Journal of Amaethaera

(The handwriting is quite florid and meticulous in this utterly unmarked and otherwise non-descript leather-bound small tome of vellum. It might even seem a bit out of place in such a book. The very first page is as follows):

---Sundas, Frost Fall the first---

This is the first entry in this journal of the one known as Amaethaera.

A journal such as this I have never written. Not in the four years of my memory, anyhow.

The amount of events solely I feel I must report are beyond numerous. Perhaps I shall begin with the Now. Today was my first true, full day once again bearing the armour and uniform of the Vulkwasten Town Guard since my second capture at the hands of the dunmer Maddren. I will speak of the captures at another time. I have a senche from Wren that will accompany me to all places. Having the great cat about aids me in feeling somewhat safe. I am uncertain if I will ever find solace in being in solitude ever in the future. That is also an entry for another time.

I was thrust unto the role of command when Rax brought Wraesha in his arms, the latter bleeding from a puncture wound unto the lung. Estre, m'lord Adsomar, and I were able to see to the health of the Khajiiti woman, at minimum for the immediate.

To say 'twas trying, however, is an understatement. So much panic from others. So little heeding. I was infuriated. I have so much less energy than before. I took to the training in the plantation well. And 'tis difficult to resist the urge to fall to my knees and weep. All we wished to do was heal this woman. This woman who suffered and had need of aid. No silence. No space. No support. 'Twas akin to a war zone.

Keeping Initiate Olkar to ensure the entrance to the landing between clinic and tavern was cordoned off, merely on its own, was exasperating - or his questions as I did my best to aid Estre in preventing additional damage to Wraesha. So many would permit the altmeri healer not to ply her trade. I grew terse. I nearly was driven to speak to the Khajiiti woman who was Wraesha not about the laws of the town surrounding disturbing the peace and harassment - and to ask if the interior of a cell was preferable to her silence.

Speaking of Initiate Olkar, I know not what to say of the nord. After being in town not for several weeks, moments previous to this medical emergency with Wraesha, I was speaking with m'lady Senna for the first occurrence since my release from the warded cell. I have so much to simply retell that I scarcely have a moment to speak of my heart. Yet, he felt it a grand time to whisper unto my right ear that he wished to be "more than friends". I lost control. I turned upon him and informed him, in one breath and sentence, a list of all manners of events in my life, between the capture in the tavern to the release from the cells, as though 'twere a list of items to procure at market. Quickly coming to my senses and realising what I had done, I begged permission to be excused and hurried from the tavern. He followed! And pressed me in quiet to know if I would consider it!

[there are some splotches of dried drops of fluid on the vellum of the following paragraph, some of it smears a bit of the ink, but it's still quite legible].

Oh, was Estre a beyond welcome balm from that. Much akin to the lady Senna, 'twas my first opportunity to speak with Estre, truly. She smiled when I told her I was well not after she requested to know, and said she appreciated my honesty. That, her smile, of all, remains in my memory. That moment of shared comprehension of suffering survived. Estre and I were two of those of Vulkwasten who were slaves on the plantation of the serjo, who called himself Orion despite being in the form of the jester Sadri. She and I were the two slaves that attended the ball, the two that saw the face of the plantation foreman, the face of Maddren, were both branded together - though mine was strangely painless and hers not due to one wishing her pain. She suffered. In many manners, worse than I. The former plantation guard Nammu, who is in town for he provided those here with information that led to the finding of the others, nearly pushed poor Estre into a hearth while I knelt nearby and I pleaded with her to cease combatting him with words. She was nearly sold to an altmer at the ball for a bag of sapphires at the ball.

I wish she and I could speak at length of our experiences.

I remained awake this night for some time, as I wished to see if the Marshal and new Major, Wren, were to return as the latter had somehow been abducted in a manner I solely vaguely comprehend somewhat. I know it involves what she learnt in her past and the accoutrements she bears to keep such in check. 'Twould seem we all have gnawing, growing darknesses inside of us. Some literal.

I should fill not this tome with my first entry.

Thus, I shall close in saying that I still require my examination from my time in slavery to ensure I am in fact medically fit for sevice. If I may say more than "greetings" with Estre before another Khajiiti woman who I must confess I understand not all of her fiscal troubles is attacked by a debt collector. There is so much need for aid in Vulkwasten, even if we do begin to take on several guard. Works she not in the tavern? The pay I earn from m'lady Lucia for being a maid of the tavern is more than enough for me to live on. And I am a healer and a guard.

