The Tale of Thajrizi - Kashya's Expedition

23rd of Sun’s Height - Sundas, 2E585

“Kashya! Thajrizi needs to know if you are alright! Please, please! Birdie.” The light, raspy, Khajiiti voice was ever prevalent in my mind. My body, however, was not agreeing with me. I could see her face. I could feel the warm fur on her paws, attempting to shake me to life. I can see the wrinkles under her eyes, stressed from years of withering age. And yet, I cannot move. I think I am dying.




When I was a little girl, my mother used to ask me what I wanted to be when I was older. I wanted to be a writer, like her. I wanted to be a linguist. I wanted to traverse the seas, exploring everything that Tamriel and Nirn had to offer. I was a damn adventurer, a foolhardy thrill-seeker, a criminal, an author, and everything in between.
I don’t think any of that will help me in the position I’m now in, however. As I pull my head up from this pool of...vomit? Is that vomit? Damn it, that is gross. Okay. As I pull myself up from a puddle of vomit, I quickly wipe the scum off of my cheek and take a look around. Where am I? Well, there’s a large stone wall in front of me. A walled-in city, with a path leading up through the gate. I’m right outside, it seems. There are trees. The area is jungly, but this town stands out among it; a wall of stone, among pillars of wood. Ah, I knew I was a poet at heart.
I gradually bring myself to my knees, and inspect my gear. White-dyed, leather-bound armor, bearing blue, metal straps and various, hidden pockets. When I was a severe alcoholic, these pockets were custom-sewn to hold flasks. Ironically, the flasks had saved my life more than once, but I digress. My hair is tied up, thankfully, and no vomit seems to be in it. Thick, golden hair that can fall down in sheets if I were to un-knot it.
After grabbing a view of my surroundings, and writing in my journal in the ditch I was lying in, I pull my journal back into my rugged, worn satchel and start for town. The time for gawking at my environment has passed, and I need to remember why I was here. After a moment, however, my questions are answered when I stand, and memories begin to flood my surroundings.
“Thajrizi.”
Long ago, when I first came to the Valenwood, an elderly, Khajiiti lady by the name of Thajrizi helped me pull myself back to my feet, financially and mentally. Following the murder of my siblings by werewolves, she gave me food and shelter in exchange for me hunting for her. She is the one who taught me how to use a bow, and always seemed to know how to take things patiently, even in the face of stress.
I pulled myself out of the ditch and started for the town known as Baandari. Whether I would find myself with any sort epiphany upon speaking to her? That was unknown. I only know that, given recent events, I am left with minimal options.




Knock, knock, knock. After a brief search through this old, forgotten town, I finally found the home of dear old Thajrizi. Knock. Knock. Aha. It’s the little things that entertain me. You can make such a nice pattern from these little knocks when th—
“..Hello? Is someone going to come in, or is cub just using my door as an instrument?”
Oh. Whoops.
“Oh!” I hesitate before opening the door, and walk into an open, square room. Thaj’s house was never anything glamorous. A small, stonework house with no individual rooms. A fireplace, a bed, and some other miscellaneous kitchen supplies lie in respective plots along the walls of the home. Thajrizi, herself, laid curled up next to some furs by the fire, reading what I can only assume was a religious piece of reading material. She soon dropped it as she glanced up to me, however, and I could see the weary grin through her features, even in the low light.
“Birdie!” Age seemed to have hindered her mobility, but she still managed to pop up like a young child. Before I knew it, I was enveloped in a warm, furry hug. She smelled like bathing salts and moon sugar. I couldn’t resist a warm, genuine smile in response, and we sat there for the longest minute I had ever known. She was my Valenwood-Mother. I owed my life to her, and yet I have neglected visiting her for so long.
“Hello, Thaj.” I smiled and withdrew from the hug, and she immediately darted for one of the nearby counters to begin preparing what looked like tea.
“Oh, please, Birdie, let us speak! There is so much catching up to do! Where have you been? What have you been doing? Oh, sweetie, I thought you were surely deceased!” The firm scent of moonsugar and tea began brewing, and I began to move towards the fireplace to take a seat on one of the furs.
“I have been around. I’ve been living in Vulkwasten.”
“Vulkwasten? Where is that?”
“Somewhere near Velyn Harbor. To the East. It’s, uh. Well, it’s West of here.”
As I look back over, I notice Thajrizi had briefly frowned, but the old smile returns on her wrinkled face as she pours two cups of tea and brings them over. I grab the first one as she sits, and lower my head to take a sniff of it. I always talk about how I hate moon sugar back home, but I think it’s just the fact that I don’t like eating or drinking it without Rizi near me. I take a small sip from the cup, and as if on cue, the questions come rolling.
“Vulkwasten! I heard they were attacked by some sort of Daedra! Did they get hit by the recent storm, too? Oh, it is good to see that you are not hurt.” She places a hand on my knee and I return her gesture with a frown.
“Thajrizi, I ahm. I would like to catch up, but I need to explain something.” She goes silent, giving me a perhaps too enthusiastic nod, and I take a deep breath.

