Journal of Fedris

Styletta and Gils are healthy again, the whole village seems to be well. Whatever that illness was, I'm thankful it's passed. The past few months have been fruitful in putting undead back into the ground, as they say. Yet every fang I pull out or body burned still does little to end this feeling of futility. How many beasts had Afer and the Fighter's Guild put down? How many deaths under their collective belts? It only took one lapse of attention, one mistake, it hardly seems possible.

I look at the Fighter's Guild now and see so many new eager swords and brave hearts, I only hope they understand the borrowed time every warrior lives in. It's a life I can no longer persist, Afer's passing and the new heartbeat of life at the guild have made this clear to me now. Miss Lucrezia had been in a tailspin for some time now, but I believe sera Terath will lead her down a more responsible and disciplined path once again. In any case, it could prove to set a good example to the younger in the village, most notably Kana and Falen.

The lack of guard presence has been concerning to me, not that the guard don't work their best, but I fear outside obligations have bleed the village of a vital protection. Worse still, bodies of cursed men and woman and a few unfortunates were found north along the village road. Terath believes it to be a warning, I'm not going to doubt his judgment, but I doubt the village's ability to protect itself. The Fighter's Guild can only do so much for its people.

We did it! I can scarcely believe it myself, but my own breath validates the truth. Over the past few days the daedra, werewolf, and vampire problem have only worsened. Attacks were common and the threat grew by the hour it seemed. After an initial wave of daedra the other night forced the villagers to buckle down and defend, I feared the worse would come to pass, that we'd lose Vulkwasten.

Last night the problem boiled over. Daedra poured into the village, some werebeasts carried in by, winged twilights I believe they are called? Nasty harbyesque women. Truth be told a few of them sounded very similar to a harbor wench I bedded years ago in Suran. All joking aside, the villagers and fighter's guild fought as our lives depended on it, those who couldn't fight were boarded up in the clinic, inn, and any shelter they could find. My dear Styletta and little Gils, leaving them was the hardest thing I've had to do of late, but for the good of all the families in the village, I needed to join the fight.

I managed to help bring down a Xivilai with one of my axes, but I've lost the other in the fray. I witnessed such courage that night, Miss Wren fought with a spirit that could be matched with her lover, the Steward Terath. Lucrezia took command of our group, it was a proud moment for her. I wish I could say I witnessed more, but...

My memory is spotty. I believe the sweet khajiit Archer, Ty, fell atop me, but it was the force of a werewolf ramming into my head that I think did more damage to me. It cracked my helm. Ma' the khajiit took a hard hit from one of the larger daedra, he wasn't alone though. Aliham was busy with all the other healers mending broken bones, but the smell of scorched flesh...I won't forget that horrible smell.

Many brave villagers fought, I wish I could name them all but alas, I'd run out of paper. Ink can't do such bravery justice. In any case, the portal was shut and the village still stands stronger than ever. We did suffer losses...none I knew personally, but the village weeps for their lost. I only hope their souls rest easy knowing their sacrifice was not in vain.

Never have I been so fortunate to kiss my wife and son.

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I have considered shaving my head, taking up a wolf tail style recently, in honor of Afer. I wonder if Lucrezia will help me? Not sure what to do with any hair that's not on my chin.

I've been promoted in the guard, but I have no reason to celebrate. Our son, our little Gils, I failed to protect him and now his life is in danger. They say nothing brings out the worst in another like desperation...I fear this is true. Some witch of a woman is working to collect some sort of debt I owe? I don't know who would do this to us, I am not a mer of wealth, I've never been! I fear it may be related to my days in Morrowind, but we never truly hurt anyone then, I'm sure we didn't. And Reliza, a murderer?! He is a pain in the ass but I can't see him murdering anyone!

I've never seen Styletta so heartbroken, not even with the death of her brother. Every tear she sheds burns through me, I should have done more. This 'Ray', how could someone be so heartless, to harm an innocent infant?! Alex...Lu has tried to assure me he must have meant no ill, that this must be a misunderstanding...if that's the case I don't care. It won't bring our son back, but when I see him I'm going to deck him in the jaw.

If I don't bring this witch the gold, I fear the worst. I made a terrible decision, but I have to do what's best for my family, for my son. Rillina will be turned in for the reward to her former master. It...disgusts me to think about. I dare not tell my father or Lucrezia this deal. Even if Rillina is okay with it. It doesn't matter after all this is over I swear to my ancestors I will bring her home.

We just want to hold our son again. Gods, help us.

I sold my friends mother back to slavery. I tried to kill my best friend when I gave my word I wouldn't. The ends always justified the means before but, now I'm not sure. My son's life was worth more than Lu's mother's happiness and saftey, more than my friendship with Lu. My best friend's life was worth more than strangers with the same...

I'm not the man I used to be. Would she even forgive me if she knew?