MeltharasAug 03, 2017Aug 03, 2017 at 05:53 PM
#1
From the Journal of Dar’Nira, former vampire:
Pain. This one honestly could not remember a time she had been in such agony compared to what the last several days have been for her. Nira wishes that it had all been physical...at least physical pain can get numb and be ignored. This one was never much one for keeping journals, since she used to have plenty to hide and didn’t want her own thoughts to betray her. So much good that did in the end. As this one lays in bed, feeling like death is still standing over her, she feels compelled to put her thoughts to paper in case she closes her eyes and doesn’t open them again.
It was never her intention to become a vampire. She has heard tales of fools who seek the power that immortal unlife can bestow, but she had never seen the appeal. Before she had turned, she was...well...a failure. The only child of loving parents that were murdered by some thugs before she was even six seasons old. She failed at being a good orphan, electing to grow up on the streets as an urchin, running in small street gangs and stealing just enough to barely scrape by. Nira is often surprised she even made it to adulthood...though she feels she failed there too. Instead of trying to do something, she took advantage of the fact she had developed into a somewhat lovely female and started to sell herself. Why work when you could just charge people to do more than oggle you, right?
Even once Nira made more mistakes and ended up losing her eye, her failures didn’t stop there. She felt that she needed to get stronger so that she would never be a victim again...to actually be a female that her poor parents could look down upon from the heavens and be proud of. She had only some savings, and was only able to afford some crappy armor and a sword...and the most basic of lessons. That didn’t stop her though, she was a khajiit on a mission...and it led her to disaster. That last mission...no...it wasn’t even her mission. She just rested from the rain in the wrong spot. How could she have known that vampire was there?
To make this already long story short, Nira died those years ago. Drained of blood and left for dead, all she remembered was how peaceful the coming darkness felt...and how terrified she was of it. Nira was not ready to die, not ready to find her parents and tell them that all she had done with her life was be a vagabond and whore. That was why when her sire came to save her from the vampire that drained her, she took his offer willingly, knowing full well what it meant.
Nira learned how to fight better from that point, her supernatural senses and strengths aiding her, but it was all urged on by a new lease on life...a mindset that ironically started with her death. Her sire was a good sort, rest his soul. He taught her control and how to keep herself fed. Taught her good targets like bandits and those who would harm others, while still being able to accept willingly given blood from the very rare trusted source. She learned to hide her red eye and her fangs, and even when she moved on and came to Vulkwasten she kept to her training.
Nira always wanted to help people...she wanted to be defined by what she did and not what she was. She admits that she would be lying if she said she didn’t come to enjoy what she was, as it had become such a part of her. She felt strong, like she was able to take a curse and make it a gift that could help others. Still, she hated having to lie to everyone, even if it was for their own good. Nira worked so hard...but in the end she must have slipped up somewhere. Major Seri would not have just thrown a silver nugget at her without reason. Still...Nira also admits that it was not quite fair...he didn’t ask for permission or give her a reason that she was suspected...it just happened at his own whim. Just like that, everything Nira had done and worked for was for nothing. She accepted exile to seek a cure, even though she was terrified. She had died when she turned after all, she had no idea if removing the vampirism that saved her life would return her to the state of death or not...but she had no choice in the end. It was either exile, or face a bounty and kill on sight order. She would never be able to live in Dominion lands again.
The cure was not easy to find...it required many ingredients that all but bankrupted this one. She was happy her mate was at her side...but she couldn’t give the burden fully to her. This was her choice in the first place, her curse to bear. Once it was ready, Nira hesitated only a little before consuming it. The sheer agony she felt as the curse was burned out of her body...it felt like she was standing in fire that would not go out no matter what she did. Even now she is weak, hardly able to sit up or even walk without trouble. The physical pain and weakness is great, but Nira’s heart is so heavy right now. She feels she has gone back to being a failure once more, a former prostitute with nothing to offer. If not for her mate, she would be on the streets again...and she doesn’t even know how the streets would accept her this time.
What pains Nira the most is that she just...knows that people will be talking. The whole town probably knows at this point just so they can keep an eye out for this one. Even if she survives this and passes a silver test...she feels that there are possibly so many in the town she risked death to remain with that would happily slay her themselves. While this is a risk Nira has to take, it hurts her so much that she may be tainted in so many eyes as a monster who hid what she was willingly for so long...they may not give her the chance to explain herself.
It is too late to go back now though...Nira will end her thoughts here as she feels the fatigue setting on her once more. She doesn’t know how to feel other than sad...she may have been a monster to many, but she was proud of her own control. Now...this one is nothing but sad and scared. She can feel her body dying all around her...