“In the time I have been gone, I have done things. Terrible, terrible things. And...I need to know how to cope with that. I have become fairly inward, socially. I have a tendency to act before thinking.”
“Birdie, you have always acted before thinking.” I flinch a bit at that and scowl. “No I don’t!” Her expression resonates that of sadness, or disappointment.
“Birdie, you were always hard to change. Thajrizi thinks you are most stubborn, but also have not the patience for changing.” She scoops a hand towards my cheek and offers one of her wrinkly, closed-lip smiles to me. In this light, I can see all the lines around her eyes and cheeks, and I cannot help but wonder how much time she has left in her days. As something suddenly catches in my throat, she withdraws her hand and I begin to spill all of my bad habits.
“Thajrizi. Soon after I left the Dominion, I became a thief. A home wrecker. I stole. I was infected with lycanthropy. I was also cured. I have killed innocent people, and non-innocent people. I have worshipped Daedra. I became the leader of a political organization; a Town Guard. I—” Thajrizi gently presses a paw to my mouth and shakes her head, clicking her tongue to the roof of her mouth.
“Birdie, Birdie. Please. All of these terrible things, Thajrizi cannot fathom to hear. You are lost!” She grumbles and stands, careful not to knock over her tea which she had set on the ground. “Thajrizi has told you time and time again, Birdie. You cannot stray from Khenarthi’s path!” She hobbles over to a small shrine (which I hadn’t seen until recently) and begins to fumble with it. It was a modest little thing: A small, stone pedestal held two tallow candles on each side, with a few offerings in the center. A bowl of what I presume is moon sugar. A piece of jerky? Oh, well. She lights the tallow candles, and a blue flame begins to linger on each of them.
“Kashya, please.” She beckons me forward. “Come, and seek Khenarthi’s wisdom at this shrine. Thajrizi thinks you have strayed too far from the Moon’s path, but you are not beyond forgiveness.”
“Rizi, I really think I’m beyond forgiv—” She abruptly cuts me off with a wonderfully grumbly tone. “Thajrizi says so! Come to the shrine!” I smile and set my tea down before heading to the shrine. Thajrizi reaches up high to put a hand on my shoulder, and tries to bring me to my knees. I don’t offer much resistance, and soon, she’s pointing towards the shrine and explaining what to do.
“This shrine has been blessed by Khenarthi, herself, Birdie. Thajrizi wants you to close your eyes.” I close my eyes at that. “Now, call for her. Ask her for wisdom, Birdie. This shrine is magically enchanted; you are bound to get a response. Tell me, Birdie. What does your future look like? Good, or bad?”
I close my eyes and clear my head; my breathing slows, and I begin to let my mind wander. Magically enchanted shrine. Pfeh. A small headache begins to form on the back of my head, but I soon find myself thinking.

What do I want, out of my life?

I see home. Not Auridon, but Vulkwasten. I see a group of enthusiastic guards, and I see myself. I see all of my old companions. I see two small, Altmer children. One is male. The other is female. Did one address me as a mother? No, not in town. Not yet. She can't be. They are playing with the local children. Some men and mer are absent. Outed by the disease of affliction. I see myself again. His image is hazy, however. Wait. Everything seems hazy. I hear myself offer a heavy whimper, and suddenly, I open my eyes.




