Inner Thoughts - Niaali'jo's Journal

Entry 1

This one has decided that she should take up writing her troubles down to paper again in her free time. She has not done so since she was a student, learning within the adeptoriums of Elsweyr in a time that seems so long ago. She always found the process therapeutic, in a way. And considering how things are going for her lately, she certainly won't turn down the help it would give her. But where does she even begin, she wonders? So much has happened since then. So, perhaps it would be best to start at the beginning. When Niaali left her home that day, she was unsure if she would ever return, and she still is. She can't stand to think about how greatly the death of the Clanmother, and the rise of her replacement, have changed her family. She couldn't have lived in peace like that. So she left, hoping to find somewhere else to call home instead.

That search brought her to many places, to many far away and exotic locations she could never have imagined. But dispite all she found, she never found what she looked for. That isn't to say that she never got close, though. Indeed, she found many people that were like herself in her travels. But most of them, if not all of them, were still too close to what she was trying to get away from. But still, she never gave up hope. And one day when her travels took her to Valenwood, she finally felt like she would be given another chance when she heard of a particular group of some rather interesting people.

It took her a good while to track them down to where they are now, since it seemed the group traveled often, and this one arrived to several locations around the region only to be told they were no longer there. Normally, this one wouldn't put so much effort into something like this. But then again, she had been on the hunt for quite a while, and she was begining to feel desperate. And since she had heard a certain rumor, she thought it was worth the effort. But eventually, she did find them. She felt so excited at first, and her first days were spent looking, and talking, and seeing all that she could gather. But all stories have a twist yes? Well here is her's: what she thought would be here no longer existed.

Dark moons and dull claws. She was crushed to find that out. After looking for so long, only to beleive herself so close only to find out otherwise was less than pleasant. But dispite this, she still didn't want to give up hope. Unfortunately however, she had grown rather fond of the people here, and all their quirks, even after only a short time here. She thinks she would enjoy it here, even if it wasn't quite what she thought. Maybe she can still have what she wanted after all, she thinks...

This one was right, writing certainly made her feel better!

Entry 2

This one just has just got back from her trip to Glenumbra with Kayenne and Karitaes. This one won't lie, she really had no interest in diving into a monster infested cave. Unlike her companions, she had no interest in seeking treasures or glory. She simply wished to make sure niether of them got hurt. She will also admit, though, that she was very excited to see Daggerfall once more. She has fond memories of it, and made some lasting friendships there. She had hoped to catch up with said friends, but the situation didn't allow it sadly. Buy that's a topic for later she thinks.

Back on track. As this one said she had no interest in treasure hunting, as they did. She has delved into the occasional ruin or two before, to clear it out of the creatures within that threatened others, though. It was just simply not an act she did for fun. But this one can say now, that after seeing what lied within that cave, she is happy she accompanied them.

The whole place was filled with massive spider eggs, and the spiders that came from them. Nasty beasts this one thought, they needed to destory them as their existance made life dangerous for everyone around. And so we wiped them out as we went further long. Things got worse from there though. It turns out the creatures were Daedric in origin, and we had quite seriously angered their mother, that mother being a massive creature that looked half spider and half woman.

This one was worried for a moment after seeing such a thing. But she had faith regardless. Faith in both those around her and those above her, and she can only hope her companions drew strength from such faith as well. She must assume they did, however, since we managed to defeat it.

The others found something she assumes they will sell, as they wanted, but this one is just happy that all came back safe and sound.

Entry 3

(The following entry is in a hastily written, shaky, and unsteady script.)

Dark Moons! Dark Moons must curse Niaali, surely! Two weeks, Two weeks has she been in this town, and the most she's had to deal with was someone cursed. That wasn't so bad. But she left for a day, just one day, and what happens? Someone dies. And who died? None other Kashya, the tavern owner and mayor of the town, who was only so because no one else wanted the title.

Niaali didn't know Kashya. She'd only ever spoken to her twice, and overheared her a few times more. But that doesn't matter, this one knows that many people held her dearly. And now she's gone. Could she have stopped it? Could Niaali have managed to keep her from death's grip? She will never know, and now she must see the pain Kashya'a passing has caused, never knowing if she could have spared them all that pain.

Niaali just feels terrible about the whole thing. The power of "what if" is a strong thing. Makes one feel guilt for no crime. What if she hadn't left? What if she was there? What if she could help her? It's too late to answer those questions now, though. No, now, Niaali is going to the shoreline for meditation and prayer. She expects to be there a while too.

Entry 4

How quickly luck can change. Niaali thought herself cursed for a moment, but perhaps Jone and Jode, and Lady Mara, smile brightly on her after all. She certainly feels like they do, at least. She never imagined something like this could happen, that she could find someone who stirs joy in her heart like she does. It's amazing. It's like she's found something she never knew she was missing. Niaali doesn't have the words to describe how she feels in justice. Though, that doesn't exactly matter. What does matter, in her mind, is that her long wait is finally over. And now that she's finally over that wait? She wants to cherish what she's found for as long as the Gods will let her.

But, she should move on, lest she fill her whole Journal with her love struck ramblings. There's still the clinic to take care of. The town clearly needs it, as the recent violence indicates. But, with Kiri gone, in this one's mind that only leaves two candidates, herself, and Estre. This one doesn't really know Estre in all fairness, but she did see how Estre advertised her own clinic to undercut Kiri's, her own student. That doesn't leave the best impression in her mind. Either way, nothings set in stone. Still need to ask about it anyways.

