Nammu's Nefarious Notes [NSFW]

He says he only takes mer. He's even got a f'lah on her knees in that house. Has he any idea what he's doing? I say, what a waste of good genes! It's not a Dunmer's nature to obey in such a manner. Pretty, too. Perhaps she's an ashlander; that would make more sense.

Both of them shit from their mouths. I could run this operation all my own and none of these problems would exist, but no, I'm just an associate. Apparently I'm not allowed to touch them without permission, disrespect or not. No matter. When the masters are away, Nammu will certainly play.

What a pack of s'wits. This operation isn't going to last long.

I am officially a double-crosser. Oh wait, that's not new.

I'd better get the credit I deserve. I'm the reason you're getting your girls back, Wren. Without me, that poor "D" s'wit would have a boot in her throat for the rest of her days.

There will not be any tolerance of people harassing or threatening Nammu.

Aw, she's sweet on me. Typical.

Here is a special entry for myself. I dub thee "What Does Vulkwasten Think of Nammu?"

I'm the best thing that's happened to you since you've gotten here, you say? Of course I am. I only wonder if you say that for reasons further than the lovely sex.

I'm a pussy and an old mer, apparently. I prefer the term "silver fox."

"Scowl, scowl, scowl, I'm Wren. Don't touch my sexy boyfriend."

I'm also a traitor, ooo.

Lastly, I like to see vulnerable, naked ladies. On paper, you're not wrong at all.

Poor Nammu's fragile heart has been filleted. Guar-strips. I'm a bloody bag of stew beef.

I feel squeamish. I don't want to seek comfort in other people. I never have, so what's the difference now? There's nothing to gain from any of this. Losing what I so dearly wanted did not feel worth having it in the first place.

P_________oor N ammu

I knew I couldn't, but it hurt more to hear him remind me. Can't he just humor me one more time?
Right, I know that's a bad idea. There is no "one more time." It's not like what I want is something that lasts an hour or a night or even the next morning.
I wish I wouldn't have seen him. I wanted to walk away to spare myself the trouble. I didn't, though, of course.
I haven't felt disdain for myself since I was very young. Becoming someone else has taken a toll on me.
I think I have real friends. One or two. I'm not self-sufficient anymore. I think I need them.
But I'm not sure about anything anymore.

Except the fact that I hate monkeys.

Is being weak and dependent worse than being dead?
Maybe.
No.
I don't know.
I had what I wanted for a little while.

I'm just going to tell myself that that went better than it could have gone, sniff this serum, and pray that I don't hit my head when I fall. This will be over in one way or another before long. Good night.

That was not fun in the end, but I suppose I’m still glad I did it, if there’s anything at all to be glad of. He’s afraid of me. He thinks I’m going to hurt him.
Imagine that. The only person I really, truly could never bring myself to harm.
But that seems to be changing quickly anyway. I am a far different version of myself than I ever have been—well, no. I remember parts of this. But it’s been a long time.

I gave Zalya her claws back.

I’m thinking about children tonight.

We're all so helpless, aren't we? Trapped in our ways?
I can convince people of petty things, or to give me money. But it always works out that I can never get what I really want. I want to help this time. It's been a tick since I've looked upon a mer and felt so much pity.
I suppose that's what I get. I cheated my only divine punishment. Now he's buried in sorrow and he hasn't even done anything to offend. Fate knows getting him is the easiest way to get me.

I need to remember to watch Mavos. He’s acting weird. It may not be anxiety on its own.
Today was a good day.

I feel like I'm falling off my rocker! It's so frustrating!