This has aided. I feel somewhat less of rising panic within myself.

I pray the Marshal, Wren, Wraesha, Estre, and Keys with her illness and impending travel are well.

I pray I may stand in my armour today. I am uncertain if I even slept.

Amaethaera

---Regarding Sundas, Frost Fall the first---

I spent the night at the Rose Garden, aiding Usil in looking over Sadri. I watch over him now as this is written.

A sudden notification was placed on the board in town regarding the exorcism of Orion from Sadri. M'lady Vulano, m'lady Lucia, Usil, Hlor, a dunmer who I am certain is some form of ship captain, and I were all present. Solely Hlor, Usil, and I were present when Sadri regained consciousness, and the three of us aided in seeing him to rest and watched over him while he did. The exorcism itself was horrific. Sadri appeared dead for many minutes. My ability in magicka is solely restorative. I know not what he did at all. I am uncertain if my magicka could be employed to force a possessing spirit from a body. I dare not attempt.

Oh, what the other townsfolk have done to that poor dunmer. 'Tis my understanding that the eye of Sadri was damaged by a hidden blade of Disenyl and his arm was removed by m'lord Adsomar. To see Sadri so in shock. He recalled naught. 'Twas enough to nearly bring me to tears simply to gaze upon him. The innocent mer may never juggle again. Or throw his knives or cards. Or even heal. This is all such a tragedy. For what? So some may feel grander in regards to harming one who harmed them or their loved ones? I forgave him before I even had left the plantation! We solely had need of seeing our townsfolk home. Perhaps if the guard retrieved the other denizens of Vulkwasten, all would have gone greater. Oh. Perhaps it may have gone worse.

I expressed my undying gratitude to Terrance after Sadri was led to bed before he departed, for indeed being my salvation from the House Morvayne plantation, but also that I understood his meaning when he kept me in that cage for a day. He feels to this day that the guard is safe not for me, and 'twill bring about my freedom and happiness not. Being a guard was never about my freedom. 'Twas about the town.

Usil and I trust one another now. I also expressed my apologies unto her in trusting her not in the beginning when Terrance issued me unto the Rose Garden. I advised her that in the future, even were I sworn or commanded to silence, I would advise her by whom. I . . . confessed to her as well that in the final days of my time in the plantation, I grew to find joy in my slavery and how troubling that has been.

Despite having one remaining eye, he appears to be blinded utterly, as Terrance once claimed he was. Perhaps Terrance was once similarly possessed as Sadri was by Orion? Or perhaps he is! I recall Orion and he who appeared to be Terrance speaking and Orion using another name. Oh, if solely I might recall the name! There were Ts. Hs. An S, perhaps? My foolish memory is so hazy!

If the Marshal has returned with the Major, I know not of it. I should be in Vulkwasten, guarding and tending to the town, handling any concerns of the townsfolk. And yet, here I remain, watching over and tending the mer who by all Morrowind law owned me, who purchased me akin to a sack of meat or an animal. At whose boots I stared, fearing for the lives of others. At whose authority I was lashed 'til I was bled. The feelings this fills me with, I might solely begin to describe. Yet, naught is anger at he, Sadri.

The town knows where I am. If there is need, I would be sought, yes?

Amaethaera

---Regarding Morndas, the second of Frost Fall---

I have seen naught of Marshal Seriduril or Major Wren. I have been attempting to remain in uniform as much as I may, but I am uncertain how many more days I have within me. I was weary before I pleaded to be back amongst the guard. Sleeping in my armour and weapons in the barracks, perhaps, was the wisest of choices not.

Afer and I had some time to speak. I pray that he and m'lady Lucrezia may come to some manner of understanding. I also pray that Afer pines not for the relationships of the past and comes to be well with the Now. Idolisation is a difficult relationship, receiving or giving. I have certainly been on both sides.

Sadri somehow showed up in the midst of town, seeking his crown. The poor mer appears to have recovered little if at all since his exorcism. I had to explain to many present - including m'lady Lucrezia, Afer, Hlor, and a new altmeri guard whose name and rank I simply know not - that he was no longer a concern and simply needed to be taken home. Lucrezia insisted on a silver test as he may have been exposed to the afflicted. My captor, Maddren, somehow escaped with me over his shoulder with another injured shoulder, and fled both the Inspector and the bear of lady Beliegh. Hlor mentioned that there was need not to cut Sadri. What manner of heartless individual would cut a person with an object when all they must do is press the flat of the blade to the flesh for mere seconds?