Entry 5

This one apologizes for not writing in you for so long, oh journal, but in her defense she's been rather busy. So much has happened since she last wrote, so much has happened in such a short amount of time. She'll try to recap what's happened from then until now.

First thing's first, the bad things. Niaali grows worried by the fact a werewolf was revealed to the townsfolk recently. No one was hurt thankfully, he must be one who can control himself after transformations, but the fact that such high attention is now being given to such a subject worries her. The people of the town have no reason to fear her. She really does want to help, and she has no intention to hurt or feed from any of them. But if she were to be discovered she fears she would be given no chance to explain herself, or be given any mercy. The fact that the town's newly formed guard carries silver to test people with only affirms her fears. But enough dweling on such negativity yes?

There has also been much good that has happened since then. The woman she spoke of in her last writings, Kayenne? The one who brings her comfort and ease in a way no one else can? Niaali told her the truth, and much to this one's surprise, she was accepted for who, and what, she is. There's no way to flower her words. Niaali loves her, and she is loved in return. She's so glad Ja-Kha'jay and Mara have blessed her as they have. This one could go on and on, describing her love for her, and the blissful moments they've shared, until her hand ached and this whole book was filled. But since she wants to continue writing in the future, she should just stop here.

Other things have happened besides what she's written about of course, both bad and good, like the clinic situation and the progress of Niaali's new spell, but those are really nothing of major note. For now though, she leaves her writings here. She'll try to make the effort to write sooner next time.

Entry 6

Well, its certainly been a while, hasn't it? Life had preoccupied this one in many ways, and she admits to have forgotten about this journal she now writes in. But now that she's found it again, she has many things to write about. So...so many things. Let her begin by first jumping back into the past and explaining the way to the present.

A few weeks ago. Niaali and her love Enne took a trip to Elsweyr. Originally the trip was to find an alter for this one's shrine, but we decided to extend the trip so that we could visit Enne's family. This one was nervous, of course. Naturally Enne and Niaali spoke of this possibility before hand, and we had already decided to tell Enne's parents of Niaali's vampirism. We decided it was best to be honest and tell them soon after they met this one, as to avoid the appearance of deception, you see. Revealing her nature is never easy, but it is even less so when done to people she wants to like her.

The trip itself went by pleasantly enough, we each enjoyed the company of the other, the travel time gave us some much needed time to be together. But soon enough we would arrive at the farm of Enne's family. The introductions went as one may expect, this one met Enne's family, her brother, sisters, and parents, and her family talked to this one for some time. They're all lovely people for the most part. But when night came and everyone started to settle down, we pulled her parents away to give them the news. They...took it better than she thought they would to be honest.

Don't mistake her words, Niaali could see the hatred and fear in their eyes. It's a look she she knows all too well. Harsh words were spoken to her, and voices were raised, and threats made. But by the Moons, no violence erupted. She's so happy for that. They may hate her, they may disapprove of our love, but in the end all is well in it's own way. Soon after that we would head home

More than this happend during the trip of course, but she will not commit them to written memory. She would rather forget them.

But that is in the past. Now Niaali will write of the future. Niaali and Kayenne returned home. It was good to be back, to have time to ourselves. We had not been back but for a few days, when Niaali's love approached her with a gift: a hand made necklace, as beautiful a thing as she had ever seen. Keyenne told Niaali she had "saved it for the one, the perfect one." Niaali's heart nearly burst on the spot, as she heard those words. "The one. The perfect one." Those words rang in her head for days. She feared she may have over thought it, as to her...it sounded like a declaration of eternal love.

But her fears would soon be lifted, and her happiness would shine even brighter in a few more days time. Once more Kayenne approached her. Once more did she bear a gift. And this gift? It was a ring. A ring...just for her, made by hand and with love. She was speechless. Niaali never thought she would have such a love, to have one to call her mate for all her days..and yet here her love stood before Niaali promising to provide her all of these things. To love her for all of this one's days. To call her wife.

Niaali Ravencroft. It makes this one so happy to say that name.

Entry 7

Well, it seems about time to report back in to you, oh leather bound journal. So, she'll write down some of the recent occurrences to make sure she remembers them later.

Firstly, there was a small social gathering a few days ago. This one didn't know about it. And only found out it the day of. She had to rush home to change! But she did attend it of course. She wishes her love Kayenne could have came too, but sadly she was still busy at the time. But that's a bit off topic.

The party, one could call it, went by smoothly enough. For the first half at least. There was laughing and merrymaking, this one got to spend time with some lovely people. But then that killer, Cantose, showed up. Things sort of fell apart after that. This one admits, she got such a headache from it all that she had to excuse herself and sneak away to take a few drinks from her blood bottle.

Fast forward to yesterday, and things are a bit happier. This one got a small gift for Karitaes, for one. She had said how she wanted something like Niaali wore, so she got her some Khajiiti clothes. A small gift in this one's mind, but Kari nearly crushed this one in her appreciative hugs! After that though, this one decided to go with the mages to do a small job. A woman was worried some creature threatened her, so we placed some wards around her home. Nothing to it. Really.

What more to write about...ah, yes, of course. This one has been looking for a place to hold the wedding. She's got a few candidates but she's not sure where yet. Niaali was going to invite some friends she's made in Morrowind, Skyrim, and High Rock, while she's sure Kayenne will invite her family in Elsweyr. She had thought about finding somewhere a little closer so they wouldn't have to travel as much...but some people from town wish to come as well. Aaahh...wedding planning is difficult.

