The Confessions Of An Unwilling Wolf

5 posts · started by DankPotato on Aug 27, 2017 · 585 views · in Active Journals & Diaries

DankPotatoAug 27, 2017

Aug 27, 2017 at 03:38 AM #1

Inside Wey'Fena's pack, a heavily warded diary lays. It is white colored, with magical runes plainly etched in the cover. Should anyone attempt to open it without disabling the wards first, it will combust.

NSFW - Language, Sexual Themes

I'm not putting down my name. I'm not putting down my race. I'm not putting down anything to identify myself with. All that matters, is that I am a werewolf. I'm a fucking dog. A gods-damned dog. Yeah, yeah. I know. Disgusting creature, worthless mutt. I've heard it all before. People told me that writing it all down helps. I hope they're right. So here's some background, whatever magical genius managed to open this. I was traveling through Elsweyr, got bit by a werewolf, turned, killed my caretakers, traveled alone for a year, then met some friends. Now I'm here. Tree. I live in Dropped Knives, but I'm here now. Anyway. Let me start writing recent happenings.

Song keeps leaving. Coming to and from town. He's in love with me. I don't know how to handle it. It was just meant to be a casual hookup. Nothing serious. Damn Alpha for introducing us. Damn him straight to Oblivion.

Okay, I don't mean that. Alpha is a good friend. He knows I'm a wolf. So does Song. They're good friends.

But back to Song loving me. What am I supposed to do? I'm engaged to Bubbles. We have a home in Dropped Knives. But I care about Song. I don't want to hurt him. But I can't hurt Bubbles either. This is all very, very difficult. I'm between a rock and a hard place.

That's not to mention the fact that Halo is here now. Fucking. Halo. And Toper. Don't they know this place will kill them if they make the wrong gods-damned move? Shit. Who's next? The Wolf? Maybe Fear? Ooh, or the ghost of Nibbles? Fucking shit.

I think I'm gonna sign off here. Maybe I'll write more, but all this has succeeded in is making me even more stressed out.

Fuck. Shit. Bitch. Damn. Cunt.

It's good to write those, at least. I try not to say them around other people. Have to keep up the cheerful façade after all. What I wouldn't do for a good fucking lay right now.

Gods, I miss Bubbles.

- Guardian

Edited Aug 27, 2017 at 10:09 PM by 0

DankPotatoAug 27, 2017

Aug 27, 2017 at 04:37 AM #2

I don't know what time it is. Probably time for me to talk about how much I hate pulling myself out of bed in the morning, again. But I can't talk about it. To do that, would be to lift the façade. What good am I if I'm telling other people things and making them sad? I exist to help people. I exist to make them happy, not hurt them.

I'm a walking fucking paradox.

I want to heal people, but I'm forced to hurt them instead.

I was to make people happy, but I keep making them sad.

Like Song. He's sad because of me.

This isn't how it was supposed to go.

Fuck. It was easy to break things off with Corinthe. He found himself some Bosmer girl, anyway. Good for him. I just wish some other girl would come along for Song. Someone to take his mind off of me. I just want to see him happy...

Fuck.

I got a letter today.

From. My. Parents.

What kind of sick fucking joke is this? They're dead. I watched them die. The blood- Unless...gods fucking damn it! Motherfucking illusions! They fucking got them. THEY. GOT THEM.

Okay, fuck. Shit. Fuck. I need to do something. The letter mentioned something about Desert Oasis. Could they possibly be there? No, too obvious. Possibly Evening Sun? I don't think so...too remote. Why would they do it way back in the depths of the Snow Kingdom?

Gods, I wish Bubbles were here. I can't go after them alone. And certainly not while I'm fucking pregnant. Maybe I could go to the family...they may help me...

I can't.

Lust would probably just wave me off and go back to hitting on the others. And to think, I helped him. Fear would help. He's a good friend. Beast would just sneer from behind that damned helmet. Halo would probably help. I've saved his life gods know how many times. He'd better help. And Enigma. Enigma hasn't been around in months. Has he died? No, no. He's at least a thousand years old. He wouldn't die now. Enigma would help. He's a good man.

I don't want any of them to die helping me, though. Whiskers died. The Cult got him. That was a while back. Still hurts. Hardly knew him, and it hurts. I need to talk to someone about this. Maybe Brother? No, I don't want to burden him. He has his own worries. His marriage, for one.

