Seed

I fell asleep outside last night. It was just so peaceful, laying under that tree in the middle of town. Last thing I remember was looking at the stars. I woke up to sunlight hitting my face. This town really is a peaceful, and very pretty place to be. The more I'm here, the more I'm growing to like it here. I've heard people mention the town is cursed.. I don't think so. How can such a nice little town be cursed?

After I got up, and got cleaned up, I went for a hunt. I left Cog in my room. It's best to leave my skittering friend in there.. In case it rains. Can't have it getting more damaged than it already is.. At least until I'm able to figure out a way to repair it properly. I've done what I can.. I wonder if maybe someone in the Mage's Guild can help me with my friend.

I've also been thinking a lot lately... Er... Not to say I don't do that a lot... Anyway! ... I think I want to join the Fighter's Guild. My other hobbies, I can probably do on my own and even trade what I find to others willing to make trade. It's just.. After fighting those wolf-monsters, I think I want to help. I want to lend a helping hand in anyway I can.

I'll have to talk to...Um... I think.... Terath! That's his name.. I'll have to seek him out and see if he's accepting new people. I went that last time because I was already with everyone. It just seemed normal to tag along. Mashing teeth and claws aside, it was both frightening and exciting. I just hope he don't mind having someone my age along with the group.

During my hunt earlier, I almost got a bear.. But.. In the end, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I followed it and discovered it had cubs. They were so adorable. I wish I could draw.. But I'm not very good with that sort of thing. I wanted to get closer.. Maybe pet one. But it's best to stay back.. A mamma bear with cubs is nothing to mess with.

Went back to the tavern after that and went back to my room. I found Cog waiting for me at the door. Almost reminds me of a dog at times. I think I'll have a nap, and then go down for some grubs.
DreamsMay 25, 2017
May 25, 2017 at 07:13 PM #4
25th of Second Seed

Last night was intense. I haven't been that spooked before in along time. I went with the Fighter's Guild again. Terath told everyone to investigate different roads. I went to the east road with Lei and Al. They... sort of remind me of my parents. I like them, but I'm not going to be calling them mom and dad.. That'd just be... too weird..

Anyway!

I went with them.. There was a skooma dealer we found.. The body was burned.. I understand why he would sell... that.. in the middle of the forest. But.. that's also dangerous. Vampires and werewolves aside, this area has a lot of hoarvor.. But I suppose a dealer could probably handle themselves... Except.. this one was killed.

After that... there... There was a woman..impaled... A werewolf.. I think.. I screamed in shock, and fell over. Was so disgusted.. I thought, I was going to be sick.. But I managed to keep it together. Al blocked my view of it.. Then Lei did when she couldn't get the dagger out of the corpse.. That poor wolf lady... Werewolves are nasty things.. But so are vampires.. Though no one deserves to be impaled.

Found a trail after that, that lead into a cave. It had a camp inside. We rummaged through everything. I found a note. It was signed by someone named.. F. Though the note was disturbing. It said something along the lines of "obey or get impaled". Best way to translate it. I don't remember the entire letter.. Whoever is ordering these deaths, is a sicko.

I went back with Lei and Al after that. We all talked to Terath. This includes everyone already there when we got back. I think her name is Wren.. She put a dagger on my arm. Not to hurt me, but to test me for vampirism or being a werewolf. I'm clean. Then I talked to a khajiit lady. She's nice. Degala I think is her name. I'm terrible with names, but I'm learning.

She seems to have been in the guild a long time. And I think she offered me to join too. I accepted. I am happy to help out. My father's death to werewolves taught me to be brave. Even though that sight scared me earlier, I still want to help. I'm determined to help.

Ate dinner with Lei after that and then went back to my room. Such a long and strange night.
DreamsMay 27, 2017
May 27, 2017 at 08:26 PM #5
27th of Second Seed

I got some rabbits today. I gave most of the meat to the tavern. I'm sure they could use it. I only kept a little for myself. Cooked what I kept for a snack for later. The pelts are really starting to pile up though.. The pelts are from my travels. I tried to sell them on the road before I got here, but no one seemed interested in buying them. Heard that there is a trading company in town.. Maybe I'll seek them out later.

It's probably crazy to even do this.. With how the weather has been, but I went for a swim this morning. I found some water out of town and dove in. The water was a bit cold, but I don't get to go swimming that much. I swam out to the middle, and spent my morning playing in the water.

The only thing I had to be careful of when I got out, was the hoarvor. I snuck past them, to make sure they didn't attack. Then I hid in the bushes to get dried off and dressed. Spent most of the afternoon in the forest before going back to town, and to my room.

Maybe tonight, I can practice with my bow. The platform outside the Fighter's Guild hall has targets to practice with. There's still a lot I don't know, but that's what practice is for. I also got a letter from my mom today. She is doing well. That makes me happy. I miss her, but.. staying home, I wasn't learning much.

Edited May 27, 2017 at 08:26 PM by 0

DreamsJun 01, 2017
Jun 01, 2017 at 07:43 PM #6
31st of Second Seed

I missed going with the Guild tonight. I found Cog in the tavern after I departed from everyone. It was sparking like crazy and jittering in the corner. The moment it seen me, it went still.. I thought maybe it had broken... It... promptly attacked me though. I managed to get it to stop before carrying my dwarven companion upstairs to try and work on it. That last time he was stuck in the rain musta really damaged it.

Tried to fix it... I.. I really need to take this thing to the mage's guild.. Cog zapped me pretty good. I woke up on the other side of the room. My hair is singed and I got a cut above my eye, where I had hit my head.. I must have done that after it flung me. I didn't know dwarven spiders could do that.. How can something so small, toss me like that?

My head still hurts.. But at least the cut wasn't too deep. I put tree sap on the wound. It stopped the bleeding.. So no need to see the healers. At least, not for now anyway.

I at met a few people today though before finding Cog. They all seem really nice. And I seen Degala again. I like her. She's really nice. I see a good friend in her, even though she is likely older than I am.

Think I'll sleep now. I had to forcibly shut down Cog. I feel bad for it, but I didn't want a repeat of earlier. And it was a precaution.. If he were to get out of my room and do that to someone else..... I... I really don't want to even think about that!
DreamsJun 08, 2017
Jun 08, 2017 at 10:38 AM #7
8th of Mid Year

I met with the guild and town today. There's... a rather big problem plaguing the borders of town. And a great portion of Malabal Tor. Vampires, werewolves and daedra. The forest is no longer safe.. As everyone stood talking, Wren came back... She looked like she had ran a long way. She was out of breath.. She said there was a lot of vampires.. A bunch of people left to deal with them... I stayed back with Terath, Keys and another..

When the fighting was over, there were injuries. One of the worst was on the tall elf, Octato. He got pretty banged up from what I heard. I was going to go to the clinic after that with everyone. But I stayed outside instead. I met Key's mom. I... think.. that's her mom.. Either way, seems like a nice lady.

A few good things came out of tonight though. One of them was making friends with Keys. I wish we had met on better terms though.. Meeting while the town is in danger is kind of a damper on things. But it's all good, yea? ... I taught Keys how to make jerky. And! I didn't burn it this time! After Keys had gone to bed, I stayed at the tavern with Annor.

The other.... Well.... Oh! My cheeks feel so warm.. The blushing returns! Ahem.... Um.... Well.. I spent some time with Annor. Got to know him a little more. He agreed to teach me more on hunting and things of that nature. Shared more of the jerky with him. And... Then.. Well Cogs woke up some how... It came down and zapped me pretty good. Annor came over after that. He was very concerned. I tried to shut Cog back down. Cog slammed a leg over my left wrist.. I'm lucky it's not my right one, or I wouldn't be writing this... But it injured my wrist.

He managed to pry the power source out of the spider.. It's down for good now. I... think I'm going to give that spider to the Mage's Guild in the morning.. If I can find anyone in the guild to take it. I'm sure someone will find use out of it.. Maybe learn something off it. I think Annor still has the power thing to it... I'm not giving the mages that thing.. I think we better bury it, like he suggested to begin with. It might be for everyone's best interest.. At least no one will ever get zapped by it again.

Anyway.... Um.... After it was over, and he had helped to stabilize my wrist... He...Well... Oh my cheeks are warm.. and my ears... I... I thought about... I decided to.... Well... He beat me to it... He kissed me first... I was shocked.. My first kiss... He's so sweet.. I melted into it and returned it... I wonder... does that mean we're....?...

I feel so happy and floaty...

I've decided to stay in the Fighter's Guild hall. I feel safer there.. With the vampires and things running about.. My room feels too open. For now anyway. I don't intend to stay in the guild hall forever.. Just for now.. Until things settle. I feel safer there with all the weapons and of course the other fighters. Plus Keys is there. It'll be like a sleep over.

Edited Jun 08, 2017 at 10:42 AM by 0

DreamsJun 09, 2017
Jun 09, 2017 at 11:00 AM #8
9th of Mid Year

Last night was wonderful. Actually... all of yesterday was. I walked around town. I spent my whole morning yesterday looking for the lady that leads the mages. I couldn't find her. But it's alright. I've decided, I'll hang onto what had been Cog awhile longer. I'd rather see him go to someone that'll appreciate the dwarven thing, than bury it in the ground.

I spent the day just... roaming around. I tried to visit where I usually hunt. Everything is so still.. It's unnerving. I also think I seen daedra.. Ugly things.. They look... strange. I didn't stick around. Too dangerous. I snuck over towards Tangelhaven instead. And discovered a swimming place.. I wish I had told someone where I was going.. Just to be safe.. But I didn't think much on it. I just couldn't stand being cooped up. I stayed in the guild hall until nearly noon.. Then I started feeling... caged.

I found a good spot to swim though, by taking that walk. I'll just have to be careful. I swam there for awhile.. The water is poisoned.. I know that. But I'm fine so long as I don't drink it, right? ... When I got done swimming, I fell asleep in the grass. And when I woke up, I had one more dip before going back to town.

Spent some time with Annor after that. I feel like a very lucky girl. I found the town so easily all those weeks ago... In that time, I've come to like it there.. I dunno if I could ever call it home though. There's still so much of the world I want to see someday. But finding the town let me meet Annor.. His kisses still linger.. I can still feel them.. It's a good feeling.. I feel warm and floaty when I think of him.

I told him about the swimming area and of my day. I can't believe the sun is coming up already. I promised to take him to the swimming spot tomorrow. I hope I see him tomorrow. I didn't tell him I jumped off the waterfall though... Twice. It was so much fun. The thrill right before the splash.

Before bed, I also pickpocketed a few things.. No one needs to know that though. That's my secret. The thrill is still there.. I just can't ever tell anyone. It'll be my forever secret.. For now anyway. Last thing I wish to do is invite trouble with the guards. With hunting having slowed to a crawl, it's the only other way I know to make coin. If it gets the job done and lets me keep my room, that's all that matters at the end of the day.

I told Annor where I was staying due to the trouble in the village. The beasties outside the borders.. That stuff. Said I was staying at the guild hall with some other fighters.. I'm sure there are others that stay there too. Anyway... I dunno if he went there or not. I think I'll sleep outside on ramp. It's too hot to go inside.

Tomorrow...er.. later today.. Just cannot get here fast enough.. I can't wait to see him again. Maybe I'll invite everyone out to swim. It's been hot.. It's not like it'd be strange for us all to go swimming in the spot that I found. We just gotta be careful. There are hoarvor in the area, and crocodiles... And stranglers.

Was so tired when I came up... Funny... I feel so awake now.. I need to rest... I need to get the sleep... I just hope I can convince my mind that sleep is good.
DreamsJun 10, 2017
Jun 10, 2017 at 10:18 AM #9
10th of Mid Year

Tonight was... chaos! I found the lady that leads the mages. I felt so awkward approaching her. I'm no mage.. I got no talent for magic.. I am glad Annor was with me. She agreed to take the spider. At first, I think she thought I wanted to sell it to her. I was just happy to be rid of it. After all the trouble it's caused... I'd by lying if I said I wasn't frightened of it.

After I spoke to her, I seen Xithic. He came over with sweet bread. It tasted really good. I don't know what I want to do with myself though.. I can't keep stealing to make a living when hunting runs dry. I may be young, but even I know when it's time to bend and find work.

I don't know if I want to team up with the Magpies or work in the tavern though. I know somewhat of what working in a tavern entails... I lived in and near one most of my life due to things that happened..

With the Magpies, I know little to nothing on what they do. But I want to do something.. Xithic did tell Annor that having more bows around would be a good thing... I suppose I could sign on as a guard. It'd give me something to do.

Anything is better than sitting around doing nothing all day. I don't know how some people do it. I get so.... restless.... just sitting around.

Anyway... After speaking to Xithic, and after he had started to leave, there was smoke suddenly! Annor took off running and I followed. I really didn't know what was going on. Then.. there was daedra and vampires! A prisoner had escaped the jail apparently.. And then... that happened.. I seen my first horror... or whatever it was.. tonight.. That is the most frightening thing I've ever seen!

And so many injuries! ... Y'ffre! I've never been so frightened before! I did what I could to help out. But curse this damned wrist... I didn't want to just sit back and do nothing.. I probably pushed myself too hard though. It really hurts now. I seen a lot of people get hurt.. Including one that I think was a guard.. I felt so bad for her! I hope she's going to be alright... Guards make me uneasy.. I won't lie about it.. But.. Still... She got pretty badly wounded.. By her own weapon no less. Not.. really sure how that happened..

Terath got hurt too and so did some others. There was one that got mauled by a clanfear. I shot that monster in the face.. It all happened so fast.. I don't even remember where I hit it exactly.. I can only hope that I got it in the eyes. It would deserve it..

I never would have guessed that things were so bad.. But seeing first hand at just what we're facing... I.. understand... I'll be good. No more sneaking off.. No more attempting to go for walks alone. Even if I get a little stir crazy... It's better than being dead.

When things calmed down, I left with Annor. I took him to the swimming spot I found. We spent the night swimming. And just being around one another. It was so much fun. I want to go again! We splashed each other and just had fun.

I was so tired when I came back... Again... I can't sleep... Damn... I decided to write to my mom. I'm sure she's probably worried about me. I haven't sent her anything in awhile. I promised I'd keep in touch... There are some promises that I break all the time.. But this is not one that I want to ever break. I'll have to find a courier in the morning that can deliver the note. I warned her to stay out of the forest, and to stay in Velyn Harbor. Told her it's unsafe to travel. I don't want her to get hurt by the monsters.

....The sun is coming up again.. I think I should try to sleep. In the morning, I'm going to take the spider up to the mage's hall. The lady that leads them said she was interested in it and I did promise to take it up. I think I should try to rest though...
DreamsJun 14, 2017
Jun 14, 2017 at 10:51 PM #10
14th of Mid Year

Things have been so boring lately.. Not counting last night. Last night there was a lot of commotion. But I slept through most of it. I guess I was more tired than I thought. I have been keeping busy by just roaming around the village during the day. At night, I go back to the guild hall. I feel safe there. But I miss Annor. I want to go swimming with him again... But I'm scared to leave the village.

There was an attack last night. I don't know what all happened. But there were injuries. I slept through the entire thing, under the tree in the center of town. I climbed up into the branches. The last thing I remember was watching as the sun started to set. The last couple days, I haven't been sleeping so good. Once I fell asleep, I must have really been out of it. Especially to sleep through.. that.

I woke to people talking outside the tavern. I don't think anyone even seen me climb down and return to the guild hall. For the better. I wasn't hurt and all I wanted to do was to lay down on my cot. I feel better today though. Well.. mostly. I'm still tired, but not nearly as much.

There's talk of these beasties coming into town now. I over heard a bosmer in black talking to a black haired...um.. nord?... They were talking by the fence that goes around the tree. I couldn't hear them that well, but what little I did pick up on was hearing them talk about the coming battles. The black haired woman thinks there'll be more attacks like last night.