Entry 8

Today was a bad day. Today was a very bad day.

It started off normal enough. Nothing was really going on. But for some reason, the town was targeted to be "guests" in a ruse of a dinner party held by strangers. Naturally that's pretty odd and suspicious. This one knew that. But with so many of us going, it wouldn't be too bad, yes?

No. It would be bad. Of course it would be bad. We were attacked. Niaali did all she could to protect Liara, the khajiit child. She thanks the Moons for the Ja'khajiit's safety. Now if only the others would have been safe too. No, Estre got stabbed by a different child, and nearly bled out. That would have been the worst thing that could happen. There's not a thing Niaali can do to heal blood loss, except giving her vampirism, and it's not like she was going to do that.

By the end of the day Niaali was left with an exhausted spirit, bloody hands, and a bloodstained dress. But even then Niaali's worries didn't end. As Niaali was yawning, she licked her bloody hands in her exhaustion, not thinking about it. She tasted their blood. Estre's. Karitaes's. Gavyn's. Dark moons, Niaali swore never to feed from the unwilling, and while that technically didn't break her promise, it still feels very close.

Skra'il rabiba tu itrola! Niaali wants today to be over with!

ENTRY 9
Surprisingly. things have gone rather well lately, future Niaali who will reread this some time later. Nothing horrible has happened, that she knows of at least, but several good things have.

First off the major thing. Most of the townsfolk headed off to save Aminos, and by Jone and Jode's blessings, they were successful. This one couldn't go with them naturally. There's no way in all of Nirni she would head into Coldharbour. Very few things scare Niaali, But that vile place does...for many reasons. But she supposes if her own beloved was trapped there she would dive headfirst into it as Dalea did. But...she's getting off track.

In other good news, this one made a new friend! The imperial, Vittoria, is who she speaks of. By some intriguing turn of fate, she used to be a werewolf. This one says "used to" because she has been cured. But this one still managed to smell a trace of said lycanthropy, but she had no idea she was cured, despite how weak the smell was. That lead to...a very awkward conversation. But that very awkward conversation quickly turned pleasant, and we each spoke of out respective conditions, past conditions included. Niaali doesn't really get to talk about the whole "Vampire" thing very often so it was quite a nice change of pace. This one could tell Vittoria felt the same. She'll have to try to talk with her again some time.

And in even more good news, Falsetto the jester is back in town. Wonderful! This one enjoys speaking with him and watching his displays. There's so much doom and gloom in this town. Not that it isn't warrented, what with what troubles the town gets all the time, but it's good to see someone else who tries to make people smile, like this one does.

What else can she write of she wonders. Hm. Nothing comes to immediate mind, so she guesses this is all for now.

Entry 10

This one is relieved, terrified, and excited all at the same time. A few days ago Niaali attended a party. It was...er she forgets the Cyrodiilic name for the holiday, but its the one where it's supposed to be spooky and scary. Anyways, people were wearing costumes, of Daedra, werewolves, and spirits alike. It gave Niaali an idea. She had no costume to wear...but she did have an illusion she could disable.

And so...this one "pretended" to be a vampire. She figured it would be the only chance she'd get to walk freely without risk of people hating her, wanting to burn her, and so on. At first...she felt...liberated? Is that the word? Maybe not. But she felt good. Happy, more or less. But...the jokes that were made about not standing too close to her still hit rather close to home. She knows that at any other time those jokes would be serious.

But still. She did feel happy to do it...at the time, at least. But then the worry set in. The comments about how realistic her costume was cracking away at her confidence. The image has been seeded in their minds, the image of Niaali with orange eyes and fangs. She fears it may come up again in the future. She fears she may be given scrutiny. And yet dispite her fears she still feels it was so worth it.

Because dispite the fears, Niaali finally got to be...honest, to stop hiding. Even if partially so. By the moons it felt good. And with that, Niaali got to gauge some reactions on the subject. Thats a very crucial step if she ever plans to be more honest with more people.

That's all this one wanted to write of for now. Nothing else is really too important to her in her mind. She will briefly mention that the town was attacked and someone got hurt. But at this point things like that are too common to write of all the time. Everything is fine now anyways.

ENTRY 11

Well. Things have been good. Then bad. Then good again. But weird, mostly. Eck. That's a bad start. But forgive her, future self, you know she is overwhelmed.

Okay. First off, Karitaes and Telelin. This one has been playing the matchmaker between them for some time now, even if neither of them really realize it. This one thought they would never say how they felt. Technically, they didn't. Niaali had to lay it all out for them. Some may call it blunt but with all the misunderstandings this one was tired of all the guessing. So she stopped them from guessing. But at least they've realized the feelings of the other now. This one's work in that regard is done.

Now onto the next thing. Kari told this one a secret, a big and sad secret of her past. This one never suspected such a thing, until she began to suspect it just yesterday. What started as a small mentioning of Kari using possible black soul gems, turned into this one finding out that she used to be a necromancer. This one has a way of finding out the details, it seems. Now, Niaali admits, at the time she was conflicted. Niaali will always hold a grudge against necromancers, she thinks. Necromancers killed the Clan Mother so long ago, and if it wasn't for that, this one would still have a clan. But this one shoved such thoughts away. Kari isn't like that anymore. This one assured her of that. In the end she is still the same friend this one grew to like. That's all that mattered.

