Chays Corrilyr's Journal

(A new leather-bound book sits in Chays's trunk next to his neatly folded socks and underwear)

The first page is a map with 'W', 'V', and 'D' marked on it in places, some crossed out. The next four pages are drawings - portraits of one man's head and shoulders per page, all handsome altmer in Dominion uniform. Three are quite young and one is slightly older, with scars on his face. The drawings are skillfully done win thin, careful lines and shaded with hatching.

Dear Journal,

Dear

To whoever reads this, I guess,

I'm Chays Corrilyr, and if you're seeing this, then I'm probably dead.

My unit (consisting of the men drawn on the previous pages) was accosted by werewolves while I scouted ahead seeking locals to talk to. Their bodies are still out in the Green. The cursed were still within earshot when I returned, and would have surely taken me as well if I'd tried to move the cart. Our horses were missing - surely eaten by now. I survived by chance, only to get severely wounded by a Clannfear while defending a little town called Vulkwasten. There was a Hunger with it, a second Clannfear, and several blood fiends. The townsfolk and I just barely won. My injury - which will leave a scar on my front forever - was the easiest to treat, I'm sure. I wish I hadn't screamed like a baby when they cauterized it. I had thought I was made of better stuff.

I'm going to send word off with the next supply run. I hope my missive makes it to the Battlereeve - we need as much help as we can get. The woods are crawling with these things, and there are women and children still in town. Many of the women are more than competent, but one womer I met is pregnant, and I'm pretty sure I saw a little bosmer girl shooting in the fight. There seems to be only one supply line open as I write this. I wish I had stayed home and become a carpenter or something instead of enlisting. I also wish I had tried harder with that bard - if I'm to leave this world, I'd like to kiss one last beautiful woman before I depart. Maybe a local will be so kind.

If I truly am dead, please bring this journal with, if possible, my remains to the Corrilyr Family Bakery on Auridon.

Things are quiet this morning. I met a nice khajiit named Zalya last night. She might work at the bar, which gives me ample opportunity to see her. My wound is almost healed up now, and my fever has run its course, I think. I hope the next battle will go better for us. There's yet another kid in the village now - seems to have been separated from his family, if I'm remembering what he said correctly. We're making some headway along the north coast - if it were me, I'd focus on that region, but I don't know what the plan is beyond 'let's fight anything that gets too close to Vulkwasten'.

Althiira came to the town. I wish I hadn't suggested it. She at least helped me along some with Zalya, but if anything happened to her here, I'd feel absolutely terrible. I mean to apologize to her if she doesn't leave before I get the chance.

(A death certificate is tucked into the pages. The cause of death is simply listed as "Bandits".)

Legally dead, but the bandit thing is a mistake. I'm not dead or undead. Were I the latter, I doubt I'd even remember how to write. At least it means I get to join the local guard. Kashya says the same thing happened to her.

Zalya seems overworked even on her first day. I guess Miss Lulie is pregnant and missing her husband, and has been harsh on her workers. Theo and I tried to convince Zalya to take a break. He seems really nice, but he also pointed out that Zalya and I are awkward together. I hope I'm not awkward with my own sex, and that I make friends with the other guards.

Spent more time alone with Zalya. We're eleven years apart, but it could be worse. She was worried I was a hundred years older than her. She told me about how moon sugar is moonlight from Jone and Jode, and you make it a part of you by ingesting it. I wish I knew that when I was twelve and tried some with the khajiit kids from the next village over. I'm humbled by the bosmer and khajiit so often - my people are mistaken about them. I don't know what to tell her about my culture in turn. I didn't have a very traditional upbringing. I was an accidental almost-bastard and grew up helping in a bakery. It sounds more like something that would happen with nords. Still, there's no shame in growing up by earning my keep. Plus, it's best to just tell the truth, even if it makes me feel even more awkward than I apparently am. The latent bard in me just wants to wax poetic about Mara, but I suspect that I don't actually make a good bard.