On the up side, my wrist is doing better. It's faintly sore, but I can at least move it without much pain. I hope the sprain is gone soon. I want to help defend. I like it here. There's good people here. I want to help in any way I can.
DreamsJun 16, 2017
Jun 16, 2017 at 12:31 AM #11
15th of Mid Year - [ The writing is done quickly, smearing and smudging in places. Done while clearly frightened. ]

I haven't been sleeping well.. I think I mentioned that before.. Not since this all the stuff with the beasties started.. I heard rumors last night.. But rumors aren't much to go on.. Something about a town being attacked..

When I came down from the guild hall after a nap, I discovered something that made me want to puke. So gross! Who does that?! Ew! ... There... was a head.. on an arrow?..... Still.. eww! I managed to keep it together though, but I still screamed and ran away from it.

I'm scared.. But I want to help. The people here are good people. At least, they seem to be good people. Some are my friends.. Keys and her mom are really nice and good people. There's also Annor... My heart.... I may be young, but I don't want to back down. Not from this. So many have been hurt already... I worry about what could happen next.. Scared or not, I want to help somehow or another. Even if all I'm doing is bringing weapons. Or making food..

This morning, I spent it beating up a training dummy.. I've never felt this on edge before.. Y'ffre... protect everyone.. Please..

Edited Jun 16, 2017 at 12:32 AM by 0

DreamsJun 16, 2017
Jun 16, 2017 at 09:41 PM #12
16th of Mid Year

Yesterday was a very... um... well..... It was hectic.. I had nightmares again.. It's why I was beating up the training dummies outside all day yesterday. Well mostly.. I also ran around down in the valley just beyond the guild hall. There's thunderbugs down there. I jumped on one's back and went for a ride. It was fun and scary all at once. Then I ran when it threw me off.. I found a kitten later under the ramp that goes to the guild hall after that. He's so cute. I asked around, but no one seems to be looking for it.. So he's Annor's and mine now. We've named him Tiger.

Anyway.. When I went back to beating up the dummies, I was just blowing off steam... Just.. trying to vent the pent up stress towards the whole situation. Some of the people in the area... Like the one with a mohawk and the one that got drunk... They seem to be really taking this harder than I am... But... still.....

I spoke with the mohawk one.. He said things were only going to get worse before better. He seemed... distant. It wasn't like he didn't want to be social, but more so like he was lost in deep thought.. But also looked.. very depressed. He was there getting what looked to be still healing wounds tended to when I came in. When he found I was planning to help fight, he gave me this strange look.. He said that I should be very careful... He called me a kid. I wish people would stop that.. I'm going to fight. I'm going to help in anyway I can. Because I know that this town needs the damn help. I don't care what anyone else thinks.

He looked like he was going to cry as he stared at me. He muttered something under his breath.. I couldn't understand what he had said. It was too quick. He told me to run along and play before he went to another spot in the clinic. I got my bandages for my hands.. I hurt my knuckles while punching that training dummy.. Though... I still went back and beat it up again. The final attack on the dummy, I... I broke it.. I knocked the straw out of it!

I went to the tavern after that.. I found Annor there. There was a lot going on. And with everything going on, my mind is so distracted lately.. And the nightmares... I can't sleep that well. I know I mentioned the sleep thing before.. I'm sorry I keep mentioning it.. I.. I zoned out at one point.. Just got lost in my mind.. So much going on, it's all I can think about lately. I'm terrified.. I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't. When is things going back to normal?

Did I worry Annor though? If I did, I'm sorry... I don't mean to worry anyone.. I don't.. I assured him that I'm okay. Being with him was good though. Talking with him and Xithic, it got my mind off of the things going on. We were all having a pretty good time I think.. Then the drunk one.. Wren.. I think is her name, hit on Annor. I was jealous at first, but then realized that he didn't notice or was ignoring her.. Whichever.. I'm not sure.. She seemed really out of it though. Terath stopped it though and I don't know where she went after that.

Then another drunk one behind us got sick.. Oct... Octato.. I think.. I'm horrible with names... He got sick and I left with Annor. The tavern smelled really bad... I took him to the guild hall to show him the kitten I found. That's when we both settled on naming the little one Tiger.

We loved on the kitten. And I seen the guy with black hair from earlier. He still looked confused. He left.. And Annor and I had the place to ourselves. Well..mostly. The other fighters were still around somewhere.. Probably outside.. But for that moment, we were able to talk to one another... The things that have happened in his past.. Horrible! .. I don't hate khajiits, but those that were in his past were bad cats.

I... Oh.. my cheeks are red again... I can feel it.. My face feels warm.. Ahem... Um... I told him I love him last night. We shared a few kisses.. He makes me feel so weak at the knees.. And when I'm close to him, my stomach just feels all fluttery.. He makes me so happy.. Just looking at him and being near him, makes a bad day, a good day. I feel lucky to have met him.

He told me of his past.. I told him some of mine.. Seems both our pasts hold bitter things in them. He knows now... or.. well.. at least some of why.. that I push myself so hard. I want to help. I want to do good... I want to help drive out werewolves. Especially that last thing..

I didn't tell him everything though. Would he still want me around if he knew that I have stolen things? ... That I still steal when I have to? .... I think I should keep it quiet for now...

It was late though.. So we slept in the hall. I shared my cot.. No! Nothing... um..... 'funny' ...as my mom would call it, happened. We behaved. I fell asleep right after I was able to snuggle up to him. The last thing I remember was the warm fire and being cuddled up to him. I haven't fallen asleep that quickly since this whole mess with the beasties started.

When I got up this morning, I was still tired... I laid back down. I woke up the second time, and he was gone. I know he said he had to pick up some things from Xithic. I hope he's having a good day. After getting up the second time, I went and got cleaned up. I spent all day playing on thunderbugs yesterday and fighting the training dummies.. I'm sure I probably needed it. I can still smell his scent though.. even if faint.

I haven't decided what I wanna do for the day... It's so miserably hot. It's like... trying to breathe while holding your face over the flames of a fire.. I almost wish I could sneak away for a swim.. But it's not safe outside the village.. But there's talk that eventually the village won't be so safe either.. Maybe I'll just spend the day in the tavern.. I'm sure it's all cleaned up now. I don't want to make playing with the thunderbugs boring.. So they're out.. for today anyway.. I wonder if I could help get peoples' minds off of the bad things... With silly pranks or something..
DreamsJun 17, 2017
Jun 17, 2017 at 12:47 PM #13
17th of Mid Year

I learned an important lesson last night.. Wet moss is slippery. I was climbing trees, and jumping tree to tree.. And then.. I found moss. I landed in prickers.. I think I got them all out of my arms. But still it hurt. I'll be more careful.. But I won't promise I won't climb again. I love going up higher. I can see so much of the forest. I also played in the rain today. I can't go to the swimming hole.. Not alone.. But I can at least play in the rain and no one can fault for me for it!

I played with Tiger for a bit after coming back. I got changed and then fell asleep. I woke up when it was getting dark out. So I got up and went to the tavern. I found Annor and spent some time with him. I told him about my idea to play pranks. It was fun. We pulled a prank on a guard! Normally guards scare me and make me so nervous. But not tonight! ... Okay.. well.. maybe.. a little. He seemed so serious.. I heard him say he could execute people for pranks. We hid right away. I laughed so hard though that I gave myself the hiccups.

The guard reminded me a little of my dad.. Only... not a bosmer and too serious. He made the grunts and grumpy sounds that my dad often made when he came back from his trips at sea. That's what reminded me of him. Anyway..

The guard was a tall altmer guy.. I... I don't know if I can describe him honestly.. Um.... Altmer guy.. Kinda grumpy.. grunts a lot. There was a pretty lady with him too. Anyway! I got string from my pack. I usually use it to tie up meat and things that I don't want wildlife getting when I gotta camp. Anyway.. I used it to rig up a water bucket trap/prank. Annor brought the water from the swimming spot. It was hilarious! Then I threw my voice after the tall guard triggered it and it made him sound like he farted! I haven't laughed so hard in a really long time. It felt good to really smile and laugh again..

Since the whole gloom and doom stuff started and everyone being so... scared.. myself included.. I thought it'd help lighten things up.. And it did! Though the lady friend of his... A pretty healer lady, asked if he could execute those responsible. He said yes.. I was scared! So I told Annor to run or hide. We hid. I went under the bar. He hid behind a table and chairs.

We got caught in the end. But it was worth it! So much fun!

Then they got even with me.. Meanies. They tricked me! They told me my butt would sprout mushrooms! I was so scared, I ran into the side of the tavern trying to get out of the rain. I thought they were serious! But then they admitted that they got me good. And then they warned Annor that he'd be next.

Tonight was fun. After everything settled, I fell asleep with my head on Annor's shoulder, in the guild hall. I'm so happy he stayed with me again. I think today, I'm going to sunbathe in between the rain storms. Not much else to do. Or... I wonder if Keys would be interested in helping with pranks... Too much gloom and doom here. Let's liven it up!

I did have a nightmare though... I woke up in a panic.. In my dream, we were under seige. Those things invaded the town... I was still half awake and I thought I was still in my dream... Knocking over a weapon rack woke me up though....
I think woke everyone in the guild hall though... I didn't mean to..

Edited Jun 18, 2017 at 08:45 AM by 0

DreamsJun 19, 2017
Jun 19, 2017 at 12:21 AM #14
18th of Mid Year

I woke up to my head pounding from last night... I only had one full mug of jagga... Though.. it.. was a big mug... I drank almost all of it, until the room started looking like it was spinning. I quit after that.. It is good though... I wonder if jagga is stronger than the strawberry wine from Velyn Harbor.. I've never had jagga until last night.. Ugh.. my head...

Annor and me tried to pull a prank last night.. It was a flop. But there's always next time! I think next time a mudball slipped into her bag will be better.. Or maybe I'll just throw one and run. It's just mud.. And it's all in fun. I did however get Annor with a blowed up bladder. It was hilarious!

I went with Annor to his camp last night.. I was too wobbly to go up the ramp. I thought I might fall if I tried it.. So I asked to go with him. I am glad I did. I remember snuggling up to him.. And then I must have dozed off.. I woke up covered with a mammoth hide. I kicked it off.. It was very warm this morning.. I feel bad that I couldn't get to town though until later in the evening.. I got lost trying to get back..

Diary, I trust you not to tattle... But I got sick on the way into town.. Sick behind some rocks, out of the way.. I don't know if I ever want that big of a mug again..
DreamsJun 22, 2017
Jun 22, 2017 at 06:30 AM #15
21st of Mid Year

So much happened tonight.. I don't even know where to start.. Where would be a good place to start? Well.... I spent this morning looking for Annor. I wanted to maybe.. try to sneak away from town with him. Go for a swim. I know I keep saying I'll stay in town.. But.. I miss the forest. Or did... So I hung out on the cliffs all day. I was going to also play on the thunderbugs again. But the fog... There was just something... unnerving about it. So I hid on the cliffs instead. I ended up napping going towards where the mammoths are, just outside the tavern.

I woke up to people gathering. At first... I wasn't sure what was going on.. But when I got closer, it quickly became clear that they were splitting off into groups and preparing for battle. I am glad I had my bow with me and was already in my armor.. I went with Xithic. He's a fellow hunter, and a friend. And he knows Annor.

He asked if I could keep up if I needed to, in case he had to sprint. I am still learning the forest, I told him.. But I can keep up if need be. I'm fast. You learn to run fast when you're playing with thunderbugs. So I stuck by him. Things started off slow. We were perched on the cliffs over looking the mammoths. We heard people screaming for help. Octato started off on his own and Wren joined him. We hung back with some others.. At first we weren't gonna go.. We were gonna stay.. And just watch everyone's backs. Then the mammoths started to die.. one by one. I could hear them just go...silent.. It's very creepy when you get used to hearing the noises they always make.

Then the screams got louder.. And we heard Wren scream. Xithic asked if I felt like going for a run. I told him I'd follow. An orc lady tried to stop us.. I don't know her name. She tried though. Said we'd only get ourselves killed. I snapped. I told her that they are our people out there. Friends. We can't just leave them.. I think I was glaring.. It.. felt like I was... I ran after Xithic after that.

We found Wren and Octato dealing with a vampire.. And then a draedra with a bow! Everything was...sort of.. alright. We fought back.. And were doing sort of okay.. Wren got hurt, then Octato got hurt. Then Wren said we should get the people to safety. I moved up to help, and was told to guard the ramp so I did. Then I got shot, in the leg.

It hurt so bad! ..But between the fear of death and Xithic helping me, I was able to move and we all started back to town. We almost didn't make it. The daedra followed. We fought hard to protect the villagers. One was cut down in front of us.. I.... That was the first time I've ever seen anyone die. Part of me wanted to break down in tears.. But.. I was so scared, that the tears just didn't come.

Then Octato got shot in the arm by the thing with the bow. And then he got his back tore up by a hunger! Just when I thought, things couldn't get much more frightening... A crocodile monster appeared in the fight! I hid with Xithic behind the roots of a big tree. That thing is even more scary than the Hunger from the first fight against these things!

I don't know how many got hurt... But I think it must have been a lot, aside from our group. There was a lot of people in the clinic later. Ali patched me up after taking the arrow out. Before it was removed, I talked to him and another boy.. I think he's around Key's age.. He looks young too. That would be horrible to be shot in the eye... It makes my head hurt just thinking about it..

I think I want to do something nice for everyone.. So many hurt... So many just as scared.. I wanna make something for everyone.. I think I'll make rabbit jerky for everyone. If the tavern workers will let me.. I think it might raise some spirits. Even my own. I hope Annor is alright, wherever he is.. Things are definitely more dangerous now. I won't be leaving town again.. Not alone. Not until the beasties are gone.

So glad to be back in the guild hall.. I'm so sleepy. I gave Tiger some jerky before getting comfy.. I'll have to wash my pantleg to my armor in the morning.. I hope I can get the blood out.. Think I'll sleep though.. My eyes feel so heavy.

Edited Jun 23, 2017 at 12:07 PM by 0

DreamsJun 23, 2017
Jun 23, 2017 at 12:24 PM #16
23rd of Mid Year

Sleeping at all the night we fought the daedra, was hard. The nightmares kept me up after fighting that crocodile monster. When daylight hit, I was so exhausted.. I slept most of yesterday because of it. Though that didn't take away the nightmares. The one I really remember was the monster coming into the town and trashing the place.. It killed so many people in my dream.

I woke up, terrified.. I thought we were in the grip of an attack... When really, everyone was safe. Wren, the grumpy guard that grunts a lot, and I think.. Terath.. They were all in the guild hall. They were using it as a meeting place. Seeing everyone, and hearing them, I relaxed.

I spoke briefly to them before being asked to leave.. I didn't agrue. I went outside and sat on the ramp near the training dummies. I talked to Terath a little after that and a lady that came up. Though she didn't stick around. There was also a guy I don't know, that was asking where he could find Wren.

After everyone departed, I went back. But only long enough to get my armor. Then I sat under the ramp to the guild hall, trying to get the blood out of my pantleg. I guess I bled more than I thought when I got shot.. I think I got most of it out though. So.. that's good. I plan to wear that armor again when we go back into battle. I don't know when that'll happen, but I want to be ready.

I seen Annor tonight too. I found him asleep. He looked so peaceful. I felt a little bad for waking him. I kissed his cheek and he woke up. He looked so surprised to see me. Then he stood up so quick, I though he might knock over his chair. Though he didn't. He hugged me, he was almost in tears. He asked if I was alright from the last fight. I told him I was. Then he told me of all that happened to him.. A werewolf found him! I cried when he told me. I tried not to.. But.. it couldn't be helped..

Y'ffre!

I hope he's alright. I hope he don't become one of them. I love him so much. He said he's feeling warmer lately.. I hope it's just the weather. I don't... know anything on how the turning effects people.. So I'm just going to go with it's the weather. I hope it is. I want to believe it is. He was holding back though.. I could hear it in his voice. But I didn't pressure him about it. I.. I didn't want to upset him more than he already looked.

I'm his little leaf.. He's my hero... He surprised me tonight. He carried me back to the guild hall! I was so surprised that he even offered it. I was leery about accepting the offer. I know he's hurt too. I don't want to be the reason he hurts more.

He carried me like a bride up to the guild hall. Being in his arms.. it felt right. I felt safe and secure. When he sat me down, we spoke for a bit. And then we laid down and went to sleep. He's so sweet.. My heart beats so fast when I'm near him..