After the other guard abided and I comforted Sadri, I chose to escort him back unto the Rose Garden, leaving a note for Usil that he seems akin to a child and truly desires his crown - and for he to find it as well. He mentioned his cart. I know not if 'tis in Vulkwasten, the Rose Garden, or Morrowind on the old plantation. I pray she understood that hiding it beneath his bed would solve both problems.

I also truly pray that she and others are angered not by me being within the Rose Garden in uniform. 'Tis not as though I could change and pray Sadri wandered not off. We shall see if I incur the wrath of Usil, tonight at the latest, I would imagine.

'Tis beyond tragic and yet fascinating that a man so many have such anger and violence for is reduced to a child. I struggle to weep not on every occurrence of pondering it.

If the trek unto the Garden and back while still in full armour was tiresome, some manner of a minor curse was affecting Hlor, m'lady Lucrezia, and Afer, amongst persons, in the centre of town. This curse somehow caused none other than birds to swarm about or, well, defecate repeatedly on the individual affected. Beyond exhausted, I did my best to aid, even if with few words. I nocked an arrow to deal with a bird, but I hungered not and they dispersed. I offered my shield to cover m'lady Lucrezia, but the leavings of the birds ended just as I offered. I requested to know if my presence was further required by m'lady Lucrezia. She said no. I left.

Shortly thereafter, I retired unto the barracks, where I write this.

I shall be saying this oft in these pages, but, by Z'en, had I the opportunity, I may rest for days.

Amaethaera

---Regarding Tirdas, the third of Frost Fall---

I had need of restraining m'lord J'Varr as best I could to prevent him from attacking Sadri with his fists in the Rose Garden. Was his eye enough not? What good comes of striking one, much less one regressed into the form of a child, until your own fists are bloodied? Or breaking his nose? Usil indicated m'lord J'Varr had broken the rules and requested he vacate the premises. M'lady Disenyl had arrived in time to continue to speak unkindly of the Garden. I wonder if aught will ever dull that tongue of hers. A couple of days in slavery did not, even if she was there long enough not to have long-lasting effects such as Estre, Viottia, or I. I spoke unkind words unto m'lord J'Varr. I even spoke of how he is fortunate that the Rose Garden is more forgiving than his mate, else he may have lost an eye. I know 'tis true, but it still claws at my heart when I must say such.

I am uncertain, but I believe many people are discussing me and what is grand for me. The Garden. The Guard. This has been going on for some time, but this night passed 'twas somewhat more overt. Part of me smiles at this, knowing that people care for me and wish what is best. But I know not who has goals to, well, force me into another form of shackles. So, while it does cause some joy, it also causes fear.

I sent in an informal report to the Marshal of the Guard, Seriduril, in regards to the events I have laid out in this private journal that preferably none would ever see until years after my demise. Usil seems to believe I hold great sway within the Guard, but the law is the law. I feel ill for what has come to pass for Sadri in particular.

I pray I am never possessed. Ah, by a spirit, mean I. Well, that or a person as I already have been!

Some are correct, though. I have healed not. At all. Those feelings in my heart that that time in the plantation either placed or cultivated fade not. They may even grow. Even writing this is difficult. So difficult. I can write this. I am uncertain, given the chance, the choice, if I would have left the plantation.

[Some splotches of dried clear fluid mar that section of the page a little]

There.

'Tis written, 'tis said.

I grew to care for, even love, the people there. I know not what came of the slaves who were not of Vulkwasten. Of N, or T, the two I was able to interact with the most. I miss them. I know N wished not to be saved at all and the three of us, I thought, began to truly have joy. That last conversation will remain bittersweet in my memory for a long time to come.

I simply desire for life to be simple, of relative ease, peaceful. There, there was fear, yes, such fear, at the plantation. But 'twas closer to simple and peaceful than this town.

I wish I knew what meant that.

Amaethaera

---Regarding Middas, fourth of Firefall---

Greetings, journal.

Today, I spent the day mostly in rest in the home of m'lady Beliegh. I had been spending time not with my good friend and in its stead aiding the town beyond sense. I may need a few days of rest to even begin to recover. I permitted myself not rest from my time in slavery, from my time in a cage, from my time in the Rose Garden under vow, from my time in a cell, from my time as a guard once again.

