Kiri Tazair's Diary

It's been a little since I wrote. Not since we got to this weird forest. It's so pretty here. I can see why those elves don't want anyone to mess anything up.

Anyways, it's been exciting! So many nice people. I'm really nervous to meet anyone, though. That Ahza guy is really nice! Teaching me how to cook. And Ali is teaching me how to do alchemy. He even let me make my own potions yesterday! I really hope it will let me help people. Brother was so proud when I brought them in! I also really hope we get to stay here longer. There's still more people I want to meet and try to be friends with. Other kids like me. There wasn't any Khajiit kids in Wayrest.

I received a nice gift from Jakodesh. A pretty necklace! I think I'll be wearing it a lot. It's the first gift I've got in a while that wasn't from brother and wasn't just someone who felt bad for me.

I also went to see Ahza in the clinic. I feel bad for him. I wish I could do something to help. Maybe I can bring him a sweetroll? I'll try to next time I visit!

Yesterday I did what I thought I'd never do. There was a big party going out to find a missing kid named Jig. I wanted to help, so I followed. I took brother's dagger before I went, to protect myself if I had to. I feel bad for doing that, but I didn't want to not be able to defend myself. I feel bad for not telling him I was going with them, too... We went into these ruins but when we went in, everyone said we were in Oblivion. I thought we would never return... even the demon voice said we wouldn't. A lot of weird things happen. Everyone was frozen and I was deaf and another lady was blind. But I solve the puzzle! And then something happened and I had my dagger out. I'm glad I didn't hurt anyone... My arm also got a little burnt, but that's okay. And then we saved Jig, but he was badly hurt. I tried to help any way I could. I hope he'll get better, I'm going to go check up on him tomorrow.

I got to meet Keys more today too. A little weird that a kid my age would go around in armor and stuff, but it's still a little neat. I hope she likes me after all that, she seems really cool. I'm just glad I got to be helpful and I didn't get in the way of anything.

Brother was a little mad when I came back. I didn't mean to make him upset... Really, it was kind of fun, now that I think about it. He didn't like that I took his dagger, and really didn't like that I had my arm hurt and bandaged. But he said so long as I came back okay, then he's happy for me. Hopefully the next time won't take me to those demon places again.

It was all so scary. I wanted to cry after we got back. But I have to do what Jako said! I can't be the prey!

[The handwriting would be slightly shakey]

I went outside of town with Vi'jithka yesterday. I thought that maybe he would calm down with trying to look so big and bad if I went with him to explore. We didn't go very far, but when we came to a small valley, we were attacked. Two dunmer who kept talking about slavery and gross things. I tried to fight back, but I was too weak. One of them stabbed my hand when I tried to get my dagger.

I thought Jithka had given up. I wanted him to calm down, but not like that. Though he got up and killed one of them when they started to tie me up. I stabbed the other one, but she ran away. I don't know if I could have killed her anyways.

I don't really like Jithka, mostly because he still tries to act tougher than he is. But he saved me, so I can't help but to be thankful. Maybe he'll turn around after this.

Jithka is gone. He went back home. I guess I'm happy he's going back to live with his parents, instead of here, but I was starting to like him. I'll miss him.

Brother took me to Rawl'kha for a day. We went to look at some houses. We even got to see the Moon Priest service at the temple. I hope we can visit again some time. Maybe I'll even get to talk to one.

I never thought joining the Mage's Guild would take me all over the world. So far I've been to Black Marsh and Skyrim. Never thought I'd go that far before.

I also went with Bethany to some weird ruins with metal things. Spiders and giants and other things. I don't know why I went, really. Keys and Xithic went, and some other guy I don't know. Keys is the same age as I am, and she always talks about going places and fighting things. How can she be so brave and I'm always scared just to talk to someone? I guess I just wanted to see what it's like or something. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, except for the end. But I'm not hurt this time, thank Jone.