Oh, but that's not all that happened, no. This one, in her sympathy and empathy, decided to share her own secret with Karitaes, seeing how Kari shared her secret with this one. It went...well enough. There was fear and mistrust at first, there always is, but in the end this one thinks she came to terms with it. She let this one hug her, at least. Then again, she did fall asleep during that hug...seems....this one rocked her to sleep. Eh. This one expects many more questions next time she sees her.

Oh, Azurah, try as this one might Niaali cannot predict or plan for the fate you weave this one. She can only say such fate leads her to strange places. Strange places indeed. Not that she's complaining.

ENTRY 12

This one has begun to notice a trend in the entries this one writes in this journal. More often than not, she just writes of the events of recent days down, rather than some look into her own thoughts. And more than that, she writes as if she was speaking to a friend, as if the words she wrote were spoken aloud. Niaali has wondered why that is. Why does she anthropomorphize you as much as she does, as if you could mouth some reply to her? This one believes she found that answer.

This one thinks she writes as she does, because it makes her feel safe. It makes her feel safe to write what happens in her life down here, rather than tell someone. You, oh leather bound book are a good listener after all. Yes, you would not judge her, nor does she have any fear that you will disapprove. Yes...she writes as she does because it makes her feel safe. But why does it make her feel safe, she has also wondered. That answer she knows as well.

This one is lonely. For a long time she has been lonely. Only so recently has she not been lonely. She works in a sort of nice town, with mostly nice people. People like her, and she likes them. So why does she feel this way? The obvious answer is because of how thin the foundation of this life she has is built on. One secret. All it would take is one secret to come out, and all of it would go away. Everything, except for Kayenne.

So that is why she writes as she does. She pretends you to be a friend whom she can just casually talk to. If she didn't, she'd just feel even more alone.

ENTRY 13

One bad thing, and another, and another, after yet another. Niaali doesn't understand it. Why! Why must so much misery befall her? And why now of all times? It makes Niaali furious, as much as she hates to be so, to think of how helpless she is.

First off a vampire hunter shows up to town. Absolutely wonderful. When this type of thing happens Niaali either waits for them to leave, or just leaves herself if they show no intention of leaving. Well guess what, that hunter has no intention of leaving! And guess what else? Niaali can't leave either! She has people that depend on her, she can't go, she would abandon everyone! Niaali cant win here, there's nothing she can do! To Niaali's credit, she is damn near undetectable, she labors greatly to ensure that. She is nothing like what that woman searches for. But it's the IF that bothers her. IF Niaali is discovered, she has two, and only two options. Either she can run, or she can fight. She doesn't want to do either! Niaali doesn't want to flee from those who need her, nor does she want to hurt anyone, even that hunter who would surely see her murdered. IF she is discovered, she can either run, if she even can, or she can fight, and kill or be killed. And that's just Niaali, not to mention her friends in town that are either vampires or werewolves themselves. Why do you do this to Niaali, Oh Jone and Jode?

Not that that's the only thing she had to worry about. There was that whole deal with a goblin. Not Alena's cat, an actual goblin. Poor thing wandered into town looking for help to free it's family from a Slaver. Liara tried to help him escape. Poor girl, her heart is so sweet. And she had to watch as her new friend was murdered by, guess who, Cantose. Niaali had to practically carry the weeping child home. Yet another thing that tears at Niaali. The whole thing was a mess, even Kari left the guard because of it!

It feels like everything is falling apart for Niaali here. And out of all her woes that one stings the worst. She had such high hopes, and for a while it was like she had what she came her for in the first place. While he knows she's over reacting a little, at the same time, things will never be the same. Today has changed alot of things, and there's nothing Niaali can do about it.

At least Niaali still has Kayenne, and that will never change.

She hopes.

ENTRY 14

The last two weeks have been difficult for this one. She's not really had much time to herself, let alone time to write. But for now though, khajiit has stolen enough time to record a little of what her life has held for her. Not a lot of time, but enough.

This one has been quite on edge ever since that argonian woman, Shallows, showed up to town. For the obvious reasons. Niaali would have been content to wait her out, or to just play things calmly for a while. And for a while, she did. It wasn't a perfect solution, but she was kept relatively unaware and peaceful because of it.

And then He showed up.

Darkest of Moons, Alijham! Why did you come back to town without a mask?, at least. You tell this one it was never a problem before, well it's a problem now! And of ALL the things that could have happened, you mention Estre? Foolish. Not that it's entirely your fault. Kari, ugh. Why didn't you just wait a moment! You know this one, you know that peaceful people like herself aren't impossible! But fear overtook you. That would be fine, If you didn't report that incident to the guards, knowing how worried this one is about a hunter being here.

Now not only did this one's friend get chased out again, and people in town were questioned, Now that hunter likely thinks she has all the evidence she needs to start investigations in earnest. Dark Moons, Niaali had to try and salvage what she could by warning Estre she's be questioned! Ugh. Niaali is just venting. She must stop.

At the end of the day, at least Ali is fine, and her other friend is the only other werewolf. She's not really looking for vampires, not that there's really anything she can justifiably do to find her. Her point still stands.

At the very least this one is pretty sure Estre got his letter. Hopefully that's the last of the sneaking around she has to do. She doubts it.