Three broken ribs, and a spleen damaged. What does a spleen even do?

That was maybe a week ago. Time is hard to track in this stuffy clinic, especially when you sleep most of the day AND night. There's not much else to do. I lift what I can. Estre's food is top-notch. I'm not sure but I think I called her grandma when I was out of it. She hasn't poisoned me for it. Yet. Maybe she's trying to fatten me up for the bosmeri.

There was another attack tonight. A lot of people were bitten by vampires. One was already turning. They wanted to try to cure him. A few were reasonable about it and wanted to do the right thing, but they argued too long and let him get away. Kashya and Wren - I don't know either too well - were fighting over someone named Ray? I don't know her at all, but I guess she's a skooma dealer. It sounds like Wren might try to make trouble over her. I'll have to be extra vigilant if I'm stationed by the cell. They were arguing over that and the vampire thing at the same time. It was confusing.

Zalya's been around while I've been sleeping. I wish I hadn't had huge bruises the first time she saw me half-naked, but with so much fighting going on, I guess being in a clinic in a state of undress is to be expected at some point.

Fighting is horrible, but part of me is itching for another round with the daedra. I guess I just want them out of here, and want to be useful again. Still need a few days. I guess I'll help clean when I can get out of bed for more than a minute at a time. Every bit helps, right?

One page is mostly taken up with a portrait of Tarethis in the vein of the first few pages.

Can't recall his name. We talked once. He died bravely in the fight I couldn't make it to.

Managed a shift today, and I moved back into my room. It's nice to have a space that feels secure and smells good again. Maybe I should get a potted flower to brighten things up.

One fellow - an Imperial I think - fell off the Fighter's Guild ramp after a swarm of bees attacked him. He's also had his toes crushed and his blade snapped in two in the past. Very happy for someone that kind of thing seems to happen to on the regular. I like him, but I also worry about the luck he'll have on the excursion to pick off remaining daedra that Terath may send him on. I wish I could go.

Guarding the tavern is boring. I like the late night shifts spent patrolling closer to the woods, on the borders of town. I talk to the animals a lot - Zalya thinks it's cute that I do that. Apparently talking about owls works, at least for her. Who knew?

I saw a senche tiger carrying her cub around in her mouth tonight. The other cubs were underfoot like house cats. It made me kind of sad. I'm not sure why - maybe I'm homesick, or maybe just lonely? I haven't made a lot of friends outside of dating Zalya. I should get on that. It came so easy when I was young - you just ask some kid if he wants to play, and the next thing you know fifteen years have passed and you're the best man at his wedding. People seem nice here, at least. I just have to get to know them better.

I think I got my Dominion training knocked out of my head at some point. We tried swords and shields today and I'm just awful at it. I wasn't this bad in the army.

I also had no idea what I was doing when investigating a murder today, and I guess walked in on a meeting I shouldn't have even though it took place in the public, unlocked Fighter's Guild Hall with a thin curtain for a door? The guard force in this town is a mess. The whole day I felt like I was just getting kicked out of every post I tried to do my job in, until the shield training. At least the girl next to me picked me for practice right away. I hear about people who always got picked last for teams in the schoolyard and was worried it would end up that way.

I'd just quit and leave if it weren't for having a girl here. She also talks about leaving. Maybe we should, but where would we go? I can't take her home as there's no work there. The khajiit village next door might accept us, but I've had rolls in the hay with two of the girls there. It'd be awkward having to introduce them. Everything I do is awkward.

Maybe we'd blend in better in Elden Root with more people. Maybe I'm overthinking things and everything is fine. I want nothing more than to go home. I could so easily lie about a sick relative or a wedding or a funeral. It wouldn't feel right, though. I'd probably manage to mess it up somehow.