I met her when much of the town was aiding m'lady Lucia with a meat shipment unto the tavern. What a manner in which to welcome her to the town, putting an arrow in her shoulder to strike at the heart of the altmer who was going to carve up the townsfolk, including m'lady Beliegh, and eat them. We both, in accordance with the Meat Mandate, dealt with the cadaver of the foe in the manner we bosmer must. Oof, I could eat not for days. The thigh and knee meat were choice though.

Being out of guard uniform, I chose to go visit the clinic. I have been so occupied with the guard, I wished to also keep up on my other tasks. In there were three patients: Thris, Wraesha, and the Khajiit who was difficult during the healing of Wraesha whose name is Ma'Sura. I offered aid. Aside from the fact that Thris gave a message unto me to get to Wren, which I delivered, which I read not, I did naught save grow enraged.

I know not what to say, save that I feel overwhelming guilt.

'Twas akin to Rax and Ma'Sura when Estre, m'lord Adsomar, and I first plied restorative arts upon Wraesha. Then, Rax threatened to pull his blade upon me when I requested he leave, amongst events. Were I occupied not with saving the life of one he cares for so deeply, I may have done more. That counts as assault, yes, for 'tis threatening? The constant speaking of how much better they would do, their panic, their frustration, their everything. And all that I have been through, with so little rest, I reached some manner of internal limit. I was incensed. It took everything remaining within me to maintain silence, to react not in anger, grief, and sadness.

I left the clinic and returned to the house of m'lady Beliegh, only to find her present not. She had offered me her home as a place to remain and she had expressed some concern about my lack of presence since my release from prison. We have come closer since that harrowing experience elsewhere in the Valenwood over the unexpected altmeri feast.

I woke up in the midst of the night, my dreaming formless. M'lady Beliegh was still present not and I was somehow in her bed with a wolf cuddled up to me. On returning to the clinic, I found a large grey bear, whom I recognised as the one m'lady Beliegh normally has with her. She was soaked in blood not hers - for she had no wounds - and bore soles with some heavy use. I imagine she simply ran about with footwear not and healed 'til she slept. She and I are indeed quite akin to one another. I healed her what I could, wrapped her feet in bandages anyway, and left, returning to her home.

Her wolf and other animals had need of company as well!

Amaethaera

---Regarding Turdas, fifth of Firefall---

I am at a loss. I am in shock. I have killed. I have partaken of and consumed people as mandated by the Green Pact, but this, there are no words.

I bore witness to the decision to execute Wraesha in the Guard Hall for perhaps dozens of crimes. The merest list is harrowing. Marshal Seriduril, Major Wren, and Initiates Steel and Aeliester were present. I was the sole to speak out against execution and, in its stead, favour banishment. It meant little. 'Twas beyond difficult to witness, but I left not. Wren and Aeliester departed, but I remained. I left not until the Marshal commanded me to. I wished to see, to know, to feel what 'twas we were doing, at no matter the cost unto myself. To do less was flight.

The Marshal and Major saw it fit to promote me to the rank of Sergeant, for my conduct and command during the stabbing of Wraesha and the disappearance of the Major, as well as my seeing over the town in their absence as best I could. I should be pleased, yes? But I cannot. The joy fell to so much ash in my maw.

I have been remaining by the Guard Hall to ensure that none have access without an escort with Seriduril and Steel, and now Wren as I write this in the morning. I imagine soon that we shall be able to allow her visitors.

I know not what to say to the Khajiiti woman now destined to return to the soil on the morrow. I pray that Rax does naught foolish such as attempt to put the guard to the sword. We need not more to become part of the Green.

This entry is taking quite a time to put to this page. Every word, nay, stroke of the quill is akin to a lash from the foreman on the plantation or another glance to the face of Estre as she was handled so by Nammu or treated nigh kindly by the foreman. So much suffering. So much pain. It cleaves my very heart.

[As with a couple of previous entries, there are some discoloured splotches upon the page]

I believe I shall end this entry here.

Amaethaera

---Regarding Fredas, sixth of Frost Fall---

Oof. My head. It pounds akin to a hammer on an anvil. Why am within the clinic?

I appear to have no injuries. None on my face, my feet. No bruising. Oh, I am barefoot, but otherwise garbed. Oh, thank Y'ffre.