A new home! I'm so happy to be sleeping in a bed we actually own! Much better than that stuff tree inn room.
Just in time, too. Something weird happened to the town and they had to move to another place. I kind of like it! It's pretty.
I feel like I'm making more friends. Helped Keys and Kana with some stuff and have been talking to them more. And more kids around too.
I wish I could hang out with Jig more besides studying magick and helping him learn how to read. He can be arrogant sometimes, but he gives me a lot of attention and I think he's really cu- [the words were scribbled out]

I guess I'll never see Vulk again. That's okay, I guess. Not a lot of good memories there, and it was always spooky. Cormount is nice, but everyone is running out of gold. At least they're not alone.

The Mage's Guild is still around! I was worried it was going to end up like the Fighter's Guild and I wouldn't be able to learn magic any more. But they're still here, and I'm even ready to take some test thing!

Also I'm a moon priestess now! Got a pretty silver necklace like brother's. I hope I get a dress or something too. I forgot what I am, but at least I'm a priestess.

A lot of good things so far, at least for me. Not so much for the town, or for brother. Everyone is hungry and poor. Guess its something I'm used to, though. Brother took up working at the tavern and I've been helping get everything ready in the morning with him. He's been coming home more tired than usual, too.

I had a scary thought this morning. The beginning of next year is my birthday. I'll be fifteen. That was the same age brother was when the Flu killed mom and dad and we had to leave. It makes me scared that something like that might happen to me too. Sometimes it feels like everything that happened was just a big curse on us. It seems like it's gone now, but what if it's just waiting? Hopefully the Moons' blessings will protect me.

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Jig knows everything. Something weird happened to the drinks and we had some and I couldn't stop telling him how I feel about him. I'm going to hide under my blankets and hope it makes us forgetful of it too.

Spells I know:
Heal
Respite
Fortify Health
Fortify Fatigue
Wards
Cure Poison
Paralysis
A fire spell
An ice spell
Some lightning spell

Spells I'm working on:
Turn Undead and other anti-undead spells (hard to practice with not many undead around!)
Rejuvenate
Fortify Strength
Some other Fortify spells
Healing aura
Anti-Undead aura?
Aura spells!
Calm (why can't I get this one right??)

Spells I need to learn:
A lot.

Brother finished my staff and Siirdan blessed it! It looks better than my old one. Feels better to hold, too! I can't wait to start using it.

The animals are going crazy. Even people's pets. Dunther nearly bit my arm off. It was a deep bite and I think it might leave a scar. I'm trying to keep it for getting infected. I know poor Dunther didn't mean to, though. I hope Kana is alright, too.

Ko'Aecus is living with us now, at least until she can have a place on her own. At first I thought it was a little weird but she seems fun to have around. At least I have someone at home who understands what I'm talking about when I talk about magic and alchemy! Brother doesn't seem to understand much of it, or doesn't care to, anyways.

I've made it to Journeyman in the Guild! I never thought I would even even be in the Mage's Guild last year. It was a blessing to have clean clothes alone. Now that I'm a journeyman, I'm one step closer to being a great healer!

I stopped by the guild Hall in Rawl'kha and borrowed a spell book from them on Journeyman-level Restoration magic. I have a few new spells to try and learn!

Journeyman spells to learn:
Cure Disease
Fortify Magicka
Magic Resistance
Rejuvenate

Absorb Health

I've been purposely avoiding the Absorb Health and Stamina spells but I have a feeling it might be best to at least know how to cast them. Moons only know when they might be more useful. Hopefully it will only be used to just stop someone from attacking without killing them. I dunno how I can practice them, though, or how I'm going to convince anyone to let me practice on them.

I got my hair dyed! For the past six years, it's always been in a ponytail. It was just easy to deal with and stayed out of the way, especially when we had to travel. It's gotten too long now, though. Normally I would just ask Ashi to cut it, but there's a hairstyle that's to honor Khenarthi, so obviously I wanted that. Also I just wanted to see what it felt like to have my hair look different. Back when she was alive, mom always fixed my hair. And when it was just me and Ashi, he had to learn how, too. But today I got to go to an actual barber! Eventually, I may cut it and go back to my ponytail, though. It feels a little weird not to have it like that. Ashi needs to get his mane trimmed too, but he refuses, for some reason.