ENTRY 15

It's been a while since this one wrote, she feels she should write something, even if there's not much she wants to write of.

Things have been, for the most part, calm. Niaali hasn't seen that damnable hunter for a while. It's been long enough that she's let herself get comfortable again. But even if she hasn't been around, some badness still happened.

One the way to town one night, Niaali got attacked. She was walking along the road when she saw an Altmer headed her way. He had a mace at his side, but she thought little of it. She simply gave a nod and kept walking. But as she passed by the man. he drew his mace and slammed it into her arm, screaming "Auridon for the Altmer!". Some remnant of those Veiled Heritance nutcases. Luckily for Niaali, and unluckily for him, it was night. She very quickly overpowered him. Sadly, in her mind at least, she had to kill him. She gave him the chance to run, he did not accept. All in all it wasn't anything of real note. Her body began to fix itself. His blood helped fix it. At least the villain would do one good thing for someone else.

What else...

Attended a festival of sorts in town. One that was meant to honor those no longer with us. Niaali spoke of the Clan Mother. Strange how that is all Niaali has ever called her. It just seems fitting. This one doesn't think she'll ever really be over what happened to her. Nor will she forget all she did.

Not much else to write of. Niaali feels sluggish now. Strange.

ENTRY 16

Niaali doesn't feel like writing, and yet she is. She does not know why. A sudden desire sparked in her as she looked at her journal and try as she might she can not explain it. And so she will write.

The last few days have been hard. Abnormally so and for many reasons. She has no idea why Aminos brought that ghost into Skywatch. We all said that was a bad idea, even we who wanted to give the ghost closure. We should have brought her to the tower and set up precautions while waiting for them to arrive. And yet we did not. And now a man is dead. Because of us. A wife is without her love. Because of us. A child is without their father. Because of us.

But of all the sadness, sorrows, and misery, it is the fact that everyone else, save Karitaes and Niaali, ran away and did nothing about it that strikes an anger in her heart. How dare they. People call Niaali a monster and yet even she had the heart to stay and do what she could. She did not run away from what she did. And the very next day does she see people smiling and laughing in the tavern like nothing happened.

How dare they.

Kari and Niaali took the body away so the family wouldn't find it. They don't deserve that. Niaali buried him and said prayers over his grave. She left the family an apology and explanation that they shouldn't expect to see him again. Niaali made a vow to herself to watch over them from the shadows. She has the time to do it. She's immortal. It is the least she can do to offer some sort of atonement. It's certainly more than they did or will do, likely.

ENTRY 17

...So appearantly Kashya's still alive. Never died, appearantly. Used something called Langourwine to fake it.

Niaali calls Ziss to that.

Kayenne was there, Kayenne told this one how wounded she was, how broken her body was, how damaged and undeniably beyond life she was. Kashya is lying and hiding something, she has no doubt about that. Sure, fine, drink some poison that makes you cool and stops your pulse without killing you somehow. Her lungs were bunt to a crisp from fire. So she was told.

That's just...thrown her off track entirely. Ugh.

Subject change.

Niaali had a nice night, other than that. She always feels good when she prays under the Cathay Moons. Tonight she found herself speaking to Azura as well. Not uncommon all things considered. This time she....felt something. She heard no voice, nor overwhelming passion. Just a thing. A tiny, feeling, unable to tell if it was physical or mental. Perhaps she should give her creator a proper praiseful ceremony soon, and see if that feeling returns.

But as for now she can only think of feeling like she's being lied to by a certain Altmer. Gah.

ENTRY 18

The time is dusk. The sun falls, and in it's place do the Moons rise. She sits here atop a cliff overhanging the ocean, and she hears the waves crash upon the sand far below her. A cool and salty wind blows across her, as well. She sees the sky awash with a fading orange over the blue horizon of the water, and above it does she see the encroaching purple and black of night. All in all, it's rather beautiful. She finds herself struck with a feeling of calmness as she looks and ever further loses herself to the awe of it, as she sees the heavens change before her. But most importantly of all, it is the best and proper time for her to do what she's about to do.

The next paragraph is spaced far below the previous on the same page, as if written at two separate times and a distinction was intended to be made.

This one has just finished her prayers and is...uncertain of the result. She spoke prayers to her creator, Azura, not dis-similarly to when she prays under the moons and adds a mentioning of her, but this time this one's subject was purely her. Like last night, she had a feeling. But unlike last time, this feeling was stronger, more potent, and she can describe it's actual feeling no better, so alien is it to her. But this time, the feeling came with an urge, an urge to see Elsweyr. She is unsure for why or what. Is the Mother of Cats trying to show this one something?

Niaali has much to think about.

ENTRY 19

This one does not know what to write. Her mind is wracked, racing with thoughts and purposes, meaning and interpretations.

She followed the feeling, which as she attuned herself to it more, she realized it emanated from her heart. It lead her to Elsweyr, as she expected it to from her prayers the last night. She found herself within Ne Quin-al, the land which gives our phrases of warm sands meaning. She made a brief stop to get a new inkwell so that she would be prepared to document whatever she found before she head our for the place the heart-feeling took her, and by the Star she is so glad that she did.

The feeling took her into the Scar, on the other side of Orcrest from where her old clan called their home. The sand-winds were brutal, but she was prepared for them, and manged to push past them to her destination. And what she found was worthy of awe.

