Blood, Guts, and Chocolate Fudge (Adsomar's Journal)

Adsomar's journal is bound with soft, pale calfskin and it seems to have been bent many times with attempted repair.

I do believe the Jade Moon bazaar is going to become a reoccurring event. I only pray that I no longer receive the most ridiculous shift, but Junia seems to favor me, so at least I have that. Perhaps she prefers me over the others because out of two effectively intimidating guardsmen, I am the only one that does not act like an overgrown child. I pity the Altmer that was lonely enough to accept Khasien into her bed. Anyhow, Estre and I have still not gone on that vacation we occasionally bring up. Perhaps I should speak with her about that again. The bazaar job pays handsomely.

I do wonder if she's busy right about now. I'm a little peckish.

Estre didn't come home tonight. I wondered why she'd work so late without leaving me a note. She knows I worry--about everything, at that. Does she, truthfully? Or does she simply assume? Because I never told her. I never actually considered it. Anyways.

It was much past midnight, at least, when I finally left on this woozy leg. There was no one, and in general, it was so very quiet and quiescent. There was no one in the clinic save for her, but not the the way that I was expecting--you know, passed out with a rather dire-looking head wound.

There's no one else around and nothing I can do. It looks like someone tended to her already. I'm just going to write. I don't know what happened.

Kumquat and I have matching holes in our legs, and I still can't seem to see much out of my left eye after--I don't know how to spell her name--Aliss, Alyss, A Lisp, whatever, scratched me across the face. It was a rather good

Nevermind it. I can't write about what's been happening. I'm too jumpy. I'm going to try to sleep.

It must be three in the morning. I've just been lying here. I must admit that the shadows up here give me a start now and then.

There was some sort of indescribable skip in time. I suppose that means I fell asleep. There's light coming in from the... are those windows? Thin tree bits?

There's nothing better I can be doing. I'm going to wait for Alijham and ask him what's happened.

This is the first time since my arrival in Vulkwasten that I've wanted to go home. Not the Estre home, however--the farm home. The first one.

Not because I want to get away from anyone or anything, necessarily. I find great enjoyment in my routine, my fiance, my jobs, et cetera et cetera. I suppose I just. Well. Life isn't always lovely, of course, but whenever I run into issues with myself or otherwise, I'm used to having my parents.The way I live now, it's very easy to forgot that I'm... little more than a boy, I suppose, though I don't like the way it feels to say or write it. I should be a bit more honest with myself.

Like Kashya.

[There is a long, continuous line across two pages that loops back around into a vaguely cake-shaped structure.]

I told them the truth. I hope Estre doesn’t think I was lying to her about why I do not wish to see my parents.
Wraesha makes me nervous now.
Sleep.

I was expecting a group under Kashya to be more organized. I suppose it takes a bit of the pressure off. I'm looking forward to this.

I forgot my journal at Estre's house when I lived with her. She gave it back to me in a bag months ago, along with some more of my things, but I just now thought to look inside. I am happy to see you, journal. I like the Hawks. I was told more than once while I was there that I am sharp of wit, and no one has told me that in a long time. I'm very cold.

I sort of get the feeling that no one really likes me and I haven't a single true friend. I should stop talking to anyone first and see if something happens.

No, Alena would talk to me. And Seiverin would, too. I am just a bit sad about him. I had taken a fancy to him for a long time--even when I was still with Estre, I'll admit--but I just didn't say much about it. That is my fault, but I still feel a bit down.

As long as I am a friend to her and not a lover, Estre will treat me like I am worth nothing and that we never knew each other like we did.

Why does this happen to people? Love and deep feeling never did anything good for me. Kumquat is getting old. I am starting to think about what my life will be like without her, but no one I want is nearby except her. I have never been as sad as I am when I think about losing Kumquat.

Adrian is a nice man. He doesn't know that talking to him made me feel much more peaceful. I'm not sure if he's a little loony, with the wall talk and all, but he is nice at the least. I do wonder if I should be worried about lingering cult activity. I believe that's what he thinks is going on around here. Hopefully he has a good eye up there on the walls.

I'm frustrated that Niaali let poor Seiverin have that moon sugar. She should have known, right? It was pathetic, seeing him fall off the couch. I need to get over him. It's not like we ever knew each other very deeply.

I can't believe it. Karitaes and Niaali said Estre might die.

I am myself again, and at peace. I visited an old friend and she taught me so much about myself. She has no idea. I have opened myself up to new friends, and lots of alcohol. I can no longer stomach mead. I am sad because mead was my favorite.

Seiverin is acting a bit snippy with me lately. I wonder what’s upset him.

A-Ra A-Ra Ah Rah A Rah Ah Ra A-Rah (I am not sure) told me he would teach me how to swim. Samhain is doing things that I do when I like someone. It makes me nervous, but he is also very nice, and I like him, and he is very handsome.