I think I may stay as a Journeyman in the Mage's Guild for a little while. I don't think I have enough reason to go higher, if I could. Right now, I still have things to learn and I want to experiment with spells before I think about going on. I also want to be able to do more dangerous stuff, but I usually end up hiding behind someone or shying away. I bet doing more dangerous stuff with the others will help me become a better healer!

I also have new books, and a few empty journals. I'm not sure what I'll write in them yet, though.

I realized I have a lot to learn before I can become to greatest healer ever. At least, the greatest Khajiit healer ever. I love Restoration magic and almost everything about it, but magic isn't always reliable. Alchemy is fun, but potions don't close wounds as good as Restoration can. I think I know both of those well enough, but what I don't know is the other stuff! Stitching wounds, fixing broken bones, and stuff like that. I mean, it shouldn't be any different than stitching clothes, right? I've had to do a lot of that before to mine and Ashi's clothes, but that's about it. How do you fix broken bones, though? Do you cut them open to put all the bone pieces back in place? Do you have to do different things to different kinds of cuts?

If I'm going to be the greatest Khajiit healer ever, I need to learn these things. But everything is just so safe in town. I was told I should go look around at other clinics, maybe in the city where it's more busy. I'm going to start doing that! Rawl'kha seems like a good place to start. Maybe knowing how to heal someone without magic will even help my Restoration skills! I'll go to there this Loredas. Hopefully I'll know what to do next time someone gets hurt in town.

Knocked out by my own staff. That's irony, isn't it? It's not made to hurt anyone. It was made to help people. But instead, it hurt me. I've had a headache for two days, but it's gone away now, thankfully. Maybe it was some kind of Divine punishment or something. It is moon-blessed, after all. A symbol of my priesthood. Maybe I've done something that They don't agree with. It's starting to feel that way for a couple of days.

Siirdan is going to teach me hymns and songs. Ashi never knew any to tell me, and I really want something to do. Playing instruments wasn't as fun as I thought it would be, but singing seems fun. I wonder if there are any on Rajhin. How many, if there are? Also I don't get why Siirdan doesn't like it when I give so much praise to Him. His ways is what helped us survive, after all. And the stories about him are so interesting.

I've turned fifteen! I never knew I could have so many neat gifts. And that such massive cakes exist! For the first birthday I've had in a long time, it was incredible. And I hope this means I'll be treated more as an adult, too.

Ms. Amari-la gave me a sword. I wasn't sure how to think about that at first, since I don't really like fighting. Well, physically fighting, anyways. But she and Varr had a point. It would be better than a little dagger, and my destruction spells aren't always that good. And I can't just use my staff to hit people with, either.

Da'shar gave me a neat medical bag I can start carrying around when I'm travelling, or when I'm with the Mage Guild. I'm still a little made at him yelling at me, but I just can't stay that way. Besides, maybe what he was doing was a good thing. I still don't know how to feel about helping a werewolf.

K'y gave me a neat Magelight maker thing! Very useful for travelling in the dark, when I have to. Xithic gave me a kite. I didn't know what it was at first, but now I sort of remember seeing those things in the distance before. Can't wait to see how far Khenarthi can carry it! Ko'Aecus and Mavos gave me some very tasty treats. Burdens, the Dunmer lady, Alena, I think, and Jig gave me books. No shortage of reading material! Lucia gave my the very pretty earrings I asked for, and even got them moonblessed. Siirdan will be happy about that! Not sure how he will feel about the sword, though.

Sara remains missing. I'm starting to get really worried for her now... no one seems to know where she is. I'm not sure if anyone is even looking. That just isn't right! I wish I could go, but I can't go alone, with all these werewolf and slaver attacks going on. Moons, I pray she comes back alright. She's almost like a sister to me.

Ashi seems to be getting more adamant about travelling back to our old home. We're not even sure how safe Elsweyr is! He can be so hard headed sometimes.