It started as a break in the canyon wall, a set of stairs which lead to an opening where two pillars had fallen in on each other over the walk way. She stepped through into the unknown, and the confined passages of rockwalls opened up into a sight she could never have expected.

A massive temple, ancient, even by her already ancient people's standards. Much of it had fallen or colapsed, but much was still standing in this open expanse. In an instant, as this one stood on the edge of the valley with the sand filled winds blowing across her, she knew deep within herself that she had arrived. She knew not why she had been called, and why she had bren called here, but she had arrived. This one eventually broke from her awe. Eventually. She did have a feeling to follow, and as close as she was, she would hate to delay her Mother's wishes for her any longer. And so forward she walked.

The paths winded along the valley walls, spiral and doubling back to take her higher and higher, closer towards the temple that was built into the face of the canyon. Each step felt light. As anxious as she was, and anxious she was for knew not what lay in store for her, she did not fear. In fact, she felt oddly confident. But she didn't have time to contemplate it before reaching what remained of the outer top parts of the temple. And what she found... she cannot describe what it stirs in her.

It was a shrine, an alter of sorts. It's writing faded, but not erased by the stinging winds that blew here. She remembers one particular excerpt of what she read vividly.

"Of all Azurah's many commandments, one leaps above all others. All souls, great and small, true and bent, moons-blessed and cursed-ridden, must return to her embrace beyond the Lunar Lattice that seprates a life of flesh from a life of spirit."

All must return. Even curse ridden. So said it by the Great Mother herself.

Long ago when she turned, she struggled to find a way to accept what she became and still hold her faith. She did well, and managed to keep true. But doubt always nagged at the back of her mind. And it always has. Niaali has always shown her creator respect at least. But Niaali never expected this. She guided this one here for this. She can feel it.

I have so, so much to think about.

ENTRY 20

By the moons and star, what in Oblivion has this one gotten herself into.

Niaali always had some suspicions of Terrance, but she never imagined it would be something so severe, so evil, so sadistic. To torture innocent souls for eternity to sustain yourself. A monster unlike all others.

This one found out that poor Falsetto was one such victim, one who was given that same condition. save that he had an opposite effect. Whereas Terrance sows pain and sorrow, Falsetto is to sow joy and peace. An ironic twist but one that is welcomed. But in that we have found an agreement. We made our natures known, and agreed that cooperation was in the best interest of everyone. Not just us, but the town and it's people. Unfortunately, somehow, that new breton lady wandered into the tavern at just the right moment so see something she shouldn't have seen. While she only saw Adrian, this one being guilty by association is not beyond consideration. Complications.

In any case, this is quite a revelation. This one will do what she can, but damn it if she was not at all prepared for something like this. Especially when it's not like we can just go out an accuse him.

Ziss. Ziss vo. Niaali has had too much to deal with tonight. At the very least she can be comforted by knowing that fiend is rarely here. But it is unsettling regardless.

ENTRY 21

Happy days! Happiest of days! Much has happened, this one could write of what happened with the Mystics, (or lack thereof), or of how serious one was injured by bees, but she only wishes to write of one thing, her wedding!

Yes, the time has finally come. After much waiting, and many delays, all is aligned and the time approaches in but a few more days time! She finds herself rather impatient as well. Ironic, since she has infinite time. But she digresses. The preparations have been made, and as she writes the last of the potions she will need are being brewed. All is perfect so far! But this one admits to some worry. Kayenne's family should be there. Her parents don't exactly like this one as it is. But with blessings, perhaps it shall go off without trouble.

It's going to sound so weird to have a last name now. Never had a last name before. But, weird and perfect at the same time!

ENTRY 22

Niaali had a nightmare last night. She has not had one in quite some time. She hopes she doesn't have one again just just as long a time, it was a vile thing.

Niaali found herself at the bedside of a grayed, much older Kayenne. The energy sapped from her spirit, her breath slow as she laid still, age having worn her down. And yet this one stood as youthful and spry as ever, her heat beating it's steady pace while her beloved's slowly yet surely began to slow.

She woke from her dream at that point, but the nightmare did not end. It has not ended for quite some time. She looked beside her to she who shared her bed, and knew that what she dreamed would be fate, as she has done many times before. And there it nothing she can do to change that. Except one thing.

This one has offered. You must only accept. She prays that one day soon you will.

ENTRY 23

The trip to Elsweyr went fine. Nothing too worthy of note, Niaali simply arranged for her amulet to be made. Alot of her time after that was just spent explaining Elsweyr to Karitaes, since Niaali offered to bring her. Kari seemed to enjoy it though, came back with some things she bought. Niaali is glad her furless friend enjoyed it. For Niaali returning home is often a thing too soiled by bad memories to be enjoyed as it should. Memories of what happened at Orcrest. Memories of dying. Memories of so many other people dying. Memories of her clan, those are the most bittersweet. I hope someone came and burned them all to ash like the monsters they are. They deserve it now. She'd say not all, but anyone still with...him, is no better. She saw that herself.

Niaali must stop dwelling on this.

. . .

But she can't stop thinking about it.

ENTRY 24

Niaali has been thinking lately, about where she and her mate are in life.

Though we are still not wed yet, as an accident occured which postponed it until a time unknown, we are still together for the long run. Which has gotten Niaali thinking about a few things.

Niaali is happy as we are. She is happy with just her and Kayenne, in our modest home out in the wilderness of High Rock. She is happy living a modest life, a simple one. But sometimes she forgets that her beloved is not immortal, like this one. She does not have forever to simply be content while her heart seeks more.

