An Unmarked, Leather-bound Journal (Lunar's Journal)

Third of Last Seed, 2E587

Gonna start writing in a journal, need something to vent my thoughts instead of ranting to Lifts about it. Don’t think he really enjoys listening to me bitch about my problems. He’s supportive, but gods know I’d slit my wrists if I had to deal with that all the time.

I woke up with a headache at my apartment in Skywatch. I don’t remember crawling all the way from Bumfuck-Nowhere Morrowind to Pompous Central. Though, judging by the feeling in my loins, let alone the stains in the sheets, it seems Lifts and I had some fun, so perhaps he carried me here.

What little of the party I remember was enjoyable, don’t have many days where I can let loose like that and I don’t think I’ll have another one anytime soon. The fun is over, but I’m determined to get serious. I took a treasurer position in the Grove, as money is what the town needs to survive and I don’t trust any of these other idiots to do it right.

I want this town to pull through, but I have a problem with Kashya leading. She’s unhinged, reckless, and probably about as fucked in the head as Sheogorath. Hell, she’s already proven that with the drama with Estre and Kiri; but who else would be better? I certainly can’t think of anyone in town more fit, or trustworthy for that matter. Either way, this feud with Kiri and Estre needs to be fixed. Otherwise, I’m taxing both of their asses. I spoke with Mavos about it the other night, but he won’t talk to Kashya and I think that’s the most glaring issue with Mavos being her advisor. Well, first Kashya never even talked to him about making Estre head healer, and he won’t talk to her about the aftermath! If I have to play both tax collecter AND advisor, I’m going to fucking punch Mavos in the face.

(The latest entry is hastily written and quite sloppy compared to the above entry)

Fourth of Last Seed, 2E587

Kiri left. She fucking skipped town. Kashya is missing. I genuinely feel like ripping Estre’s throat out, the dumb pompous bitch. I’m writing this in the tavern after an entire bottle of brandy. I don’t even feel it. All I feel is anger. I’ve been good at controlling it thus far, but this is fucking bullshit. I need to speak to Kashya but she’s nowhere to be seen. I swear to the gods above, I’m this close to following in Kiri’s footsteps. I will let this town fucking rot if it will teach these absolute brain-dead twits a lesson in common fucking decency.

(Several tear stains litter the next paragraph)

I spoke with Kashya just now. She stands by her decision with little more than insults and easily refuted reasoning. She's stubborn as a mule and twice as stupid. Wouldn't even acknowledge we were down to ONE healer now. Kept spouting off about how Kiri was inexperienced. I saw her save Veshar from near death, I know she is far from inexperienced, but Kashya won't listen. She just pissed me off so gods damn much, acting like what she did was in Kiri's best interest when she couldn't give less of a damn about her.

I don't know what will become of my job there, but right now I couldn't care less. I'm getting drunk and I'm getting violent. Might land me in a cell or the chopping block, we'll see. Just want to be anywhere but here.

Fifth of Last Seed, 2E587

I’m sitting in a tavern in Skywatch, whichever one is by the docks, I don't care to remember the name. Lifts was worried about me last night. I won’t get into too much detail, but we talked about it; my problems with the town, or namely its management. Now I’m here, smoking my second pipe-full of mugwort while trying to look busy.

I kept thinking about last night. How could everyone just accept Kiri leaving like that, let alone being replaced? I didn’t get a chance to talk to her, but I know she was upset, obviously. She worked so damn hard for that spot, only to have it given away without a second thought to some recreant knife-eared twat. Kiri was always diligent, always there when someone needed her. Estre? She bailed months ago without a trace, letting cobwebs build up inside the clinic as a result. Who’s to say it wouldn’t happen again? Oh, but when it does happen again, I’m going to be there to rub salt into the wound; but knowing Kashya, she’ll just find some abhorrent dismissal, or call me stupid. Seems like half the town gets a kick out of the latter. Even when I try so damned hard to keep everyone united, I’m always beat down with insults and threats. My nightmares are worse because of it, but what am I going to do? Break down crying in the middle of town? Punch someone’s lights out and get arrested? Of course not, but I’m beginning to lose my patience.

I should talk to Mavos. He’s the only one who has my back on this. He can be paranoid sometimes, but I know he sees the exact same thing I do. I’m starting to understand his concerns the other night. She might not ever give up her position, even though she said there would be a three month term. I don’t like this one bit, and I don’t think I want to fight tooth and claw for the ingrates of this town. I hope I’m wrong about all of this.