With so much going on in the town, I wonder what today will hold. I think I'm going to try to hunt today. See if I can get a few rabbits. I want to make spicy jerky for everyone. I wanted to do it yesterday, but I was just so tired.

Edited Jun 23, 2017 at 12:34 PM by 0

DreamsJun 24, 2017
Jun 24, 2017 at 12:02 PM #17
24th of Mid Year - [ The page is stained with tears. In places, it has smeared badly where she tried to wipe them away. ]

Today was eventful.. to say the least.. I went hunting! I caught five rabbits and made rabbit jerky for everyone. Ali said he liked spicy.. So I made two kinds. Spicy and non-spicy. It was the only thing I could think of that might make people happy. Everyone seems so... down hearted lately. I can't stand it. The atmosphere around here is very depressing.

The nightmares have left me questioning some of the things I've been doing. I started to fight and tried to be a warrior.. Because I thought I could handle it. I wanted to prove that I could. I wanted to show that I could take it. That I was just as tough a girl as the woman that stood up for Velyn Harbor when I was thirteen.. Back then, I was a bad girl. Even though my mom had moved me out of Woodhearth, trying to give me a better life.

Moving to Velyn Harbor let me meet the woman that lived in the tavern. Or I thought she did. She was really just a warrior that liked to drink. A lot. There was a bandit attack one day.. I was thirteen.. I watched her fight with the guards, without being asked.. I watched her knock out several of the bandits.. Not once did she kill anyone. I thought.. if she can do that, so can I! I can do good. I can be good. I talked to her once. She encouraged me to go. To see the world and learn from it. To ignore the close minded people around me. So I did...

Tonight.. after the fighting was over.. It left me wondering just how far have I come since then? I mean... I still can't fight.. not that well. I'm still learning the bow. I still don't know how to use daggers that well. So much to learn still. My mother didn't want me to fight. She wanted me to grow up to be a good girl. A gentle, young lady. Was I just being a brash pain in the ass when I ran off? I try to keep in touch..

There are good people in this town.. I have friends here. Xithic, Keys, Wrae and the new lady I met tonight, Ty.. And there's also of course.. Annor.. my heart. It's why I thought I could fight. It's why I wanted to fight when all this started. When I found out of the trouble, I decided I wanted to do what I could to help.

I didn't think. I should have thought about it. But I didn't. Before Annor, I joined the guild because I wanted to prove that I could do good things. Because I wanna do good things! I wanted to help out those that needed it. I've done enough bad. I'm not a bad person.. am I?

There's so much I want to tell Annor.. So many things.. But.. I.... I can't.. What if he hates me for it? ..I don't want to be hated. Not by him.

The memories really triggered when I seen Wrae being sentenced.. People can change! I know they can! Otherwise, I'd still be a thieving little outlaw. Sure, I'll swipe things now and then if I absolutely have to. But.. it won't always be that way. I hope not anyway..

I had a panic attack during the fight. I got so frightened when I seen the crocodile monsters.. And then later, I almost fell off the ramp.. The one they call the Inspector protected me. He helped by pulling me back up to safety.

After it, I spent time with Annor. He knows more.. And I... I broke down in front of him. He started to cry.. And then my own tears started to fall. And before I knew it, I was sobbing and unable to stop. I admitted that I was scared. I was scared that everyone would....die.. And that I had been so excited to see everyone survive at the end... Or at least.. I thought everyone survived. We still lost people.

He asked me not to get into anymore big battles like this again. I promised I wouldn't. I'll try to hold this promise. For him. I don't want to be the reason he is sad. I want to be the reason he smiles. I'm sure he feels the same towards me..

I'm so tired.. But I can't get myself to rest. He's already asleep. I laid beside him for awhile.. But I just.. can't.. I'm restless. I think I'll try to learn more of how to use the daggers I found.

After everything.. I hope things go back to normal now.. I really do. I just want things back to normal, so I can go play. So I can have fun again.. And have fun with other people without everyone being so uptight cause we're in the grip of possibly doom.. I miss running in the forest, climbing the trees and swimming..

That reminds me.. I think I'll have to pull more pranks again... But first, I'm going to send another letter to my mom. I sent one when everything started, she never wrote back. I hope she is well.

Edited Jun 27, 2017 at 02:25 AM by 0

DreamsJun 25, 2017
Jun 25, 2017 at 08:03 AM #18
25th of Mid Year

Last night, there was argonians causing trouble. The grumpy guard got after them after the lady that runs the bar went and got him. I hung out with Annor for a bit. I was so tired though... I wanted to be silly and just have fun.. But so tired.. I couldn't get my mind to focus long enough to do anything. I poked his arm a few times.. Just playing.. But I think I made him mad.. I hope I didn't.

Also learned tonight that we did lose another in the fighting. A dunmer. T...something.. I can't remember his name.. I don't think I ever met him. Poor guy.. I hope that wherever he is, Y'ffre is watching over him and guiding him somewhere nice and peaceful. The other we lost early on was a guard. But I don't know his name.

I left after that. I sparred against the training dummy. Nothing big.. Just stabbing at it with the daggers I found. I had to stop though. I fell and skinned up my knee. Though I think the worst is getting my dagger stuck in the dummy and the other one falling off the ramp and getting stuck in the ground. The one in the ground, I was able to pull out. No big deal.. The other is lodged in the training dummy. No matter how much I pull, I can't get the dummy to let go.

Then I went back to the guild. Only had one nightmare last night. In it, I seen the events of the big fight play out again. Hearing the cries of pain from somewhere in the tavern as the werewolf attacked Wren and some others inside.. Seeing the one leading us get carried off.. I don't remember anything after that.. The dream faded away.

My next dream was way more pleasant. I was chasing butterflies in a meadow and was in a peaceful area. I could hear birds chirping. Everything seemed so quiet and calm. Like it did before the big threat had moved into the area. I liked it. There was also Annor in that dream. We were hunting together I think. I didn't want to wake up from that dream. It was the most peace, I've seen since the siege started.

Woke up to find everyone already up and gone. Think I'll seek out Terath later today.. I want to make sure it's safe to go out again, before I try to slip out at all. Better to be safe than sorry. I also sought out the courier early this morning. He took my letter, promising to get it to my mom. I told her where I am in this letter. Told her a little about the big battle. But not everything.

If I'm able to leave town today, I want to go for a swim... I think. Or maybe go for a hunt. See if the deer have returned. Or maybe just go for a walk to enjoy being in the forest. I'd play with the thunderbugs, but I don't know if I'm gonna be able to out run them just yet.

Edited Jun 25, 2017 at 08:06 AM by 0

DreamsJun 27, 2017
Jun 27, 2017 at 11:00 AM #19
27th of Mid Year

I fell asleep under the ramp to a house the day before yesterday. I had sparred a bit more with the training dummy. Then attempted to remove that dagger.. It still won't budge. I don't know how to get it out of there. I hope no one gets angry.. But I think I got it stuck in the wooden beam that holds the dummy itself.

After sparring against it, I went under the ramp. It was cooler under there because the sun couldn't reach there. I thought I could just rest here a moment.. I fell asleep instead. I woke up to a nasty thing sitting above me. A huge spider! That thing was as big as my hand! Ick! Horrible thing! An argonian woman.. Um.. Walks.. no.. Fire I think.. She picked it up... Actually.. touched it.. Ew!

Tells me it's harmless... But I've seen them get bigger than that one.. So gross.. I don't know how she could touch it without getting creeped out by it! It's sticky tiny toes and how it scurries when it moves.... The noises they make.. Has anyone ever listened to a spider? ..Like the big ones? ... Creepy!

I did scream.. And people were giving me odd looks.. But.. It was the first thing I seen when I woke up. Ick... Yuck..

I looked for Annor after that. I couldn't find him. I just wanted to give him a kiss and a hug. But that's okay. I went and got a bath after I quit looking and then went to bed.

Then yesterday, I spent it playing in the rain. I don't care what anyone says.. It's still fun. I'm not too old for it. Never too old for it. Cause.. rain. Spent my time in the rain.. And when it wasn't raining, I was sun bathing on a rock near the southern road. I got sun burned.. My face stings so much if I try to smile..

I went to the tavern after that. Had a few bowls of grubs and some honey grub-tea. Then I went to bed. I woke up this morning to Tiger curled up against my neck. Cute little kitten.. He's so sweet. I woke up to him purring.

It's so early.. And the sun is only just up.. But that's okay.. I'm probably the only one awake right now. I know I only sent that letter out.. But I want to see if the courier is back yet.. Maybe I'll be lucky and he'll have something.

Edited Jun 27, 2017 at 11:04 AM by 0

DreamsJul 01, 2017
Jul 01, 2017 at 08:25 AM #20
1st of Sun's Height - [ There's a letter from her mother, folded and half tucked into the crease between the pages. Though it's not secured in there and will likely fall out if the book is opened to where it's tucked in. ]

I found the courier this morning.. He looked really tired. He tracked me down, while I was head for the swimming hole. He gave me a letter from my mom! She.. is really worried for me. I only did what was right by standing with everyone. Many were hurt, a few lost.. But we're still here. That's what matters.

There was a party last night too. After reading her letter, I wasn't in much of a party mood though. I spent my evening sitting on the rocks, going towards the mammoths. I'll have to write back to her soon. To tell her that I'm fine. To tell her that the threat is gone. I tried to point out that it was gone in the last letter. Though hearing from her again is good.. It means those beasties didn't make it to Velyn Harbor or the neighboring village. Or if they did, they didn't find her. That puts my mind at ease.

But there's still stragglers out there. We've all been warned to be careful. I don't plan on being a beastie's snack. But I do want to start hunting again and walking around the forest again.

I'd be lying though if I said I didn't miss my mom. I miss my mom a lot. Maybe one of these days I'll be able to make a trip back to see her. I think she'd like it if she seen me again. I'm tired.. I think I'll go back to sleep.. I've also moved back to my own room again. It's safe enough now, that I don't feel the need to hide at night.

Edited Jul 26, 2017 at 05:13 AM by 0

DreamsJul 05, 2017
Jul 05, 2017 at 01:45 PM #21
4th of Sun's Height - [ The words are likely difficult to read, as she's using her left hand to write. Leaving her words shaky and kind of scribble-ish. Tears stain the pages. ]

I didn't think I could set so many traps in one day.. Today I spent it setting them.. I set three, before I got bored. I set up a bucket for the guards, made the table in the guild hall uneven and hung a bag of onions to make it.. smell.. Then I got bored. I thought about a nap.. But in the end, decided to go hunting instead. I... I almost wish I had just taken that nap.. Cause when the sun went almost down, I went after a deer.

I've been frightened many times since coming to Vulkwasten.. But that.. That was terrifying. Almost as scary as the crocodile things.. Okay.. maybe not that scary.. But it was stressful and unpleasant. My mind keeps flashing back to what happened.. Things were going so well.. I'm still scared to be honest.. Even though I think the guy is dead..

Went hunting.. I said that I think.. I know I did.. I got my first deer! I was so proud! .. He was big. I've never seen antlers that large before. I shot it in the throat with my second arrow. It ran to the river and dropped. I followed it. This lead me to a strange man, standing at the water's edge. He seemed sick. He kept throwing up. I tried not to pay him any mind, and focused on my deer but in the end, I couldn't budge the thing. The strange one came over. He... He made me very uneasy.

He offered to help though.. So I didn't turn him down. He started to help me. We almost had it out of the water, when he suddenly stood up and moved to an island in the middle of the shallow river bed.. I followed because I was curious. Stupid me.. Stupid stupid stupid me...

The man turned out to be an assassin! .. For something called the Dark Brotherhood. I'm not sure what that is.. He also mentioned Sithis.. I don't know what that is either.. other than it's bad. Real bad. But he mentioned that after the things happened...

Tonight was just scary because of it. I followed him.. Two others approached.. Suddenly a fight erupted. They were both after the guy I met. The weird one suddenly threw a knife! I froze.. I was so scared! I... I think if I hadn't ducked, it would have gotten somewhere else!.. I'm in a strange way, also very lucky! I think if those two hadn't come along, something bad could have really happened... I'm still shaking.. I can feel it..

The knife got stuck in my shoulder.. I ended going with someone to the clinic. But I don't know his name. I met a khajiit tonight too.. Chuff I think. He seems really nice and I met a dark elf. But I don't know his name either. Estre was also there. She took care of my wound. I cried through out it.. It hurt worse than the arrow through my leg. The one that threw it.. He admitted he was an assassin... I remember from stories that sometimes assassins poison their weapons.. I think I'm really lucky it didn't have any poison.

I.. I don't know if I want to go back into the forest again.. I'm scared to. But the one that saved my life.. He said he'd hunt with me. And then Chuff offered. I said the more the merrier. I look forward to hunting with them. A group is safer I think..

Talked to Keys after that.. and the nord that helped to save my life. I agree with Keys.. A hunting group for those of us that are younger and not as skilled would be good. I want to continue my hunts.. But not alone.. It's just not safe.

Annor came in after that.. He hugged me and my arm touched his armor. I wanted to cry just from the touch. Then.. then he seemed really angry when he found out.. It's not like I went looking for it.. I didn't look for it. I was hunting.. That's it.. Is he still mad at me? Sometimes, I can't tell.. I don't want him mad at me..

We talked a bit.. I told him of my pranks so he don't get accidentally caught up in them. I should tell Keys too.. I know I can trust her. I know she won't snitch to the others.

He.. He asked me an odd question tonight.. He asked if Keys has somewhere to stay. I had always thought Wrae was her mom.. She.. is her mom right? He said she should have somewhere nice to be raised.. I... I can't tell if he means us or what.. But.. I'm just a kid myself.. Kid raising a kid? .... I'm not grown till next year. I... um... I really.. That is to say.. I don't.. What to do I say to this in response? Thankfully the subject changed.. He said she is lucky to have a friend like me.

Though I do worry for Keys.. I know only a little of what she's spoken of.. She's had a rotten childhood.. I've had a screwed up one.. But nothing like her's. Is she alright all alone where she lives.. I really hope she is. Keys is the closest I have to a best friend.. Maybe even a sister. Not that.. I'd ever say sister out loud. Not right now anyway. She even guessed what Seri reminds me of. Not many have.. She's also the only one I'd willingly admit that to.

Annor surprised me. He asked me to live with him tonight.. He's older than I am, but not that much older.

[ There's a splatter of ink, where she fell asleep and knocked over the inkwell ]

Edited Jul 05, 2017 at 01:49 PM by 0

DreamsJul 06, 2017
Jul 06, 2017 at 08:12 AM #22
5th of Sun's Height - [ The writing is shaky again. It starts out smooth, but switches back her left handed writing. ]

It still hurts to write with my right hand.. Next time I run into a stranger in the forest, acting strangely, I think I'll take off in the opposite direction. No matter what sort of wild game I bring down. On the up side, I have discovered I can throw things pretty hard with my left hand. My aim needs serious work though.. I think I'll work on that.. All I got is time now anyway. I hope I can still prank though. I got so many ideas.. I could fill this book with them with how many there are!

Tonight was bad though. I'm still confused as to what happened exactly. I wasn't fully awake when it all started. To be honest, I had a lot of nightmares last night.. And even trying to take naps, brought them on.. So I guess.. I wasn't entirely with it tonight.. But I tried to do what I could..

I was talking to Wren, Lu and the kind man that saved my life last night, when a guy came running up. He said Keys, Terath and Rel got taken.. At least I think that's what he said. We all went to try and help. I think I bumbled on most things. I brought along some things to help. I can't use my bow.. But I can throw rocks.. And! I have my jars of bees.. The other day, when I collected and was eating honey, I also collected jars of bees. They come in handy.. People never expect to get hit with a jar of angry bees.

But stealth was our main thing tonight. So I couldn't use the bees. And that's okay.. I used my rocks instead. When I started to run low, I picked up more rocks off the ground and just kept adding to my pouch as we went along. I tried to hit a guy in the head with one, but totally missed. There was a guard that face planted into a ramp and slid down on his face.. It.. distracted me and I missed the one I was trying to hit. Then Lu kicked the guy that slid on his face, in the head. I dunno if he's alive or dead.. But at least he didn't come after us.