She told Niaali, long ago, of her dreams to have a family, to live the high and easy life. Niaali cannot give her children, for many reasons. But maybe she can give her an easy life.

Khajiit left her noble name behind long ago. But she knows how to get it back. She could follow in her father's footsteps, rebuild the family trading company. Albiet...much later than father had hoped for. It would be a lot of work. A lot. But she would bear that weight for her love without complaint.

She should bring it up soon, try to talk about it with her.

ENTRY 25

This one has many updates to make, oh journal. Much to write.

Niaali spoke with Kayenne about reclaiming/rebuilding her old noble status. And, much to this one's surprise, she did not wish to. Not right now, at least. She said she liked working and earning her things. A bit ironic considering some things she will not write of. That is neither here or now Niaali. Anyways. Kayenne said that she did not wish for that now, though that one day she may change her mind. If that is the case, she hopes it will be soon. There is only so long that this one can convince people that her brother was actually her father, and she is only now collecting what her "father" left her.

In other news, there is no real way to say why she was scared senseless except to say it plainly. Dragons. She saw one. Niaali, Karitaes, and Kayenne visited Elsweyr, to help Kari find a gryphon, to take it's soul for enchanting purposes. That much went fine. We killed the thing with no real problem. But that was when she heard it. The sound of huge wings beating in the air, the sound of it's roar rumbling down the canyon walls. It made even this one have chills, seeing that massive beast fly over us, praying it would not see us. And it did not, Azurah be praised.

It was not long after that that Niaali's beloved mate came up and spoke of taking a trip. Niaali welcomed the diversion naturally, though she wasn't expecting the destination to be Summerset. As she writes this, Kayenne finishes getting dressed besides her, so that we can charter a portal to the isle. Niaali will be able to bring us back later. The trip shouldn't last more than a day or two at the most. We don't have the time for more. Though this one is excited to cross off one more place on her list of Tamriel's provinces to visit!

ENTRY 26

Hello, once again leather bound journal of this one's thoughts. It has been a while. Much has happened.

The Summerset trip was nice. Very nice. A beautiful place. Even if it did all feel like one huge garden. Our arrival to the Isle wasn't anything of real note, other than that of visiting a new place. She won't go too into detail about how we wandered and found our way to Rellenthil, but it was at Rellenthil that much would happen. Started off with this one getting us in to see a play from the House of Reveries. She makes a side note to point out it was quite a spectacle that Niaali's words would not do justice were she to try and describe it. What came after was of even greater importance to this one. Niaali had asked Kayenne to not take her blades into the play. She agreed. However, she lied, and snuck in some knives. Niaali found them when we returned to the in. It was that which lead to a much needed heart to heart, And a saying of things that had to be said. It was for the best, and she is thankful. And then the next day, we saw Alinor. It had some issues she will not detail, but overall was nice. And a nice walk on the beach ended the night, and we headed home. It is nice to record such things, she thinks, so that she can always relive it later.

Though not all things she wishes to relive through. In more recent news, a new vampire showed up. Hadn't spoken to her but for a minute and she already claimed to have kidnapped a traveler on the road. Niaali will not allow such things so long as she can help it. Especially not when she tried to get this one's friend alone and out of town, likely to kidnap her as well. She understands not all her kind are nice, but she will not turn a blind eye to the evil ones.

Luckily Kayenne was there at the time. Niaali needed to hear her words and relax after it all had happened. Ugh. Now she must watch and observe, and once more try to make sure no one is in danger. As best she can anyways.

Azurah, guide her on her path.

ENTRY 27

Niaali really needs to write more often than this. A lot has happened since her last writing and she has written of none of it!

This one makes a brief mentioning of moving to a new town, before she will move on to recent events. It's a nice place, an oasis north of Rimmen. It's nice to be back in Elsweyr. Others disagree, but she suffered Auridon, so they can suffer Elsweyr. It's only fitting. Regardless, the place is spacious, though perhaps lacking in buildings. Everyone still has to actually live in other places, like before.

And speaking of other places to live...Niaali and Kayenne finally took that trip to Pellitine we've wanted to do. It was perfect timing, all things considered. But what was the highlight, was finding that her old home still stood. After the flu, after the flames, after the dragons, her childhood home was still there, as if ripped straight out of her memories. Albeit, a bit more dusty and overgrown now. And now, she was to live in it once again.

Our walk through the home wasn't an easy one for this one. She has a lot of memories here, and most of them lead her to just missing her family. But Kayenne is here. And so Niaali is fine. But since we've been here, Niaali has gotten more in control of that feeling of missing them. She has put it past her, as she had to do when they all actually passed on.

We still haven't had our wedding. It's been a long time now, but perhaps it has been for the best. We've been talking about having it here. Perhaps that is why Azurah has guided our fates onto this path. For she thinks being wed here would be far, far more special for both of us than it would be in Auridon. Now, if only Kayenne's parents will come without objection to the union. Or at least keep the objections silent. Or at least come without silver, as Kayenne suggests her mother might.

ENTRY 28

It is by simply chance she writes this night. She thought her journal lost, for she had severely misplaced it. Yet, now it is found! Just in time too, she has some things to write about.