Whatever. I'm gonna go try to sleep now. Maybe fucking Hircine will allow me a full night tonight.

Ha. That was a good one.

Fuck my life.

- Guardian

Edited Aug 27, 2017 at 04:39 AM by 0

DankPotatoAug 28, 2017

Aug 28, 2017 at 05:22 PM #3

I fucking hate this.

The unerring feeling of responsibility.

It's fucking terrible.

The more I try to write out how I feel, the more I feel the remorse for not being able to help. Whiskers helped saved my life, when I was kidnapped and forced to turn. He's dead now. The CULT.

I'LL FUCKING KILL THEM.

Okay, no I won't.

I'll just think mean things about them.

I never much liked Nibbles. Not since she told me that she ate children, once. She was a monster.

And yet, I can't help but feeling responsible.

I heard Wrath died.

Good. He was a heartless murderer. He made my skin crawl.

I'm just hoping that none of them come back as ghosts. Arkay, that'd be just my luck.

I heard that Halo's daughter settled here in town. Halo comes around often.

I'm never there to see him.

It's bad.

I'm going crazy. I need to hunt. Need to turn.

But I can't.

It'd kill them.

I can't kill them.

Fuck. I'm gonna go order a raw steak and say its for my pet dog.

Not too far from the truth.

Ha. Never let it be said I don't retain my sense of humor.

- Guardian

DankPotatoSep 18, 2017

Sep 18, 2017 at 06:01 PM #4

What have I been writing? These are like the ramblings of a madman. Damn it, must've been doing all that while high on moonsugar. Some of it doesn't even make sense. I didn't get a letter from my parents. Gods know why I would've written that. Maybe I saw some other letter, hallucinated their names? Who knows.

Oh, well. Time for a sane, rational entry in this book.

Been in Elsweyr for the past week or two. It's getting more and more obvious that I'm getting bigger. I just gotta keep on keeping on, you know?

Why did I ask you a question? You're a book.

Well, I'm gonna have to go back to town soon enough. Maybe I'll stop by Song's house, see him and talk. Gods, I feel like shit. I should've never let him catch feelings for me...or let myself catch feelings for him. It's not fair to him. Or me.

I think I need another tea. Wit lots of moonsugar.

It can wait until I get to the next town on my way back.

Gotta talk to Brother, too. He found himself a cute girl, they're supposed to be getting married. I'm happy for him. He deserves it. The girl, from the limited interactions I've had with her, is nice, too. Seems like a real keeper.

Alright. I think that's enough writing, for now. My feet hurt and I'm a mile or two outaide of some little village. I need to go rent a room, get a drink, and put my feet up.

- Guardian

Edited Sep 18, 2017 at 06:01 PM by 0

DankPotatoOct 18, 2017

Oct 18, 2017 at 12:12 AM #5

Where to start, where to start?

Well, first off I think I've decided to be with Song. But I know that if Bubbles comes here I'll go to her instead. It makes me feel awful. I love them both. Why is Mara so cruel?

What else?

I think that one of my friends is scared of me now. I don't give a shit about hiding names for people not directly related to me, be that by blood or just by virtue of being a close friend. Ma'Sura was scared of me. I asked her for some of her dreamwalking and she saw me kill those people.

Well...not really. I cut it off before it got to the violent bits, but it's kind of inferred.

She's cursed or something to make us werewolves want to kill her. Sounds like a bunch of shit to me, but what do I know about Hircine?

Oh wait. Ha. I know alot about him.

And I had the babies!

Jiiro, Kiira, Lisaar, and Risch. My babies. Song's babies. Gods, I love them so much. They're so adorable.

It's gonna be a pain in the ass to raise four kids. But damn it, I'm gonna try my ass off.

I should visit the others soon. I miss them. Fear, Halo. Shit, even Toper and Lust. I'm gonna go see them soon. Tonight, I think. I'm pretty sure someone died. What was his name...Witness? He was a Redguard. I can give him Tu-whacca's prayer like I did for Az- should I protect the names of the dead? I'll just say Whiskers. Poor Whiskers. I liked him.

Oh, I'm rambling again. Oh well. See you later, journal.

- Guardian

Edited Oct 18, 2017 at 02:00 AM by 0