Perspective of a former demagouge.

So, here we are. Home. With child and wife in hand. The world seems so much larger when inside these walls. Like all of the issues are far away. I'm not haunted by what I have done. Truthfully I would gladly step on anyone who needs be to get what I love back. And I didn't even have to. I have my attonement. Now will I get to enjoy it in peace is the new question. I suppose peace is simply a matter of my perspective. What I do and don't allow to affect my mind. Spending time among the dunmeri culture has given me a new understanding.

Seems that we had more in common than I initially thought. Who wouldve guessed. That poor man, seeking to be insulting over someone he hardly knows. He only harms his self by doing so. I warned him. But. I have what I need. And finally I am happy again. No more lava, no more ashlander exiles, no more violence for violence sake.

It's good. It's good.

"Watch father!" I hear this a dozen times over in the course of my day, and each time I divert my full attention to what my little silver spark has to show me. And each time I am filled with a little more joy, a little more hope. I may have done a great deal of evil in my time on nirn. May being subjective of course.

Objectively however, I have done a fair amount of evil. And in some ways continue to do so. Every life we touch gets suddenly and viciously upturned. We are dancers for sheogoraths court. Stepping and twisting on all those around us, sowing chaos like so many seeds in a field. Watching as the sprouts rise and tower into the air. The effects are felt for long. Far too long.

But, this child will be the greatest good I can bestow upon the world. I can feel it. That is enough for me. Enough for anyone I could hope. She's slinging fear spells recklessly at the guards. One of them even twitched! She dedicates her self fully. It is. Wonderful to witness.

She said she was trying to get me to leave her. As some form of plot or revenge against her father I imagine. He was easily swayed if I must confess. I feel no guilt. I have my child, my wife, my home, and as much as i would not like to admit it. My people.

I cannot lead them again, too much attention gets drawn when I have that kind of power. No now I will be content to simply move items from one side of the dominion to the other. To teach my child all that I know so that she can grow beyond me, beyond us both. I will have to watch her for arrogance. She referred to others as weaker than us. And while she isn't wrong, we must temper that toward defence of the weaker ones. Rather than the subjugation of them.

She try's so hard to make me proud of her, I wish I were less detached. So that I could show them both the affection they deserve. Perhaps that is my next endeavor. For now I will continue to teach her, and I will tell her I'm proud. I've been proud of her since the day she was born... well the day I finally met her.

Kashyas touch on the manor has warmed the place considerably, gone are the stark cold halls of my childhood. The freezing lights, the twisted a gnarled white trees, my grandfather would be beyond appalled that such a touch has been made to this home. No more oppressive atmosphere, no more sense of fear in the walls, it's pleasant again, like when grandmother was alive.

Careful not to let your expectations climb so high, that the fall to disappointment kills you.