(The beginning of the entry was slightly sloppy, as if someone were on the move while writing)

Sixth of Last Seed, 2E587

Kashya is dead. I came into town at the crack of dawn for booze and to see the only people I still cared about in this gods forsaken town. I saw the singed stones, the blood along the cobblestone street. Hell, the smell alone made me hungry. I followed the sickly smell of burnt flesh to the clinic. Ash covered bed, Kashya’s belongings, and the only healer left in town; pale as bone in the only unoccupied bed, unconscious. Kashya’s body was nowhere to be seen, but I recognized Kashya’s belongings as soon as I saw them. It was worth noting Gladious was unconscious on the floor, blood from fresh cuts along his wrists. He tried to commit suicide. As I gazed upon the scene, I could only assume it was another nightmare; however, that was wishful thinking on my part. I stayed around town for a moment longer, but the hunger was at my door. I'm currently heading North to feed, then I'll be back in Skywatch for a drink and to collect my thoughts. This is all so sudden and I'm not even sure if it's true.

(The next paragraph was more stable and comprehensible. A drop of brandy stained in the middle of the next paragraph)

Ironic. That would be the only word I could use to describe this situation. After chasing out two of the three official healers we had; Estre, the prodigal daughter herself, couldn’t save Kashya. Estre, the same one Kashya so valiantly defended not two nights ago; who’s twenty years of experience far surpassed the healing capabilities of anyone else. It amuses me in a bittersweet kind of way. Like watching a bandit that robbed you blind swinging from the gallows. If Kashya had not chased out Kiri, or Sara, she might still be breathing.

Though, I remain not completely heartless. There is some part of me that mourns, like hearing that a neighbor you used to wave to on your way to work had passed. Proximity is all it is, however. Kashya treated those around her with scorn, like muck on the bottom of her boots, and was always ready to throw insults or fists. I won’t look on with pity, nor will I shed tears. She had brought this upon herself and has only herself to blame. Live by the sword. Die by the sword.

I need to speak to Mavos as soon as possible. He needs to know and we need to fix this. Somehow.

Eighth of Last Seed, 2E587

It’s late, I’d say around three at night or something like that. The tavern below has grown silent, but I have the presence of a light storm to comfort me. Lifts is asleep, out like a light. I could hear his soft breathing over the crackle of the fireplace and the taps of rain upon the window. I feel unnaturally warm here, in both body and mind. I feel safe. It’s not a big apartment by any stretch, but I suppose that’s why I like it. Writing helps calm me down, too. I’ve found that it takes my mind off of current events, if only for a little while. Plus, getting my thoughts down and out of my system keeps Lifts from having to listen to me bitch and moan about minor annoyances. Speaking of, I should probably get those down. Been a lot on my mind as of late.

My feelings of Kashya’s death remain the same. She was reckless and died recklessly. Though, my concerns lie with the town. I feel as though I now have a certain responsibility to help guide this town to prosperity, but the more numbers I crunch and the countless hours of adding, subtracting, and checking my work makes me feel as though it’s impossible. A fool’s errand. The town’s budget is so deep in the outhouse that it’s practically swimming in shit. I don’t know where we’ll get the money, or how. I’ve thought about dumping some cash from the Dock, but I’m not sure. I’ll have to launder it, of course, but the Dominion attention it could bring would be devastating. We already have enough problems, and if the Dominion catch wind of a suspicious amount of money being pooled into Shattered Grove, it’ll only be a matter of time, and I’ll be the one to take the fall. Fraud, along with whatever other charges go along with it, is awarded with death.

I’ve resorted to adding money from my own bank as donation funds for now. Gods know I don’t need food, and the rent is a piss-take with Hawks bounties. I’ll make it work somehow. Perhaps I should try to sleep. Lifts is looking awfully lonely, and I could use a hug right about now.

Fourteenth of Last Seed, 2E587

Hard to imagine it’s been six days since my last entry. Guess I’ve been more busy than I thought. No wonder Lifts was worried about me. The work keeps my mind occupied at least, and I have a much better feeling about the town budget since speaking with Mavos about some of the taxes and such. At least the town budget is in the low positives for now. It still isn’t enough, of course, but I’m feeling good about this now. To celebrate, I treated myself to some pork dumplings, rum, and a sweetroll.

Not much has been going on other than that. Not even sure what to write about for once! Perhaps I should go visit Siirdan and tell him about things. That last ‘spirit trip’ he sent me on broke some restrictions, I think. I’m able to control my anger easier, I’m noticing. Just the other day some sailor spit on my boots down at the docks while I was working manifests. I still wanted to punch his lights out, but at least I didn't do it this time!

Don’t think I ever spoke much about dockworking, not that there’s much to talk about. I just read the manifests, check the cargo, and clear it for loading or unloading. Pretty simple stuff. Sometimes you get the assholes, other times tourists asking for directions, but for the most part it’s mindless activity that pays me enough to afford a meal a month. Not that money, or food, really matters to me, not since Vvardenfell. It’s just something to keep me active and distracted.

Speaking of distractions, I should get to reading a new book I picked up, perhaps curl up in a blanket or two as well.