BeckifyMar 04, 2018Mar 04, 2018 at 06:25 AM
#1
I told him that I couldn't have children.
I wasn't exactly lying. I really can't have children. At least, that's what we have been told for as long as I've been one of them. Sure, I've heard stories of my kind carrying a child but it always ends in heartbreak. And who would really want to risk that? Put themselves through that kind of suffering?
Not me. So, I told him that children were impossible and he was OK with that. He said that biological children were not important to him, that he would be happy with adopting because his brother and sister could carry on the family name.
Except that I know his sister cannot. It pains me to lie to him. It feels feel like I'm always covering something up, but I just can't spill her secrets to him. And I don't have the heart or strength to tell him what I am. He's going to find out one day, there's no prohibiting that. I just don't know what he'll do when that day comes.
He brought up my relationship with Arietta. Yes, something was there, I won't deny that. But things were different in the manor. Arietta and everyone in there brought out something that I couldn't control. Aurelius brings out a side of me that I've hidden for a long while. He makes me feel like a young impressionable woman again.
Arietta makes me too comfortable with my more predator instincts. I can't control them. I don't know if I'll ever be able to. It feels safer to go back to fearing those instincts rather than embracing them. That's what I need to do. That's what works for me. Why can't they see that?
I wasn't exactly lying. I really can't have children. At least, that's what we have been told for as long as I've been one of them. Sure, I've heard stories of my kind carrying a child but it always ends in heartbreak. And who would really want to risk that? Put themselves through that kind of suffering?
Not me. So, I told him that children were impossible and he was OK with that. He said that biological children were not important to him, that he would be happy with adopting because his brother and sister could carry on the family name.
Except that I know his sister cannot. It pains me to lie to him. It feels feel like I'm always covering something up, but I just can't spill her secrets to him. And I don't have the heart or strength to tell him what I am. He's going to find out one day, there's no prohibiting that. I just don't know what he'll do when that day comes.
He brought up my relationship with Arietta. Yes, something was there, I won't deny that. But things were different in the manor. Arietta and everyone in there brought out something that I couldn't control. Aurelius brings out a side of me that I've hidden for a long while. He makes me feel like a young impressionable woman again.
Arietta makes me too comfortable with my more predator instincts. I can't control them. I don't know if I'll ever be able to. It feels safer to go back to fearing those instincts rather than embracing them. That's what I need to do. That's what works for me. Why can't they see that?