TrekOct 25, 2018Oct 25, 2018 at 02:38 AM
#1
Journal Entry #1:
I'm only starting this because I have only had a dream this vivid only once before in my life, and I'd rather not recall the exact specifics of it. It troubles me.
This had occurred after Siirdan had given me a generous dose of moonsugar, not that I blame him of course, I don't know my limits to the stuff either. I'd fallen into a slumber, though I have no idea how long I was out.
After promptly passing out, I found myself right back in my medical tent. Or, at least one of the ones I worked in while I was in Cyrodiil. All around me, for miles on end until eventually I could only see little orbs from magelights acting as stars in the darkness, was me... Operating on patients, hunched over, with Volar by my side, requesting surgical tools while he kept up a small magical light and applied healing magics to keep patients from dying mid-procedure. My voices were uniform and calm, almost in sync in the requests. I'd hear the occasional sigh of relief, or the shout of fury and anguish as the light accompanying that version of myself went out; a failed procedure... A life lost in my own hands.
I was experiencing every one of them at once, but none of them at all. The feeling of sickly, sticky blood drenched my fur as each surgical session washed over me, soaking through my garbs, cementing the fabric to my very body.
The patient was still conscious, a Breton of all races, still donned in her robes. The patient had several deep lacerations, along with arrowheads lodged in their abdomen. Her screams... Still as fresh as the day I actually tried the procedure. Not in a good way, either. When I was able to get to her, I had already run out of sedatives, my stock of potions and such was exhausted. I was trying my best to remove the arrowheads that were deeper in and broken off, but she kept squirming and screaming... I accidentally ruptured something vital, and she bled out before I could get Volar to slow the bleeding.
I heard Siirdan's voice, he kept trying to reassure me something about the Moons but... The dream felt so lifelike. I wasn't paying attention to him. The patients needed me, Jone and Jode could wait. Volar wheeled in a Khajiit with similar injuries, though one side was frost-bitten, the other was scorched, all fur burned entirely off the skin. I was about to start the procedure, but a calming light filled the tent. It wasn't Volar's magelight focused on my patient. It reminded me of a flaming boulder launched by a catapult. My first instinct was to shield the patient with my body and prepare for whatever pain was to be dished out.
The pain didn't come. For once in my entire life, the pain didn't come. I looked up from the patient, but there was nobody there. The Khajiit present had simply vanished, leaving me in the tent with Volar. My clothes were fresh, and the taste and scent of death was no longer violating my sense. Volar wasn't even there anymore. Siirdan was standing in his place, speaking kind words to me. The light was still in the tent, its brilliant, calming glow instilling a sense of peace deep within my soul. The tent was no longer an endless abyss of surgeries, but rather just a normal medical tent with a few sick Dominion soldiers. Some were recovering from wounds, others asleep from a surgery. The Khajiit I'd shielded was among the sleeping, arms folded over his chest... He'd be living without a good bit of his fur for the rest of his life, but he'd live.
Outside the tent, which is the first time in this nightmare that I've ever actually been able to see out of the tent, was a door painted a pristine, sanitary white. It had several butterflies flying around it, resting atop the door frame. I stepped out to open it, but before I even thought about touching the knob, my gaze drifted upwards.
The twin moons were closer than I'd ever thought possible. Their craters were almost countable with how close they were, but I wasn't worried. I felt at ease. It felt right, having them that close. I stared at them for several minutes, basking in the light, feeling truly relieved of duty. Other healers were attending to the patients.
And I let them. For once in my life, I let somebody else see to those under my care. It felt like the weight of the world was being lifted from my shoulders.
I returned to the door, opening it after jiggling the knob. After it was opened, everything faded to white, and I felt something click inside of me... Though I'm not exactly sure what it was that did so.
I wonder what Siirdan and Kiri will make of this.
I'm only starting this because I have only had a dream this vivid only once before in my life, and I'd rather not recall the exact specifics of it. It troubles me.
This had occurred after Siirdan had given me a generous dose of moonsugar, not that I blame him of course, I don't know my limits to the stuff either. I'd fallen into a slumber, though I have no idea how long I was out.
After promptly passing out, I found myself right back in my medical tent. Or, at least one of the ones I worked in while I was in Cyrodiil. All around me, for miles on end until eventually I could only see little orbs from magelights acting as stars in the darkness, was me... Operating on patients, hunched over, with Volar by my side, requesting surgical tools while he kept up a small magical light and applied healing magics to keep patients from dying mid-procedure. My voices were uniform and calm, almost in sync in the requests. I'd hear the occasional sigh of relief, or the shout of fury and anguish as the light accompanying that version of myself went out; a failed procedure... A life lost in my own hands.
I was experiencing every one of them at once, but none of them at all. The feeling of sickly, sticky blood drenched my fur as each surgical session washed over me, soaking through my garbs, cementing the fabric to my very body.
The patient was still conscious, a Breton of all races, still donned in her robes. The patient had several deep lacerations, along with arrowheads lodged in their abdomen. Her screams... Still as fresh as the day I actually tried the procedure. Not in a good way, either. When I was able to get to her, I had already run out of sedatives, my stock of potions and such was exhausted. I was trying my best to remove the arrowheads that were deeper in and broken off, but she kept squirming and screaming... I accidentally ruptured something vital, and she bled out before I could get Volar to slow the bleeding.
I heard Siirdan's voice, he kept trying to reassure me something about the Moons but... The dream felt so lifelike. I wasn't paying attention to him. The patients needed me, Jone and Jode could wait. Volar wheeled in a Khajiit with similar injuries, though one side was frost-bitten, the other was scorched, all fur burned entirely off the skin. I was about to start the procedure, but a calming light filled the tent. It wasn't Volar's magelight focused on my patient. It reminded me of a flaming boulder launched by a catapult. My first instinct was to shield the patient with my body and prepare for whatever pain was to be dished out.
The pain didn't come. For once in my entire life, the pain didn't come. I looked up from the patient, but there was nobody there. The Khajiit present had simply vanished, leaving me in the tent with Volar. My clothes were fresh, and the taste and scent of death was no longer violating my sense. Volar wasn't even there anymore. Siirdan was standing in his place, speaking kind words to me. The light was still in the tent, its brilliant, calming glow instilling a sense of peace deep within my soul. The tent was no longer an endless abyss of surgeries, but rather just a normal medical tent with a few sick Dominion soldiers. Some were recovering from wounds, others asleep from a surgery. The Khajiit I'd shielded was among the sleeping, arms folded over his chest... He'd be living without a good bit of his fur for the rest of his life, but he'd live.
Outside the tent, which is the first time in this nightmare that I've ever actually been able to see out of the tent, was a door painted a pristine, sanitary white. It had several butterflies flying around it, resting atop the door frame. I stepped out to open it, but before I even thought about touching the knob, my gaze drifted upwards.
The twin moons were closer than I'd ever thought possible. Their craters were almost countable with how close they were, but I wasn't worried. I felt at ease. It felt right, having them that close. I stared at them for several minutes, basking in the light, feeling truly relieved of duty. Other healers were attending to the patients.
And I let them. For once in my life, I let somebody else see to those under my care. It felt like the weight of the world was being lifted from my shoulders.
I returned to the door, opening it after jiggling the knob. After it was opened, everything faded to white, and I felt something click inside of me... Though I'm not exactly sure what it was that did so.
I wonder what Siirdan and Kiri will make of this.