I am on my way to earning my honorific. I need to travel to Elsweyr and retrieve a rare desert Moonflower. The first challenge is finding its location, though, which starts in books and in stories. Sara and I are getting close, I know it! Soon, Kiri will be known as Kiri-ko! One more step closer to being a legendary Khajiiti healer!

I realize I will probably never achieve this, but it is a fun thought. I would be very happy to simply end up as a town healer and priestess in Elsweyr when I am older. But, there is always adventure, too. Perhaps I can find both? Home and adventure.

Ashi says I would be a good Daro. I guess that is true. But as much as I give honor to Rajhin, Ko works better for what I wish to be in life. If I was destined to take Daro as my honorific, I am certain Rajhin would have told me some how.

I cannot wait to return to Elsweyr. Although, it has been difficult to know how bad the flu is, still. But I hope it is well enough to go there for my quest!

We're also ready for our journey into Elsweyr. perhaps another month's time of studying and preparing, then we will be ready.
I thought about only being there long enough to find the moonflower. But then I thought, what fun would there be if I did not take the time to visit my homeland? I have a friend in Elsweyr, anyways - in Riverhold, I think. I should visit him. And then I should visit as many of the temples of two moons as I can, study among them for a short time before moving on again. In other words, I should have an adventure! No great person of history because that way by just sitting around in a small town all day. If I wish to become the greatest healer known to Elsweyr, then I need to explore and learn. I need to be ready to help those in need. Perhaps that will not mean the Flu, though. Unfortunately, as I understand, there is no cure for that.

My magic is starting to feel different. Not weirdly so, or bad, thankfully. I've been getting into the habit or reciting prayers - sometimes out loud, sometimes in my mind - when I cast my spells. At first, I didn't think it did much other than to invoke the Divines' care. I am still uncertain, but it seems to be doing much more. Restoration spells have a certain feel; a calming warmth that flows from mind to paw. Now, it is as if that warmth and calmness have grown tenfold. It's as if a warm light washes over me, however subtle it may now be. It is the light of the Two Moons, those I invoke the most during my healing. I've noticed the familiar sunlight glow of Restoration magic has began to pale, turn silver almost, like the brilliance of Jone's surface. If the Two Moons are changing my magic, I wonder what other type of spells this one could call upon? And what other Divines would grant her such spells? Perhaps this one should look more into the worships of Rajhin. . .

Has this one really been acting up recently? Everything was fine, until some Peryite cultist tried to infect the town with an illness. I was worried that it would spread and ruin everything again. It made me anxious and maybe a little bit sour, I guess, but it's reasonable, yes? It wasn't very strong, anyways.

Alena keeps acting crazy, and it both worries me and annoys me. Worrying is fine, but why does it annoy me? She's not hurting anything. Well, until she tried to run off with some cursed relic, anyways. I don't understand why she wants those things. Doesn't she remember last time? Certainly she must have an unhealthy obsession. And why does she choose to fabricate this Well People stuff? It might have been funny at first, but now it's not, at least to me. But, she did say she was going through things. I don't know what and I am a little afraid that if I ask, she will unravel completely. Best to let her do what makes her comfortable, anyways. Maybe this one is just being too judgey.

Maybe I was a little too mean to Mavos, too. Was stomping his tail really necessary? He just made Kiri-ko very, very angry for not listening to her when she told all those gawkers to get out! He picked a very bad week to, well, be the way that he is. Maybe he's not old and creepy, really this one has no idea how old he is, but he certainly acts old and very strange at times. But still! This one runs the clinic, not anyone else. Only two things could change that and that is the Canonreeve and the Dominion people! All I want is to be respected for what I do, for what I am.

I am fifteen, therefore I am the perfect age to work. Granted, not many fifteen year olds run their own clinic. Maybe just small family stores at best. But that makes this one stand a part from the rest, yes? A step in the correct direction to being the greatest Khajiiti healer of the Second Era! But, maybe I should focus on acting out of kindness and charity that a priest is suppose to possess, as well. These emotions and feelings just swarm and get the best of this one sometimes.

So many people leaving me. So many betraying my trust.

I don't want to be in Auridon anymore.