Then I seen Wren do... Well... It.. it reminded me of assassin stuff.. After last night, it honestly scared me. I think I'll keep my distance from her for awhile. I know she wouldn't harm me.. But.. I just need to calm my mind. That's all. I do however have a prank in mind for her later... That can also wait.

I don't know what the others did while we were in the place where Terath was being kept. But I stayed with Keys and Rel. I hid under the table at one point and then banged my shoulder on the stupid table leg when I tried to get out of hiding. I wanted to cry, but managed not to. We climbed down a rope after that.. And Keys got hurt! Something happened to her arm.. But I'm not sure what.

I split off from everyone when we got back. I wanted to check my shoulder.. And cause that means I had to take off my upper body armor.. I didn't want to be around anyone. I went to my room. I thought I popped a stitch. But no. It was just the stitches snagging on the bandages.
DreamsJul 10, 2017
Jul 10, 2017 at 08:04 AM #23
9th of Sun's Height - [ The writing is sort of on the scribbly side. Some of the ink is darker and thicker in places than other areas. Near the bottom of the page, it's speckled with tears. ]

He told me I'm a kid.. Said I'm rushing into being an adult. I am not! He don't know me! Why'd I'd even bother asking him to go swimming with-...Oh right.. that.. Stupid dangers.. lurking in the stupid darkness of the forest.. And stupid me.. Scared of the stupid forest and the stupid shadows it casts.. Are there more assassins in there? .. He said this area of the forest has always been dangerous.. But he seems like an outsider at times to the forest.. I mean..with how he talks and words things..

Next time.. there won't be a next time.. Next time, I'm just gonna smash a jar of bees at the enemy and run! Stupid....

I can't spar with the training dummy. Throwing punches with my right arm, really hurts. It's fine taking a swing, but the impact....

This is stupid. Can't fight. Can't swim. My throwing stuff sucks.. Can't fire my bow.. This whole thing is stupid!
[ The above bit is sloppily scratched out. The ink is thick in places and smears in others. ]

At least I got Tiger.. All things considered, things could be a lot worse..

Edited Jul 10, 2017 at 08:10 AM by 0

DreamsJul 11, 2017
Jul 11, 2017 at 11:00 AM #24
11th of Sun's Height

I woke up to a big gathering in the town yesterday. I didn't think anything of it. I just know we were going to go fight to help people. I didn't hear what were fighting.. I almost wish I had.. I might have stayed behind if I did... Daedra.. More monsters.. There's talk of the person that summoned them, being the escaped prisoner from Vulkwasten... Does this mean there will be another siege? But instead in this.. desert place? I think it's called Reaper's Ma..no.. That's not it... S'renja?.. Renja... I dunno...

So stupid.. I wish I had never brought the damn bees. I was trying to help! Trying to do the right thing! ... Instead people still got stung.. It's not like I intended to... But it still weakened the goblin looking daedra, didn't it? It don't matter... I think everyone is mad at me.. I burried the bee jars.. No sense in hanging onto them.. I guess using them is only good when I'm on my own.. Too many people and people get stung.. Like I could have guessed it'd happen..

Even the nice man, Ali seemed to be angry.. Can't do anything right I guess.. I tried throwing rocks at the enemies.. All I did was either miss entirely or drop them on my damn feet.. This just isn't my month..

We investigated the town after the battle.. Discovered a khajiit hiding in the biggest house there. People talked to him and we were able to get in to help. I stuck close to a tall altmer guy. He seems really nice. While people were talking to the khajiit, I kept.. hearing a voice.. I'm not crazy!

Said his name was Cimber and he hadn't talked to anyone since he was killed. I got scared.. I had every right to be scared.. Was it a ghost? I've never talked to a ghost.. I... I seemed to be the only one hearing it.. That's what really scared me. Then started saying he needed help talking.. I've heard enough horror stories to know what that means! Isn't that when bad things take over people to use them?

I was so scared.. I hid in a crate. Then it banged on the crate! ...Then.. then it said it knew Xithic.. It wouldn't talk after that.. I was so terrified that I could barely talk straight. I was taken to Keys after that. Was so relieved to see her. Though she mentioned this.. Cimber was a werewolf that had recently been executed.. I... I don't know how to process that right now.. Werewolves are bad... They're monsters.. They were part of the siege!

And from my past, I know werewolves are bad... I remember the lesson well..

Hearing mention of this.. thing.. this.. ghost?.. knowing Xithic.. I worry for my friend now. He's a good guy. He's nice and we made a damn good team.. He's also one of Annor's friends! .. Is he alright? Is he safe? ..Damn it... I wish I had those answers.. They're important...

After that, I seen Seri and Kashya... They're adorable together.. But.. what about Estre? ...Aren't they.. um.. a couple? I had almost forgotten till Keys reminded me.

I met a khajiit after that.. His name Ji'darr. He's a good person. He wants to be a guard. He was also badly burned up by a daedra monster. I promised him I'd help him hunt for his weapons today.

Seri got hurt too though.. His ribs is what I heard him mutter. I gave him a bucket when he said he felt sick. I stayed in the clinic last night.. I felt safer there. The daedra in the area and.. the... voice.. I heard.. I'd rather be around others. I'd rather feel safe among people than be alone and scared.
DreamsJul 13, 2017
Jul 13, 2017 at 02:03 AM #25
12th of Sun's Height - [ The writing is smeared in several places, and difficult to read. Due to her writing with her left hand. ]

Yesterday was interesting. I met a khajiit lady. Her name is Kisuna. She rode into town on the back of a camel. She walked over to me after jumping down. She said she had seen the note in Vulkwasten and wanted to help. That she had some healing that she could offer. I told her of the injuries. It resulted in panicking! I... I didn't mean to make her panic. She was fine till I said there was a khajiit guy inside that got burned up. Told her his name was Ji. She immeditately wanted to go inside. I didn't stop her. She seemed scared and worried.

After that, I went hunting along the road.. I still can't use my arm that well without my shoulder hurting, but I can at least throw daggers.. I seen several rabbits, but I didn't get any of them. I ended up finding Ji's sword though. I took it back to him after I found it. I tripped trying to go into the clinic. I tripped on the carpet, dropped the sword.. It got knocked out of the way. I fell on the floor and knocked down a healing staff. I put everything away though after getting up and returned the sword to Ji.... Though... I may have stabbed the floor when I first dropped the sword.

When I went back to him, I found Kisuna sitting with him. I think that's his girlfriend.. I'm not sure though. I hope I didn't intereupt anything important. I gave him back his sword, told them they were cute together and quickly left.. I.. I didn't want to interupt them.. And it looked like they were talking about something important when I came in.. So.. I went back outside.

I fell asleep under a tree after that. So many nightmares.. I dreamed of the assassin in the forest.. Of how he seemed.. just like a sick normal guy.. Of the fighting.. Of the knife the creep threw.. I dreamed of the siege.. And the one person getting carried away.. Then I dreamed of here... The creepy voice in the big house.. The fighting here.. I dreamed of a crocodile thing trying to eat me... I woke up to a dog licking my face. I don't know who's dog it was though.

This month has been one thing after another.. I'm hoping for better things though.. Things have to get better right? They can't be bad all the time. But I am scared.. I'm worried this will turn into another siege. That person that escaped Vulkwasten's jail.. He's on the loose.. He's out there somewhere.

Of the good things, was making new friends. Ji and Kisuna.. they're good people. And of course we're all alive. Though we did almost lose Ji, I'm not sure if anyone else came close to it though. There was so much happening during the fighting. I'm thankful we're all still alive. With that said.. I do miss Annor though.

Edited Jul 14, 2017 at 03:23 PM by 0

DreamsJul 16, 2017
Jul 16, 2017 at 09:17 AM #26
15th of Sun's Height - [ The writing is shaky and difficult to read, the writing spans several pages. ]

There was a big battle the other night. I planned to at least help the healers this time. I know I'm not much use any other way. I can't fight. What good are rocks? .. Then I seen the daedra that spilled out.. A crocodile thing.. Another damn crocodile thing! I panicked and fled! I hid in the clinic, under Ji's bed.. Because I was so scared. I fell asleep under there at some point. When I woke up, the fighting was over and it was dark out.. and raining.

I slipped outside.. I just wanted some fresh air. But I was still frightened. What if there were more daedra lurking? Then.. that ghost.. or whatever it is.. I tried to stick to the shadows. Dressed in green and brown.. against a sandy colors everywhere.. It makes hiding almost impossible.

Wasn't out there long. I found Annor by the tree in the center of town. He looked exhausted and had cuts and scrapes. But wouldn't say why he had them. I was so happy to see him, that I flung my arms around him. I didn't want to leave his arms. I didn't want to leave his side. I just wanted to stay just like that for as long as possible. Though we ended up going inside.

Everyone was asleep inside the clinic.. So we sat up for hours just..talking. I told him everything that had been encountered here. And told him about the fighting and the injuries. I told him about the...thing.. in the tavern too. The voice. He said the same as Ji.. in a round about way.. Said it was a ghost too. I didn't hide it from him.. I told him that Reaper's March, especially this town.. it scares me.

We talked about our future together. We're moving in together.. That we already decided. But that night he showed up, we also talked about a family. It's not going to happen right away. That I'm sure of.. I still need time. There's so much I don't know that I need to know.. Like cooking.. That's a big thing. So our kids can have food.. and stuff.. And.. there's sewing.. I gotta learn more of that.. There's also first aid.. I don't know hardly any of it. I'm sure that'll be important too.

There's so much I don't know.. So much I need to know.. I just hope I'll be a good mother. And maybe, even, someday.. a good wife. My parents weren't exactly the best to learn anything from.. But I guess I can only try.

While in Reaper's March, I did a lot of thinking.. I realized my birthday is also coming up... Frost Fall.. Y'ffre.. I actually forgot all about it. But the talk of kids, it made me realize just how quickly becoming an adult is about to hit. Maybe Gloo is right.. Maybe it is time to stop with the..as he called it... 'childish garbage'. But he still refers to me as a kid.. Every time he does, I just can't help but to want to slap him. I wish he'd stop calling me 'kid'. It's just very annoying.

Last night, I spoke to Keys.. We were having a conversation, in the one place I swore I'd never go back into... The tavern in S'renja. She told me she almost got the blame for the pranks. Why do adults gotta be so... [ there's several things scratched out ] .... They point blame on someone innocent.. I don't want to say it's a guard thing either... Wren apparently wanted to aim blame on Keys too and then tried to say that Keys hearing the ghost was a prank!... Ugh!

That's.... also another frightening thing from last night. Keys mentioned she was spoken to by it too.. The ghost.. Or...whatever it is. I told her of my own encounter.. I'm so scared of S'renja that it's unreal.. I don't know if that fear will ever cease. She mentioned the ghost might follow everyone back to Vulkwasten.. That... made me very uneasy.

Our conversation didn't stay private for long. The nice priest.. Terrance.. I think.. He came over and started talking to us.. And then a khajiit joined.. I think his name is Ka.. I can't remember the rest.. I'll just call him Ka. Though I don't think that's Ka's real name.. There's something so familiar about him.. But I just.. can't place it. I wish I could..

Terrance mentioned me staying away from the spirit.. I don't know if I can.. What if it approaches me? I don't intend to go looking for it! But if it approaches me.. and starts... trying to talk again.. What do I do? Run.. hide.. Cower? I.. I don't know what to do about this.. Ji joined us.. He suggested that maybe the ghost won't be able to talk to me much longer.. Maybe he is right.. I'm not far from being an adult. Maybe Keys is also right.. Maybe the ghost can only talk to kids.. That's... also not comforting.

Annor and I.. we.. well.. I said we talked about a family.. We want to have kids. What if that thing is still around in the future and able to get to our kids? That's a thought that really scares me!

After all the adults left, it was just me and Keys again.. Another approached us.. The guy was.. creepy. The way he talked.. There to collect.. someone's money? From someone being killed? ... Even spoke of the guy angering someone and that's why he was dead.. The way he talked.. It scared me.. Assassin.. He reminds me of an assassin.. That's how assassins talk, right? ... When we called him out on it, he insisted he was harmless. Harmless... as if..

I.. I didn't have any weapons.. I dropped them in the last big fight, to help Keys. She got hurt and zapped by a.. sparking.. rock thing.. Wren helped me get her back to the clinic and then after Keys woke, is when we went to the tavern to talk..

Anyway.. That guy.. I was gonna hit him with a pillow if I had to and then run. After everything.. The getting stabbed by an assassin, the daedra.. the ghost.. I'm on edge.. I can't deny that I've been on edge.. I'm just.. a nervous wreck..

I took a vase from the tavern.. Made sure not to disturb the flowers inside. To be honest, if I had to anger Y'ffre, by smashing flowers on the guy's head, I would have. Life in the Ooze isn't as scary as getting hunted by an assassin. I would have accepted it honestly.. We went to the clinic because we thought we'd be safe.. He was there! He.. He startled Ji and Ji drew a blade. I can't blame Ji one bit! I was relieved that Ji was awake, but even more so when Estre entered.

Promised myself I wouldn't call Keys sis.. Because I was afraid I'd upset her. But I was scared.. It slipped out. I'm glad she's not mad. In fact, we're sisters now. I've.. never been a sibling.. I'll try to be a good one. We stayed in the clinic with Ji last night.. Safer in there.

There's no words that can express how happy I am to be back in the Valenwood. I was also scared though.. Of the consquences.. Keys was right.. about what we talked about.. But.. I was scared of enough of what Seri might do, that I threw up a few times from getting too worked up. I'm okay. I'm just glad no one was near me to see it.. There has been so much stress, fear and worry the last few days.. I think my body has just had enough.

I talked to Seri, Wren and Terath. I am thankful Wren was there.. Wren is scary when she wants to be, but under it.. I see now.. She's not that frightening. She's really nice. I'm lucky to have a friend like her. She surprised me.. She slipped gold over to help with the charges.. I'm lucky.. The jail cells are full.. This would have resulted in me going to jail.. That thought.. it scared me pretty good. No more pranks.. At least with dye.. To be fair, the table though... I didn't throw that out.. I did see it on the ground outside though, by the thunderbugs.

Almost thought I was going to be sick when Seri said jail..

When all was said and done, everyone departed. I'm free to go.. I-I can't believe it.. I'm free. Though I was still a little uneasy.. Annor took me to our home tonight though.. After everything, seeing our home.. OUR.. home.. it put me at ease.. Being with him though always has that effect. Just being near him, is comforting. We have a home now. That reminds me.. I was mistaken for being married last night.. We've not tied the knot yet.. But.. someday.. someday..

After everything tonight though, the getting sick from stress, coming forward to Seri and the others.. Then going for the walk to the house.. And even having our first meal there... I'm just exhausted.. Think I'll sleep awhile.

Edited Jul 16, 2017 at 01:51 PM by 0

DreamsJul 18, 2017
Jul 18, 2017 at 09:32 AM #27
17th of Sun's Height

I wanted to show Keys the house today. So I went to the tavern. I couldn't find her. I ended up staying there because of a nasty storm. The storm blocked out all sunlight to the point I could only see with my little lantern. Even that barely put out much light though. People got attacked by crocodiles.. There's flooding... I don't think I've ever seen a storm get this bad before.

People got hurt in the storm. Ji was carried upstairs and so were some others. Others were able to walk up. I followed everyone up because I didn't want to be alone. Plus.. I was worried for my friends. While up there, Annor came up. I was so relieved to see him. I think I even seen Ji's girlfriend come up.. She was holding her left hand in a wet towel. She looked panicked though when she seen those hurt. I'm willing to bet she probably stays up there with him. I can't blame her.

Though.. before the storm today, I seen something cute. I seen a senche that looked like a leopard.She had two cubs with her. I kept my distance. One thing I learned from my dad before he died, don't get between a senche and her cubs.. Same rule with bears.. Bad idea. I stayed back and watched them for awhile. They were so adorable. I wanted to pet them, but decided against it. I stayed until the mother moved her cubs on. Then I went to the tavern.