Pain. This one honestly could not remember a time she had been in such agony compared to what the last several days have been for her. Nira wishes that it had all been physical...at least physical pain can get numb and be ignored. This one was never much one for keeping journals, since she used to have plenty to hide and didn’t want her own thoughts to betray her. So much good that did in the end. As this one lays in bed, feeling like death is still standing over her, she feels compelled to put her thoughts to paper in case she closes her eyes and doesn’t open them again.
It was never her intention to become a vampire. She has heard tales of fools who seek the power that immortal unlife can bestow, but she had never seen the appeal. Before she had turned, she was...well...a failure. The only child of loving parents that were murdered by some thugs before she was even six seasons old. She failed at being a good orphan, electing to grow up on the streets as an urchin, running in small street gangs and stealing just enough to barely scrape by. Nira is often surprised she even made it to adulthood...though she feels she failed there too. Instead of trying to do something, she took advantage of the fact she had developed into a somewhat lovely female and started to sell herself. Why work when you could just charge people to do more than oggle you, right?
Even once Nira made more mistakes and ended up losing her eye, her failures didn’t stop there. She felt that she needed to get stronger so that she would never be a victim again...to actually be a female that her poor parents could look down upon from the heavens and be proud of. She had only some savings, and was only able to afford some crappy armor and a sword...and the most basic of lessons. That didn’t stop her though, she was a khajiit on a mission...and it led her to disaster. That last mission...no...it wasn’t even her mission. She just rested from the rain in the wrong spot. How could she have known that vampire was there?
To make this already long story short, Nira died those years ago. Drained of blood and left for dead, all she remembered was how peaceful the coming darkness felt...and how terrified she was of it. Nira was not ready to die, not ready to find her parents and tell them that all she had done with her life was be a vagabond and whore. That was why when her sire came to save her from the vampire that drained her, she took his offer willingly, knowing full well what it meant.
Nira learned how to fight better from that point, her supernatural senses and strengths aiding her, but it was all urged on by a new lease on life...a mindset that ironically started with her death. Her sire was a good sort, rest his soul. He taught her control and how to keep herself fed. Taught her good targets like bandits and those who would harm others, while still being able to accept willingly given blood from the very rare trusted source. She learned to hide her red eye and her fangs, and even when she moved on and came to Vulkwasten she kept to her training.
Nira always wanted to help people...she wanted to be defined by what she did and not what she was. She admits that she would be lying if she said she didn’t come to enjoy what she was, as it had become such a part of her. She felt strong, like she was able to take a curse and make it a gift that could help others. Still, she hated having to lie to everyone, even if it was for their own good. Nira worked so hard...but in the end she must have slipped up somewhere. Major Seri would not have just thrown a silver nugget at her without reason. Still...Nira also admits that it was not quite fair...he didn’t ask for permission or give her a reason that she was suspected...it just happened at his own whim. Just like that, everything Nira had done and worked for was for nothing. She accepted exile to seek a cure, even though she was terrified. She had died when she turned after all, she had no idea if removing the vampirism that saved her life would return her to the state of death or not...but she had no choice in the end. It was either exile, or face a bounty and kill on sight order. She would never be able to live in Dominion lands again.
The cure was not easy to find...it required many ingredients that all but bankrupted this one. She was happy her mate was at her side...but she couldn’t give the burden fully to her. This was her choice in the first place, her curse to bear. Once it was ready, Nira hesitated only a little before consuming it. The sheer agony she felt as the curse was burned out of her body...it felt like she was standing in fire that would not go out no matter what she did. Even now she is weak, hardly able to sit up or even walk without trouble. The physical pain and weakness is great, but Nira’s heart is so heavy right now. She feels she has gone back to being a failure once more, a former prostitute with nothing to offer. If not for her mate, she would be on the streets again...and she doesn’t even know how the streets would accept her this time.
What pains Nira the most is that she just...knows that people will be talking. The whole town probably knows at this point just so they can keep an eye out for this one. Even if she survives this and passes a silver test...she feels that there are possibly so many in the town she risked death to remain with that would happily slay her themselves. While this is a risk Nira has to take, it hurts her so much that she may be tainted in so many eyes as a monster who hid what she was willingly for so long...they may not give her the chance to explain herself.
It is too late to go back now though...Nira will end her thoughts here as she feels the fatigue setting on her once more. She doesn’t know how to feel other than sad...she may have been a monster to many, but she was proud of her own control. Now...this one is nothing but sad and scared. She can feel her body dying all around her...