I recall drinking rotmeth the night passed. Some manner of drinking contest that m'lady Lucia was hosting? Oh. I must have consumed to excess. I recall paying for my first mug. I vaguely recall Afer being kind not to m'lady Lucrezia and Estre. I recall seeing Olkar and I believe he wished my attention. I truly and deeply pray the conversation would have went not to our conversation most recent. One may speak not of intimacy in the midst of crises.

I am on the clinic hammock as I write in this very tome. I have need of a new travel inkwell. I miss the stone floor. The stone is nice. So many underestimate the pleasantness of dirt and stone. My bedding in my home is but a pile of furs on the floor of a pod.

Mmmmm, home. Pods.

Wraesha!

That is why I am at the guard hall not! She somehow was whisked away but with the agreement of the Marshal. Whilst I slept during my rotation. So, she was banished after all, perhaps? Means that that I was ultimately true in my statements during the discussion of the execution? That troubled Khajiit is alive then! I pray she finds tranquility and remains to fully pay off her debts. So much seems to come to pass due to her debts. I have three occupations and can scarcely keep up with them. Spend I less than others?

Where is my blade, and my daggers? Oh. Out of reach over there.

Ah! Who took the one dagger from within my - who knows about - it matters not. All five are on the hammock. Good.

I pray I at minimum entertained those who interacted with me whilst I was inebriated so. And made few messes. Oh, today shall be of ease not.

Amaethaera

---Regarding Loredas, seventh of Frost Fall through to Tirdas, tenth of Frost Fall---

Greetings once more, journal.

I beg your forgiveness for being unable to complete this journal I had been filling daily for the four days passed.

I write in you from one of the beds in the rear of the Rose Garden, aside the one I tended to Sadri in.

On Loredas, the Marshal and Major (Seriduril and Wren) had placed us all on high alert and had us questioning the local populace regarding the threat of death that the guard had received in regards to Wraesha. This was days ago and I recall little of it save that 'twas the sole occasion in which Ma'Sura appeared kind to me for I was put to the task of questioning her. I learnt there was some manner of effort to aid Wraesha out of prison and her execution, but Wraesha is no longer in the jurisdiction or care of the town. She is gone. I scarcely knew her, but I do pray she and Rax are well.

Seriduril, Wren, and Steel are gone as of Sundas. If there were missives left unto me, I have yet not found them. M'lady Vulano has assumed leadership. I have served beneath her before and 'twas a grand shock not. So oft now has the leadership and organisation of the guard been modified that I, well, I simply guard. I wish I knew what to do. I miss them dearly, all of them. I even saw Steel once in the tavern and begged him to tell them I care. Seriduril and Wren in particular are family. I know not what will come of such.

'Twas this day that I learnt my twice captor, the dunmer male Maddren, surrendered himself unto the town and was placed in a cell. I, with the newly reinstated Marshal, went unto he. He was silver tested, pricked with a dagger of the Inspector by m'lady Vulano. I could scarcely speak throughout the discussion. He kept pressing for me to answer the query of what my name was, but I couldn't. When I was enslaved, he would request the very same question and if I answered with aught other than A, I was whipped and even threatened with others being whipped. None shall suffer on my account. I knew I had need of answering Amaethaera, but I could bring myself to say it not. All of the pain, the uncertainty, 'twas too much. And I could answer not A as well, for the town could understand not that answer, particularly the reinstated Marshal! In the end, I fled.

I believe 'twas on Mondas when Terrance has had his banishment relinquished after she spoke with me. She learnt that while he did associate with Orion on the plantation and he even held me in a cage for a day, 'twas for my protection and he has sworn to interfere in my freedom not further. I informed her that I forgave he and Sadri some time passed. Disenyl is without her antlers. I recall not if I ever touched them. However, m'lady Lucia brought up "face sculpting". I worry that Maddren may have such a skill. He is inordinately young for his demeanour. However, as it appears she may have never had them? They were "made present" by some manner of illusion spell? Perhaps that is unknown.

The home of Seriduril is bereft of any evidence that suggests 'tis a home that is occupied. It appears much of the food, cookware remain, particularly that dry, but all the animals, clothing, and potions are gone. It even smells of lacking the touch of mer for some time.

On Tirdas, I met officially one Dra, a Khajiit I had previously seen in the clinic the day I woke from the contest of drinking. He is a former slave and m'lady Lucia has requested that I speak to him as he is a new worker of the tavern and is quite withdrawn and subdued. I introduced myself and was able to inform him that I have some, albeit brief, experience with being a slave. I pray I am able to aid him.