We rented a room. He's asleep already. My clothes were so drenched that I stripped and hung them over a metal bar near the fire. I think it's for the best. I hope I don't weird him out by doing so. That storm.. I wonder where it came from.. It seemed so clear earlier this morning. I'm going to sleep now. Maybe in the morning, the rain will let up.
DreamsJul 23, 2017
Jul 23, 2017 at 11:42 AM #28
23nd Sun's Height - [ It's a loose bit of paper. Having found it laying under the bedroll. As for ink, it's written in charcole and smears in places. This paper will likely be tucked later into her journal ]

I met a guy last night. He once was a hallsteward for the guild. His name is Afer. I like him. He's nice. I see a friend in him, I think. He offered to teach me how to use a sword rather than daggers. Learning would be good. Annor's going to teach me how to better use the bow. Learning to use a bladed weapon would be good too. It would mean more of a chance to defend myself in sticky situations. I seem to find those kind of situations often.. Not even sure how I do it..

Talked to Afer awhile. Then I had to leave. I had almost forgotten to feed Tiger. I found Tiger wandering up the path near the mammoths. He must have slipped out the door to the house. The moment he spotted me, the crazy cat! He ran off! It wasn't till I got near the little pond that I realized what he was doing. He was chasing a large rat. That thing was almost as big as he is. He ran down a tangle of roots, so I climbed down the side of a rock wall. He hid under a root that was raised out of the ground.

I tried to get him. But then someone snuck up on me. She wore armor like mine.. Only black.. And a hood. I couldn't see her hair or her face. Her face was hidden by a mask that reminded me of a spriggan's face. I didn't notice her.. Not until she stabbed me.. I think she was aiming for somewhere else.. Moving musta screwed up what she wanted to do. But she still poisoned me.. I don't know what she had on her blade.. I don't want to know.

It... It made me feel weird. I tried to bite her hand. But I don't think I did any damage to her. She said that if I screamed, she'd kill me. After that, I felt so strange.. so.. weak.. My body felt like someone tied sandbags to my..everywhere. It was even difficult to hold my head up. She dragged me over the forest floor after that. She took me to an abandoned house with daedric stuff inside. There was bones, a corpse.. stuff in jars.. I thought I seen eyeballs...

She tied me up and gagged me. She kept repeating that she would take my heart. Said I'd be her friend forever.. Then she tried to take away my armor. I think.. I think I'm lucky.. in a way.. She suddenly stopped.. She left. Something about things being tainted. I don't know where she went after that.. I managed to spit the gag out. The guards came a little after that..

I've never been so happy in my life to see the guards! They usually make me so nervous. But not this time. Wren treated the stab wound before I was scooped up and carried out.. I don't remember much after that.. I.. I think I called Seri dad.. But I'm not sure.. He didn't mention it.. So maybe it was just a dream? I woke up in the clinic and then was taken to the guild hall.

Estre's a guard now, Kashya's gone and Seri leads.. the...guards... He seemed so stressed.. Hope he's okay..

Annor came after everyone left. I don't remember much.. But I fell asleep in his arms.. I know he was crying.. I don't know if I cried too or not though..

The forest is now very frightening.. I don't ever want to go in alone. I'm scared.. I'm scared something will happen again. First assassins.. Now crazy spriggan ladies.. I remember the beasties that were in there.. I thought after they cleared out that the forest would be safe again. I thought after the siege, I could return to the forest. Being cooped up will drive me insane.. I just know it.. But...I don't wanna get killed either.. I'll be good. I'll stay inside the town unless I'm with someone...
DreamsJul 25, 2017
Jul 25, 2017 at 08:09 PM #29
25th of Sun's Height - [ The words smear in places, written quickly ]

Not yesterday, but the day after I was kidnapped, I spent it between sick and sleeping. Mostly sick. I could barely keep water down. What was in that poison anyway? ...Never mind.. I don't wanna know.. Anyway.. I spent it resting in the guild hall. Tiger stayed by my side the entire time. I think it's his way of apologizing for leading me into danger the other day. He's a sweet kitty when he wants to be.

Then yesterday, I felt better. Well..mostly. I wasn't sick at least. I could drink water and tea.. And even ate a little bit of dry food that was brought to me. I don't know who brought the bit of bread to me. I was asleep when it was brought in. I tried to walk.. My legs felt so strange... Wobbly.. But after the first few steps, and falling twice by the door, I got my legs to at least let me walk down to the tavern. I spent my evening leaned against Annor to keep my balance.

There was another job recruiting thing last night. At least this time, no danger with it. I work at the tavern now. It's not the forest.. And I hope I don't get bored there... But it'll at least keep me from going stir crazy... I know a little about working around taverns. I spent most of my early teenage years in one. After dad died and we left Woodhearth, I lived in one with my mom until our house was grown.

I gotta do something to keep myself busy and tavern work, it's something to do when I'm not helping the Fighter's Guild.. I've never been good at just... sitting around doing nothing. I've always been the type to be on the move. My mom used to say I was like a wild bosmer. Like the ones in tribes. She always hated that I wasn't lady like.. But.. lady like is so boring. Where's the fun in wearing frilly things that snag on everything? And make it impossible to climb?

The job thing was also strange.. There was a guy there that ate a plate, a rock, and even some mugs.. I.. I can't help but wonder how he did that without making himself sick... Or really hurting himself. I couldn't understand most of what he said though. I understood his name though.. Perun.. Strange fellow.. Hope he's okay.

Went home after that with Annor and Tiger. We talked more of our future together.. More about children. He... He proposed! I never seen it coming. I said yes! He asked how I felt about sharing his last name. I like that idea. The future seems so bright right now. And so far away. I wonder what our future kids will be like.. I also wonder if I'll be a good mom and a good wife.

I think I said it before.. But.. My parents weren't exactly good role models on that. They fought a lot. But I want to try. I want to be the best that I can be.

Woke up today feeling much better. My legs don't feel strange and I can walk around without problems. Tiger's gone though. I don't know where he went. He slipped out the door when I was getting breakfast.
DreamsAug 02, 2017
Aug 02, 2017 at 11:33 AM #30
2nd of Last Seed

Tiger never came home when I sent him with the note. I hope someone got it. I don't want to get fired.. But I also don't want to get everyone else sick. Serving people and being sick usually don't mix well... Anyway.. Tiger being gone, I went up to Vulkwasten to find him. I found him chasing mice. He ran to the notice board and then.. I don't know where he went.. There was a notice on the board.. Can this please just be a nightmare? I don't like the thought of losing a friend..

Xithic.. a werewolf.. I would have never thought that he.... How could someone so nice.. someone I trusted, be a wolf? I'm so conflicted.. Part of me wants to do the right thing. Knows that thing is to put him down.. Because werewolves are bad. I know first hand what they can do. The other half of me wants to defend him. He is a friend. We watched each others backs before. We fought side by side.. He protected me and helped me keep a clear mind during the first battle that had a crocodile thing in it.

[ The next few paragraphs are unreadable, ink having been spilled.. And scrubbed with a bit of cloth in an attempt to clean it. Only making it worse. ]

Is... is it too late to go looking for him? Would he want me to go looking for him? Both Annor and me are sick.. But Xithic is still a friend. Y'ffre, I don't know what to do.. The paper on the board.. It said wanted dead or alive.

Maybe I was wrong.. And.. maybe.. so is everyone else.. Maybe not all werewolves are bad.. He didn't seem bad. I don't know how I should feel about all this.. So confused.. I wonder what Annor would say if he were awake. I know they're friends too..
DreamsAug 17, 2017
Aug 17, 2017 at 10:15 AM #34
16th of Last Seed

There's so much right now going on.. We have to be careful. A big secret, I gotta keep. I wonder how well Annor is fairing at keeping the secret. My lips are sealed. I'll lie, I'll deny it. I don't care. Friends stick together. Hunters also stick together.

After laying awake with Annor the other night, nearly drunk..but not quite, it left me thinking.. At the time, I wasn't thinking of anything other than how happy I was just laying there with him. And how warm he was. How comforting it was just being at his side.. How safe I felt there.

After I fell asleep, I dreamed of our future together.. Of children mainly. When I woke up, I realized something.. I'm almost eighteen.. Two months away.. It feels so far away, even though I know it's close. This month is nearly over already. It's like.. mid month already. There's so much I want to say to him. But where do I begin? I'm hiding so much.. So many things left unsaid.. So many things that I feel he deserves the truth on.

I've said my past many times in these pages.. But he only knows of some of it. He wants to marry me, he wants to raise a family with me. And here I sit, holding secrets in my heart.. I've been so scared to open up. Will he turn away from me if he knew? I did let it slip.. A little at least.. that I had once stolen things.. Would he still care for me if he knew it all?

Aside from wanting to be a skilled huntress some day, I want to also be a good wife. And I want to be an even better mother than what my own was to me. So many things I want to do.. But I'm scared. What if I'm just like her? What if.... So many what if's...

Her letter showed me that my anger hasn't faded at all. I'm still just as angry with her as I was back then. It just took being reminded why. I don't want to be like her. I want to give our someday-children a better life than what I had growing up.

There's a lot of thoughts swarming my head right now. I don't even know if I could fit them all in here. I gotta be crazy though... I wrote to my mother again. Told her not to bother writing back. Told her I'm done with the stress she brings. All I do is get worked up when she writes. Always thinking it'll be different. Am I really so foolish?

Though I got other things to say.. guild stuff happened tonight. Tonight has been..chaotic. Though that puts it mildly I guess...

We went to a dwarven ruin. The place was massive! There was so much snow and ice.. That reminds me.. I got to feel what snow actually feels like. So cold! But I love how it sparkles. It's very pretty. There were also some really nice views in that place. Rel and the tall guy.. I... I don't know his name.. But they both got hurt. Ter got knocked down by the pistons, but thankfully we all got out alright. Save for the injuries Rel and the tall guy got.

Rel and the big guy... They got hurt by a centuri-whatever. Thing was massive. I've never seen something so big before in my entire life! It almost trampled me in one of it's rampages. And earlire on, I got lit on fire. I gotta be crazy for saying it.. But the fire felt good. I was half frozen when a giant mental spider tried to light everyone on fire. The heat was honestly welcome.

When we came back to Vulk, I left with Keys. She wanted to talk in private. So I took her to my favorite swimming spot. She.... she knows about Xithic. I'm not sure just how much she knows. Or if she knows he's staying with me.. I was too afraid to ask her that. I know she has contact with the guards and with Wren... I'm afraid of what may happen if I tell her everything.

I am thankful that she is not angry with me though. She says she wants to help Xithic too. I am glad for that. But... can I trust her to tell her that he's staying with me? She said she was there.. That she helped to attack him..

She said that Annor planned to go after Theo though.. For the bounty.. Just.. why?! .. Theo wasn't all bad. A guard, sure.. But not bad. I can't say I trust guards anymore. But he's a decent guy.

The subject changed... I have never been so happy to have the subject change before. She.. She knows about us wanting children.. Annor said there was money trouble.. I never noticed it. We found the pod and made it our own. It's not like we had to buy it or nothing. I think.. I need to talk to Annor.. Find out what's on his mind. I'm worried now.

I offered Keys to come hunting with me sometime. I'm not very skilled, but I'm trying to learn. She asked about the right-of-theft. It's real. It's what I used when I stole things. Sometimes I miss that life. But in the end, leaving it was for the best. What kind of life would that be for children if and when me and Annor become parents? I never thought about it up until recently. Talking about the baby tonight and about the stealing... It reminded me of it.

I said it once already just a moment ago.. But sometimes I do miss it. The thrill of the chase, the escape.. The rush of picking things up. But.. that's my past. It's.. probably better of there, right. I don't want to risk what friends I have, my relationship with Annor.. So much would be risked by doing it again.. Wouldn't it?

Paid a visit to Miss Kasi too before going home. She gave me some building stuff. Told me to use it wisely. So out of boredom, I've started to attempt to build a second floor. It's... not easy. Though she also scolded me.. Too young she says to be worrying about babies. Too young to be married. I'm almost eighteen... Not a kid.

I should sleep.. It's been.. a long day and an even longer evening.
DreamsAug 19, 2017
Aug 19, 2017 at 02:09 PM #35
I.. I don't know what today is. I don't even know what yesterday was.. I spent all last night working on building the second floor of the house. Worked with Kasi. She's an odd one, but I like her. A good friend. She used magic to set the blocks in place. I was doing it the hard way until she showed up. She was there nearly all night before she left to tend her animals. Shortly after she left, I went for a bath.

A good reminder to myself.. Building when it's hot, is a terrible idea.

On the upside, Annor and me now have a private room in the house and Xithic has his own room too upstairs.

Went for a bath after she left. On the way home, I found a dog with no collar. He's a young husky. I don't think he's very old. He's cute. I tried to tell him to go home, but the silly thing stuck to me. When I got home and went in, he followed me in. Made himself at right at home in front of the fire as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Annor found this place.. It was a run down fixer-upper at the time. Now it's home. I can't help but wonder if those that lived in this pod before left him behind. I don't know if Annor will let me keep the dog though. I kind of want to. Having the dog around would be good, especially for walking through the forest.

It was suggested awhile back by Afer, that I get a dog. The forest is dangerous. Assassins, crazy people, werewolves.. and who knows what else.. When Annor works and hunts, and I have to go to the tavern, it'd at least make it a little safer to travel alone. Speaking of which, I'm well enough now. I need to start going back to town, so I can work. Especially if we're going to have a baby.

Speaking of babies... never mind..

Anyway..

Miss Kasi gave us a cradle. She looked.. very sad when she sat it down after she came in. I've never seen her look so heart broken before. But then again, I'm still getting to know her. She said it'd do us more good than it would her.

I should rest.. I'm so tired.

Edited Aug 29, 2017 at 04:42 AM by 0

DreamsAug 20, 2017
Aug 20, 2017 at 10:32 AM #36
20th of Last Seed

Annor says it's the 20th.. So, I'll go with it.. I'm too tired to argue.

I decided to keep the dog I found. He's so sweet. I just don't know what to name him yet. I got him a collar at least so no one thinks he's a stray. At least I hope no one would think that. I did look for the owner earlier. No one seemed to step forward. So, much like it was with Tiger, he's our dog now. He's so fluffy. I'd name him that, but isn't Fluffy a cat's name?

Learned to bake a little more tonight. I still burn things though.. But at least this time the sweetrolls didn't turn out half flat. Maybe I just need more practice. Eventually, I want to learn to make cookies and other things too. Annor and me don't got kids yet, but.. someday... When that time comes, I want to at least spoil them a little with sweets and to be a good mom.

Talked to Xithic tonight. I... I won't write what we talked about. It's best not written, I think. I am glad he is my friend. Feel lucky to have a friend like him. Don't care what others think either. They're just chicken and scared of what he is. I'm not though.. Maybe.. once I would have been. But not now. I understand now that not all wolves are bad. There are good ones too.. Just like men and mer. There's good in all and bad. Just because one is bad, don't mean all are. I was stupid to think that all are bad. I see that now.

He is curious about me too. I promised I'd tell him tomorrow. To be honest, I need to open up to Annor too about myself. They both deserve the truth, I think. I've been hiding my past for so long.. And... I guess... maybe even running from it. But I've come a long way since then. I'm not the same trouble starter that I used to be. But after everything recently, I no longer trust the guards again. There's some corrupt people in the guards. Don't care what anyone says...

It's strange.. I was so tired when I came in to lay down, but now... I can't sleep. Annor is already sleeping.. I think I'll go sit outside for awhile, watch the sun come up through the trees.

Edited Aug 20, 2017 at 04:18 PM by 0

DreamsAug 22, 2017
Aug 22, 2017 at 08:11 AM #37
22nd of Last Seed

It's late.. I know it is..

My past.. I thought.. they'd hate me for it.. I cannot express just how relieved I am that they don't. Most who learn I was a thief, turn against me. I've been told in the past "once a thief, always a thief." My mother always told me that. The only thing I hold from back then is my stealth, speed and quick hands. I'd be lying if I said that I don't miss it sometimes though.. But all that aside, neither of them seem to hate me for it. I am grateful for that.