“Kashya! Thajrizi needs to know if you are alright! Please, please! Birdie.” The light, raspy, Khajiiti voice was ever prevalent in my mind. My body, however, was not agreeing with me. I could see her face. I could feel the warm fur on her paws, attempting to shake me to life. I can see the wrinkles under her eyes, stressed from years of withering age. And yet, I cannot move. I think I am dying.
Suddenly, Thajrizi gives me a firm slap, and I spring to life.
“Rizi! Gods, I saw it! I spoke to Khenarthi, and I saw Vulkwasten! It w—”
“Birdie! The shrine wasn’t magically enchanted.” I flinch a bit at that and pull away from her grasp, bringing myself to my knees. “Yes, it was! I saw—”
“Birdie! You saw your own rendering of your perfect life! You do have a positive outlook on your life! Otherwise, Thajrizi knows you would not have created it in your head. Khenarthi has blessed you, Birdie. You are not who you once were! Birdie has strayed from the path of enlightenment—” she abruptly leans over and pinches my cheeks. “—but hope is not lost for Birdie!” She smiles and helps me stand before clinging to me in a hug. I look around, attempting to catch my bearings. I swear, I was just in Vulkwasten. I think I am losing it.
“Thajrizi believes that even Altmer can see the Sands Behind the Stars. Kashya.” Her expression becomes hard, and sad again. “This one’s time will draw to an end, one day. Thajrizi will need to know that you can continue without her. You live for a much longer time than poor, old Thajrizi.”
“..Okay, Rizi. I promise.” I mumble it, and she asks me to repeat it again, louder. “I promise.”

We spend the remainder of the night discussing things I would never discuss with others. My thieving exploits. My murders. My donations to the homeless, and my descents into madness. My association with Daedric princes. Kisven. Afer. Donny, Ellix, and every other old name. Bethany, Chasianna. The flood that hit the town a year ago, and spilled aquatic life into Vulkwasten. My encounter, that same week, with a wereshark. Tigrus. Everything in between.

As the night drew to a close, Thajrizi kissed my cheek with those furry lips just as a mother would, and put her mug back onto the counter. “Birdie will listen to Thajrizi, yes? Kashy’, you are better than this. Murder is a tool enjoyed by those who lack diplomatic prowess!” She hobbles over and offers me yet another hug. “You are blessed by the Moons with your writing! Thajrizi has seen it! She knows you do not need to fight. Unfortunately, you feed off of it. It will destroy you, Birdie. Live a long, fruitful like like Thajrizi.” Her toothy grin reassured me. “Thajrizi knows you will change for the better. Now! She needs her sleep. Please, find a spot on the furs near the fire. She will wake you up tomorrow with a big, bountiful breakfast! And then, you will find your way back to Vulkeywas-ten and undo your wrongs!” She hobbles for her bed and unceremoniously falls into it. I respond with a low, kindhearted “good night,” and do the same on my furs.




The night went by slow. I dreamt of a better place, in a stone house off the coast of Auridon. With the feet of small children echoing throughout the room. As I drug myself up from the furs, I noticed that there was no breakfast in front of me, as Thajrizi promised, but it didn’t bother me much. I don’t eat much in the morning. “Mm. Thajrizi?” I yawned, but apparently hadn’t said it loud enough, as I got no response. Seeing as I didn’t want to wake the poor, elderly Khajiit from her sleep, I rose to my feet and made my way over to her, kneeling down by her bedside. Gently pressing my head to the side of the bed near her arm, I quickly realize something.

I do not hear breathing.
“..Thajrizi?” I frown and quickly pull my head up, pressing a hand to the center of her chest. I feel no pulse. No beat. No life.
She’s dead. A smile lies imprinted on the face of her cold body.
All in one moment, I felt a surge of emotion filter through my body. Anger. Anxiety. Sadness. I have lost my second mother. A kind, haughty, and motherly Khajiit. No children. She could not conceive. I was her only source of ‘family,’ should I even call it that. I did not visit her like I should have. I can only rest in the fact that we shared and exchanged memories, that will last the remainder of my days.
That did not keep me from breaking into tears.
I cried. And cried. For a half-hour or so, I think. I could only attempt to repeat what was said by her. Words, and advice that I need to take into account.
‘Thajrizi knows you will change for the better.’
‘Thajrizi believes that even Altmer can see the Sands behind the Stars.’
I cried for a few more minutes, and slowly rose to my feet, picking up my dear friend and moving outside.




After finishing the burial, I quietly moved back into her home and found myself rummaging through her personal belongings. Everything was quite generic; for a Khajiit of such interest, she didn’t keep many personal items. Looking under her bed, however, I found a small, wooden box. Unlocked. More of a chest, the width of my arm and the length of a notebook. Inside it, I found the antler of an antelope with ‘Birdie’ carved on it.
It was the first antelope I’d ever gotten for her. Our first meal. She had wanted to carve ‘Kashya’ into the antler, but messed up and carved a ‘B’ instead of a ‘K.’ From then on, I was Birdie.

I collected the antler and stepped outside, murmuring a small prayer to Khenarthi as I left. If anyone deserved to see the Sands Behind the Stars, it was my dearest Rizi. With one last pat on the doorframe, I left Baandari and started back for Vulkwasten.