There was an auction in town today. I am the proud broke new owner of blueprints on how to make candlesticks in the Dunmer and Redguard styles. Probably could have figured it out on my own, but the proceeds went to the clinic. I paid up more than what I bid, though; I did get my broken ribs fixed, after all. Beds sure cost a lot of money, and one little girl bought a stockade. She was bidding against a man. I will have to keep an eye on them both.

(Rough,but recognizable sketches of Kana and Alexandus are drawn here.)

The bounty on the werewolf Cimber is a total of sixteen thousand - one thousand from the town, nine from the skooma-addicted prisoner (claims it's an inheritance; I suspect otherwise), and another six from someone named Jorric. I don't need that much gold, myself, but I would spoil Zalya if I had it. Perhaps I should get some silver-tipped arrows with my next pay.

Yesterday I talked to Theo and Wren for a while. We were teasing a fellow named Terrance about how he apparently likes Kashya. He said he didn't, but the way he described being around her is the way I felt around every pretty woman before dating Zalya. I was honestly amazed with myself that I could so easily fall into conversation with a woman like Wren. She's gorgeous. I wonder if I'll end up sweaty-palmed and stammering again after I lose Zalya, one way or the other. If she doesn't come to her senses about me, I'll outlive her, but I don't care. My desire for her outweighs my fear of heartbreak like a mammoth outweighs a mouse. She would love that line, I bet.

Theo keeps mentioning my ass. Can't say I mind. At least someone notices the work I put into my physique. Would it be weird to admit that I kind of like how small he is? I guess I can be as weird as I want in here. Nobody's going to read this until I'm dead, anyway.

For the record I harbor no lustful feelings towards males.

(There's one last entry in the journal. It's entirely in Ta'agra, and written by an unsteady hand. Time and thought were clearly put into the entry. Below is a translation.)

Dear Chays,

I’ve wanted nothing more than to speak with you again. Just one last conversation. There’s so much I wanted to say. I’m sorry that I was working so much, and that we didn’t get the chance to spend more time together, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t there to help you with your work, or that when we did see each other, we spent so much of our time worrying about a future that wasn't going to happen. I’m sorry that it ended the way it did.

I’ve felt so many things this week, but the last feeling I thought I’d feel was anger. Every day I would ask you to stay safe, and even though you said you would, I knew you never listened. You were always a hero. I fell in love with you because you always put the well being of others before the well being of yourself. You were thoughtful, and kindhearted. I never thought I'd feel resentful over that, but you've made one of my worst fears come true. When I got the news I didn’t want to believe it, but I think part of me always knew that you would die protecting the people you loved. But I would have preferred you alive and cowardly than you being a dead and heroic.

You told me that as long as you were alive you would be there to protect me, and have my back. I knew that I needed to stand on my own, but having someone there that I could trust made even the scariest sieges feel bearable. You made hopeless nights seem hopeful. I can only hope I made you feel the same way. I know you won’t ever read this, but know that I’m not really angry with you. There’s just a part of me that’s broken, that I wouldn’t think would break. It’ll take time to fix. I know we didn’t spend as much time as we had wanted together, but I really believe we had something. I was excited to meet your family. You had this way of speaking about them that always felt so homey. Thelin and I plan to deliver the news soon. I wish you were here.

I miss you. You left so much behind here, and I'm still in shock. I feel empty. Whenever I felt down before, I would find you, and you would remind me that it’ll all be okay. I think if you could write back, you’d say it were okay right now. But I know those words would be empty. I heard what happened to you, and what they say happens to the souls of werewolves. I can feel my stomach knot just writing about it. It stings enough to know they killed you, but to know what happened to you next breaks my heart. I don’t know what you are doing right now, and I don’t know if I want too. I just wish more than anything in the world that you would have listened when I told you to be careful.

I loved you Chays. I didn’t think I would fall for you this hard, this fast, but we had something meaningful. I will pray for you every night, and tell the owls how much of a hero you were.

And I did like the line about the mammoth.

Love,
Zalya Alamor