Annor looked like he had something on his mind though.. Something heavy... I wish he'd talk to me. I'll always stand by him, just as I know he'll stand by me. Though... I hope it's nothing I did..

We both got to hang out with Xithic for a bit. Annor went to bed before any of us. Hearing Xithic speak of his parents.... I wanted to hug him. I wanted to try to comfort him. But.. I wasn't sure how he'd react if I did hug him. If I were being honest with myself, looking up to him... He's like a big brother. A good person. He's seen some real tragedy in his life. Just as I have. Just as Annor has.

I worry for both of them. Offered to help Xithic when he's ready to go back to Morrowind. He wants to find his parents. I wonder if Annor would help too. If not, I don't mind traveling with Xithic by myself. I trust Xithic. I know he'd never hurt me. It'll be like old times, looking out for one another. Except, likely, minus daedra and other big beasties.

Offering to help him.. It's because I want to lend a helping had. Long ago, I would have offered simply to go find trouble. But.. that's the past. I have good friends here. I won't ruin that.

Tried to sleep after everyone went to bed.. And I had a few nightmares. The first... was mother's cold gaze, her bitterly telling me how worthless I am. Hearing her tell me that she never wanted children, but seeing her smile, as she explained that she didn't have the heart to just drop me somewhere.. And that my father had never allowed it. But keeping me because she seen my father in my face.. Then the dream shifted.. To that night when that man turned.. Seeing the snarling, snapping jaws, as it cornered me..

It shifted again... I seen the pretty warrior lady from the tavern.. To this day, I still don't know her name. I woke up to her words echoing in my head. "Follow your heart, follow your dreams." - ....Have I really done any of that? I've adventured.. I've fought monsters along side others. I've tried to help others. I fought werewolves and daedra.. I joined what seems like a worthy cause... the Fighter's Guild... Learned how to fight and even how to hunt a little.. Maybe I have followed them.. Maybe...?

Do dreams have meanings? Guess I'll never know.

Woke up in tears. Some part of me still misses Velyn Harbor. But I'll never go back... Not if it means staying with her. Also woke up to the pup curled up against my back. I still need to come up with a name for the dog. Gloo told me that Fluffy is a cat's name. He laughed at me yesterday when I mentioned naming the dog that.

After I calmed my mind, I went up and laid an extra blanket by Xithic's bed before sneaking back downstairs. It's cold tonight. Gave one to Annor too. I think they'll appreciate it.. I mean no harm with the blankets. I caught Tiger in with Xithic.. I let him stay there with him.

I couldn't convince my mind to rest after that... Those dreams.. So I made tea.. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to get my mind to be quiet so I can rest some more.

Xithic is also right... Maybe.. my mother does care, in her own way. Against everything my mind is telling me, I've also written a letter for her.. Since I can't sleep. I'll have to catch a courier in the morning to send it to her. It's like he said.. I'm old enough now that she can't really make me do anything. I.... I am thankful for that.

I.. I think.. No.. I want to do something nice for them both. I'm not a very good cook.. But maybe I can make a bunch of sweetrolls or something. If I were making spicy food though.. That I know how to make and rarely mess it up. But I don't know how either of them feel about spicy stuff.

In the morning ma-

[ ink is spilled here. Lin having fallen asleep at the table. ]

Edited Aug 22, 2017 at 08:50 AM by 0

DreamsAug 23, 2017
Aug 23, 2017 at 03:20 PM #38
23rd of Last Seed - [ The writing is done quick, in a mix of rage and sadness. The pages are stained with tears. ]

I waited all morning for the courier. When he finally showed up, he surprised me with shoving a letter into my hands. My mother responded to the last letter.. So the one I had written the other night, I just hung onto.. He wouldn't leave until I stood there on the ramp to the house, and read it. When he seen I had, he asked if I wanted to send the one I had been holding for him.. All I could do was shake and stare at him. I'm not proud of what I did to him..

But.... I.... I slapped him. I didn't hold back. He fell to the ground, before getting up and demanding an explanation. I told him to just go. I paid him what was owed for the letter before going inside..

Tried to burn the letter, but... I just..couldn't. She's demanding I go back to Velyn Harbor. Every line of her letter, is just more demands. Demands that I refuse to meet. Even if I open up to people, I am still running from my past. I... just don't know if I can find it in me to travel back to her. Even if it's just to say hello...

The way she words things, it's like she thinks she owns me. I'm not a cat. I'm not a dog. I'm not a bird or a monkey.. I'm a person. A mer, same as she is. I'm her daughter. Yet.. She says so many cruel things.. She didn't use to be like this.. After dad died... she... changed.. She was already cranky and snippy.. But losing dad.. it made her worse..

I miss you dad.. Wherever you are.. I know you're dead. I know what they told us. But I miss you.

Think.. I'll visit town.. It's the only place I know with a training dummy..


Hidden, Unsent Letter
[ Give the pook a good shake.. and this may fall out.. ]
image no longer hosted — http://i.imgur.com/Re71Gtb.png[/img]
image no longer hosted — http://i.imgur.com/ODIYqBt.png[/img]

Edited Aug 23, 2017 at 03:24 PM by 0

DreamsAug 27, 2017
Aug 27, 2017 at 08:49 AM #39
27of Last Seed

Tonight.. good and bad.. Good because nothing really bad happened, but bad also because of what I found on a walk.

Puppers wanted out, so I went with him. He lead me into the forest. I.. I don't know if I can even describe what was going through my head the entire time. Part of me was frightened. Especially as we walked further and further into it. But at the same time, having the dog at my side, I also felt.. safer?... I don't know.. It probably don't even make sense..

Puppers lead me to a spot in the forest. There was a corpse there. A body that looked like it had been there awhile. It was covered in bites.. I don't know what bit the man.. I don't want to know. Puppers was really upset though. He sat howling and whining the entire time. I think this must have been his previous mer.

I thought back to the recent daedra troubles the town faced... I remember we had to burn the bodies. So I stacked as much fallen timber as I could on the body before lighting it. I even offered a prayer to Y'ffre for it. I feel really bad for Puppers. This must have been why he was whining and cowering when he first found me. He wasn't a stray. He was just a dog that lost his mer. Now I understand why he refused food too...

There's not much I can make promises on. I break so many.. But this is a promise I'm making now.. I will never let this dog be alone. He has stuck by me since finding him. I now understand the things he has been through.. somewhat. I'll happily be his mer. Puppers is my friend. Friends stick together.

When I got back, I got a bath and then went to lay down. I don't know what hit me.. But my stomach suddenly was cramping up. Was fine till after my bath. It's probably nothing though. Probably ate something I shouldn't have.

Spent the entire time I was laying down, staring at the letter my mother sent me.. And at the one I was going to send her. When I finally got up, I threw them both in the fire. There's no sense in holding onto either of the letters. I... also found a letter to my dad, when I opened this book tonight.. I remember writing it after Annor asked me to marry him. That's a letter I don't think I'll ever throw away. No matter how stupid it is to hang onto something like it. Not like anyone's going to find it anyway..

Went for a walk after that.. I thought maybe the walk would ease the cramps. At first, it only made them worse. But now they're gone. Found a path while out there. It's not made by a person. I think senche made it. There's pawprints all over along that path. It lead to a dug out, ditch.. cave... thing. It looked like a ditch at first, but there's a steep hill inside it that goes down. Looks like it gives way to caves. I kind of want to explore it.. But I'm scared I'll get stuck down there if I try it.

When I got home and started to get out of my armor, Annor came in drunk. Tried to stay up with him.. But.. so tired for some reason.. Didn't do much today, but still tired.. He's still waiting on his water to heat up. I'm going to sleep now.. Good night, diary. Keep things safe.
DreamsAug 28, 2017
Aug 28, 2017 at 09:27 AM #40
28th of Last Seed

It's late enough to be a new day.. so.. Last night I went with Keys and some others on a hunt. I haven't been on a hunt like that before. I thought it was going to be like going for a hunt for deer. This was different, but fun. It started off fun anyway. I guess some of the things we went for were things and people with bounties on their heads.

I wonder if this makes me a bounty hunter now.. I hope not. I don't think I'd want to be one. Being a regular hunter, that I wouldn't mind. Hunting animals and selling pelts and meat, that brings in coin without hurting people. Even if the people are bad, and deserve to be killed. I really don't like hurting people.

The first thing we killed was a flesh atronach. I have seen one of those before. It smelled horrible. Like.. bad sewage with rotten flesh. I thought I was oging to puke when the fight was over. From the stench. Then there was some of the other things we fought. There was a floating skeleton thing. I don't remember what it's called. Floating skeleton of doom seems perfect though. There was a poacher and the poacher's friends too..

It was all fun and exciting.. Right up until.. the senches.. No one checked to see if they were khajiit. They were also much bigger than any sench I had ever seen. Keys refused to take part, and I sided with her. Then Dissy joined us too. I stood on the sidelines and watched the battle. Then at the end of the fight, they discovered a cub... So... maneaters or not.. They didn't deserve to die. They... [ Tears speckle the page here ].. had a baby.. That poor cub..

Dissy took the cub with her. I am glad that at someone will be there to care for the little one.

This was also my very first trip to Grahtwood. I wanted to explore.. But.. I was also too sad to do it. But it's very beautiful. I had never been there until then. Maybe someday I can go back. My dad used to tell me stories of Grathwood. Of the heart tree. I never would have imagined it to be so big and so beautiful. And the roots! They were massive!

I went with everyone back to the tavern in Vulks. Puppers stayed close to me the entire trip. Calmly followed Cinnamon. Cinnamon didn't seem to mind him. I am glad for this. I think everytime I go out, I'll have him with me. Annor works and hunts.. He won't always be with me. Be able to escort me places. And I need freedom too. I can't spend my life caged in the house, too scared to go into the forest. Eventually staying in the house, it'll drive me nuts. I just know it. It still frightens me greatly. But with Puppers at my side, it's not so bad. He's a good boy and very loyal.

When we got back, found Terrance by a table. I spent a bit talking to him. Even though I really wanted to go check on Tiger. He was gone this morning and I couldn't find him. But it was good to see Terrance again. I remember him talking to Keys and me in S'renja. He helped some of the others calm us down after the ghost incidents. I never forgot that. Though, ghosts still scare me and worry me. I won't cover that up. It's the truth..

We talked for a bit. Estre apparently don't like him. I don't understand why though. He's so nice. He's a good man. And a good friend. How could anyone hate someone like him? Maybe he's right.. Maybe it's just an altmer thing. But I don't want to believe that. There's good and bad in everyone. I see good in him.

A nice lady approached us after that. She suggested ideas of how to find Tiger. I left after that. Puppers kind of lead me out.. by running out. So I didn't really have a choice. Tiger is still not here. I don't know where he's at. I left out some fish for him. I just hope it don't attract senche to the house.

I wanted to go back out. Go back to the tavern. But I got dizzy when I stepped outside. So decided to stay home. It's been a long day. I'm so tired.. Think I'll sleep now. Annor still isn't home yet. I left the door unlocked for him. Goodnight, diary.
DreamsAug 31, 2017
Aug 31, 2017 at 03:16 PM #41
31st of Last Seed

I can't believe it's the end of the month already. The days have just been slipping by. I've been so caught up work around the house, spending time with those at the house.. I didn't even notice it. But that's not a bad thing. With the past few injuries to my shoulders, I feel so rusty with my bow now. Think I'll spend the next few days practicing again. I need it. Missed every shot last night.

That reminds me. We had training last night. Though we didn't get to it really. We started, but then went to help with a troll problem. My mind was so caught up in everything, that I completely forgot to give someone the kitten I was holding. Lately, it's like my mind is in a haze. Been forgetting stuff a lot lately. I'm alright though. I think I'm just not getting enough sleep. Wren watched over the kitten.

We still got there in time though. I tried to help.. But I'm so damn rusty... I missed the first shot, second shot did nothing. I think if anything, it was a mild annoyance to the troll.. The third try, I never even fired the arrow. I fell off the root I was on. Lost my arrow and dropped my bow.

And yes.. I said troll.. That thing was big!... Though compared to the centur-whatever..thing.. It was still little. But it sure did smell bad. Kind of wonder why trolls smell like that..

Dissy sunk a dagger into the thing and was riding on it piggy-back. There was more that happened, but it happened fast. Then Rel... killed it.. with a broom! There's something in those bristles. I think a spear or something.. Whatever is hidden in it, remind me to never duel him while he has that weapon on him. Though I know he'd also never hurt me.

Storm mentioned tonight that some look at us as mercenaries. That's.. sad. Though, I guess I can see where they might. I'm nothing more than a hunter when I'm not running with the guild. Okay.. well I'm still learning to hunt.. But I'm still a hunter no matter which way you look it.

The one we helped tonight, he don't seem fond of bosmer. I wonder if a bosmer did something to him in the past or something. We don't all eat people.. Just those really into the pact stuff. I'm only loyal enough to it, to respect the forest and Y'ffre. Would never eat someone. Ew.
DreamsSep 07, 2017
Sep 07, 2017 at 11:06 PM #42
6th of Hearthfire

I'm sorry for not writing in you, diary. I've been so busy lately. Puppers needed training, so been spending a lot of time with my dog. Trying to see what all he knows already. Was right.. He was a hunting dog. He's a good boy. Taught him how to play a few games. Never knew playing hide and seek with a dog could be so much fun. When it was his turn, he lay down and covered his eyes with his paws. I doubt he counted, but he still came to find me. Then I had to find him. Wonder if anyone would believe me if I told them a dog can play that game.

Then last night, there was a job for the guild. We had to help what seemed like a merchant. He lost his chickens. Followed his directions to the letter and ended up in Grahtwood again. The place we went to.. It made me very uneasy. So quiet.. That's.. not normal. Especilly so far off the road. The jungle is usually full of life and noise. Not this area though. So quiet... We got attacked by two werewolves. They looked.. sick.. Or were they starved? .. They didn't look good. Everyone fought really hard. And I shot one in the eye!

Then.. Dissy got attacked. I thought she was a goner for a moment. Then she was alright. The wolf was dead.

That merchant.. He was a skooma dealer! His chickens were drugged.. The poor feathery things. And the whole place had skooma stashed everywhere... And... Terrance... drank skooma.. I hope he's alright..

When we got outside, I went with Afer. Dissy and J...I.. I can't spell his name.. But they fell through some stairs. Helped to get them out.. Then the skooma dealer was killed.

Was very happy to get out of that place when all was said done. Is all of the Grahtwood like that? Full of creepy places?

After I got home, I got sick. I don't think it's anything to really worry about. Maybe it's just all the stress from having been near feral things. Or I may have just gotten into something I shouldn't have. I still went to bed after all that though.
DreamsSep 12, 2017
Sep 12, 2017 at 12:24 AM #43
11th of Hearthfire

I had a strange, but good dream last night. I dreamed of a field of rabbits.. Just lots of rabbits. Though I wasn't hunting them. I was sitting with them. They were hopping all around me. There were a few on my lap, and Tiger and Puppers were even laying close by. As if watching over me. I've never had a dream like that before. It's a good different.. I like it. Wonder if I'll have more dreams like that again.

When I woke up, I was snuggled up to Annor. Puppers was laying against my stomach. And Tiger.. He was laying on Annor's hip. It took me a bit to even get myself to move.

Tried to make cookies again tonight. I burned them again. But a little less than the first time. At least, they're not all burned this time. I think I might just be starting to get the hang of this. I did manage to make sweetrolls though. Those I didn't burn. I left a tray of them in Xithic's room and the rest are in the kitchen.

This is the first time since I got kidnapped, that I've dared to go into the forest like this. I came out here to think.. After that dream, I wanted to see if maybe rabbits really would just surround me like that. I guess that was silly.. Though I did get to see some dragonflies. They looked like they were playing near some flowers. Flying around one another. Puppers hasn't left my side since we got here. Part of me.. don't want to go home. It's just so peaceful.. Sitting out here..
DreamsSep 14, 2017
Sep 14, 2017 at 04:07 PM #44
14th of Hearthfire

Last night was interesting. Puppers woke me up by sitting on me, yesterday. I think that he thinks that he's a small dog. Silly, over grown puppy. Annor was already gone for work. My stomach felt weird when I got up.. But it didn't last.