I permitted my anger to flow during the Rose Garden at which point Nammu and I were "roasting" one another. Poor Shari reminds me of myself when I first came to the establishment. Though, perhaps I may have been akin to her were it not for Nammu. Poor Usil felt a need to separate us and then she had to seek me out amongst the waterways to encourage me back unto the festivities themselves.

M'lord Terath of the Fighters Guild asked about my slavery some during this. I informed him I saw basically none aside from the plantation. I solely twice truly left the plantation. I neglected the third wherein I was able to steal out of the plantation on my second night present. They had tossed my leathers aside. I was able to get into them. However, even if over slave rags, a collar, and shackles, I knew what fate befell V and the other slaves if I returned not, so I did. I saw no one at all on that excursion. The walk solely involved Maddren and there is much to say of that experience. Regardless, aside from the ball, wherein I was to keep my eyes down and look into the eyes of none and carry refreshments for the serjo, I saw few. I heard m'lady Azarai present. I, to this day, know not why she was present at a Telvanni Ball in Mournhold. She is a female Khajiit whom was dared to kiss me on the first night of the Rose Garden and kept her lips and hands upon me for far longer than most considered appropriate. I may recognise the voice of the male altmer who attempted to buy Estre. But I saw no faces.

After all the guests left, I went unto Usil to advise her of such, and Petal waited outside the office. Petal was less than respectful and after some discussion, I learnt he considers me bereft of spine and strength and thus may respect me not. I stood up from the floor, walked straight up to him, and advised him that every time I bend, I use it and bear strength, every time I employ etiquette, on every single moment that I breathe I show my spine. I told him he hid behind a name and a suit of armour. I am uncertain if I am heartened or terrified I spoke such unto him. I told Usil that I would gladly sacrifice my presence and leave the Rose Garden if this proved excessive and meant the happiness of Petal, that Petal was the first not to treat me in this manner and would be like to be the final not as well.

However, she wishes me to remain, and so I shall.

I will endeavour to write in here more oft.

Amaethaera

---Regarding Middas, the eleventh of Frost Fall---

I woke in the Rose Garden, better rested than usual.

I have little to say today, but I have been taking some time unto myself.

Usil and I shared a meal that I cooked and she cleaned. Bacon and eggs over a fire with naught but a cast iron skillet. She attempted to advise me I could cook on the grill. I informed her that I was an elf not of the city and spent many, many nights with naught but a fire. I informed her the key to cooking it was in the greasing. I am heartened the skillet I found was curved well for flipping and pouring without a spatula.

We spoke some about the nature of the Rose Garden and her dreams for it. How she wishes it a place bereft of regulations, rules, hierarchies, leaders, authority, but also a family and a place of peace and tranquility, akin to what she and I had in those moments as we ate in companionable silence. I made a suggestion that in the stead of events such as roasting and its ilk, we could do some manner of exercise or event wherein the staff of the Rose Garden must grow closer to succeed. Perhaps something akin to what we were doing in that moment, such as "camping" as some of the city might dub it. I typically refer to it as living.

I went to my guard shift early on and, fortunately, it, akin to many such early shifts, come to no issue as the town is active mostly at night.

I still cannot approach the cells as it stands, though.

Amaethaera

---Regarding Turdas, the twelfth of Frost Fall---

I am once more at the home of a friend.

I received a message by a raven of all creatures and was led unto a place whose location matters little, even if 'twas a locale I have a much larger fear of in these days. I bore my combat leathers, my sword, my shield, my bow, all of my daggers I could fit upon me.

But, dear journal, I met them! The ones who left. I was stunned, rendered ill-feeling even, with what learnt I, but I dare not fill your pages with its contents. And one has a child, a Saxhleel! I knew not at all. I was given an official piece of paper that stated I might join them if I accepted it, that I was vouched for, by the one I knew the least by leaps and bounds.

They desire to give their members freedom. Complete freedom. 'Tis akin to that which Usil would wish with the Rose Garden. Ah, save without the rule against violence. I know not how I feel about that.

They have need of a healer. One they can trust. And I may aid there more than I ever have with the guard. I was never fond of the execution or banishment rules of the town of Vulkwasten. I may have been the sole individual in the guard who wished not to put an end to Wraesha. I was the sole who voted against execution, if I recall well.

I wish I knew what to do. I wish I knew that which was correct and right.

I do wish so very much to aid and to harm not.

Amaethaera