Family Security

26^th of Midyear — 2E588
Lilin's Point of View

In Summerset, we had great, big ancestor clocks that held the time for us. Out in the wild, though, I don't have anything to tell the time except for a pocket sun and moon dial. They're more useful than not having the time at all, but not having a real clock makes me miss home even more than ever. The desert is boring because there's no place to hide out, and no place to make friends. We're in a dangerous town that we made up ourselves, and all the caves and crevices are already taken by the people who needed a place to live when we got here. There's no place for someone like me to build a private hideout for my training. Instead, I gotta practice my magicks in the full view of everyone, and that's distracting. I go to the rooftops and the top of the walls during the day instead, when everyone's out working.

Tonight, though, marks the beginning of the end for all that. Last week, Adrian took me back home. Back to Summerset. I had been looking for transport for a long time, and he was awesome enough to help me out. We cracked and disabled the ward to Father's laboratory together, and inside, we found books. So many books! They all hinted at where Father had gone, proving my theory right—Father was alive, and he was looking for a way to resurrect someone. That someone was Mother, who faked her death and ran away from home to try and escape her duties from us. She came back after Uncle Renma refused to take me with her, but the aftershock of her wrongdoings are still being felt by us. By me, and Father.

Today, though, that all changes. I discovered something perilous, something absolutely renegade! Mother has been unfaithful. She abandoned Father, and the mere possibility of him being alive! Left him in the dust for another altmer in town. I talked to him, though. I'm nicer than Mother is, but I won't take this lying down. As soon as she gets home, I'm going to make her choose between him or me, because she made me choose her over Father. When she gets home, I—

I think I just heard the door open downstairs. Oh, no. Not confrontation. I hate confrontation.

Ever since we came to Dawnspring, Mother hasn't been able to find or afford a home. Me, her, and my dog have been staying in the Guard barracks at night, but it's not a home. Mother doesn't seem to want to move, though. Four bunk beds, all with the same yellow and white bedding resting over a dinky wooden frame, are aligned in perfect, equally distanced rows (is equi-distant a word?) that feel cold and unwelcoming. The lighting from the candles and torches lining the room warms the place up and makes it feel a bit more homey, but not by much. I miss home, our home. The manor in Summerset. And as soon as—

"Lilin!" Mother calls out from the Guard office, and my heart starts jumping and moving around in my chest. I consider not saying anything for a moment. Mother loves me, but she's also terrifying. I've seen her kill a person before. She didn't want me to see it, but I did. She wasn't quick about it. Sometimes, I wonder if my magick is good enough to rival her. I think I could when I'm older, but I don't want to fight mother. I don't even want to talk to her about this. But, all good things come from taking a step forward, I think. I grab a book from my big, leather backpack that sat against the foot of the bunk bed and raced down the several flights of stairs while inspecting the pages. Sloppy, Daedric script that I have only partially decoded. It looks like it's all written in Common tongue, but the letters aren't normal letters. It looks easy to decipher. I just have to figure out what letter is what.

As I make my way to the base of the stairs, I hitch a left into the doorway of the office and turn my head to the left again. A desk is tucked against the doorway, and sitting in its chair is a giant of a woman. My mother. I know she doesn't see anything wrong yet, but it's hard for me to hide my feelings. I can already feel myself sweating, shaking, and fighting the urge to run away, back upstairs. I want to, but I don't. I just start crying before she can even tell me hello.

Mother looks up at me with her usual worried expression. She doesn't say anything; she just stands up and walks over to me, now out of her big metal uniform of armor and in a black coat over a thick blouse. She wraps me in a hug and I don't fight it at first. All of my determined words have "flown the coop" for a second, and I can't even think right. I gotta gather myself. I gotta do this, I gotta say something. And after wiping my eyes and pulling away from her embrace, I do just that. Confident Lilin comes out through the red face and tears, and I valiantly open the book I was holding and flip it onto the table. As Mother looks over at it, I try to think of something cunning, fierce, and poetic to say in the moment. Witty. Something witty.

"L-look ov—at, that, that, and—" Well, I guess I could've done a little bit better.

I still can't speak very well, but Mother can, and does. After looking over the book, she turns her head slowly back towards me and shakes it. "Lilin, what is this?" I am still in the process of trying to speak, though. Deep breaths. In, out. Don't stutter. Don't stutter, Lilin. You won't stutter. And thankfully, I didn't! Not this time, anyways. I put my hands back on my waist to look as big as possible and gave the most serious, even intimidating, nod that I could towards the book. "Estre told me about you and Seiverin. But Father is still alive. And you're gonna have to pick between us or him." When I had this planned out, I expected Mother to fight me on it. I expected her to fight it with all her might. To be brash and bullheaded like I see her in public. She's always so mean to people. She's not mean to me, but I also didn't ever backtalk her or go against her wishes in my whole life. I thought this would be the day she finally snapped and kicked me to the curb, and I thought this would be the day she finally showed her true colors to me.

That didn't happen, though. She started rabidly flipping through my book—through Father's book—and started getting really red in the face. I could tell she was trying not to cry. She doesn't like showing her emotions. But when she did look back at me after she was done with it, her face was all moist and blushed. "Lilin. Where did you get this?" I froze for a second and fought with myself on whether or not to tell her. I didn't want to rat myself out, but I'm not a liar. So, I did tell her in the end. "Adrian took me back to the Manor. We destroyed the ward and got a bunch of stuff to look for Father. He's alive, Mom. And he's lookin' for you. Adrian's having the other books decoded, they got a location and everything."

Mother reached over and started hugging me again, but I was super confident this time. I only gave her a hug back for a second before I looked her in the eyes and began the real confrontation. "Why did you forget about Father? He would never forget about you! Even when he thought you were dead, he was tryin' to find ways to bring you back to life!" Mother looked over at me and fell back to her seat after pacing around the table. The color in her face started to go away and she wiped her eyes.

"Lilin, I love your Father. He's not a bad person at heart. I didn't just 'forget' about him, though." Mother looked back at me, but I suddenly found my confidence all gone, and I couldn't keep eye contact with her. "Seiverin was an opportunity to give you a father again. He might not be as good as your Father with all the magic-spraying stuff, but he cares just as much." Mother paused again, and I could tell she was looking for something else to say. I was still trying to process the last bits, though. "I didn't expect him to be alive. I should have. He's done this before. And, now I'm going to have to break at least one person's emotions just to save the other two. And that's never an easy decision."

"Seiverin's only known you for a little bit, though! He can find someone new. I don't wanna be back home with Father without you there." I found myself responding to her before I'd even thought the words, but she was even quicker to talk back. "Seiverin's far less emotionally solid than your Father, Lilin. And frankly, so am I. I won't leave you—I'm always here to help you. But what happens between Kisven and I will not lead to you seeing neither of us again. It's my fault. It was from the start, and I apologize. I've done this numerous times, though. I'm exhausted, hurting people like this. I can't find the willpower to do it again by going back to Kisven. He'll pull through. I know he will."

"Well, what about me? You'll be hurting me!" I slumped against the doorway of the hall. I was out of questions, and outta answers. I just wanted to go back to bed, but I had to get an answer from Mother. She definitely took her time thinking about it before she finally spoke out.

"You're the blood of me and your Father. If you can find the perfect ending, then I trust you to find it long before me. Have at it."