Spent the morning trying to train Puppers.. I'm not very good at training though. He was more interested in chewing on sticks and rocks. Yes... rocks. Tried to take it from him, though it didn't work. He hid under the table.

Then earlier today, I tried to make more cookies. I don't know what I did wrong this time! Argh! They came out like goop. Sticky, burned sweet smelling goop... Puppers ate it though. He didn't seem to care. I must have forgotten something. I just don't know what I forgot to add to the mixture.. It's probably something simple too..

I love sweet things.. It's why I want to learn. At least I'm getting better at cooking different meats.. So I guess.. that's at least something.

Last night was also weird.. I went up to the guild hall. It started off really good. Then went weird. I got promoted in the guild. I feel so proud. I am also more than happy to call Terath and Lu steward. They are good people, and I'm glad I can call them friend.

What went weird was the packages there.. A mercenary company sent them.. The same bastards that kidnapped Keys and the others awhile back. The weapons they sent were.... enchanted.. I think.. One of the blades summoned scamps and then there was a blade that Terrance had. It cut through the training dummy like it was air. Keys had boots that made her fly? ...No..not fly.. Just.. jump really high.

Then there was the bow I had.. Strange thing. It, fit in my hand so easily. I was surprised at how easy it was to hold onto it. It was a bigger bow than what I'm used to. It also has a strength to it that I've never felt before. It's.. hard to explain. When I fired it, it created it's own arrows. Just a never ending supply. I only shot two.. The bow.. It.. it made my hands get covered in bark!

It didn't hurt.. But it made my hands so stiff. It was difficult to move my fingers. And took a lot of effort to do it. By the end of it, my fingers were a little sore from the effort. It started at my finger tips. After the second shot, it was on my knuckles. I'm a little uneasy about that bow. Something isn't right. People turn to trees when they anger Y'ffre.. It's what I've been told.

Was this thing made in the Valenwood? Did the creator of it anger Y'ffre? And what of the mercenary group.... They sent those weapons.. Just how much do they know? Is... is there possibly a spy somewhere? I have a lot of questions. None of which I got answers for. I left the bow in the guild hall. I think it's safer there. Seems safer than taking it home. If it made my hands turn to bark, what would it do to Annor if he accidentally took it with him on a hunt?

I don't think I like that bow.. To be honest, it made me a little uneasy. Part of me regrets touching the crazy thing.. But... on the other hand.. It did reveal interesting things about it.. Never would have thought a bow could do things like that.. And the other weapons..

The one with lava.. the one Afer had.. That's really dangerous! And what about the one that the khajiit had.. Jri.. I think?.. It knocked people around. These things could be really bad in the wrong hands. Wonder if we'll have to touch them again.

Think I'll try to make more cookies.. Worse thing that can happen, is they turn into gunk again. At least cookies aren't dangerous.. Except for maybe burning my fingers on the tray.
DreamsSep 25, 2017
Sep 25, 2017 at 04:41 AM #45
24th of Hearthfire - [ The writing is jittery, and there's tear stains on the pages. ]

I tried to be brave through it all.. I...... So much happened. So many things... so much confusion. But I remember some of tonight. Though a good portion seems to have just.. fled. Not like I tried to forget on purpose. I tried to remember it all. But it all happened so fast..

Maybe I'll just start with how things started? ... I went for a walk with Dissy, Puppers... and a dark elf.. Hem-something.. He seemed nice.. We were attacked. Someone threw poison gas. I remember Dissy yelling run.. Then.. Nothing. I woke up in a place that I can't even pronounce without it sounding like a kid trying to say it.

Dissy, me and a bunch of others were slaves.. That Hem guy wasn't with us. Was he in on this?

I won't say what happened.. Because I've already forced myself to forget the slave things... I.. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to remember it. I'm just glad it's over. Freedom has never tasted so good.

By the gods however... If I ever see Terrance again, I swear it, I'm knocking him on his ass! ... He was involved.. He was fucking involved! Traitorous scum pile. I didn't hate him. Not at first. He was a friend. I respected him. I looked up to him. I trusted him. Now.. Now I want nothing more than to punch him in the mouth. Lying asshole.

'No one likes me' ....I wonder why...

Trusted him.. and for what? I haven't felt so much rage and hatred, since the night I ran away from home. I want so much to just... slap him senseless. But... he did get hurt.. But I'm not sure how.. Is it wrong of me to say that I felt nothing when Terrance was suddenly hurt? Is it wrong of me to say that I didn't care that he started to wander away from the portal when we were leaving?

I'm not hateful.. Hate takes too much energy.. But for him.. I can make that exception. He's an ass biscuit...

On the good side.. Lots came for us. But... only a few of us were saved. There's still some missing. I am worried about those missing. Terath and the others.. I want to hug them all.. I want to say thank you. Maybe I'll make cookies for everyone in thank you. Kashya hugged Estre and me when that crazy stupid jester tried to escape with smoke. I couldn't help it.. I clung to her.

Trying to be brave.. Even if it's just me pretending to brave.. Maybe I'm really not brave...

She pushed us into the portal. I'm glad she did. I didn't want to be in that horrible, ash riddled place. And that jester.. I hope he dies. Him and those connected to him. Slavers are terrible people!

I am glad to be back. I talked to Keys a bit. She sent me back home with a senche-lion... Leola. She's pretty. And Puppers seems to get along well with her. Puppers was trying to get her to play the entire way back. I am very worried for Keys. She looks so down..

Y'ffre... Protect her and everyone.. Please. I don't ask for much.. But I'm asking for this.. Watch over and protect her and the others. So much has happened.. I don't want others to suffer.
DreamsSep 30, 2017
Sep 30, 2017 at 07:03 AM #46
30th of Hearthfire

This has been a long month. So much has happened.. Bleh... At least next month will be better.. I turn eighteen in less than a week. The fourth is coming up so quick. I just hope I'm feeling better by then. Had a sour stomach for two days now.. Only thing staying down so far is water and deer meat. Anything else, isn't staying. Probably picked up a bug or something..

Think I'll go back to sleep..
DreamsOct 05, 2017
Oct 05, 2017 at 07:08 AM #47
Mild Spoilers
4th of Frostfall

Happy birthday to me! I'm eighteen now. Though I really don't feel much different.

I celebrated it mostly alone.. It's late.. so it's probably not even the fourth now. But it was mostly a good day. Aside from early this morning. This morning was just bad. Woke up, got some honey.. All I did was taste it, and my stomach went insane and I ended up puking repeatedly. So glad I had that bucket near by from dousing the fire the other night.

Spent most of this morning just sick. It finally stopped. Went for a walk and sat by the river for awhile before going home. Spent some time with Annor.

My day got better after that. Then I went to meet up with the guild tonight. There was a guy that hired us for a really stupid job. At first, I thought he had a cat that was trapped. He said there were beasts after "His Mittens". I thought immediately, it was a cat or maybe a dog. He said beasts invaded his shop, but wouldn't tell us exactly what sort of beasts.

As it turns out, it was just skeevers. They were quickly taken out. The guy on the other hand, his ... "Mittens".. was just a coat. A fur coat. Who names their coats?.. Seems.. silly.

He was convinced a woman was trying to run him out of business by releasing skeevers. I somehow, doubt it. Those things were intent on doing damage. If she had been involved, wouldn't she have been bitten at some point? I remember growing up in Woodheart, the docks there would sometimes have skeevers show up. Usually they just came looking for food. Sure, they carry disease. But if they're hungry enough, they'll go where there is food. At least, that's what a sailor there once told me.

After the job was done, I didn't stick around. I left with some others. Followed Afer back to town. I.. I seen Sadri by a tree.. And I seen Nammu. Thought it best to just go home after that.

I wish I knew what was going on with myself though. That's more important. Lately, just so tired. I don't know why. Or sick.. Or both. It's strange. Never felt anything like that before. Anyway, I think I'll sleep now. It's been long a day.
DreamsOct 06, 2017
Oct 06, 2017 at 04:41 AM #48
5th of Frostfall

Had to sneak out last night to go to the guild hall.. That's something I didn't say last night. I was too tired. I actually forgot about it. Snuck out, and snuck back in. Annor doesn't want me going far from the house. He's scared. I haven't been well lately. Nothing's staying down, and he knows it.

Today hasn't been much different. I went to the river again today. The fresh air helps a little. But at the same time, it don't. On the way home, I got sick again. What is causing this? I'm actually losing weight because of this.. My only saving grace is that my clothes are loose fitting. At least that hides some of the weight loss.

Annor says he's going to take me to a healer. I don't know what healer he has in mind though. There's only a few in town that I know of.

The animals also haven't left my side. I think they know I'm not feeling well. Think I'll go back to sleep.
DreamsOct 19, 2017
Oct 19, 2017 at 05:24 AM #49
Mild Spoilers
19th of Frostfall

I snuck out again tonight. Was feeling well enough, I didn't think it'd matter. Only one noticed that I've lost weight. I'm thankful for that. Ji says I need to eat more. I did manage to eat though today. It wasn't much.. But as long as I don't put honey on my food, I seem to be able to eat. Which is sad.. Honey is my favorite food. Damn it.

Town, and even the forest and roads are creepy right now. It's so foggy, I had to hold onto Pupper's collar to be able to navigate to town. He lead me to it. I'm thankful to have had him at my side. I'm not entirely sure what we were looking for tonight though. But I went out with the guild. We split into two groups. I went with Afer's group. Lu and Ji was with me. And a dunmer lady that I don't know. And then there was some other with us.

Creep factor aside from the fog, and the howling around us.. and the sounds of chains.. I thought things were going well enough. Till we got to the bridge. Then things started go to down hill. I couldn't see anything the entire time we were out there. Unless I was like.. right up next to someone. I stuck close to Ji because of this. He had a magelight spell. Wish I could do that.. But I don't know anything on magic. I'd probably hurt myself if I tried magic.

When we got to the bridge, we got pushed back. Afer fell. I though he got hurt. But he seemed okay. Then the dunmer lady got shot with an arrow. Then I got shot with a hook.. thing... On a chain. We both almost got dragged away when we were shot. I heard.. a voice.. I want to believe what the others told me. That it's not real. But.. it said.. 'everything I love, will turn to ash' .. among other things.. It's just a voice though, right? It can't really do anything, can it?

I can't go back home. It's too dangerous. So back to staying in the guild hall. I'm scared. No.. I'm terifiyed. But.. I can be brave. And that's what I plan to do. Honestly, I felt the same as I do now, when the siege happened. Scared but willing to fight. This is just like the siege in a way. At any moment, I almost expect daedra to appear.. Or worse, one of those.. crocodile.. things. But they're daedra too, I think.

Is this.. going to turn into another siege? I have so many questions.. But I don't think there's anyone here that can even answer them.

For now, I'll stay in the guild hall again. My stomach went sour again after biting the leather.. Just the taste... Maybe I'm really not over it... Whatever.. it... is..
DreamsNov 02, 2017
Nov 02, 2017 at 06:55 AM #50
1st of Sun's Dusk

The nausea finally stopped. Well.. not completely. But it's been less there the last few days. Though I think constantly being tired is worse. I'm getting nothing done. Even training Puppers has had to be paused. I want to train him more. I want to go on more hunts with him. But.. at the same time.. I just want to nap.

Went with the guild tonight.. Things started off nice. Everyone seemed cheerful.. Except there was talk of nightmares. What have I missed while trying to get better? It sounds important whatever it was.

When we got to the beach, things changed. I started to hear something playing.. A tune.. One I havne't heard since I was a small child. At least.. It sounded close to it. The song that my dad used to hum to me, to put me to sleep at night. The same song he used to use when he'd take me out to sea with him to fish. I don't know what the others heard though. Someone said they heard drums, I think.

The pretty music lead us to an island. The closer we got, the harder it got to resist. There was a warm feeling that washed over me. It made me want to lay in the sand. To just, forget my worries. I almost caved to it. Then we got to the island and everyone went straight for the water. Something was so off... then.. there were illusions of some kind. They started to try to hurt everyone.. to kill everyone.

I seen my dad.. I... I froze. I couldn't even bring myself to draw my bow. All I could do was just stand there and stare at him. Even now, I can still see him in the back of my mind.. Staring at me.. and beckoning me to him. Pleading with me to go to him. Then.. the knife.. Someone threw a knife. I don't know who. I suddenly seen a strange elf instead. A mew.. a mowmer. An illusion.. My dad was just an illusion and Adso killed him..

The fog, these sea elves... How do they know so much about everyone? So many people had to fight things that they seemed to recognize. Have these mer been watching us? That thought really don't sit well with me. It scares me and makes me worry. And then there's the whispers from the time before tonight...

"You'll never get better.. Everything you care for will turn to ash."

How did they know I've been sick? I've tried to stay away from everyone, while I was under the weather. I didn't want to pass on whatever I had picked up.

I want to stay home..More than ever.. But.. I know I can't. I have to go back to town. I can't just stay home all the time. I can't keep cowering. But.. I also don't feel like a brave fighter right now..

Edited Nov 02, 2017 at 06:56 AM by 0

DreamsNov 25, 2017
Nov 25, 2017 at 08:36 AM #51
25th of Sun's Dusk

Not sick.. I'm not sick. I know why I've had so many issues now. I'm pregnant. I'm both excited and terrified. What if I'm not a good mother? What if I'm just like my mother was? I don't want to be like her. Remembering how she made me feel when I was young, it's... not a good feeling. I never want to make another feel that way.

Wonder how to tell the others.. I know I need to tell Terath at least. I hope I'll still be allowed on jobs. Even if I just stick to helping the healers. I don't know much on healing, but I know how to bandage and stitch wounds. At least enough to stop the bleeding on wounds that need stitching.

I have to stay in town again. Annor has started to renivate the house. And he won't let me help. He says my condition is too delicate. As if. I've run jobs with the guild, and done just fine. But I don't want to make him mad. He seems so stressed lately. Before I left, I found paper with tally marks on it. I don't know what to think of these. Are they important for something?

Won't pressure him into telling me what it's for though. He's stressed enough. I love him and don't want to be the reason he's stressed. Though... I.. I wish he'd open up and talk to me. He seems to have a lot on his mind..

It feels strange.. staying in my old rented room. Renting it again.. But if this takes some of the pressure off, I'll do it. Puppers don't like it here. I think he misses Annor. Tiger don't seem to care though. The cat has been sleeping on the hammock since we got here.

Think I'll sleep for awhile.. It is late..

Edited Nov 25, 2017 at 08:38 AM by 0

DreamsDec 29, 2017
Dec 29, 2017 at 10:45 AM #52
30th of Sun's Dusk

So much has happened.. Terath no longer leads us.. That's a big one. Afer now leads. I still don't know how to bring up the subject of being pregnant... I was also promoted. I know I to tell Afer soon though. So I'm not sent on things that could be too dangerous.. And Annor is gone. No note.. no goodbye.. Just.. gone. He's been gone for awhile.. I... I don't know what to think.

He seemed so excited to be a dad.. But now.. I can't help but wonder if he's getting cold feet about it all. I mean.. the marriage, the baby.. All of it. Maybe.. I'm just reading too much into this. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and he'll be home. Could I be that lucky?

There was some training today.. We fought with brooms. Was fun. I'm sore, but it was still fun.

Edited Dec 29, 2017 at 10:45 AM by 0

DreamsDec 29, 2017
Dec 29, 2017 at 10:48 AM #53
10th of Evening Star

I don't know how far along I am.. I miss Annor. Is he mad at me? Went back home yesterday. I know the house is still under construction. But.. I missed home. Puppers and Tiger both seem glad to be back.

Edited Dec 29, 2017 at 10:48 AM by 0

DreamsDec 29, 2017
Dec 29, 2017 at 10:55 AM #54
18th of Evening Star

There's a tiny bump to my belly now. I noticed it this morning.. If I wear loose clothes, or my armor, it's not noticable yet.. So.. I guess there's that. Home is very lonely. It's just me and the animals. Some days, I swear I can smell Annor's scent in the house.. Especially when I go to bed. I miss him so much.