Last night was a wonderous night, the town had gathered to hold a night for merchants. Kayenne came, bringing both herbs, trinkets, and all the oddities she finds in her treasure hunts. It was actually pretty fun! Niaali felt like a Baandari street merchant, luring people in with a silver tongue. This one's mate was much better in this regard, but, Niaali still had fun! And we made no small amount either, coin that shall most certainly be put to good use.

After the selling craze though, Niaali had her future fortold to her by Falsetto, looking into a crystal, smoke filled, ball. A form of Divination she is not familiar with. Perhaps she sould look into learning....but regardless, what was shown to her was quite pleasing. She was asked to share what she saw, but how could she share that? She saw herself and Kayenne, nude, laying in the grass of a beautiful mountain valley on a sun filled day, as this one kissed her neck. Certainly not what she expected to see by any means, but by no means does she complain.

Kayenne had a less pleasing vision shown to her, to Niaali's worry. But whatever that vision showed, if it is perhaps a warning of danger she shall be put through, Niaali will be there to help see her through it. Khajiit would have it no other way.

ENTRY 29

Didn't expect to be writing again. So much has happened, both very good, and very bad. Yet, it seems Azurah guides her fate to these pages, bound to the book she thought so lost that she stopped looking. She is thankful for this. Looking through the past pages helps her remember a few things she never wanted to forget. And it is time for new memories to be added, good and bad, for she must never forget. So let her start here.

We went to Skyrim a good while back, Kayenne and Niaali. An unlikely ally she made in the Resolutes of Stendarr years back found this one again, seeking her aid. She was needed to play the part of a less moral vampire, and sneak into the good graces of a group of vampires he was hunting, and who were too well hidden for him to truly find. Niaali and Kayenne played the part of master and thrall. Perhaps we played it a little too well. Long story short, vampire hunters got sent on us, by one of the captives those vampires had.

Now she gets to bad things, horrible things, that she must force herself never to forget, so it may never happen again. They found us, all the way in Senchal. Found us, knew we were around, but were unable to catch and confront us. Niaali had devised a foolproof plan to evade them. Except, when she and Kayenne went out to hunt the evening of the plan, they found us in the forest. Niaali was wounded, burnt, and shot with silver, sure, but she is quick on her feet, and she survived and fended off two of the four, Kayenne killing the other, leaving just one. But...the sight of that big Nord catching Kayenne in the stomach with his battle axe in an uppercut, lifting her up over his head, and slaming her down on the ground on the other side....it is scarred upon her mind. Niaali was able to stun the hunter for a time, and stablize Kayenne, but...what happened next, shames her.

Normally when Niaali must kill someone, in cases where she must defend herself,she kills as quickly as possible, by any means necessary. No matter how brutal it may seem. To her, this means they suffer as little as possible. Yet with that man...something inside her snapped, a rage took her and she did not kill quickly. He was at Niaali's mercy, and she made him suffer before his end. She should have just killed him and been done with it. Her heart knows guilt, shame. She must never allow that to happen again. Ever.

Enough of that. One more thing to write of before she's done for now.

It finally happened. After months of waiting, of life getting in the way when we were almost ready, it happened. Niaali is now a wife, bonded heart and soul to her mate. This one thought it would only ever be a dream, even after Kayenne proposed. She guesses sometimes dreams really do come true. A wonderful day, for obvious reasons. Not to mention that Kayenne's mother Rabijjan and Niaali actually made peace! And, Niaali also got to see her friends across Tamriel. The ones who know what she is, at least. And speaking of knowing things, this one found out Kayenne gave her folks permission to tell her siblings what Niaali was. That wasn't supposed to happen but it worked out well enough. They all seemed okay with it in the end. Got asked a lot of vampire related questions. How old she is, why she didn't burst into flames in the sunlight, that sort of thing. Had a wedding crasher later though, that orc Kayenne pissed off in Auridon found us. Took care of him. All in all a good day.

Niaali will try to write again soon. She forgot how much she likes writing.

ENTRY 30

Niaali needs to stop lying to herself. Saying she'll write often. No she won't. She keeps forgetting. Probably why she stopped writing journals in the first place. She just forgot. Or maybe she didn't want to be reminded of the last thing she wrote of. Sort of defeats the point of writing it down, doesn't it? Bah. Well, since she's already writing, may as well commit. She has something interesting to write of anyways.

Things go well enough for this one. Nearly had another run in with a dragon though. She was out hunting, when one flew overhead, and landed nearby. It didn't see her, thank Azurah, but it seems it was being followed. A bunch of people chased after it on horseback, the Dragonguard she thinks, they all looked similarly dressed. Niaali watched as they did battle. From a safe distance, of course. She'd rather not turn to ash.

It was fascinating to watch though. To see such a huge and terrifying creature methodically, carefully brought down by people who are ants in comparison. Niaali would even say it was inspiring. And this one has never before really had a chance to study, or even observe a dragon in reality. But her fascination came most from what she heard.

The Thu'um. The Draconic words of power. Niaali knew it existed. She's been to Skyrim. She heard the legends, heard of the Greybeards, seen the odd runes in the barrows, and so on. But never had she seen, or heard, it be used. And hear it she did, even from where she watched. Alien words that fueled an even more alien magic. She understood absolutely none if it. The words, or how it made fires burn. But it was absolutely fascinating nonetheless. Maybe she could seek the Greybeards out.... or find a friendly dragon to tell her out it works. Hah. Yeah right.

Have to wonder why Alkosh ever even let loose his unruly children upon us in the first place. Oh well. Something to ponder later.