My mother sent another letter. Demands I go to see her. Puppers ate the letter. Tiger is now missing. I tried to find him.. But I guess the cat don't want to be found. I never knew I could feel so lonely.. Even with Puppers with me.

There's so much I want to say.. But.. I just don't know where to even begin.. Maybe another time. I'm going back to bed.
DreamsDec 29, 2017
Dec 29, 2017 at 11:08 AM #55
20th of Evening Star

I caught a small deer today. I barely was able to tug it back to the house. I'm going to try to string it up later tonight. I'm just too tired to do it right now. Always so sleepy lately.
DreamsDec 29, 2017
Dec 29, 2017 at 11:15 AM #56
27th of Evening Star

There was a job today.. If I ever see a spider, it'll be too soon! I don't want to ever see another spider for a long time. We had to save a mage's pet. I thought it was a dog or maybe a cat. He seemed really frightened for it.. But he also seemed like.. well... There's nothing polite I can say.. So leaving it alone.

His pet turned out to be a flame atro...monster.. thing.. Fire beastie. To get to it and an angry dog, we had to fight off a massive group of spiders. They took bites out of everyone. I'm just glad they weren't poisonous. This makes me hate spiders even more.. Then there were the traps.. Those were set there by a person. Not a pet. I can't help but wonder if that mage lead us all into that cave just make us walk through that not so fun-fun house.

There was a spike trap too. And giant bats. I've never seen bats that big! Giant! One tried to take Varr and drop him off the ledge. But he's safe. I'm thankful he's safe.

Went home after that. Was there long enough to have a bath and start cleaning and bandaging the bites, and Annor came home! He's home! I'm so happy! His hands though.. Y'ffre... His hands are... raw looking. I can't help but to wonder what he's been doing all this time.. Though he hasn't said.. He just said that if anything ever happened to me... Then we just sat and held each other.

I'm tired.. But.. I don't want to sleep. I'm scared that if I close my eyes, this will all just be a dream.. And he'll be gone again..

Edited Dec 29, 2017 at 11:19 AM by 0

DreamsJan 01, 2018
Jan 01, 2018 at 11:57 PM #57
[ The writing is jittery and smears in several places. ]

1st of Morning Star

There's so much on my mind... I just.. don't know where to begin with it all... I guess, I'll just focus on one thing at a time. My mind feels like it's racing. And I got no way to slow it down..

When I think of what he said last night, my heart even starts racing. And it's not in a good way. It's the scared.. panicky way. I'm not scared of him, but for him. There's so much risk right now...

He didn't leave because of cold feet.. He didn't leave because of me.. Y'ffre.. What have I stepped in? What has he stepped in?

I thought maybe.. I was the reason he was leaving all the time. I thought maybe the news of the baby had.. frightened him. Thought maybe it was just.. cold feet. I never expected him to tell me what he did though...

Y'ffre... What.. have we stepped in..?

Nothing could have prepared me for what he said. I told him I thought I was the reason. He started to sweat.. then barely could even look me in the eye.. I'm not the reason, but I don't know how to take this news.

After past brushes with an assassin, how did I miss it? I should have seen something was off.. But I didn't. I thought he was just a hunter and an ex soldier... But he was coming home sometimes without anything from hunts.. I thought he was just having a bad couple of hunting trips... How did I miss it? I keep.. racking my brain trying to figure it out..

But I got nothing.

If money is this tight, maybe it's time I start stealing again. I want to help. I want to do something to help.. I don't know if it'll help.. But stealing is better than... I can't finish that.... Or.. maybe I can talk to Lucia for more work around the tavern..

Gods.. Has things really spiraled this far? When did they start to spiral? I just don't get it. Why didn't I see it?

Though in my condition, I doubt I'd make a very good thief. I'm not even sure if I remember how. It's been so long.

I know I love him. I know in my heart he's the one I want. His secret is my secret.. I'll keep it. I'll... I'll take it to my grave if I have to.

It don't stop me from worrying about the future though. Am I wrong for keeping this a secret? I may not be strong or all that smart.. But.. I love him. I don't want to lose him. I want to stand by him, like I know he would stand by me. When I told him that I had once been a thief, he never once flinched away. He just quietly listened. I want to do the same for him. To be there.

But this secret is big. And could be a danger to him, the baby.. and myself. What do I do?

I.. I must be crazy.. Or.. maybe I'm just as bad. I don't even know anymore. With this secret, am I even worthy being called a member of the Fighter's Guild? We stand for good things.. I can't say what's going on now, is good..


This.. is... a screwy... way to start out a new year..

..Y'ffre.. Protect us.. Protect us from the things around us, and from ourselves.

[ There's a prayer written in bosmeri at the bottom of this entry. ]

Edited Jan 01, 2018 at 11:57 PM by 0

DreamsJan 04, 2018
Jan 04, 2018 at 05:08 AM #58
4th of Morning Star

He... He don't like me working for the fighter's guild. Because I always get hurt.. It's just the risk of the job.. All jobs got risks though.. Bartenders deal with rowdy patrons. Guards deal with crime and always got the risk of things going bad. I just wish, he could see things from my view. I left crime behind.

I spent so much of my life under my mother's thumb. So over protected, to the point, that little things in life that others knew, I didn't. Because she didn't want me to learn. Or at least.. that's how it feels. I turned to theft, and became good at it. It felt good to go against her rules. Running with my friends.. She hated them. That made it even more fun.

But I got a good life now. I have friends that don't expect me to risk imprisonment, just to secure some random bauble from a noble. It's honest work with them. I trust the guild, and look up to Afer and the others.

My dad is dead.. my mother.. I don't want to even think about. The guild is like family. I just wish Annor could see that. Maybe I'm selfish for feeling this way.. He's risking life and limb on... jobs... I won't say what kind. If anyone were to ever break in and find this book.... I don't want to endanger him just for writing in this thing..

There's so many thoughts going through my head.. With how serious things have gotten, I am scared to open up to anyone.. Not with this.. I don't want to be the reason the town turns against him. I have Puppers I can talk to.. But it's not the same as a person.. This book is as close as it gets, I guess.. Though sometimes I feel crazy or writing in this. Like I'm talking to myself..

I want to continue to do good things. To help others, by working with the guild. I don't want to give that up. I thought I wanted to just prove myself before. But now.. I just like helping others. I'll steal if I have to.. But I really don't want to..Going back to it.. what if I lose friends? The friends I have now are good people.

Edited Jan 04, 2018 at 05:08 AM by 0

DreamsJan 13, 2018
Jan 13, 2018 at 02:19 AM #59
12th of Morning Star

There's so much going through my head.. Where to start.. I dunno..

It's getting harder to hide my bump. I noticed it this morning. I'm going to have to tell Afer soon. I don't want to go on a risky job and risk the baby. There's always risk when there's jobs. Though I bet if people looked closely at me, they'd probably know something was different. The bump is there.. but it's not like.. huge. But still..

I wonder how big I'll get before it's all said and done...

Edited Jan 13, 2018 at 02:19 AM by 0

DreamsFeb 03, 2018
Feb 03, 2018 at 06:48 AM #60
3rd of Sun's Dawn

I'm starting to worry for Annor. He keeps coming home.. very drunk. Last night he fell on the floor, was talking in third person. This morning, I woke and he was gone. Y'ffre, I'm so worried for him. For us. Something is bothering him.. I wish he'd tell me what is it. Open up to me.. In a few months, we'll be parents.. if the stress doesn't put an end to it. Shouldn't we trust one another?

Spoke to Kasi this morning. She said that stressing and worrying while pregnant, is never a good thing. She also lectured me again. So young, she said. I'm not a child any more. I wish others would see that. Eighteen now. Doesn't that make me grown? I guess asking in here won't get any answer to that.

Y'ffre.. please, please, please.. Protect Annor. He says he worries about me being involved with the guild. But it's honest work. Whatever he's doing, I think it's eating him up inside. I don't think I've ever seen him drink so much before.. Please, just watch over him.. protect him. To be honest, I think he needs your protection.. More than I do.

Edited Feb 03, 2018 at 06:50 AM by 0

DreamsFeb 08, 2018
Feb 08, 2018 at 04:07 PM #61
8th of Sun's Dawn

It's only been a few days since we got here, and already I love this place. It's beautiful and peaceful. There don't seem to be nearly as many dangers here as there is in Malabal Tor. Though I miss the treepod. I miss home. Annor is.. I'm not sure where. I know he didn't make the trip with me when I left with Puppers.

There's so much here that I want to explore. But I don't know how far out I should go just yet. I don't know my way around, and I'm a little scared I'll get lost if I go too far. But it's so pretty here..

There was a job with the guild last night. Another dwarfy thing that went nuts. I had one dwarf spider.. thing.. awhile back. It shocked me and attacked. Annor had to break it to make it stop attacking. This thing wasn't much better. The psycho ball thing made a box explode and rolled out. Then there was a troll. I just.. kind of stood back and watched everything. I wasn't sure how to help.

I forgot my damned bow. I should have taken it with me. I had my daggers, but not much help. I helped Adsomar, Sara and Estre skin and clean the troll. That is the grossest thing I've ever done. Cleaning deer isn't even that gross.

Afer knows now. I finally was able to tell him. He seemed really surprised. But at least I won't be on risky jobs. He's going to let me still help out though. I'm grateful for that. The guild is like family. Being around them, makes me happy.

I think I also have a new friend. I don't know her name though, but she seems really nice. Afer said I could help her with inventory. Or even cooking for the other guild members. I just hope I don't let anyone down.

Think I'll wrap this up though. So much to do.. And so much to still explore. I almost.. hope... we stay here. Is that wrong?

Edited Feb 08, 2018 at 04:10 PM by 0

DreamsFeb 25, 2018
Feb 25, 2018 at 05:10 AM #62
24th of Sun's Dawn

So.. it's official.. We're not leaving this place. But we don't have a choice in the matter. The Dominion drove us out of Vulkwasten. I've heard people talking.. But I wasn't awake for what happened in Vulkwasten.. Did the spinners really make the soldiers force us to leave? Or was the Dominion doing it by themselves? I wish I had been awake for it..

My home.. I don't even think I can return to it. My home was just a short walk from Vulks. Would the Dominion and the spinners even let me return the pod? Living in a tent will only work for so long.

Annor is angry.. I can't tell anymore if he's angry with himself from the work he's been doing, or if he's angry with the Dominion. But I'm worried about him.

Now we've got a bigger problem. There's a food shortage. I.. probably shouldn't be doing this. Annor says he don't want me doing anything that could equal into me getting hurt. But the town needs food. So I'm going to do what I can to help out. I just hope I can be able to carry back what I kill from the hunts. That's.. if I find anything worth taking down. A lot of the game seems to have scattered since we got here.

Then there's the things that have happened with the guild. The fighter's guild has fallen apart. But we're sticking together still. I am happy for that. I look up to Afer. He's like the big brother I never had. And the others, I have no problem saying what I think of them. They're all like family to me. They're the closest to a family that I got. And they're my friends. I'm glad we didn't go our seperate ways. We're now all part of a merecenary company. The Iron Leaf Company.

All the time I was a member of the Fighter's Guild, I never realized I was sorta a mercenary. So.. I guess it's not really so different. I'm just happy that we're not going to be forced away and to other places, like Daggerfall. I couldn't imagine life outside of the Valenwood. And I know Annor would never agree to leave the Valenwood either.

The biggest upside to all this, is that Annor is now here with me. He brought Tiger with him. The things in our pod, we can easily replace them. So long as he's with me, and Tiger and Puppers are too, then anywh...

[ The rest of the page is taken over by large muddy dog paw prints. Where Puppers had knocked the book from her hands. ]
DreamsApr 18, 2019
Apr 18, 2019 at 03:02 AM #63
5th of Mid Year

So much has happened since last I was able to write in this book. Where to begin.. First should be the most important thing I think. I had the baby last week. It was a close call. I nearly bled out apparently. But Miss Kasi was there, and stopped it. She has helped me in the past. And because she traveled with the town when we left Vulkwasten, she was here. I am lucky for this. She helped deliver the baby. A baby girl. We've named her Hyla. Sweet little princess. My world.

But other things have happened. Kasi has also left town. She left a few days after the baby was born. Said that it was time for her to move one. And the rest of the town.. They have left too. Annor says they have moved on to Auridon. I miss everyone already. But I need to rest.. Annor wants me to rest. He's right. I did just bring a life into the world.. Our sweet little girl. As much as I want to go to Auridon too, he is right.

[ There's a gap between writing. In fact, it skips the remainder of the year. It seems the book was forgotten amongst her belongings. However it picks up nearly a year later.. This being current day. And Lin now being nineteen. Her daughter nearly a year old.]

4th of Rain's Hand

Our home is growing still. But soon, we will no longer be staying in a tent. Soon we will have our pod again. The priests say it's just the entrances that remain. That the rest of it is done. I wish they'd hurry up. What will our home be like? Will it be like the one we had in Malabal Tor? I can't believe we're going to live in Grahtwood. It's exciting.

And even better, my mother no longer knows where I am. With luck, she'll never find me again.

I think I've grown to love this place. Grahtwood is far more peaceful than what Malabal Tor was. There's afflicted in the jungle, yes. But not nearly as thick as it was there. And I found a nice place to fish. It's a bosmer village just beyond the gates of Reaper's March. Willow Grove. The people there are very friendly, and allow me to use their pond to fish. It's just a short walk from home. That's a good thing. It makes it so much easier.

I want to visit my brother. Wonder if it'd be possible to find him. I can't wait to be able to show him the home when it's done. Wonder how he's doing. Miss Nirian so much.
DreamsApr 19, 2019
Apr 19, 2019 at 03:45 PM #64
18th of Rain's Hand

Can't believe it. Iron Leaf is no more? Seriously? Truly out of work then. I wonder if town has need of hunters? Or maybe.. Ugh.. I don't want to do it.. But I guess I could return to working in the tavern if they'll have me. I don't enjoy standing behind a counter though. But something has to be done. The Green Priests will want to be paid completely soon. We've put so much of our money into our home. But they're not paid off entirely yet. Damn it.

What's Auridon even like? I've never been there. I'm a little scared to go there. One thing at a time though. One thing at a time.

First there's the Vinedusk Rangers I have to speak to. If I'm lucky, they'll help me find my father. Nirian has been looking for him, I know that. My brother doesn't believe he's dead. I've spent so long believing what my mother told us. That he had passed on.. Seen her parade of boyfriends she had over the years before I ran away.. I want to believe what Nirian believes. I want to believe he's out there.

If our dad really is alive, if there's a chance.. I just know the Vinedusk Rangers can help. They help people don't they? Dad always said they were good people, even if they were exempt from the binds of the Green Pact. He always disliked that. But his thoughts on them shouldn't matter. If they can help, then I think we should go to them. It's been six years.. I hope that's not too long. Nirian has given me hope. I want to believe.. I need to believe.

And our mother.. Y'ffre.. That woman has fallen too far. The insults, the being tore down.. That was one thing. But now she's turned out right violent! She.. she struck him. She struck my brother. And would have done so again, had she not been stopped. She's changing.. Or perhaps she already changed by the time I ran away. I can't say for sure. But she's not the woman I remember from when I was a child. She changed when I was thirteen. And it's only gotten worse.

If dad were here.. He wouldn't stand for it. I can promise it.

Met Nirian's beautiful altmer lady. Aurene. She's really nice, and little Hyla adores her. Not once did the baby fuss when she held her. Hyla seemed content actually to just be held by her. I hope my brother marries Aurene. She's good with kids, protective and very nice. She's the one that stopped our mother from striking Nirian again. Honestly, surprised Nirian and Aurene don't have kids of their own. But they've been traveling, so I can understand I guess. Otherwise, they'd be raising their child in a tent like we are.

Think I'll check on the pod in the morning, and then try to find the Vinedusk Rangers. Not even sure how to contact them. How does one do that? I've never even seen one. Or if I have, I don't remember it. I hope they are what my dad used to tell me about them. I hope they really are good people. I hope they can help us with this.